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Women and
Communication in the
Workplace
Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman
Consulting Member of EM
Technical Staff, Oracle
DBAKevlar.com
Communication
• 52% of Women stated that they felt
communication holds them back in the
workplace.
• 90% of communication is non-verbal
• Male Dominated
Tech Arena- It is
essential to
communicate
effectively.
“Men insult each other and don’t mean it, women
compliment each other and don’t mean it.”
From a young age, females learn to give
compliments; it's almost reflexive. Compliments
are a way of reaching out to one another, an offer
of affirmation and inclusion. Men are more
likely to volunteer evaluations instead of hand
out compliments.
• Risk taking in childhood.
• Approval response with adults.
• Cultural expectations.
• Unconscious bias and stereotypes.
How do women weaken their image
while communicating?
“Bossy” - Boys vs. Girls
Too Much Nodding
• To Women, Nodding Communicates: “I hear
you”.
• To Men, Nodding Communicates: “I agree with
you.”
Options to Address
• Do not assume, lessen nodding.
• If you find yourself repeating information, men
are less likely to listen once a topic is repeated,
ask for clarification instead.
Uptalk
• A rising reflection in the end of a sentence.
• Appears as a questions instead of a statement or
an opinion.
• Vocal pattern is less likely to be taken seriously.
Options to Address
• Practice bringing voice down at the end of a
sentence.
• Practice more direct speech and ask to open for
discussion than search for discussion with
speech pattern.
Being Assertive
• Do you think you can get me that data by
tomorrow?
• You think we are a great team, right?
• Unintentionally sends a weak message instead of
one of strength.
• Minimizes the message.
Options to Address
• Remove taglines before you speak, (Right?)
• Practice bolder speech ahead of time, before
speaking out loud.
• Use Statements instead of questions.
Allowing to be Interrupted
• Men are raised to more easily jump in and speak
in conversations. Women are more likely to wait
for a turn.
• Women are also more likely to be cut off or
interrupted.
Options to Address
• If interrupted, “I’m not finished.” or “Please,
wait till I’m done.”
• Do not hesitate to jump in when you should.
Don’t be scared to be wrong- it’s more
important to communicate and it gets easier
with time.
• Commit to making one contribution at every
meeting/event/discussion.
Losing Credit for Ideas
• There’s always one more than happy to take
credit for other’s ideas.
• It impedes other’s professional progress and is
limiting to company’s progress.
Option to Address
• Speak up and clearly take credit for your
contributions:
• “I just stated that a minute ago.”
• “How is that different than my proposal that I
made?”
• Take credit for all that you do.
Problem Solving
• Women often prefer to go over all avenues of an
issue before deciding on a resolution.
• Discussion can be viewed as an obstacle by many
men to a solution, same with making decisions.
Options to Address
• When discussing an issue with male colleagues,
get to the point clearly unless very specifically
stated in the agenda.
• Ensure deadlines are clear for both parties.
Physical Space
• Men have a tendency to be very unreserved,
more relaxed- sprawled out, stretched legs,
arms comfortably sat out at the table.
• Women in surveys were found to check their
appearance in sitting approximately 10 times per
hour. They have a tendency to sit “drawn in”-
keeping arms and legs close to the body.
Option to Address
• “Own your space”.
• When standing, keep feet firmly planted on
floor, arms at a comfortable distance from body.
• When sitting, spread out to own the space in
front of you and cross legs at ankles if necessary.
• Avoid clothing that constricts movement and
allows the ability to spread out more, (dress
pants over pencil skirts, etc.)
The Workplace Bully
• Avoid those that communicate via “win through
intimidation and isolation.”
• This type of communication, (from a
peer/manager) undercuts productivity,
creativity and harmony in any workplace.
Options to Address
• Document all communication, (i.e. ask for
everything in writing.)
• Always be gracious to a bully and do not take
responsibility for their behavior- remember,
this is their problem, not yours.
