7.3 Approaches to the Guidance and Discipline of Young ChildrenI.docx

7.3 Approaches to the Guidance and Discipline of Young
Children
It is important to remember that the goal of discipline and
guidance is to help children internalize important rules and
societal expectations. If the discipline or guidance approach a
caregiver uses is consistent with Erikson's stages of
psychosocial development, success will be higher, and the
caregiver will be less frustrated. Further, when all parties
involved in disciplining a child are consistent, the results will
be more effective. These various approaches are summarized in
Table 7.1. An important category of learning is behaviorism,
which is an observable change of behavior caused by the
environment (Ormrod, 2008). Behaviorism can be roughly
divided into two overall categories: rewards (known as positive
and negative reinforcement) and punishments. (The exception to
this rule is the social cognitive approach [modeling], which is
both behavioral and cognitive.)
Rewards/Reinforcements
A reward, or positive reinforcement, is the consequence of a
child's behaviors that increases the probability of it recurring
(Marzano, 2003). Rewards can be a smile or a positive personal
message, such as "I love how you put the books back on the
shelf." Rewards can also be in the form of external privileges,
such as the use of the computer after the child has finished an
assignment. Rewards include things like money, toys, candy,
dessert (after eating a main meal), tokens, and stickers.
Reinforcing agents, or reinforcers, can be primary reinforcers or
secondary reinforcers. Primary reinforcers satisfy a built-in
need or desire, such as food, water, air, or warmth, and are
essential to our well-being. Other primary reinforcers, such as
candy, are not essential, but physical affection, a smile, and
cuddling would seem to be (Ormrod, 2008). There are

individual differences regarding the effectiveness of these
rewards. For example, for someone who does not like chocolate,
chocolate is not a reinforcer. Secondary reinforcers are
previously neutral stimuli that, through repeated association
with another reinforcer, have become a reinforcer. A neutral
stimulus is a stimulus that a person does not respond to in any
noticeable way. For example, initially ringing a small bell in the
classroom causes no response from the children; however, after
the bell is continually followed by a snack, the bell will produce
a marked response. Other examples of secondary reinforcers are
praise, tokens, money, good grades, and a feeling of success.
Extrinsic Reinforcement
Positive reinforcers are rewards that increase a person's
behavior, such as a smile from the teacher after a child has
helped another child solve a problem, or the feeling of
satisfaction when one has completed a difficult task. They are
arranged into two different categories: extrinsic and intrinsic.
Extrinsic reinforcements are rewards provided by the outside
environment.
Material reinforcers. These are actual objects, such as food,
toys, or candy. While this approach is extremely effective in
changing behavior, it can be counterproductive, as it focuses the
child's learning on achieving the reward, rather than on the
complexities and strategies required to learn.
Social reinforcers. Social reinforcers are gestures or signs (a
smile, praise, or attention) that one person gives to another.
Teachers' attention, approval, and praise are powerful and
effective reinforcers (McKerchar & Thompson, 2004).
Activity reinforcers. This is the opportunity to engage in a
favorite activity after completing a less favorable one. It is
called the Premack principle. The more desirable activity is
contingent on the completion of the less desirable one

(Premack, 1959).
Positive feedback. Positive feedback works when it
communicates to the child that he or she is doing well or
making progress, and it is particularly effective when it gives
students guidance about what they have learned and how to
improve their behavior. Students think about this information in
an effort to modify their behavior (Ormrod, 2008).
Token economies. A token economy is a program in which
individuals who have behaved appropriately receive a token—an
item that can later be traded for objects or privileges of the
child's choice. Most children under age 5 cannot benefit from a
token economy due to their developmental stage and lack of
experience.
Intrinsic Reinforcement
Intrinsic reinforcements are the internal good feelings that come
from within the child. Feelings of success, pride, and relief at
completing a task or assignment are all examples of intrinsic
reinforcement. For many young children, the motivation for
achieving a variety of new skills and tasks, from learning to
walk and talk to toilet training and holding a spoon, come from
a deep sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction.
Rather than generally praising children for what they have
attempted or achieved, a parent or teacher can praise the effort:
"I like how you kept trying until you were able to tie your shoe"
and "I see how carefully you decided which tomatoes were ripe
enough to pick, and which were the ones that needed to stay on
the plant."
Negative Reinforcement
Negative reinforcement increases a response through the
removal of a stimulus—usually an unpleasant one. Thus,
negative reinforcement occurs when something negative is taken
away to improve a behavior. Telling children they can leave the
classroom to go to the playground once they have completed

their math activity is negative reinforcement. Other examples
include when a parent picks up a crying baby (negative stimuli)
and the baby stops crying, as well as the annoying buzzer in
your car that keeps going until you put on the seatbelt (you put
on the seatbelt [the desired behavior] to get rid of the annoying
noise [the negative stimuli]).
Punishment
Punishment is a behavioral approach that attempts to reduce a
child's inappropriate behavior (Ormrod, 2008). There are two
kinds of punishment: (1) the presentation of a negative
stimulus, for example, scolding a child who has misbehaved or
assigning a failing grade after a child did not complete an
academic task; and (2) removal of a stimulus, usually a pleasant
one. This could be, for example, taking away an allowance or
the loss of special privileges. Both kinds of punishment reduce
the target behavior. Forms of punishment used in early care,
education programs, and homes include natural consequences,
logical consequences, unrelated consequences, response cost,
verbal reprimands, and time out. Punishment does not directly
help the child gain emotional regulation or internalize accepted
behaviors, but it does help children (if used consistently) know
which behaviors are acceptable and which are not acceptable
(Bodrova & Leong, 2007).
Problems with the Use of Punishment to Modify Children's
Behavior
Though punishment is a very popular approach used by adults
with young children (both parents and early care and education
staff) and can be very effective (Hall et al., 1976), it tends to be
overused and is fraught with problems. For example, a punished
behavior is not eliminated. It often reappears when the person
doing the punishing leaves, thus requiring constant adult
supervision at home and in the program. Further, punishment
does not address the cause of the behavior. Often, there are
clear and salient reasons why a young child is behaving a

specific way in a specific situation, and it is important that
these causes be addressed.
In some situations, punishment can actually lead to an increase
in the behavior that is being punished. This can occur in two
ways. If punishment is the only attention the child gets from the
adult, the child will continue to engage in the behavior for
attention. Punishment can also increase the behavior in a setting
where there is no one to control it; for example, punishing
certain bad language in the classroom can increase the use of
the same language on the playground. Further, young children
are often unaware of the specific behavior being punished, and
then they believe they are being punished for being "a bad
child." This develops low self-esteem, particularly in young
children who take an all or nothing view of personal criticism
(e.g., "I am all good" or "I am all bad").
Punishment can also lead to children avoiding certain places
and activities. For example, a child who always does poorly at
an assignment, such as math, and is punished for it, may not
only learn to avoid math, but may learn to dislike school
because he or she learns to associate all of school with math
(Smith & Smoll, 1997).
When punishment is used on children, they are not always being
shown how to engage in the appropriate behavior. The
punishment only tells them what not to do and what they are
doing poorly; it does not teach anything about what they should
be doing instead. Often, children do not know how to engage in
the socially acceptable alternative to aggression (for example,
how to resolve a conflict without being aggressive). A child
who grabs a toy from another child may not understand that
there is another way to get what he or she wants; a child who
bites another child may not have the language to communicate
his or her anger and frustration. Punishment can also lead to
aggression and later to bullying (Landrum & Kauffman, 2006),
because it models aggressive behavior and the use of power by

