This chapter discusses relationship dynamics and development. It explains that positive relationships are important for well-being, and relationships vary in significance from strong to weak ties. Relationships have benefits and drawbacks, and are governed by both implicit and explicit rules. Relationships progress through stages from initial attraction to maintenance based on evaluating rewards versus costs. Managing self-disclosure and reducing uncertainty are important for developing relationships. Dialectical tensions around issues like connection and autonomy must also be effectively addressed to maintain healthy relationships.

1. CHAPTER 8
Relationship Dynamics
Copyright © 2022 W. W. Norton & Company

2. Relationship dynamics
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3. 8.1 Principles of relationships
While not all relationships are good for you—those that
are abusive, neglectful, or toxic—relationships that are
positive, loving, and supportive are essential to your
health and well-being.
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4. Relationships vary in significance
• A strong tie is a relationship that is significant to
you. It has a strong influence on your thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors.
• A weak tie is a relationship that you do not take
extra time or effort to develop. Weak ties exist more
out of convenience or circumstance.
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5. Relationships have upsides and downsides
“After dealing with my previous
boyfriend’s possessiveness and
paranoia, I’m letting every future
dating partner know that I won’t
tolerate being drilled every day
about my whereabouts. I refuse to
drop my other male friends, and I
will not completely write off an ex
who I’m still friends with. I simply
have zero tolerance for that kind of
controlling behavior and would
rather stay single than deal with
that again.” —Lilly

6. Relationship dynamics
• Relationships are often random and situational.
• Relationships are voluntary and involuntary.
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7. Relationships involve feelings
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8. Relationships are governed by rules (1)
• Rules theory suggests that relationships are held together and
torn apart based on whether or not relational partners adhere to
certain rules.
• A relational rule governs what you can or cannot do within the
context of a specific relationship.
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9. Relationships are governed by rules (2)
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10. 8.2 Relationship development and maintenance
• Attraction is the feeling of being drawn to someone; it happens
when you find a person appealing in some way.
• Short-term attraction is the initial feeling that motivates you
to begin and develop a relationship.
• Long-term attraction is the feeling that motivates you to
maintain an existing relationship, and when necessary, repair
or reconcile it.
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11. Relational rewards versus costs (1)
• A relational reward is something you receive from a
relationship that you like and value.
• A relational cost is something you don’t like about or want in a
relationship.
• According to social exchange theory, your willingness to
develop and maintain a relationship is based on an analysis of its
rewards and costs.
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12. Relational rewards versus costs (2)
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13. Relational rewards versus costs (3)
• Your perceptions may lead you to believe that an alternative
relationship has more to offer than your current relationship, a
cognitive assessment referred to as the comparison level of
alternatives.
• The equity theory suggests that your relationship satisfaction
is higher when you sense that there is a fair exchange of costs
and benefits between you and a relational partner.
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14. Relational rewards versus costs (4)
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15. Physical proximity versus self-disclosure
• Physical proximity is how near or accessible you are to
someone.
• Self-disclosure is the act of revealing personal information
about yourself—such as personal facts, opinions, feelings, and
needs—to others.
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16. Self-disclosing and reducing uncertainty (1)
• Uncertainty reduction theory holds that we tend to seek out
information about relational partners or social situations to
reduce any discomfort associated with them.
• Social penetration theory suggests that the breadth and depth
of self-disclosure influences a relationship’s development.
• Predicting outcome value theory suggests that in your initial
interactions with others, you will use various communication
strategies.
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17. Self-disclosure and reducing uncertainty (2)
“Amy, a member at the gym where I
work, confided in me that she felt unfit,
unhealthy, and unhappy. To let her
know I understood her struggles, I told
her about my lifelong battle with bad
food choices. At first she didn’t believe
me. Then I showed her a picture of me
before I started eating a healthy diet
and exercising regularly. We really
opened up to each other. She later told
me that my self-disclosure added to my
credibility and made her want to hire
me as her personal trainer.” —Carl

18. Benefits and risks of self-disclosure
• To avoid the negative outcomes of self-disclosure, consider the
following questions before you share:
 Can I trust this person with this information?
 Did I clearly communicate that I want anything I share
to be kept private?
 How could this disclosure affect me in the future?
 Is this the right time and place to disclose?
 Is my disclosure honest and accurate?
 What are my motives for disclosing? Do they reflect the
ethics and morals I expect from others?
 Would it improve my relationship if I took more risks and
disclosed more?
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19. Relational stages (1)
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20. Relational stages (2)
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21. Moving from stage to stage (1)
• A turning point is an event that causes or
signals a significant change in a relationship.
• A turning point can shift the direction of a
relationship dramatically.
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22. Moving from stage to stage (2)
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23. 8.3 Managing dialectical tensions
• A dialectical tension occurs when the needs
or motivations of relational partners clash.
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24. Types of dialectical tensions (1)
• Connection vs. separateness
• Predictability vs. novelty
• Openness vs. privacy
• Dependence vs. autonomy
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25. Types of dialectical tensions (2)
“My friend Lindsey and I hung out a
lot in high school. I had every class
with her. We drove to school
together. We were in the same clubs.
She even joined my cheerleading
squad. I was spending about 10
hours a day, 6 days a week with her.
I started getting really annoyed with
her and didn’t know why. She wasn’t
doing anything purposely to bother
me. To her, everything seemed fine
between us, but I needed a break
from her.” —Kaneshia

26. Managing dialectical tensions effectively (1)
• Identify the tension.
• Validate your relational partner’s needs, thoughts,
and feelings.
• Solution-based communication
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27. Managing dialectical tensions effectively (2)
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28. Credits
This concludes the Lecture PowerPoint presentation for Chapter 8.
For more resources, please visit It’s Interpersonal, An Introduction
to Relational Communication, at:
http://digital.wwnorton.com/interpersonal
Copyright © 2018 W. W. Norton & Company