• If the bully is a manager, consider a new
department or a new job. Life is too short and
your energy is too valuable for this type of
person.
Avoidance of Public Speaking
• Public speaking can quickly dismiss any
misconceptions created by physical impressions.
• Public speaking gives the opportunity to offer
visibility and equal exposure in the technical
arena.
Options to Address
• Find mentors, locate smaller venues to speak at,
get out there and shine.
• Don’t let initial set-backs hold you back.
• Join local organizations like “Toastmasters” to
practice public speaking.
Network Building
• Due to complexities in male/female work
relationships, it can be difficult to reach out and
network for women, but it is essential to career
and communication enhancement.
Options to Address
• Reach out using Social Media Tools such as
Linked in, to build connect to those in industry.
• Start informal mentoring by asking 1 or 2
important questions of those you respect.
• Join online forums to offer guidance and create
a clear online professional persona for
networking.
• Clearly separate professional from personal
social media forums.
Goal Oriented Communication
• Remember what you goal is for the conversation
and keep on the path.
• This will often require you to keep other’s goals
included in your own. Without including their
agendas, you won’t get far with your own… 
Goal Oriented Communication and
Emotion
• You have a right to feelings.
• You feel things for a reason and it is a strength.
• Place the emotions aside and think about WHY
you felt the way you do in the conversation.
• What do you want to accomplish with the
conversation?
• Use these words, (without the emotion) to reach
that goal.
Why Small Changes Are Wins
Additional Tips
• Say what needs to be said- this is not a
popularity contest, but do say it in a way that
you would want it said to you.
• Always try to do the right thing over being right
in a conversation. Being gracious can be
contagious.
• Know when it’s not your problem in
communication and when to walk away.
Communication Challenge
Women very often compliment each other on
appearance to open conversation.
• Open conversation with compliment on a
business or technical contribution the woman
made.
• Offer to assist or network with the woman on the
project/challenge.
Communication Motto to Live By:
Feel with your heart, think with your
mind and say what you mean.
References
• McManus, Barbara F. "Gender and Modes of Communication." March 1999. (August 27, 2010)
http://www2.cnr.edu/home/bmcmanus/gendercom.html
• Booher, Diane. "Gender Negotiation Communication Style Differences: Women." (August 27, 2010)
http://www.negotiations.com/articles/gender-bender/
• Evans, Lisa. “Are We Speaking a Different Language. Men and Women’s Communication Blind Spots.”
(June 11, 2014) http://www.fastcompany.com/3031631/strong-female-lead/are-we-speaking-a-
different-language-men-and-womens-communication-blind-s
• Radicati. "Email Statistics Report, 2009-2013." May 6, 2009. (August 30, 2010)
http://www.radicati.com/?p=3237
• Rosetti, Paolo. "Gender Differences in Email Communication." The Internet TESL Journal. Vol. 4, No. 7.
July 1998. (August 30, 2010) http://iteslj.org/Articles/Rossetti-GenderDif.html
• Roter, Debra, Hall, Judith H. & Aoki, Yutaki. "Physician Gender Effects in Medical Communication." The
Journal of the American Medical Association. Vol. 288, No. 6. August 14, 2002. (August 26, 2010)
http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/288/6/756
• Tannen, Deborah. "The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why." Harvard Business Review.
September-October 1995. (August 27, 2010)
http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/pdfs/the_power_of_talk.pdf
• Torppa, Cynthia Burggraf. "Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships."
The Ohio State University Extension. 2010. [September 3, 2010]
• Whitworth, Damian. "Why Men and Women Argue Differently." The Times. October 30, 2007. (August
27, 2010) http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article2764731.ece
• Shavin, Naomi. Forbes, “What Work Place Bullying Looks Like”
• http://www.forbes.com/sites/naomishavin/2014/06/25/what-work-place-bullying-looks-like-in-2014-
and-how-to-intervene/

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ODTUG Leadership Program- Communication in the Workplace

  • 1. Women and Communication in the Workplace Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman Consulting Member of EM Technical Staff, Oracle DBAKevlar.com
  • 2.