adults to achieve their goals (see Helping Children Develop: Do
as I Do: The Power of Example).
Finally, severe punishment can lead to emotional and physical
harm. Punishment can potentially lead to child abuse; many
adults with low self-esteem can trace this back to receiving
constant and harsh negative putdowns and punishment as
children (Smith & Fong, 2004), and parents who were abused as
children are more likely to become abusers themselves (Milner
et al., 2010).
Natural and Logical Consequences
Natural and logical consequences are forms of punishment that
make much more sense to children and teach them that certain
behaviors have consequences, some of which are unpleasant.
Natural Consequences
Natural consequences are the result of a child's behavior
without any direct involvement by an adult. They teach children
the causes and effects of certain behaviors. For example, if a
child fails to put on a jacket, the natural consequence is that he
or she might get cold; a child who comes late to lunch may get
cold food or fewer food choices. Natural consequences do not
work when a child is too young to make the connection between
cause and effect. They also do not work when the adults
involved are overly protective and do not allow children to
"suffer the consequences" of their actions or inactions.
Logical Consequences
Logical consequences occur when a child must rectify a
situation or repair damage caused by his or her behavior. When
a child spills milk on the floor, the logical consequence is for
the child to help clean up the milk; if a child draws on a table
top, the logical consequence is for the child to scrub the table
top clean. Logical consequences only work when the following
occur:

Children are able to make the connection between their
behavior, the consequences of that behavior, and what they are
then asked to do. This connection develops during the preschool
years, through experience and brain development.
The consequence is logical. Preventing a child from going
outside to play because he misbehaved in the classroom is not a
logical consequence.
The consequence occurs immediately after the infraction takes
place.
A logical consequence might be to remove a child from an
activity or group, which is called time away. For example, a
child who continually knocks down other children's
constructions in the block area may be asked to leave for a
while; but again, this consequence must be logical and timely.
Because logical consequences require a child to "fix" the
problem, they are rarely something the child would choose to do
and thus are not often viewed by the child as a reward.
However, the child learns that if he or she wants to participate
in an activity, or do what the other children are doing, then he
or she needs to engage in the appropriate behaviors. While time
away is a form of time out (discussed later in the chapter), its
focus is on making it clear to the child that removal from the
activity is directly related to the child's behavior.
Unrelated Consequences
Unrelated consequences are the punishment of a child's
inappropriate behavior with something that is totally unrelated
to the behavior—as in the example of keeping a child from
outdoor play after he or she has misbehaved inside the
classroom. Because the consequence is not logically related to
the behavior, this approach is usually ineffective (Ormrod,
2008). It can also misfire; for example, the child who is kept
indoors because he or she misbehaved may need to go outside to
burn off energy and take a rest from academic activities;
preventing this will cause further classroom disruption.

Response Cost
Response cost involves taking away something the child
previously earned. Thus, a child might have earned time at the
computer by cleaning up the art area but now loses this
privilege due to fighting with another child. The response cost
approach is most effective when used with positive
reinforcement for an appropriate behavior and when the child
does not lose everything he or she has earned by only a small
infraction (Phillips et al., 1971). When children lose everything
they have earned, they will soon not bother to earn anything.
Verbal Reprimands
Verbal reprimands are more effective when they are immediate,
brief, and accompanied by eye contact or a firm grip (Pfiffner &
O'Leary, 1993). (See Chapter 6 for a discussion on this in
relation to eye contact.) A verbal reprimand may also be more
effective when spoken quietly and close to the child, thus not
bringing attention to the child, which would cause guilt and
shame. Verbal reprimands should also provide an encouraging
statement indicating the caregiver knows the child can engage
in the appropriate behavior (Pintrich & Schunk, 2002).
Time Out
Time out is punishment because the child is removed from a
pleasurable and enjoyable stimulus due to his or her
inappropriate behavior (Skiba & Raison, 1990). Time out differs
from time away in that time out is a general punishment for any
kind of behavioral problems, while time away is removal of the
child when the child's behavior directly results in the disruption
of an activity. Further, in time away, the focus is on the child
understanding the relationship between his or her behavior and
the resultant disruption, and not on putting the child in a
stimulus-free environment (removal is the punishment). In time
out, the child is usually removed to another room or a corner of
the classroom that is screened off. The time out environment

should not be reinforcing, such as the school corridor or
principal's office—or frightening, such as a dark closet (Walker
& Shea, 1995). Time out is usually quite short—for example,
one minute for each year of a child's age. A key for using time
out is that a child's release from the environment is contingent
on the child's demonstrating the appropriate behavior. Time out
has been shown to be effective in reducing a variety of
disruptive and inappropriate behaviors (Pfiffner & Barkley,
1998; Rortvedt & Mittenberger, 1994) and does not interfere
with the ongoing classroom activities and events. Time out also
does not give undue attention (a reward) to the child.
Modeling
Modeling is both a behavioral and cognitive process of social
learning by which a person observes the actions of others and
then copies them. The academic term for modeling is social
cognitive theory. Infants imitate facial expressions of others
within a day or two after birth. By 6–9 months of age, they
learn new ways to manipulate objects by watching a model
demonstrate those behaviors, and by 18 months of age, they
remember how to imitate an action they observed a month
before (Collie & Hayne, 1999).
Albert Bandura is the theorist most associated with our
understanding of modeling. According to Bandura, modeling
can teach new behaviors, increase the frequency of previously
forbidden behaviors, and increase the frequency of similar (but
not exactly the same) behaviors (1977, 1986). From a discipline
perspective, modeling can teach and increase desired behaviors,
such as putting blocks back on a shelf like a teacher or
classmate does. Negative behaviors can also increase through
modeling (e.g., teasing Johnny because others are doing so) (see
Helping Children Develop: Do as I Do: The Power of Example).
Modeling works by the learner (child) observing the behavior of
the model (adult, peer). After the behavior of the model is
reinforced, the learner repeats the behavior. The reinforcement

of the model's behavior is called vicarious reinforcement and is
the behavioral part of the theory. The ability of the child to
imitate the model's behavior (even some time later) and the
motivation to do so make up the cognitive part of modeling.
As mentioned, children can learn both appropriate and
inappropriate behaviors through modeling. A great amount of
research has been conducted on learning aggression from real
models and from film, television, and video game models. These
studies show the powerful effect of models on teaching children
aggressive behaviors (Bandura, 1986). However, modeling (both
real and symbolic) can also effectively teach prosocial
behaviors—those aimed at helping others (Bandura &
McDonald, 1963).
HELPING CHILDREN DEVELOP:
Do as I Do: The Power of Example
It works better than rewards and punishments to change a
child's behavior.
It works better than direct instruction to teach academic skills
and concepts.
It explains why children imitate the behavior of people and
characters their parents and teachers might find unacceptable.
It is one of the most effective ways for parents to help their
children develop important literacy skills.
What is This Miraculous Thing?
Social cognitive theory. Commonly called modeling, social
cognitive theory is a very powerful, yet often misunderstood,
method for teaching young children.
Children will imitate the behavior of a role model, which can be
a live person or a symbolic model such as a character from a TV

program, movie, video game, or book. Unfortunately, the
behaviors they copy may be appropriate or inappropriate—it
works equally well for both! But social cognitive theory is more
complex than simply copying a role model. The theory is
powerful because it combines cognition (thinking), behaviorism
(rewards and punishment), and motivation. For modeling to
work, the following conditions must be met:
The model must be competent in the area or skill being
modeled. While a professional athlete would be a good model
for encouraging athletics in children, he or she may not be an
effective model for teaching children to read.
The model must have respect and stature in the eyes of the
learner.
The model must model behavior in which the child is already
interested. For example, someone who can speak Portuguese is
likely to be a role model for someone who is about to go to
Brazil and wants to learn Portuguese. But this same person is
not likely to be a role model for someone who has no interest in
learning Portuguese.
The role model's behavior must be reinforced in some way.
Many children look up to professional athletes and rap stars, for
example, because these stars' actions are seen by the children to
be rewarded with money and the things money can buy, such as
fancy cars, big houses, and expensive jewelry and clothing.
Teachers, parents, and even children can become role models
for teaching good or bad behavior. If Johnny, a popular boy in
the classroom, picks on another child and other children laugh
while the teacher ignores his behavior, other children are likely
to engage in this kind of bullying behavior. If, on the other
hand, when Johnny teases another child the teacher sternly
cautions him and removes him from the action for a short while,
chances are the other children in the classroom will not mimic
Johnny's behavior, because it is not being rewarded.
Uses of Social Cognitive Theory

