This document discusses common behavioral problems in children and strategies for managing them. It covers issues like inattention, hyperactivity, aggression, defiance, and disrespect. The document emphasizes understanding the root causes of misbehavior like seeking attention, power, revenge or feelings of inadequacy. It provides techniques for dealing with different behaviors like ignoring attention-seeking behaviors, giving children choices to reduce power struggles, using positive affirmation to prevent revenge behaviors, and encouraging children's strengths to address inadequacy. The overall message is for parents to understand their child's perspective and model respectful behaviors themselves.

1. Management of Behavioral
Problems in Children
Mariam Saeed
Clinical Psychologist
Beaconhouse National University

2. A QUICK SURVEY
YOUR PARENTAL CONCERNS
(PROBLEM BEHAVIORS)
IN YOUR CHILD

3. COMMON BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS
Inattention
Hyperactivity
Aggression
Disrespectful towards others
Non-compliance and defiance

4. Instead of controlling your child, you need to
guide him/her to learn to control themselves.
If a pot is boiling over, clamping on the lid is not
the solution. REDUCE THE HEAT.

5. Are we ignoring something?

6. What to expect from children 8 years
and above?
• Independence and responsibility are key parts at
this stage
• Your child will test out independent ideas and
ways of behaving.
• He/She will disagree with you, giving you a bit of
‘attitude’

7. • They might also push the limits and boundaries
you set; you will get to see a lot of risk-taking
behavior.
• This is all a normal and common part of
adolescence which will pass.
• Pre-teen brains develop gradually. The parts of
brain responsible for impulse control don’t fully
mature until about age 25

8. Understanding your child’s emotional
life
• Erik Erikson stage: Industry vs Inferiority.
• The child is learning how to relate to peers &
adjust to social rules.
• For example, your child may describe elaborate
recess games, where he can travel through time,
see into the future, or tame magical creatures.
He may talk about the various roles he plays,
and how the group decides who plays what part
as the adventure unfolds.

9. Emotional Life of the Child
• They are not bullies, but rather individuals who
are ineffectively trying to assert power within
relationships in inappropriate ways.
• Increased desire for independence from parents
and siblings, and to be seen as intelligent and
knowledgeable.

10. Why do Children Misbehave?
• Seeking Attention
• Power
• Revenge
• Feelings of inadequacy

11. i-Seeking Attention
• 90% of misbehavior is for attention
• Positive attention should be given instead
through praise and spending quality time.
• Don’t scold a misbehaving child (misconduct is
reinforced with attention)
• Remember the two I’s for disciplining your child
who seeks attention through misbehavior
▫ IGNORE (pay attention during pleasant times)
▫ ISOLATE (“timeout”

12. ii- Seeking Power
• When you are reasoning with your child, you are
giving them power.
• When you feel angry at the misbehavior, that
indicates the child is seeking power.
• Children want to declare authority and exert
power (headstrong, rebellious, stubborn,
frustrating).
• The children want to have some control over
their lives.

13. Solving Power Struggles
• Side-step (don’t fight and
don’t give in).
• Give choices, not orders.
• Tell the child, you don’t want
them to lose or feel bad. Ask
Can you think of a solution
that works for both of us?

14. Example
• “How can I give my child more power in this
situation?” One mother asked herself this
question concerning an endless battle she was
having with her son about buckling his seat belt.
Her solution was that she made him boss of the
seat belts – it became his job to see that
everyone was safely secured. The power struggle
ended.

15. Handling ‘No’ in the Power struggle
• Don’t be scared when the child says NO. It
means disagreement, not disrespect.
• Make them learn respectful ways to say NO.

16. iii- Seeking Revenge
• A child who hurts others through disrespect,
bullying or verbal/physical aggression feels they
have been hurt and they have the desire to “get
even”.
• “I would never have treated my parents like
that!”

17. Child feels worthless
Sees himself a victim of a
hostile family and peers
He has faced discouragement
He confirms his perception of
being bad
Lives upto the negative label!

18. • Positive affirmation during behavior; “I don’t
like what you said, but I still love you.”
▫ Taking away your son’s favorite toy for breaking
his sister’s favorite doll is not appropriate for
such behaviors. The child can instead do some
chores or give the toy in charity, which will reward
him or her and the parent can later get a new toy.

19. Empathetic Listening
• When your child comes home from school with a
problem and you are in the middle of a million
things at once, you want to know how to fix the
problem as fast as possible.
• DON’T quickly begin telling him some quick
fixes that may or may not hit the mark like, “just
ignore him” or “tell the teacher” or “find someone
else to play with.”

20. • Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine your
personal experiences at work or with in laws.
▫ Pause what you’re doing
▫ Make eye contact and bring yourself to the level of
the child
▫ Try to match the intensity “Oh! How hurt you
must have been”.
▫ Ask “Is there anything I can do to help?”

