The document discusses the importance of resolving marital conflicts amicably and stresses that marriage should be enjoyed rather than endured. It identifies major causes of conflict, including communication issues, personality differences, and taking things for granted, while also emphasizing the need for understanding, forgiveness, and individual completeness in a relationship. The text encourages couples to address misunderstandings promptly and to love and support each other for a harmonious marriage.

1. RESOLVE MARITAL
CONFLICTS AMICABLY
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.
Are you the cause why your spouse is enduring
marriage? You are meant to be the solution but
you are now the cause. You must consistently do
your best to make your spouse enjoy marriage.
Kigume KaruriMonday, October 15, 2018 1

2. • For the flesh desires what is contrary to the
Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the
flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so
that you are not to do whatever you want.
Galatians 5:17
• Marriage is the most fertile ground for
conflicts. Conflicts will always come in one
way or the other. We must find amicable
ways of solving our conflicts.
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3. • Major Problem Areas in Marriage
• (a) Communication
• (b) Sex
• (c) Money
• (d) Temperament
• (e) Children
• (f) In-laws
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4. • (g) Job
• (h) Housework
• (i) Infidelity.
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5. • Causes of Conflict
• The causes of conflict are viewed from four
aspects:
• a. Individual causes of conflicts
• b. Family causes of conflict
• c. Community causes of conflict
• d. Beyond the community.
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6. Ways of resolving the conflicts
• When you have conflicts with your spouse
remember three things.
• 1. You do not understand the issues fully. You
know your side but not his/her side. So why
condemn him/her without hearing him/her
first?
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7. • 2. If you know the problem, you do not know
the solution that can work.
• 3. If you make a mistake of actually blaming
him/her, he/she goes on the defensive, and
you will end up hurting each other.
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8. • Some of the direct causes of conflicts
• 1. Traditional backgrounds. A couple
disagrees due to their traditional
backgrounds. We come from different
backgrounds, so there is no way, you can
expect you will not have differences.
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9. • 2. Personalities. A couple disagrees cause of
differences in your personalities. Different
personalities behave differently. Understand
your spouse’s personality from the word go.
Learn to adjust accordingly. Now, because
opposites attract, there lies the problem.
Because they see things in such a different
way, it results in conflict.
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10. • It is important to understand personality
differences will bring conflict. So why are you
surprised that you are having conflict? The
issue is how to resolve the conflict, not, how
to avoid conflicts.
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11. • 3. Careers and jobs. Different careers can
bring you conflict. If you have married an
accountant, he wants every shilling counted.
But you see, he is an accountant, he needs
the records even of small expenditures.
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12. • 4. Gender Differences. We are different
genders. Understand women and men are
totally different in their physically and
emotional makeups. These differences can
bring conflicts. The conflict is not about
killing each other, because you can’t kill
somebody you want to stay with.
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13. • 5. Aging factor. As the couple ages there
would be less activities.
• Do not allow age to remove romance, just
adapt to the changes brought by age. Let the
bodies age but the romance continues. Do
not allow romance to die with age. It will be
critical to adapt to the age. So do not allow
time and age to separate you, adapt changes.
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14. • 6. Spiritualization of marriage.
• Remember marriage is an earthly affair, do
not spiritualize it. You either enjoy it here or
you will never enjoy. It is a very physical and
earthly thing. If your wife does not enjoy
marriage, it does not matter how well you
are doing professionally. So how can you
succeed where you can be replaced and fail
where you cannot be replaced. You must
ensure your spouse enjoys marriage.
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15. • 7. Taking things for granted. If you don’t build
capacity for each other, you will face
differences because of assumptions.
• Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not
endured. You are the reason your spouse is
enduring marriage. You are meant to be the
solution but you are now the cause. You must
consistently do your best to make your
spouse enjoy marriage.
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16. • Relationships are important. They build a
supportive system not one od dependence.
• There are people who are dependent. They
cannot exist without the other person. That
is not a good marriage, where the wife simply
can’t exist on her own. Marriage is supposed
to be two human beings coming together to
become one, not half and half to make one.
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17. • If you are complete as a person then you
must not be a dependant. If you come a half,
and I am not complete myself, I am already
with a deficit, we will have two deficits. And
that is recipe for disaster.
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18. • Marriage gives you an avenue to share God’s
love with another which you should enjoy
doing. So my wife is a target for loving. Even
if she does not love me back I am happy to
have somebody to love.
• Dependence ruins marriages because
somebody feels drained by the spouse.
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19. • There are no issues which cannot be handled
by an understanding couple. Never
procrastinate handling a small
misunderstanding. Failure to handle it, may
lead to a mountain of the same.
• Have a forgiving heart. Forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is a must attribute in any
marriage.
• Continue loving again and again.
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20. • 1 Cor 13:4-7
• 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not
dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres
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