When a teacher wants a young child to clean up after the child
has played with blocks, the teacher can tell the child to replace
the blocks on the shelves and threaten him or her with some sort
of punishment if the task is not done, or the teacher can get
down on the floor with the child and show him or her how to put
the blocks on the shelf, making it a pleasant experience. Then,
when the child has finished, the teacher can praise the child for
helping. If a parent wants to help a child learn to read, the best
thing the parent can do is model reading to the child. Modeling
can be done by reading a newspaper or book, reading the
directions aloud when a child wants to make something, and
reading books to the child on a regular basis. This will help the
child realize that reading is a pleasant and rewarding
experience.
Finally, if parents and teachers want to know why a child is
using bad language or engaging in poor behavior on the
playground or in the classroom, they usually only have to look
as far as the role models in the child's life, which sometimes
means reflecting on their own behavior and making positive
changes.
Wardle, F. (2003). Do as I do: Power of example. Children and
Families, 17(4), pp. 62–63. National Head Start Association.
Table 7.1: Approaches to guidance and discipline with young
children
Type of discipline/ guidance
How it works
Advice/cautions

Reinforcers/
Rewards
Material reinforcers
These can be primary (e.g., food) or secondary (e.g.,money). Th
ese are given to the child after the child
has exhibited the required behaviors.
Be careful not to create situations where children believe
They must be rewarded for everything they do. Never reward
a whole group for the behaviors of a few.
Social reinforcers
Smiles, hugs, and kind words are social reinforcers, as is adult
attention (which is why teachers must becareful when respondin
g to negative behaviors).
This is often the best kind of reinforcement because itcreates
important trust and relationships.
Activity reinforcers/ Premack principle
Completing a less-than-
desirable activity (e.g.,cleaning up the art area) is rewarded by
a More favorable one (e.g., playing on the computer).
Caution must be observed to make sure this does not punisha
child incapable of completing the first task to the teacher's
satisfaction.
Positive feedback
This is verbal feedback that tells the child he or she
is doing well and making progress.
The more specificthe praise, the more effective it is in modifyin
g behavior.
This is an extremely effective approach because it lets
children know what they are doing correctly.
Negative reinforcement
This is increasing a behavior by
removing a negativestimulus. For example, children will compl
ete work more quickly so they can go to the playground
sooner.
Rather than using negative reinforcement, teachers should
determine whether the behavior children are trying to avoid

could be made more meaningful and interesting.
Token economy
Children's appropriate behavior is rewarded
immediately with tokens, which are exchanged for material
reinforcers or privileges.
Tokens must be exchanged for things students really
want; a choice should also be provided. Many believe
tokens do not work with children under age 5.
Intrinsic reinforcement
Intrinsic reinforcement comes from within the child:
feelings of success or happiness, or a sense of
competence or pride.
The ultimate goal of discipline and guidance is that they are
internalized. Some people believe using extrinsic reinforcers
reduces the power of intrinsic reinforcement.
Punishments
Natural consequences
This is the natural result of what a child does or does
not do. A child who forgets to put on a jacket will get
cold on a winter day. A child who comes late to the
meal may miss out on his or her favorite food.
This works only when adults are willing to let go, and to let
the child live with the consequences of his or her behaviors.
A child needs to be able to make the connection between the
behavior and the result.
Logical consequences
If a child spills milk, a logical consequence is to have
him or her clean up the mess; a logical consequence
for a child drawing on a table is to have him or her
scrub the table clean.
The focus should be on fixing the problem and not on the
punishment. The child must be able to see how he or she
caused the problem and how the action helps to fix it.
Unrelated consequence
A child who does not complete a math assignment is
prevented from playing on the playground. There is

no logical connection between the behavior and the
consequence.
This approach should be avoided as much as possible,
because it does not teach anything and can backfire.
Response cost
A child's inappropriate behavior is punished by
removing a privilege he or she has earned. For
example, a child may earn money for a task and then
have it taken away for disobeying.
This approach is most effective when combined with positive
reinforcement for appropriate behavior, and when the child
does not lose everything he or she has earned.
Verbal reprimands
This is a verbal response by the adult to the child's
inappropriate behavior. The response should not be
sarcastic, in anger, or degrading. It should inform the
child of how he or she can engage in the appropriate behavior.
Verbal reprimands are more effective when they are brief,
immediate, and accompanied by eye contact or a firm grip.
They should be softly spoken and include a statement
acknowledging that the child is capable of exhibiting the
appropriate behavior.
Time out
This is a punishment that removes a child from a
pleasurable, engaging, or enjoyable situation. The
setting should not be reinforcing and the duration of
the punishment should be quite short.
Time out should be used sparingly and at the highest end of
a behavioral continuum. If it ends up being used frequently,
it is not working.
Modeling
Modeling is a very powerful way to teach both
appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. It works by
the child observing an adult or child who has prestige
and competence in a certain behavior or skill.
Adults and children whom other children see as behavioral

and learning models must be extremely consistent in their
behaviors. It is ineffective to say, "Do as I say, not as I do!"
Wardle, F. (2013). Collaboration with families and
communities [Electronic version]. Retrieved from
https://content.ashford.edu/
8.1 Problem Solving with Adults
Standard 1 of NAEYC's Early Childhood Program Standards and
Accreditation Criteria (2005a) states, "The program promotes
positive relationships among all children and adults to
encourage each child's sense of individual worth and belonging
as part of a community and to foster each child's ability to
contribute as a responsible community member" (p. 9). The
rationale for the standard is that positive relationships and a
positive, nurturing, sensitive climate are essential for the
development of emotional regulation, constructive interactions,
and overall learning in children (NAEYC, 2005a). Children
develop a positive sense of self, and they are encouraged to
respect and cooperate with others.
However, problems, conflicts, disagreements, and distrust can—
and often do—develop. These can occur between the family and
the program, between staff within the programs—staff to staff,
directors and staff, staff and consultants—and between children
in the program. When this occurs, caregivers need to engage in
problem solving. While no family or early care and education
program is ever totally without conflicts and issues to solve, the
goal is, firstly, to create an environment where constructive
problem solving can take place and, secondly, to be able to
constructively solve problems.
Feelings
Conflicts, confusion, and disagreements can cause intense
feelings among those involved. To address conflicts and