21. iv- Display of inadequacy
• The last cause of misbehavior is feelings of
inadequacy. Inadequate children brag, boast or
fight and are unwilling to try new things.
• Parents of such children must keep in mind a
family history of depression, anxiety, anti-social
traits, lack of enjoyment in activities sleep
disturbance, change in appetite, difficulty
concentrating.
• You will also feel hopeless and sometimes want
to give up on the child due to frustration.

22. ▫ Remember encouragement (specific; focus on
child’s efforts) is different from praise (general;
focus on adults feelings about the child).
▫ Avoid Discouraging remarks
▫ Vocalize your faith in their abilities

23. Anger Management
• Frustration and anger are normal emotions, and
kids need a strong physical release for them
• Don’t judge the child for his feelings of anger;
just redirect the expression of anger.
• The child doesn’t have the skill to manage his
feelings and express them in a more mature way.
He/she may lack language, or impulse control,
or problem-solving abilities.

24. Techniques
▫ Develop a feeling vocabulary
▫ Teach positive self-talk to the child
▫ Pound it out technique (pound clay, hit a pillow,
punching bag, inflating a balloon, backward
counting
▫ Create a calm spot (prayer or meditation) for the
entire family to balance their anger before
displaying it
▫ Writing or drawing what makes the child angry
and then tearing it apart
▫ Write about it or draw your feeling game

25. INATTENTION: Origins
• We live in a culture that feeds on high degrees of
stimulation whether it comes from entertainment,
media, or general activity.
• We find ourselves racing from one thing to another
in our work, our play, and even unfortunately often
in our relationships.
• Life is on the run; treadmill!
• Surprisingly lack of attention in children is linked
to emotional insecurity, emotional neglect, stress
and over stimulation.
• Remember you are, what you see for the child as
well. Model peaceful behaviors.

26. Sara (8 year old girl)
Can attend the task at hand
Sarmad (8 year old boy)
Can’t fully attend the task at hand
Good relationship with parents Emotional neglect from father; Highly
stressed mother can’t attend to his
needs
Family life not overburdened with
stress and conflict
He can’t stay calm because the he as a
child faces family conflict and anxiety
Likes puzzles and problem solving
games
He can’t solve problems and fidgets;
loses his focus
Excels at her activity and receives
praise
Not good at it and has received
humiliation; his mother doesn’t
appreciates his performance.
Interest in math games and studies Disinterested in math

27. Techniques
▫ Develop an exceptionally strong emotional bond.
▫ Manage stress and over stimulation; work on family
value systems, TV watching hours, IPad use, mobile
phones, violent games, shouting or yelling in the
house, foul language etc.
▫ Focus on strengths and avoid sarcasm with the child.
▫ Address his/her learning problems or areas before
scolding on A grades, intelligence and comparing with
other students.
▫ Knowing the child has attention problems, set realistic
expectations at malls, restaurants or at family
gatherings.

28. Disrespectful and Rude Behaviors
• The child observes his peers, his family and
ideals. We have to work on the quality of family
interactions before asking the child to behave.
• Like other behaviors, disrespectful behaviors
(Eye–rolling, curses and insults, backtalk, name
calling, ignored requests, snide comments) will
not be absolutely ignored.
▫ Parents have to role model better behavior for
their kids while talking over phones, messaging,
interacting with bosses, elders, helpers, maids or
drivers.

29. ▫ You can’t demand respect, but you can require
that your child acts respectfully
▫ When your child is behaving in a disrespectful
way, you can tell them: “You don’t have to like the
rule, but you do have to comply with it. Just
because you’re irritated doesn’t mean you get to
call me names.”Remember, stay focused on the
behavior, and leave the feelings alone.
▫ Set limits and practice them with the child.
▫ Make consequences chart for immoral behaviors,
the use of bad language, backbiting or cursing.

30. ▫ Talk about mercy and correction; make a
“correction can” or a “consequences chart” and fill
in creative consequences
▫ Instead of yelling “Hold your tongue”, make the
child to it instead
▫ Remind of in-house rules and don’t say ‘you can’t
do this…’ instead say this is not the rule in our
house.

31. The use of daily routines
• Research has shown the effectiveness of the use
of routine charts at home. You can monitor
behaviors and keep the child motivated.
• You can also keep multiple charts starting from
After School Routine, Morning Routine, Evening
Routine, Extracurricular Activity, Spiritual
activities and praying as well as diet and health
till bed time.

32. Conclusion
• Your child is unique;
the first step which
will help in behavioral
concerns of your child
is to RECTIFY
YOURSELF.
• Your job as a parent is
the most important in
the world!