  • 3. Communication • 52% of Women stated that they felt communication holds them back in the workplace. • 90% of communication is non-verbal
  • 4. • Male Dominated Tech Arena- It is essential to communicate effectively.
  • 5. “Men insult each other and don’t mean it, women compliment each other and don’t mean it.” From a young age, females learn to give compliments; it's almost reflexive. Compliments are a way of reaching out to one another, an offer of affirmation and inclusion. Men are more likely to volunteer evaluations instead of hand out compliments. • Risk taking in childhood. • Approval response with adults. • Cultural expectations. • Unconscious bias and stereotypes.
  • 6. How do women weaken their image while communicating?
  • 7.
  • 8. “Bossy” - Boys vs. Girls
  • 9.
  • 10. Too Much Nodding • To Women, Nodding Communicates: “I hear you”. • To Men, Nodding Communicates: “I agree with you.”
  • 11. Options to Address • Do not assume, lessen nodding. • If you find yourself repeating information, men are less likely to listen once a topic is repeated, ask for clarification instead.
  • 12. Uptalk • A rising reflection in the end of a sentence. • Appears as a questions instead of a statement or an opinion. • Vocal pattern is less likely to be taken seriously.
  • 13. Options to Address • Practice bringing voice down at the end of a sentence. • Practice more direct speech and ask to open for discussion than search for discussion with speech pattern.
  • 14. Being Assertive • Do you think you can get me that data by tomorrow? • You think we are a great team, right? • Unintentionally sends a weak message instead of one of strength. • Minimizes the message.
  • 15. Options to Address • Remove taglines before you speak, (Right?) • Practice bolder speech ahead of time, before speaking out loud. • Use Statements instead of questions.
  • 16. Allowing to be Interrupted • Men are raised to more easily jump in and speak in conversations. Women are more likely to wait for a turn. • Women are also more likely to be cut off or interrupted.
  • 17. Options to Address • If interrupted, “I’m not finished.” or “Please, wait till I’m done.” • Do not hesitate to jump in when you should. Don’t be scared to be wrong- it’s more important to communicate and it gets easier with time. • Commit to making one contribution at every meeting/event/discussion.
  • 18. Losing Credit for Ideas • There’s always one more than happy to take credit for other’s ideas. • It impedes other’s professional progress and is limiting to company’s progress.
  • 19. Option to Address • Speak up and clearly take credit for your contributions: • “I just stated that a minute ago.” • “How is that different than my proposal that I made?” • Take credit for all that you do.
  • 20. Problem Solving • Women often prefer to go over all avenues of an issue before deciding on a resolution. • Discussion can be viewed as an obstacle by many men to a solution, same with making decisions.
  • 21. Options to Address • When discussing an issue with male colleagues, get to the point clearly unless very specifically stated in the agenda. • Ensure deadlines are clear for both parties.
  • 22. Physical Space • Men have a tendency to be very unreserved, more relaxed- sprawled out, stretched legs, arms comfortably sat out at the table. • Women in surveys were found to check their appearance in sitting approximately 10 times per hour. They have a tendency to sit “drawn in”- keeping arms and legs close to the body.
  • 23. Option to Address • “Own your space”. • When standing, keep feet firmly planted on floor, arms at a comfortable distance from body. • When sitting, spread out to own the space in front of you and cross legs at ankles if necessary. • Avoid clothing that constricts movement and allows the ability to spread out more, (dress pants over pencil skirts, etc.)
  • 24. The Workplace Bully • Avoid those that communicate via “win through intimidation and isolation.” • This type of communication, (from a peer/manager) undercuts productivity, creativity and harmony in any workplace.