disagreements, we must try to determine where these feelings
come from. In the heat of the moment, this will probably not be
possible, but once we have had time to reflect, we need to look
at the feelings that disagreements and problems produce.
We all have feelings, and it is very important to accept and
appreciate these feelings. We need to reflect on our feelings and
on why certain things make us feel a certain way. Feelings are
complex, subjective experiences that involve physical and
mental aspects of self—they can be felt, expressed, acted on,
and thought about (Greenspan & Greenspan, 1985). All feelings
have value and are useful—even ones we view as negative.
Feelings are how we react to experiences, and they help us
organize and make sense of our world. The great works of art,
music, drama, and dance are based on feelings—some pleasant,
and some dark and tragic.
We learn about feelings from our childhood experiences. When
children are young, adults label the child's emotions: "That bang
scared you!" "The dog's bark upset you!" Part of this
socialization process is to help children know how to respond to
the environment—for safety, to develop appropriate reactions to
the environment, and to teach children culturally appropriate
responses to their feelings. Other feelings, such as those of
love, trust, fear, excitement, and surprise, are natural responses
to the environment that help us feel good about ourselves and
the social environment (Rogers, 1980).
Another way we learn about feelings is through social
referencing (see Chapter 3). When a child is in a new situation,
such as meeting a person for the first time or being exposed to a
new animal or bird, that child will look to a caretaker to know
how he or she is supposed to respond. If the adult smiles,
shakes the stranger's hand, and says, "This is a good friend of
mine," the child knows he or she can be friendly and relaxed. If
the adult says, "Be careful, that dog might bite if you get too

close," and gently pulls the child away from the dog, the child
knows to be cautious and aware around big dogs. The child may
also learn to become scared of large dogs.
As we have said, social referencing begins in infancy to help
the infant understand and respond appropriately to the world.
And part of the socialization process is for the child to learn
what we call cultural scripts—dictating to children how they are
supposed to feel and to convey those feelings in specific
situations. These cultural scripts also tell others whether a
person is responding in a culturally appropriate fashion, and to
which cultural groups an individual belongs.
In this manner, children are taught how to feel in certain
situations. As adults, we tend to respond to the physical and
social environment in the way we have been taught by parents
and other significant adults when we were young, and according
to the various scripts of our culture (Hall & Hall, 1976).
Cultural Aspects to Feelings
As the term implies, cultural scripts differ from culture to
culture, and adults from different cultures have been raised with
the scripts of their cultures. Some cultures affirm expressing
one's feelings—albeit in a socially appropriate manner—and
then trying to solve whatever conflict caused those feelings; in
other cultures, group coherence and loyalty are more important
than expressing individual feelings (Gonzalez-Mena, 2009). In
these cultures, while group displays of feelings (anger,
frustration, and celebration) are encouraged, individual
expressions are not. And in some cultures, public exhibition of
feelings is taboo, but sharing feelings with family and friends is
appropriate (Raeff, 2010). In still other cultures, a history of
racism and persecution often elicits defensiveness, over-
protection, and aggressive problem solving, especially when it
involves children (Poussaint, 2007). In early care and education
programs, men and other non-traditional caregivers may react in

a similar fashion (see Making Caregivers Feel Welcome).
8.2 Parenting Styles
Many conflicts between families and early care and education
programs begin with disagreements about discipline (Gonzalez-
Mena, 2009; Kostelnik et al., 2009). The different ways parents
discipline their children come from how they were raised, the
age and generation of the parents, national and regional origin,
culture, religion, and so on. These concepts combine to create
what we call parenting styles. In the 1960s, Diana Baumrind, a
professor at the University of California in Berkeley, studied
100 preschool children of white, middle-class, two-parent
families in California. From her research, Baumrind indentified
three different parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, and
authoritative (1967, 1971). Later researchers added a fourth
style, uninvolved/neglectful parents (Maccoby & Martin, 1983).
Then Baumrind and other researchers determined the
consequences of each parenting style on children's behaviors,
attitudes, and dispositions (Baumrind, 1991; Baldry &
Farrington, 2000; Steinberg, Lamborn, Darling, Mounts, &
Dornbusch, 1994). The focus on the research was on the
mothers' parenting styles (Winsler, Madigan, & Aquilino,
2005).
Below is a detailed description of each of the four parenting
styles. The four parenting styles and their consequences on
children's behavior are summarized in Table 8.1.
SPOTLIGHT:
Making Caregivers Feel Welcome
Many types of caregivers are involved in helping to raise young
children today, such as male partners, "adopted" relatives, aunts
and uncles or other extended family, foster parents, and
stepparents. Here are some ways to include and make these non-
traditional caregivers feel welcome in the early care and

education program:
Include all caregivers in all aspects of the program, such as
notes sent home, invitations to volunteer, or opportunities to
work on committees.
Do not create separate rules and policies for men and women or
"mothers" and "fathers" who volunteer in the classroom, on the
playground, or on field trips.
Train staff on effective ways to communicate with all
caregivers.
Make the early care and education program inviting. If possible,
have male and female bathrooms, as well as pictures on the
walls, magazines in the waiting area, and books on the shelves
that are of general interest.
Provide activities for all that include the whole family and
present opportunities for them to talk and interact with other
caregivers. Solicit ideas regarding the kinds of activities they
enjoy and would participate in.
Provide positive, affirmative training that highlights the critical
significance of all types of caregivers in the lives of young
children, and offer a variety of ways in which they can interact
with their children—both boys and girls—in the program. Also,
teach appropriate problem-solving techniques they can use with
their children's teacher and other program staff.
If you have non-traditional caregivers in your program, have
them lead and organize activities, such as building or repairing
the playground, volunteering to show the teachers how to use
the workbench, or building puppet stages for each classroom.
Wardle, F. (2007). Men in early childhood: Fathers and
teachers. Early Childhood News, 16(4), 34–42.
Authoritarian Parenting Style
Authoritarian parents are parents who believe the parent's word
should not be questioned: It is the law. Their decisions
regarding rules and expectations are not open to interpretation
or negotiation by their children. Misconduct produces strict

punishment, often physical. These parents hold very high
standards—sometimes too high for the developmental age of the
child—and expect their children to meet these high standards.
They do not expect their children to give opinions or express
their feelings, and the discussion of emotions by authoritarian
parents is rare. Also, they do not adjust expectations to each
child's unique needs, but rather treat each child exactly the
same.
Children raised by authoritarian parents are not encouraged to
think for themselves or to make their own decisions.
Authoritarian parenting has been associated with a child
becoming a bully (Baldry & Farrington, 2000). These parents
often rely on physical punishment, and thus model aggressive
behaviors to solve problems. These children have lower self-
esteem and lower psychological maturity, low levels of moral
reasoning, and poor academic achievement (Boyes & Allen,
1993; Dornbusch, Ritter, Leiderman, & Roberts, 1987). They
tend to be conscientious, obedient, and quiet, but they are not in
touch with their emotions and often are not happy. In
adolescence, they often rebel, leave home early, and may
engage in criminal activities (Farrington & Hawkins, 1991).
Table 8.1: Parenting styles and their effect on children's behavi
ors and attitudes
Parenting Style
Children's Behaviors and Attitudes
Authoritarian
Parenting Style
Children are obedient, conscientious, and quiet, but not happy.
They
internalize feelings andoften rebel, leaving home early.
Permissive
Parenting Style
Children are unhappy, lack self-
control, and are disliked by peers. They tend to
live at home intoearly adulthood.

Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting
Style
Children are angry and defiant, and score poorly in tests of soci
al, psychological,
and academicoutcomes. They may engage in criminal behavior a
nd drugs in
adolescence.
Authoritative Parenting Style
These children are well adjusted, successful, happy, and liked b
oth by peers
and teachers. Theyare independent, responsible, and take approp
riate risks.
Permissive Parenting Style
Permissive parents tend to be very warm and accepting of their
children, but they have few expectations and make few demands
on them. Discipline is lax, and when expectations are set and
punishments determined, children can often talk their way out
of them. There is little consistency in applying discipline.
Children are encouraged to express their own ideas and
opinions, and family decisions are often made in a democratic
manner. Though they listen to their children and want to do
what they think is best for them, permissive parents rarely
monitor their children's activities. They believe children should
be free to make their own decisions, and that adults should not
impose their views on them. Permissive parents tend to be more
friends to their children than parents.
According to Lamborn, Dornbusch, and Sternberg (1996),
children of permissive parents generally have low academic
achievement, poor psychosocial development, and high rates of
deviant behavior. They tend to be self-centered, and their moral
reasoning is immature (Boyes & Allen, 1993). These children
also tend to be unhappy and lacking in self-control, especially
the give and take required in peer relationships. Because they
also have poorly developed emotional regulation, and are

accustomed to always getting their own way, children raised by
permissive parents have few friends, which is often the main
reason they are unhappy (Boyes & Allen, 1993).
Table 8.2: Reflecting on your parenting and teaching style
What was the parenting style of your parents? Did both parents
usethe same parenting style?
If you are a parent, what is your parenting style? Is your style th
esame as your spouse's/partner's?
What is the parenting style you use as a teacher/caregiver?
Is there a conflict? If so, how do you address this conflict?
Authoritative Parenting Style
Authoritative parents combine high levels of control with
warmth and encouragement (Baumrind, 1971). They make high
demands on their children, but these are appropriate for the
child's age. Authoritative parents also provide reasons for their
rules and expectations, and they listen to their child's point of
view, sometimes even adjusting the rules (Heath, 2005). They
show respect to each child's unique characteristics.
Authoritative parents are very consistent, and they demand
maturity of their children, but they consider themselves more
guides than authorities or friends. They are also warm and
compassionate, but still believe they are the parents, with
specific parental responsibilities that must be exercised.
Children of authoritative parents are generally self-reliant,
explorative, and content (Baumrind, 1971). Subsequent research
indicates that these children develop better than do children
from other parenting styles, results that extend through
adolescence. They are more socially skilled, have greater
psychological maturity, and experience fewer emotional and

behavioral problems (Aunola, Stattin, & Nurmi, 2000; Gray &
Steinberg, 1999). Also, these children tend to have higher self-
esteem and are usually liked by both peers and adults (Abraham
& Christopherson, 1989).
Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting Style
Uninvolved/neglectful parents lack warmth and provide little, if
any, control of their children (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). They
do not make rules or have demands for good behavior; they are
not emotionally connected to their children. They are
disinterested, and may even reject their children. Many parents
in this category are consumed with their own problems and
challenges.
According to the research, children of uninvolved and
neglectful parents have the worst outcomes of any of the four
parenting styles, (Miller, Cowan, Cowan, Hetherington, &
Clingempeel, 1993). They are angry and defiant and score
poorly in psychosocial development, school achievement,
psychological stress, and problem solving. In adolescence, they
often engage in drug use and criminal activity and tend to have
few close friends.
Cultural Variations in Parenting Styles
As these descriptions make clear, Diana Baumrind and later
researchers believe that the authoritative parenting style is the
best approach for raising children. However, there are
significant cultural and national differences that should be
considered. Chinese-American, Caribbean-American, and
African-American parents tend to use an authoritarian parenting
style (Hill & Bush, 2001; Wright, 1998). These parents tend to
use punishments—including physical punishment—more than do
other parents. On the other hand, Japanese mothers may use
reasoning, empathy, and expressions of disappointment to
control their children's behavior. They would be considered
permissive parents, according to the four parenting styles.

However, their children typically grow up emotionally healthy,
and not immature or unhappy, as research would suggest
(Rothbaum, Pott, Azuma, Miyake, & Weisz, 2000). And many
parents who grew up during the 1960s in America are
considered by their children to be permissive parents.
Use of physical punishment to discipline children is against the
law in Austria, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, Germany,
Israel, Italy, Norway, and Sweden. Yet in the United States, the
Supreme Court has said that teachers and parents can use
"reasonable force" to punish children (Bugental & Grusec,
2006), and many parents do, especially those from certain
cultural backgrounds (Gonzalez-Mena, 2009; Hill & Bush,
2001; Wright, 1998). Furthermore, some researchers suggest
that a person's parenting style is not the central issue; of more
importance is the parent's warmth, support, concern, affection,
and a strong parent-child relationship (McLoyd, Kaplan,
Hardaway, & Wood, 2007; Rothbaum et al., 2000).
However, we also know that other contextual factors beyond the
family have a profound impact on parenting (Bronfenbrenner,
1977). Research indicates that poverty, single-parent families,
and authoritarian discipline styles are all factors that increase
the risk of child abuse in young children (Bugental &
Happeney, 2004).
Parenting styles have a strong influence on problem solving.
First, as we have suggested, certain parenting styles encourage
and empower children to think for themselves, make their own
decisions, and live with the consequences of their decisions.
These parents want their children to take risks, and they
understand that a result of taking risks can be mistakes. Parents
who use other parenting styles often do not encourage their
children to think for themselves and make their own decisions,
and some may even punish their children when they make
mistakes.

An early childhood program that serves children from families
who use these opposing parenting styles will struggle to help
children make decisions and problem solve in the classroom and
on the playground. Additionally, parents with one kind of
parenting style who have their children in an early care or
education program that practices a different style will
eventually have conflict with that program. For example, in
NAEYC's accreditation standards, teachers and caregivers
cannot use punitive punishment, threats, or derogatory
statements (NAEYC, 2005a). Along the same lines, a permissive
parent may object to a highly structured program with high
academic expectations. Also, as we have pointed out throughout
the book, teachers are products of their own childhood
experiences and cultures. A teacher raised with an authoritarian
parenting style may clash with parents raising their children
with another parenting style.
Temperament and Parenting Styles
Children are born with different temperaments, and these
temperaments have a direct impact on the adults who care for
the children. In the 1960s, Thomas and Chess (1986) conducted
what came to be called the New York Longitudinal Study.
According to the study, infants as young as 4 months old
exhibited a variety of temperamental traits that can be
categorized into four groups. The easy child displays regular
biological functions (e.g., going to sleep and eating regularly),
adapts well to new situations, and exhibits a mild to moderate
intensity when reacting to change. Easy children are generally
in a positive mood, and adults enjoy being around them. The
difficult child displays irregular biological functioning (e.g., is
very difficult to get to sleep at night and eats at different times
of the day), and exhibits negative and often intense responses to
new situations and to any kind of change. In general, a child
with this temperament is often in a negative mood, and adults
try to avoid contact with such a child. Finally, the slow-to-warm

child is somewhat irregular in biological functions, exhibits a
negative response to new stimuli, and adapts slowly to change.
The child's mood is initially negative, but improves to a more
positive one if given enough time to do so. In common
language, we tend to call a child with this temperament "shy."
The fourth group encompasses children whose temperament
does not fit into any one of the other groups.
We know that a child's temperament affects the way a parent or
caregiver responds to the child. Difficult children require lots of
patience, persistence, and care from very warm, secure adults
who are not under stress and who have time and energy to give
to the child. Parents who lack these critical attributes are more
likely to engage in authoritarian parenting styles with difficult
children. We call this response reciprocal determinism (see also
reciprocal interaction, Chapter 3). In other words, a child's
temperament can have a profound impact on the parenting style
used by a parent. For example, a child who is slow to warm
clearly needs adult responses and behaviors that are very
different from those of children who are impulsive, energetic,
and usually happy. And, as we have discussed in several
chapters, children who have a developmental disability, are
gifted and talented, or are twice exceptional will also require
different parenting styles.
8.3 Working with Families to Problem Solve
Through interactions with adults, young children learn who they
are, about the world around them, and how much their behaviors
and feelings can be influenced by adults. The two institutions
that have the most direct impact on the young child's
development and learning are the family and the early care or
education program. These institutions are led by significant
adults in children's lives who have roles that require them to
adjust their emotions and behaviors to meet the needs of each
child, and to develop long-term, responsive, trusting
relationships with them (Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004;
NAEYC, 2005a). These adults support children's learning,

