This document summarizes key points about interpersonal conflict from Chapter 9 of the textbook. It defines interpersonal conflict as a perceived struggle between two or more relational partners that can be expressed openly or covertly. Common causes of conflict include change, incompatible values, scarce resources, and interdependence. Effective conflict management involves approaching it strategically, using solution-based communication focusing on potential solutions rather than past behaviors, understanding both perspectives, and following conflict resolution steps. Power dynamics also influence conflict as some seek control while others prefer less control. Compliance gaining strategies and understanding sources of power further impact how conflict is addressed.

1. CHAPTER 9
Interpersonal Conflict
Copyright © 2022 W. W. Norton & Company

2. Interpersonal conflict
2

3. 9.1 The nature of interpersonal conflict
• Interpersonal conflict is a perceived struggle or
tension between two or more relational partners.
• Overt conflict is communicated in a clear,
straightforward manner.
• On the other hand, covert conflict is expressed
indirectly—usually masked by relational partners or
with no open acknowledgment.
3

4. What is conflict?
“Two weeks before my wedding, my
fiancé’s mother asked for pictures so
she could put a PowerPoint
presentation together to show during
our rehearsal dinner. I told her I
wasn’t a big fan of the idea. After our
conversation, she went ahead and told
my fiancé to send her the pictures. I
felt like she went behind my back and
didn’t take my feelings into
consideration.” —Dakotah
4

5. Conflict escalation
• A conflict spiral occurs when relational
partners address conflict in an increasingly
hostile and mean-spirited manner.
• Past-digging occurs when you bring up a
negative memory you have about your relational
partner.
• Two of the most common and damaging types of
past-digging is beltlining and gunny-sacking.
5

6. Conflict rituals
• A conflict ritual is a reoccurring pattern of
communication that sparks and inflames conflict.
• To de-escalate a conflict is to decrease its intensity
and scope.
6

7. Common causes of conflict (1)
• Change
• Incompatible values
• Scare resources
• Interdependence
• Memory disputes
• Meta-conflict
• Undesirable behaviors
7

8. Common causes of conflict (2)
8

9. Common causes of conflict (3)
9

10. Approaches to conflict (1)
• Competing is a way of approaching conflict where
you prioritize getting what you want above all else.
• Avoiding vs. skirting
• Sniping occurs when you allude to a conflict but
then back away from it.
• Accommodating
• Collaborating
• Compromising
10

11. Approaches to conflict (2)
11

12. Approaches to conflict (3)
12

13. Approaches to conflict (4)
13

14. Misconceptions about conflict
• One misconception is that conflict is always bad
for a relationship—that it is deconstructive.
• If you work through conflict effectively, it is
constructive—Constructive conflict results in
positive relational outcomes.
14

15. 9.2 Power in relationships
• Interpersonal power is the ability to influence a
relational partner’s thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors.
• You are abdicratic if you prefer to relinquish
control in most cases.
• If you’re a power seeker, you’re more autocratic.
• In the middle of the two ends of the power
spectrum is the democratic orientation.
15

16. Power orientations
16

17. Sources of power (1)
• Power currency is a desired resource that confers
interpersonal power on the person who possesses it.
• The principle of least interest suggests that a
relational partner who doesn’t value the
relationship as much or has the least interest in
continuing it holds more power in the relationship.
17

18. Sources of power (2)
18

19. Sources of power (3)
“My parents rely a lot on me to take care of
my younger siblings. This includes driving
them to school and work. They bought me
a nice car, and I spent a lot of money
detailing it and adding expensive rims.
When I told them I was ready to move out,
they said the car would have to stay with
them so my younger brother could drive
it—even though I paid for all of the repairs
and maintenance for four years! They also
offered to pay more of my tuition if I
stayed home. I feel like they want to
control every part of my life.” —Fernando
19

20. Compliance-gaining strategies (1)
• Compliance-gaining strategies are the
communication tactics you use to get others to do
what you want them to do.
• A power play is when you use a compliance-
gaining tactic on someone repeatedly because it
gets you what you want.
20

21. Compliance-gaining strategies (2)
21

22. Compliance-gaining strategies (3)
22

23. 9.3 Managing conflict effectively
• Approach conflict strategically.
• A benefit-of-the-doubt message is a statement
that conveys that you believe a person’s intentions
or behaviors are or were good, understandable, or
innocent.
• I-statements
• Validation
23

24. Encourage solution-based IPC (1)
• Solution-based communication focuses on
potential solutions rather than the behaviors that
started the conflict.
• A dual-perspective is the ability to understand
your own and your relational partner’s thoughts,
feelings, and needs.
24

25. Encourage solution-based IPC (2)
25

26. Encourage solution-based IPC (3)
“I confronted my supervisor after she
mentioned my slow sales numbers in
front of other staff members during a
meeting. She said, ‘I’m sorry. You have
every right to be upset. I made you look
bad when I was trying to motivate the
team by throwing challenges out. I
shouldn’t single anyone out. I will see
that it doesn’t happen again. I really
appreciate that you came to me. Is
there anything else I can do to rectify
this?’ She also appeared genuinely
concerned. I felt much better after
talking to her.” —Danielle
26

27. Follow conflict resolution steps (1)
27

28. Follow conflict resolution steps (1)
28

29. Credits
This concludes the Lecture PowerPoint presentation for Chapter 9.
For more resources, please visit It’s Interpersonal, An Introduction
to Relational Communication, at:
http://digital.wwnorton.com/interpersonal
Copyright © 2022 W. W. Norton & Company