  • 25. Options to Address • Document all communication, (i.e. ask for everything in writing.) • Always be gracious to a bully and do not take responsibility for their behavior- remember, this is their problem, not yours. • If the bully is a manager, consider a new department or a new job. Life is too short and your energy is too valuable for this type of person.
  • 26. Avoidance of Public Speaking • Public speaking can quickly dismiss any misconceptions created by physical impressions. • Public speaking gives the opportunity to offer visibility and equal exposure in the technical arena.
  • 27. Options to Address • Find mentors, locate smaller venues to speak at, get out there and shine. • Don’t let initial set-backs hold you back. • Join local organizations like “Toastmasters” to practice public speaking.
  • 28. Network Building • Due to complexities in male/female work relationships, it can be difficult to reach out and network for women, but it is essential to career and communication enhancement.
  • 29.
  • 30. Options to Address • Reach out using Social Media Tools such as Linked in, to build connect to those in industry. • Start informal mentoring by asking 1 or 2 important questions of those you respect. • Join online forums to offer guidance and create a clear online professional persona for networking. • Clearly separate professional from personal social media forums.
  • 31. Goal Oriented Communication • Remember what you goal is for the conversation and keep on the path. • This will often require you to keep other’s goals included in your own. Without including their agendas, you won’t get far with your own… 
  • 32. Goal Oriented Communication and Emotion • You have a right to feelings. • You feel things for a reason and it is a strength. • Place the emotions aside and think about WHY you felt the way you do in the conversation. • What do you want to accomplish with the conversation? • Use these words, (without the emotion) to reach that goal.
  • 33. Why Small Changes Are Wins
  • 34. Additional Tips • Say what needs to be said- this is not a popularity contest, but do say it in a way that you would want it said to you. • Always try to do the right thing over being right in a conversation. Being gracious can be contagious. • Know when it’s not your problem in communication and when to walk away.
  • 35. Communication Challenge Women very often compliment each other on appearance to open conversation. • Open conversation with compliment on a business or technical contribution the woman made. • Offer to assist or network with the woman on the project/challenge.
  • 36. Communication Motto to Live By: Feel with your heart, think with your mind and say what you mean.
  • 37. References • McManus, Barbara F. "Gender and Modes of Communication." March 1999. (August 27, 2010) http://www2.cnr.edu/home/bmcmanus/gendercom.html • Booher, Diane. "Gender Negotiation Communication Style Differences: Women." (August 27, 2010) http://www.negotiations.com/articles/gender-bender/ • Evans, Lisa. “Are We Speaking a Different Language. Men and Women’s Communication Blind Spots.” (June 11, 2014) http://www.fastcompany.com/3031631/strong-female-lead/are-we-speaking-a- different-language-men-and-womens-communication-blind-s • Radicati. "Email Statistics Report, 2009-2013." May 6, 2009. (August 30, 2010) http://www.radicati.com/?p=3237 • Rosetti, Paolo. "Gender Differences in Email Communication." The Internet TESL Journal. Vol. 4, No. 7. July 1998. (August 30, 2010) http://iteslj.org/Articles/Rossetti-GenderDif.html • Roter, Debra, Hall, Judith H. & Aoki, Yutaki. "Physician Gender Effects in Medical Communication." The Journal of the American Medical Association. Vol. 288, No. 6. August 14, 2002. (August 26, 2010) http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/288/6/756 • Tannen, Deborah. "The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why." Harvard Business Review. September-October 1995. (August 27, 2010) http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/pdfs/the_power_of_talk.pdf • Torppa, Cynthia Burggraf. "Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships." The Ohio State University Extension. 2010. [September 3, 2010] • Whitworth, Damian. "Why Men and Women Argue Differently." The Times. October 30, 2007. (August 27, 2010) http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article2764731.ece • Shavin, Naomi. Forbes, “What Work Place Bullying Looks Like” • http://www.forbes.com/sites/naomishavin/2014/06/25/what-work-place-bullying-looks-like-in-2014- and-how-to-intervene/