This document discusses bullying prevention. It defines bullying and describes typical bullying scenarios involving a bully, bullied person, and bystanders. Bullying occurs through verbal, physical, and non-verbal means and involves an imbalance of power with the intent to harm. Bullies feel a sense of entitlement and contempt, while bullied individuals often lack confidence. Bystanders can enable bullying or intervene to help. The document provides advice on addressing bullying for parents, teachers, and students.

1. Bully Prevention By Timber Monteith & Laura Cowan

2. Definition“Bullying occurs when a student is repeatedly harmed, psychologically and/or physically, by another student (person) or a group of students (people)” (Olweus, 1993).

3. Scenes from a TragedyAct I – Survey the LandscapeBully – surveys the playground or hallway, identifies a target, looks to see if any adults are paying attentionBullied – unaware he/she is being observedBystanders –laughing & enjoying one another’s company

4. Act II – Test RunThe Bully – may brush up against the target as if by accident, observes the reaction from the bullied and the bystanders, may use crude and hurtful namesThe Bullied – may react with a shrug, is uneasy and feels fear in his/her gut, doesn’t know what to doThe Bystander – may either look away or laugh (giving support and approval to the bully)

5. Act III - ActionBully – may shove the target and view him/her as an object of ridicule, not as an equalBullied – may blame him/herself for being attacked, feels powerless, may try to rationalize that the bully really doesn’t mean to cause any harmBystanders – some may move away & feel guilty for not stopping the bullying. Others may join in and taunt the target. Depersonalization & desensitization.

6. Act IV - EmboldenedBully – may finds new opportunities to taunt & torment; feels more powerful as he/she gains control over victimBullied – may spend class time trying to figure out way to avoid bully; cannot concentrate on schoolwork; gets physically sick; makes excuses to avoid playground, bathroom, lunchroom, etc…; feels hopeless & helplessBystanders – may break into two camps: one group stays clear of bully & confrontation; second group joins in the bullying. Both fear the bully & rationalize the target had it coming & is outside their circle of caring; glad it’s not them

7. Act V – Pinnacle of PainBully – may continue to torment & hurt target with increased viciousness; may become labeled a bully; fails to develop healthy relationships; may not feel empathy towards victim; views self as powerful & well liked; sense of entitlementBullied – may slump further into depression & rage – angry with self, bully, bystanders, & adults who wouldn’t or couldn’t help; also feels pressure & shame because now struggling academically; spends time thinking of ways to get revenge; might join other “undesirables” who plot revenge; withdraws further into isolation & exileBystanders- may remain fearful of bully & blame target for being a victim; join the bullying; shrug shoulders as do not see others intervening; see no need to stop it

8. Act VI - FinaleBully – might grow up with poor sense of self, stunted social skills, aggressive; may become a bully in personal, social, & work relationships; continue cycle of violence; may move onto criminal activitiesBullied – may do whatever he/she can to get rid of the pain (often results in pent-up rage exploding into violent aggression)Bystander – may either get caught in the crossfire, grow up guilt-ridden for not doing anything, or become desensitized to bullying

9. A Typical Bullying Scenario with a Not So Typical Ending

10. Four Markers of Bullying 1. Imbalance of PowerOlderBiggerStrongerMore verbally adeptHigher up on social ladderDifferent raceOpposite sexNumber of kids against one person

11. Four Markers of Bullying 2. Intent to HarmEmotional painPhysical painExpects the action to hurtTakes pleasure in witnessing the hurtNot an accident, not playful teasing, not a slip of the tongue

12. Four Markers of Bullying 3. Threat of Further AggressionBoth bully & bullied know the bullying can probably occur againIf support is not sought or received or if it is not dealt with appropriately, the bullying may not be a one time event.

13. Four Markers of BullyingWhen bullying escalates…4th element is added:TERRORBullying is systematic violence used to intimidate and maintain dominanceBully acts without fear of retaliation or recriminationBullied rendered so powerless that unlikely to fight back or tell anyone about it.

14. 3 Main Types of Bullying1. Verbal – words are powerful tools to break the spirit of a child at the receiving end2. Physical – most readily identifiable, but accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying incidents3. Non-verbal – ignoring, isolating, excluding, shunning, starting/spreading rumors. At it’s most powerful during middle school years as young teens are trying to figure out who they are & trying to fit in with their peers.

15. What Bullies have in Common Dominate other peopleUse other people to get what they wantFind it hard to see a situation from another person’s vantage pointAre concerned with only their own wants & pleasures, and not the needs, rights & feelings of othersTend to hurt others when adults are not around

16. What Bullies have in CommonView weaker siblings and peers as preyUse blame, criticism & false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto their targetRefuse to accept responsibility for their actionsLack foresightCrave attentionRole models often use aggression

17. What Bullies have in CommonIt’s not the bully we dislike, it’s the behavior that we do not like. Bullies are often acting out in an unhealthy manner the pain they are feeling.

18. Contempt is the KeyBullying is often NOT about anger or conflict towards the target. Bullies are often acting out anger from a different sourceBullying is about contempt – a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect (more often than not bullies are feeling this way about themselves).Bullies often feel a sense of entitlement, an intolerance towards differences, and a liberty to exclude.

