Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse.

1. YES YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY
MARRIAGE
Most marriages fail because of
four things: criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, and withdrawal.
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2015
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2. Negative behaviors destroy a
marriage over time. One negative
word or deed cancels out twenty
acts of kindness.
It takes hard, difficult, and long-
lasting choices to make a marriage
work and to make it a happy
relationship, full of joy.
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3. A crisis doesn't mean the marriage
is over. Crises are like storms: loud,
scary and dangerous. But to get
through a storm you have to keep
driving. A crisis can be a new
beginning. It's out of pain that great
people and marriages are produced.
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4. God wants happy marriages.
Children will imitate in their future
marriages the things that we act out
in our marriages today. They will
imitate the way the wife responds to
her husband and the way the
husband responds to his wife.
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5. In a world full of “my rights” and “my
opinions” and “my ways,” it is difficult
to think about others. We mostly think
only about ourselves.
Marriage is more than living together
legally. It is saying to God, “I am willing
to learn how to respond to my loved
one as You have responded to me and
as your Word teaches me to respond to
You.”
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30,2015
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6. When there is a crucial or important
difference of opinion on how to do
something or on what to do, both
husband and wife must think about
each other and the effects of their
decisions.
That requires that each person work at
trying to see the situation from the
other’s viewpoint, not their own.
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30,2015
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7. I do not have the right just to think
about this from my viewpoint alone.
I must think about this from my
spouse’s viewpoint, and I must try
to hold his or her viewpoint as just
as important as mine, or even as
more important than mine.
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30,2015
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8. When I entered into this covenant
marriage relationship, I chose to
give up thinking only from my own
viewpoint.
My wife must be fully involved in all
that I do for the marriage.
This has greatly reduced any
conflicts in our 38 years of
marriage.
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30,2015
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9. Do not capitalize on the failures of your
spouse
 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 ‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous
or boastful or proud or rude. It does not
demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it
keeps no record of being wronged. It does not
rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever
the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never
loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures
through every circumstance’. (NLT)
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10. Real love has no pride in it. It does
not work at being right at the
expense of the other person. Love
does not have to be right, or
parading up front. Love is humble
because love has decided.
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11. Love does not think about the evil
we have done. Love does not have
a good memory. Love releases the
past and considers it over, never to
be brought up again. Real love, the
kind God brings into our life, does
not hold grudges.
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30,2015
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12. Successful couples have learned to
resist holding grudges and bringing up
the past. They remember that they
married an imperfect person — and so
did their spouse.
How couples think and what they
believe about their spouse affects how
they perceive the other. What they
expect and how they treat their spouse
matters greatly.
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13. WAYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1. Apologize always.
Never justify yourself
A simple heart-felt apology works wonders
- it's really nothing short of miraculous.
A sincere apology sounds like this; "I'm
sorry for what I did; it was wrong. And I'm
really sorry for hurting you. Will you
please forgive me?"
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30,2015
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14. 2. Confide in your spouse
Unfortunately, many married people today
are unwilling to be vulnerable with their
spouses.
To improve your marriage, be honest with
your spouse; share your fears and
insecurities.
Doing this improves understanding,
closeness, and intimacy.
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15. 3. Listen to your spouse
Listening keeps things running
smoothly.
So listen to your spouse and
acknowledge their point of view; this
demonstrates love and respect.
Listening to your spouse sounds like
this: "I see what you mean - I guess I
never looked at it that way."
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16. 4. Take responsibility
When marriage problems arise, BOTH
spouses are usually to blame; so
getting defensive doesn't help.
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17. 5. Find common ground
Nothing destroys happiness faster than
focusing on your differences.
Focus on what you have in common.
You could say: "I believe we share the
same goal(s) even though we don't always
agree on the 'how'."
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18. 6. Keep on improving
Stop repeating the same old mistakes –
interrupt unhealthy patterns by replacing
them with healthy behaviors. Improve.
Don't just make promises to quiet
your spouse.
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30,2015
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19. Commit right now to start practicing
the above ways in your marriage.
Our marriages are supposed to
grow every year as we have
continued to know each other more
but we must be prepared to grow.
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20. AVOID the FOUR ills of marriage:
Criticism,
Contempt,
Defensiveness, and
Withdrawal.
YES YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY
MARRIAGE.
The onus is yours.
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