Marital Failure

Marital Failure
I have come across very many people that are
having lots of marital issues which is a norm BUT
the rate of Marital Failure leading to divorce and
separation is alarming. The question to ask
ourselves is: ‘What is the cause of marital
failure?’
Kigume KaruriTuesday, November 15, 2016 1

• Any relationship is hard and any
relationship can lead to a range of
arguments and difficulties. However
when it comes to marriage all of these
difficulties can be made worse.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016 2Kigume Karuri

• Suddenly you have a lot more to lose ; a
break up now means potentially losing
your home, it means legal and financial
difficulties and it may mean putting the
rest of your family and particularly
children through a lot of difficulties.

• Perhaps then it's no coincidence that
this is when things get really hard and
some of the worst arguments can start.
• Marital failures cause a lot of pains and
heartache to both spouses.

• The spouses are forced to fight for their
marriage and try to find some kind of
resolution. However, what would be far
preferable, would be for the couple to
never find themselves in that situation
in the first place.

• You can avoid the common causes of
marital failure by understanding what
they are so that you can have an action
plan ready ahead of time.

Major Causes of Marital Failure
• The major causes of marital failure are:
• 1. Money
• 2. Sex
• 3. Communication
• 4. Raising children
• 5. In-laws

1. Money
• Money is one of the biggest causes for
arguments in a marriage and can
eventually lead to divorce if they
continue. The difficulty is that you will
now be sharing your finances most
likely and this means that any money
used without the other’s consent can
cause a problem.

• There's nothing more frustrating than
coming home to find that your partner
has just bought themselves a new
expensive outfit after telling you that
you couldn't buy something you wanted
sometimes ago.

• Try and avoid the problem altogether by
simply not sharing your money IF THIS IS
WHAT CAN REDUCE MARITAL
PROBLEMS in your marriage.

• You can agree and share responsibilities
for bills, food and housing and for things
you both of you need.

2. Sex
• Sex if it goes well can elevate a marriage to
another level and bring the two of you
together more than anything else while
keeping your relationship fresh and exciting.
However it can also be the cause of a large
number of arguments if things don't go
precisely to plan.

• Often these arguments come from your
differences in terms of how much you want
to have sex and as a general rule this will be
because the man wants to have sex more and
more frequently than the woman does.

• This then causes a number of arguments as
the woman feels she's being used for sex and
the man feels that he's not fancied by the
woman, not as loved, or that she's simply
holding out on him when she wouldn't have
to do much in order to make him very happy.

• Sex can also cause arguments in other ways
e.g. if one of you feels you are under-
achieving or you feel unattractive this can
lead to feelings of insecurity that can come
out in unusual ways.

• Both of you can make things easier by trying
to be more understanding and trying to see
where your partner is coming from; men
should understand that women want an
emotional connection when they're having
sex and that they want it to be special each
time.

• Men need to be more sensitive to these
issues and to try and make the experience as
pleasant as possible.
• Women need to understand the situation
from a man's point of view. Being there for a
man is very important.

3. Communication
• Communication is a rather broad subject and
of course deals more with your way of
handling problems rather than the route of
the problems themselves.

• Essentially it is very simple to understand
though that those who do not communicate
and discuss problems are likely to find that
they build up and come out all at once,
whereas those who raise issues that are
concerning them are more likely to find that
problems never become larger or more
serious.

• You should make sure that if you do have any
problems with your relationship, that you
raise them with your spouse. This might not
be something that comes naturally to you,
but understand that you're just being honest
and doing the right thing.

• Recognise that not talking about the issue
won't make it go away; you need to talk
about it sooner rather than later and then
face the consequences so that you can both
work with them.

• Be sure to not just mention the
problem, but to talk it through until you
come to a solution or at least a
conclusion.

4.Raising Children
• Raising children can often create stress for
mum and dad. Parents want the best for their
children. Each spouse may have a very
specific idea of what their child should be
taught.
• This can causes problems among the couple.

• A slight change in course can often result in
couples not being able to maintain a united
front. If compromises can not be made, this
difference in vision can be a major
disruption.
• The effects on the children can be
devastating and can be fertile ground for a
major conflict in this marriage.

5. In-laws
• In-laws are a common source of conflict in
marriages. When partners are first married,
there is always a period of adjustment when
interacting with a spouse's family.

• Everyone is raised differently and
miscommunication with in-laws, if not
overcome, can lead to strife between spouses
as they learn to endure and discover ways to
adapt to new family members.

FINALLY
• A strong marriage takes work and is not
always a honeymoon. Even the healthiest of
relationships occasionally descend to
unpleasant circumstances. The ability of each
partner in a relationship to navigate through
these circumstances is critical.

• Though causes of marital failure are
numerous, there are a handful of
reasons that stand out above others.

• A marriage stands or falls on the
quality of its foundation.
Successful marriages are built on
trust.

Marital Failure

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Marital Failure