19. Kids take after adult role models:

20. Teasing vs. Taunting Teasing:Teaser and person teased can easily swap rolesNo intention of hurting anyoneMaintains basic dignity of everyone involvedIt is meant for both parties to laughIs only a small part of activities shared by kidsIs innocent in motiveIs discontinued should someone become upset or objects to the teasingTeasing is necessary part of socializing & building relationshipsFlirtation

21. Teasing vs. Taunting Taunting:Based on imbalance of power and is one-sidedIs intended to harmInvolves humiliation, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as a jokeIncludes laughter directed at the target, not with the targetIs meant to diminish the self-worth of the targetIncludes fear of further taunting and can be prelude to physical bullyingContinues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the tauntsSexual harassment

22. The Bullied are often kids who:Are the new kids on the blockYoungest in the schoolHave been traumatized by other life eventsAre submissive & lack self-confidenceHave behaviors others find annoyingAre unwilling or unable to stand up for themselvesAre shy, reserved, quiet and unassumingAre rich or poorWhose race, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation are viewed by the bully as inferior, deserving of contempt

23. The Bullied are often kids who:Are bright, talented, gifted and ‘stand out’Expresses emotions easilyAppear physically different from norms of age groupwear braces or glassesHave acne or another skin conditionHave physical attributes that are different from the majorityHave a physical or mental disability

24. Kids who are bullied often do not tell anyone about it because: They are ashamed of being bulliedThey are afraid of retaliationThey don’t think anyone can helpThey don’t think anyone will helpThey believe the lie that it’s okay because bullying is part of growing upThey believe that adults are part of the lie, since it is not only kids who are bullying themThe have learned that “ratting” on a bully is not cool

25. So Now What?What do we do if a child says he/she is being bullied?

26. A few do’s if your child is bulliedSay “I hear you, I am here for you, I believe you, you are not alone in this”Validate your child’s feelingsHelp your child see that it is not his/her faultTalk with your child about an effective planReport bullying to the schoolHelp your child develop a strong sense of self.

27. A few don’ts if your child is bullied Do not minimize, rationalize, or explain the bully’s behaviorDo not rush to solve the problem for your childDo not tell your child to avoid the bully unless physical safety is an issueDo not tell your child to fight backDo not confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.

28. Remember! Bystanders can be part of the problem or part of the solution

29. No Innocent Bystanders Followers/Henchmen – take active part but do not start the bullyingSupporters – support bullying but do not take active partPassive Supporters – who like bullying but do not display open supportDisengaged onlookers – watch what happens, but do not take a standPossible Defenders – do not like bullying and think they should help out, but don’tDefenders of the Target – do not like bullying and try to help

30. Lame ExcusesWhy do 81% (Olweus, 1995) take part in bullying or turn a blind eye?The bully is my friendIt’s not my problem. It’s not my fightThe target is not my friendHe’s a loserShe deserved to be bullied, asked for it, had it comingThe bullying will toughen him upI don’t want to be a rat or a snitchIt’s better to be in the “in” group than with the outcastsI don’t want to be the next target

31. What can you do at home to prevent bullying? Parents give their kids 6 critical life messages every dayI believe in youI trust youI know you can handle life situationsYou are listened toYou are cared forYou are very important to meTHESE MESSAGES HELP CHILDREN TO BUFFER THE POSSIBLE IMPACTS OF A BULLY, OR FROM THE NEED TO BECOME A BULLY!

32. What can you do at home to prevent bullying?Listen to your child with an open mindCreate opportunities for your child to talk about their livesSpend time with one another (Family Dinners!)Each person talks about best, worst, & funniest part of the day.

33. What can you do if your child bullies?1). Intervene immediately with discipline – the goals should be to instruct, teach, guide, and help your child become self-disciplinedShow child that he/she has done something wrong (don not mince words)Give child ownership of the problem – no excusesGive child a process to solve the problem he/she createdLeave dignity intact (child is not a bad person, but the act of bullying was not that of a caring, responsible personFind out why and what triggered this behavior

34. What can you do if your child bullies? 2). Create opportunities to “do good”3). Nurture empathy4). Teach friendship skills (assertive, respectful, & peaceful ways to deal with others)5). Closely monitor your child’s TV viewing, video game playing, computer activities, & music6). Engage in more constructive, entertaining, & energizing activities

35. Warning Signs your child is being bulliedAbrupt lack of interest in school or refusal to go to schoolTakes an unusual route to schoolGrades dropWithdraws from family & school activitiesHungry after school, saying he/she lost lunch moneyTaking parents’ money and making lame excuses to where it wentHeads straight to the bathroom when gets home from school

36. Warning SignsIs sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or emailDoes something out of characterUses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peersStops talking about peers and everyday activitiesHas physical injuries not consistent with explanationHas disheveled, torn, or missing clothingHas stomachaches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted

37. Take a Stand Against Bullies!

38. HomeworkHave a conversation with your child about bullying. An information sheet containing the do’s & don’t’s of bullying, and some questions to ask your child is attached.

39. Resources and BibliographyColoroso, B. (2002). The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishers.Thompson, M. (2002). Mom, They’re Teasing Me; Helping your child solve social problems. New York: Ballantine Books.Thompson, M. (2001). Best Friends, Worst Enemies; Understanding the social lives of children. New York: Ballantine Books.Garbarino, J. & deLara, E. (2002). And Words Can Hurt Forever. New York: Free Press.Bonds, M. & Stoker, S. (2000). Bully Proofing Your School. Longmont, CO: Sopris West.Beane, A. (1999). Bully Free Classroom. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.http://www.bullying.org/