model appropriate behaviors, and socialize them into the mores
and norms of society. We have already explored the critical
importance of positive and productive family-early care and
education program relationships. One reason for this focus is
that, according to Bronfenbrenner's ecological systems theory,
the more quality relationships that exist between significant
components within the microsystem—in this case, the family
and the early care and education program—the more the child
benefits (Bronfenbrenner & Ceci, 1994). The relationship
between the child's parent (or other caregiver) and the
program's staff—particularly the teacher or caregiver—is the
main place where this connection occurs.
Positive Relationships Between Families and the Program
Standard 7 of the NAEYC's Early Childhood Program Standards
& Accreditation Criteria (2005) states "The program establishes
and maintains collaborative relationships with each child's
family to foster children's development in all settings. These
relationships are sensitive to family composition, language, and
culture" (p. 11). The rationale for this standard includes the fact
that young children's development and learning are directly
connected to their families. Thus, to support young children's
optimal development and learning, programs need to understand
the significant role of the family, create relationships with
families based on trust and respect, support the involvement of
families in the education and development of their children, and
find ways to include parents in the program (2005).
A solid, respectful, reciprocal, trusting relationship between the
parent and teacher or main caregiver produces a variety of
positive results for children, parents, caregivers, and teachers
(Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004; NAEYC, 2005a) in the
following ways:
Teachers and caregivers are more likely to enjoy the child's
progress, remember to share details with parents about their
children, and remain connected to the family even after the

child has moved on. This relationship enables the teacher or
caregiver to develop a solid attachment to the child. When there
is not a close, respectful relationship, caregivers often feel
uncomfortable and uneasy about becoming too close to the
child.
Strong relationships between families and caregivers increase
communication between the family and the program. This is
critical in providing seamless care, which enables conflicts and
disagreements to be solved in a win-win manner. Young
children often get very confused when the program and home
have conflicting rules and expectations. As a result, the child
expresses mixed emotions of anger, aggression, sadness, and
withdrawal. Thus, parents and caregivers must address conflicts
and confusion.
Quality parent-teacher relationships have a direct impact on the
stability of care-giving arrangements. For many teachers and
caregivers, a positive, reciprocal, trusting relationship with
parents is one of the reasons they teach—it is a hidden benefit.
When teachers are appreciated by parents, they feel a positive
sense of self-worth. Given the high turnover rate among early
care and education staff, this is a very positive outcome.
Parents feel more settled and relaxed. Most parents are very
concerned with the care and welfare of their children—they
want to leave their children with people they can trust. When
there is a trusting relationship, inevitable confusion and conflict
are more easily and quickly resolved. Natural, informal, warm
interactions help with these relationships. Parents need to feel
welcome in the center; they need to be warmly greeted and feel
the center is a warm and caring place—for them and their
children.
Solving problems, conflicts, and differences becomes an
ongoing part of the parent-teacher relationship. When the adults
learn to trust and to tolerate each other, the result is reciprocal:
Teachers see parents as important resources, and families feel
more friendly and respectful toward teachers and caregivers
because they themselves are respected.

Causes of Conflict
In Chapter 5, we discussed a variety of things that cause
conflicts between families and early care and education
programs, and suggested a variety of techniques to solve these
conflicts, including dialoguing and the use of the RERUN
process (Gonzalez-Mena, 2009). Keyser (2006) calls conflicts
between families and programs mutual conflicts, because they
take full communication, participation, and negotiation on the
part of parents (or other family members) and teachers or
caregivers (and maybe even a program director) to solve.
According to Keyser, examples of such conflicts are the
following:
A parent wants a child to stay inside all day, while the program
has a philosophy that children should be outside for a
significant part of each day.
The program expects families to bring extra clothes to keep in
the children's cubbies, and some families continually forget.
Certain parents are continually late picking up their children
from the program.
A parent dislikes the way a child is disciplined by his teacher.
The program has a policy to exclude sick children so that they
will not infect the healthy children, but parents need child care
for when their children are sick.
Some parents request that their boys should not be permitted to
play in the dress up area and should not be allowed to wear
women's hats, shoes, and clothes to dress up.
Some parents complain that their children continually come
home with paint on their clothes and sand in their hair, and ask
that their children not be allowed to paint or play in the
sandbox.
The program has a fundraiser selling cakes and cookies, and
several parents object, because this violates their families'
nutritional practices.
A father of a child of black and white ethnicity is upset because
the teacher in his child's classroom has told the child she is

black, and must identify as black, while the family is raising the
child with a multiracial identity.
Generally, causes for these conflicts fall under one of four
areas: (1) conflicting family and program needs, (2) differing
views of teaching and child development, (3) poor
communication, and (4) cultural differences.
Keyser (2006) suggests an approach to these conflicts,
presented here from either the teacher's or director's viewpoint:
(1) listen and ask open-ended questions; (2) restate and reframe
the parent's ideas; (3) find common ground; (4) state your
position, ideas, and feelings; (5) give information as
appropriate; (6) give the parent an opportunity to respond; (7)
outline the conflict as comprising equally valid viewpoints; (8)
invite, discuss, and choose possible solutions; and (9) thank the
parent and set up a time to check back in.
Quality Indicators
According to Baker and Manfredi/Petitt, (2004), early care and
education programs can help develop and maintain positive
relationships and proactive problem-solving practices with
families by asking the following questions:
Do families see the importance of their relationship with the
child's caregiver or teacher?
Do families appreciate the child's caregiver or teacher, and do
they know how to express this appreciation: thank yous, offers
to help, notes, or flowers?
Is anyone talking to families about the importance of creating a
close connection with their child's caregiver that is strong
enough to sustain them through conflict?
Are parents encouraged to work to overcome differences with
their child's teacher or caregiver, especially when the child and
teacher have bonded?
Is family participation a shared value and goal among center

staff, and what is being done to increase family-center
partnerships?
Are families and staff members sharing life and joy with one
another?
Is relationship and community building a center-wide goal?
8.4 Effective Relationships Between Program Staff
The climate of an early care and education program not only
establishes the atmosphere for how staff members work
together, but also dramatically affects staff-parent relationships
and the quality of care and education the children receive
(Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004; NAEYC, 2005a). However, a
caring community does not just happen—it has to be created and
nurtured. A caring community is a place where caring adults—
parents, teachers, caregivers, and directors—interact as partners
and friends. It is based less on rules and regulations, roles and
job descriptions, organizational plans, and a hierarchy of
authority, and more on developing and maintaining positive
relationships between staff, the director, and parents, or
relationship-based organizations. Healthy relationships between
administrators, teachers and caregivers, and consultants used by
programs are important in establishing a caring, inclusive
community in which children can develop and learning is
maximized (NAEYC, 2005a, 2005b). When staff members in
early care and education programs enjoy respectful relationships
with each other, they are more likely to be responsive and
emotionally engaged with the children in their care and with the
children's families.
Staff members who share the joys and challenges of the children
openly with colleagues become more aware of the individual
needs of the children and are more apt to remain calm and
positive under the typical stress of caring for children.
Teachers, caregivers, and administrators who work well
together share the workload and make sure the needs of each
child are met. In this positive climate, children feel secure, safe,
and like they belong. The classroom should be a place where

