This document summarizes a workshop on communication, conflict, and divorce. The workshop covers healthy communication patterns in families, sources of conflict in marriage, styles of conflict behavior, and strategies for resolving conflicts. It also discusses the negative effects of divorce based on a long-term study, including impacts on children's development, education, and relationships. The workshop provides advice on preventing divorce and principles for building strong, healthy relationships.

1. SOC200 Marriage and Family WORKSHOP 5 “ Communication, Conflict and Divorce” Instructor: Glenn Johnson

2. DEVOTIONS & PRAYER I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3, NIV

3. COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES We are Created For Community “ basis for the word: COMMUNICATION ”

4. COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES The Cyclical Communication Process: Communicator Receiver

5. COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES 6 SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE Behavior Cognitions and Perceptions Value Differences Inconsistent Rules Leadership Ambiguity Job Stress

6. COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES 3 STYLES OF CONFLICT BEHAVIOR Complementary Symmetrical Parallel

7. COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES 2 Strategies to Resolving Conflict 1. Zero Sum Game Mixed Motive Which of these are most beneficial?

8. EMOTIONAL WOUNDEDNESS -In Community Systems -Negative Experiences Inform Child’s Identity -Degrees of Woundedness -Affects Across the Life Span -We Can Only Act Insofar As We Feel -KEY: The other person is not to blame for how I feel

9. 5 Patters of Conflict Management Behavior Avoidance Accomodation Competition Compromise Collaboration JESUS: Exhibited all 5 Behaviors

10. Some More Constructive Advice Identify the issue Choose the right time and place Begin with a positive stroke Express anger without abusing the other Avoid triangling

11. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Almost Everything is Disposable! God hates divorce …not divorced people.

12. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Marked by GRIEF US has one of highest divorce rates in the world

13. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein and Kelly Followed 60 Families with 131 Children for 25 Years

14. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein: Effects on Society -171 Cities over 100,000 -Divorce rate predicted robbery rate -More likely to be delinquent -More likely to abuse substances

15. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein: Effects on Education -Young children feared abandonment -Lower preschool readiness -Of graduates, only 65% from divorced families went on to college vs. 85 %

16. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein: Effects on Family Economy -Almost immediate financial consequences -More significant for women than men

17. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein: Effects on Personal Well-Being -Children suffer from loneliness, fear, worry, guilt, sadness, despair, depression -Half entered adulthood this way -Greater risks to physical health

18. NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO PREVENT IT Wallerstein: Effects on Parent-Child Relationships, Conflict & Social Confidence -Parents: Partially “divorce” children too -Mothers can become emotionally dependent on children -Non-custodial parents are less likely to have close relationships to children

19. 3 Divorced Father Stereotypes DISNEYLAND DAD

20. 3 Divorced Father Stereotypes DEADBEAT DAD

21. 3 Divorced Father Stereotypes DISAPPEARING DAD

22. PREVENTING DIVORCE PREVENTING DIVORCE -Commit to the marriage -Have correct expectations -Get outside help when it is necessary -Count the cost of divorce before giving up -Know that to choose divorce will greatly disappoint God -Remember God’s goal for one’s life (not necessarily happiness) -Learn to honor one’s spouse above oneself -Prevention is best done prior to marriage: by premarital counseling -Married and feeling trapped? Consider ramifications of divorce for both partners and children. Seek help. -Marriage requires patience, some work and practice and strong commitment.

23. 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS & HOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUP 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS (handout) HOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUP Rate yourself (2-3 min.) Come Up With Major Points/Plan (7-8 min) Discuss Your Points/Plan With Each Other: What is the best way to achieve overall, holistic health?

24. SUMMARY & WRAP UP -We’ve discussed transitions families go through, the difficulties experienced and the problems families encounter -We’ve discussed how we select mates and how two become one in marriage and have looked at ways in how we can make our marriage a good one -We’ve studied challenges and joys children bring to the marriage and how to be good parents -We’ve also looked at the general life stage transitions in the middle and later years of life and why and how families change and respond to stress Finally we’ve looked at communication and conflict and resolving them in families and the consequences of divorce

25. SUMMARY & WRAP UP DEFRAIN’S PROPOSITIONS FROM A STRENGTH PERSPECTIVE All families possess strength If all you look for in families are problems, that’s all you’ll find Strengths, not weaknesses, help us solve problems Family structure is not as important as function Strong marriage is essential to strong family Strong families produce strong kids who create their own strong families Periods of crisis can tear apart or be catalysts for growth Strong families work together to overcome problems Every family is a culture unto itself Strong families are not perfect Families have strong emotional connections and sense of belongingness to each other.

26. SUMMARY & WRAP UP STRONG FAMILES TAKE: -Commitment -Appreciation and Affection -Positive Communication -Time Together -Spiritual Well Being -Ability to Cope With Stress and Crisis