children feel free to play, explore, and learn (Baker &
Manfredi/Petitt, 2004; NAEYC, 2005a, 2005b).
Children learn from role models: caring, cooperative, respectful
relationships between staff members model teamwork, problem
solving, respect, and collegiality. When children see adults who
are warm, predictable, flexible, and responsive to the unique
needs of parents and colleagues, they can be warm and
responsive to each other. When adults' relationships are
positive, they set a moral tone that teaches children about
responsibility, integrity, and respect. Children learn what they
live; they follow the lead of important adults in their world
(NAEYC, 2005a, 2005b).
Teachers and caregivers also benefit when they have positive
and collegial relationships with peers. They look forward to
coming to work; they openly work together to meet the
challenging needs of the child and resolve important issues with
parents (Blair & Carter, 2012). Teachers and caregivers learn to
trust each other and to know how the other functions. They
work together as a team. However, teamwork is a delicate
balance that cannot be forced. Contrived congeniality will
backfire. A sense of community can be nurtured by focusing on
the emotional and social needs of people who work together.
Directors must structure opportunities for teachers and
caregivers to work together on projects, share resources, and
solve problems (Blair & Carter, 2012; Bloom, 1997).
CASE STUDY:
Problem Solving
A 4-year-old boy who has been in the program since he was 1
year old has been diagnosed with ADHD and a learning
disability. Child Find has recommended to the parent and
program that he be placed in a public school preschool that
serves children with developmental delays in an inclusive
setting. The director is convinced that this is the best solution to
meet all the needs of the child; the boy's mother wants him to

stay in the center.
Listen and ask open-ended questions. The parent expresses that
her son likes his teacher and that he is good friends with many
of the other children in his class, who he often sees at activities
outside of the program (such as birthday parties). She does not
want him to be removed, and feels the program can meet his
needs. She is very upset about the possibility of having him
taken out of the program.
Restate and reframe the parent's ideas. The parent wants the
child to stay in the program because he knows the teacher and
has many friends. She also believes his needs can be met in the
program.
Find common ground. Both the director and the parent want to
do what is best to meet the child's overall needs: social,
emotional, behavioral, and academic.
State your position, ideas, and feelings. The director states that
she believes the child's needs can be better met in a public
school classroom that is designed to address the needs of a child
with developmental delays. Further, she believes that his
behavior and academic struggles will take too much of the
teacher's time and attention, and will disrupt the learning
opportunities of the other children. She also feels the teacher is
not trained to work with a child with developmental delays.
Give information as appropriate. The director tells the mother
that people who work for Child Find are experts, and they
believe the new program will be best for him. Once the child is
in the program, transition to the public school kindergarten
program will be smooth, which is very important for a child
with developmental delays. Also, the public school has access
to needed community resources.

Give the parent an opportunity to respond. The mother states
that she is aware of these advantages, but she still wants her son
to attend this program. Further, she is not sure that the local
kindergarten is the best place for her child, so she will be doing
her own research on different kindergarten options.
Outline the conflict as comprising equally valid viewpoints. The
viewpoint of the director is that the child should move to the
local public preschool, because this will best meet his unique
needs. The parent's viewpoint is that the child should stay in the
existing program, because he knows the teacher and has many
friends. She also believes his other needs can be met at the
current school.
Invite, discuss, and choose possible solutions. The parent knows
a professor at the local college who can come to the program
and provide in-service training to the staff on ways to work with
children with developmental delays. She also has a friend who
can provide training on the unique needs of boys. The director
agrees that she will talk to the local school contact to find out
what services the school can provide the boy within the
program; she is also going to call the state department of
special education to determine what responsibility the school
district has.
Thank the parent and set up a time to check back in. The parent
will call the director to set up the two trainings; the director
will meet again with the parent in 4 weeks to assess how well
things are going.
Wardle, F. (2004). Why art activities are an essential part of the
curriculum. Children and Families, 15(1), p. 24. National Head
Start Association.
The Director Sets the Tone for Problem Solving
The director sets the climate for problem solving within a
program. Director-staff interactions create a prototype for all

other relationships and set the foundation for quality care and
education (Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004). A caring,
relationship-based community is created and nurtured by the
director. Directors who value community know the way they
lead on a daily basis is as important as what they achieve. A
director who values relationships, openness, and a willingness
to listen and has empathy, compassion, honesty, and strong
professional ethics provides leadership that encourages
collaboration and problem solving among staff (Blair & Carter,
2012). The director models respect and concern for his or her
staff and continually values an open atmosphere. The director
encourages everyone to work together to explore solutions to
challenges in the program and develops trusting, reciprocal
relationships with staff. This approach allows for mutual
support and problem solving—everyone is in it together, as part
of a constructive team (Blair & Carter, 2012; Bloom, 1997). Of
course, feelings do come out, and problems do arise. But, when
everyone at the program is dedicated to cooperation and
community building, problems are more manageable and easier
to address.
The effective director finds a way to balance a need to support
the staff with an ability to listen compassionately to parents'
concerns. Relationship-based directors have learned to listen to
parents and to take them seriously, without discounting staff.
Staff members trust that when addressing parent concerns, the
director will come to them for additional information and
carefully consider their perspective. Also, an effective leader
understands that a relationship-based community is not about
playing personal favorites or meeting his or her own personal
needs, but rather about creating open, honest relationships and
open channels of communication (Blair & Carter, 2012). In this
way, the director knows staff will help out if needed, and staff
members know they can go to the director if they feel
overwhelmed, frustrated, or confused.
Effective directors use the following techniques:

Act as mentors for staff, provide resources, demonstrate best
practices, and provide new perspectives to challenges and
concerns.
Allow their office to become a refuge for stressed-out teachers
and caregivers. It is also open for staff members to receive
reassurance or to sound off over their frustrations.
Maintain consistency and fairness, and do not play favorites.
While all staff members have unique personalities that must be
treated individually, they also expect—and need—to be treated
fairly.
Provide help, support, and nurturing when a staff member feels
overwhelmed. Staff should not feel embarrassed to ask directors
for help and support; directors and supervisors should be
proactive in providing the assistance staff members need.
Provide ongoing appreciation and pass on compliments from
parents and other staff. Effective leaders do not take credit
away from staff; they give credit to the team or individual staff
members. Leaders continually find ways to give credit and
praise to their staff.
Provide opportunities for staff to work together as a team,
offering choices in areas such as professional development,
leadership opportunities, and meaningful projects (Blair &
Carter, 2012).
Always support the staff and advocate for staff needs (e.g.,
training, classroom materials, better pay, and benefits) when
working with boards, community agencies, professional
associations, and political groups.
Positive relationships between staff and administration begin
when a staff person is hired. The orientation to the program and
its philosophy, discussions of program policies and procedures,
and expressions of respect and warmth are all critical. Once a
new staff person is hired, ongoing communication between the
person and the supervisor is paramount. However, this
communication cannot simply be about things the person is
doing wrong or areas where he or she needs help; it must also

include compliments as well as typical social expressions of
acknowledgement and appreciation.
Maybe the most important role for the director/administrator
when it comes to director-staff relationships is to represent the
needs of the staff fairly in working with parents, outside
organizations, and funding sources (Blair & Carter, 2012). It
does not mean that the director should automatically support the
view of the staff, but it does mean that staff members know
their needs and wants are positively represented when critical
decisions are being made (NAEYC, 2005a, 2005b).
Making Decisions within the Program
Many decisions must be made each day within an early care and
education program. Some are routine, non-emotional, and
simply pragmatic; others are fraught with feelings, emotions,
and threats to an individual's sense of personal value and
importance. The following are a few ideas to enhance healthy
problem solving within an early care and education program
(Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004; NAEYC, 2005a):
Center policies. All programs have policies—rules the program
lives by. Many of these have to do with following licensing
requirements, meeting regulations of the sponsoring agency
(e.g., Head Start, the local school district, a child-care chain),
and rules of discipline and supervision. But some have to do
with the rights, authority, and feelings of importance of
teachers, caregivers, and other staff members (Blair & Carter,
2012). Two significant areas are (1) whether teachers have the
opportunity for direct input into the program's policies and
procedures on a regular basis, and (2) whether existing policies
encourage teachers' input. For example, when changes are made
to the curriculum, daily schedule, discipline policy, or parent
involvement programs, is there a sincere effort to solicit teacher
input? Also, do policies encourage staff to resolve issues
between themselves before going to the director for help?

Individual initiative. What steps can individual staff members
take to increase positive and supportive relationships between
each other, and to increase a sense of teamwork and
collegiality? Does the program have opportunities for staff to
enjoy each other's company and work on program-related
projects together? Does the center have formal ways to
acknowledge individual staff members who do things to create
healthy relationships within the program?
Indicators of quality. National standards of quality include adult
relationships as indicators of quality in early care and education
programs (Baker & Manfredi/Petitt, 2004; NAEYC, 2005a) (see
Chapter 10 for specific program quality indicators). Some of
these indicators include the nature of parent-staff relationships,
discussed earlier in this chapter. Questions to be addressed
include (1) whether there are built-in opportunities for staff to
talk to each other and to consult with the director, (2) whether
the program has access to outside experts to support the efforts
of staff with children who have unique needs (non-English
speakers, special needs, gifted and talented), (3) whether staff
members have direct input into the kinds of training provided
and staff meeting content, and (4) whether the program has
professional relationships with community agencies (e.g., local
schools, Child Find, community health centers) that
acknowledge the program staff members as equal experts in
their field.
In Bronfenbrenner's ecological view of child development and
learning, staff members who work with children on a daily basis
need to feel competent, empowered, and significant
(Bronfenbrenner & Morris, 1994). Various quality standards
also address this important need. Staff members should be
provided with multiple opportunities to help improve the quality
of the program, especially in the areas of meeting student needs
and working with parents.
Staff members who are not listened to and are not consulted
regarding changes in the program will be less inclined to make

efforts to problem solve when difficult issues arise (Blair &
Carter, 2012).
When a staff member has an idea for a major change, addition,
or enhancement—a new curriculum for the 2-year-olds, a
diversity training for staff, a new before-and-after school
program for some of the children—he or she should be
empowered to take the lead in exploring the idea's feasibility
and practicality. The suggestion should not be simply
transferred to someone with more authority.
One of the most effective ways to empower staff is to change a
strict, hierarchical power relationship into a circle of shared
power (see Think About It: How to Empower Staff). Many
directors begin this process by including staff in changes and
decisions. The director may use small groups of staff during
naptime or after school to explore classroom changes or address
successful problem-solving strategies. Others invite staff to
come together and talk about relationships and power, while
still other directors find that a collective process of creating a
shared mission statement allows all to express their dreams,
values, and goals for the program (Blair & Carter, 2012).
Improving Program Quality
Accreditation processes, rating scales, and reviews are designed
to increase the overall quality of early care and education
programs. These evaluations can be conducted by an outside
consultant or agency, internally within the center, or, as Head
Start requires, using both procedures (U.S. HHS, 1999). The
instruments used for quality reviews and accreditation include
the Early Childhood Environmental Rating Scale (ECERS-R)
(Harms, Clifford, & Cryer, 2005), the Infant Toddler
Environmental Rating Scale (ITERS-R) (Harms, Cryer, &
Clifford, 2006), Head Start Performance Standards (U.S. HHS,
1999), and NAEYC and other formal program accreditation
instruments (NAEYC, 2005a). All of these scales include
components that address the program climate, staff-staff

interactions, and program-family relationships.
When the evaluation is a true program-wide effort, everyone
feels empowered to have a direct impact on improving program
quality. Head Start programs engage in a self-evaluation every
three years, ahead of a formal PRISM review; other programs
participate in a self-study before the formal agency team
conducts its formal review.
8.5 Children and Problem Solving
So far in this chapter, we have examined important aspects of
problem solving between adults: among parents and early care
and education staff, and within the early care and education
program. We emphasized how effective and healthy problem
solving between programs and families, and within a program,
can have a positive effect on the development and learning of
young children in a truly ecological manner (Bronfenbrenner &
Ceci, 1994; NAEYC, 2005a, 2005b). But we pointed out that the
ability to address conflicts and problem solve effectively begins
in childhood. As suggested by Siegler and Alibali (2005),
problem solving is a central part of all of our lives and provides
many of the purposes for other cognitive activities, such as
perception, attention, language, memory, and understanding.
Problem-solving skills also help people adapt to challenging
circumstances and learn to function effectively with others—
both other children and adults. Because children lack experience
and knowledge about how to respond to typical daily
challenges, they probably engage in more problem solving than
do adults (Siegler & Alibali, 2005).
We defined problem solving earlier as the ability to work out a
solution to a problem or situation, either individually or with
someone else. This means that the individual may have a
problem to address (e.g., how to put on his shoes or find a
book), or two or more people have a conflict that must be
addressed. Children at this age are learning how to make
decisions and problem solve, and how to use these skills

effectively. To this end, a central goal of early childhood
education is to teach young children how to resolve conflicts
and solve problems (NAEYC, 2005a).
The role of the teacher, caregiver, and parent is to support this
process. Problem solving with young children involves the same
processes they use to solve individual problems and conflict
with others. The more effective adults involved in the child's
life are at solving problems, the better able the child will be to
learn problem solving.
According to Siegler and Alibali (2005), problem solving can be
reduced to three components: a goal (problem to be solved), an
obstacle to achieving that goal, and a strategy or strategies to
circumvent the obstacle to achieve the goal. However, young
children use a kind of trial-and-error tinkering approach to
achieve their goals—combining reasoning, understanding,
strategies, content knowledge, other people, experiences, and
any other available resources to solve their problem.
Feelings
We must address the issue of feelings before turning to a child's
reasoning. As with adults, feelings and emotions play a
significant role in the problem solving of young children.
Problems cause feelings and emotions, and feelings and
emotions are triggered by internal or external events that send
signals to the brain (Kostelnik et al., 2009). As a result of these
signals, children respond physically to their feelings: their
heartbeats increase, their skin may sweat, and so on. These
physical changes are often accompanied by smiling, frowning,
and language (see the positive affect of play, in Johnson,
Christie, & Wardle, 2005). At the same time, children begin to
interpret the reasons for their emotions, which are based on
natural responses to a stimulus (e.g., pain or fear), past
experiences, goals, and current contexts (Lewis, 1999). In each
case, the child decides how he or she feels.

At their foundational level, emotions help children survive;
also, children will often change behaviors to adjust their
feelings—to feel good or secure (Frijda, 2006). Thus, a child
will avoid a problem that makes him or her feel like a failure or
avoid a child in the playground who usually bullies others. As
we know, many of the problem-solving challenges for young
children are social. They squabble over toys, compete for adult
attention, imitate the behavior of the popular child, and wonder
why their mother has not picked them up from day care. All of
these are problems that cause extreme feelings or emotional
responses. One of the reasons young children's emotional
responses are extreme is that they have not yet developed
emotional regulation.
Adults use social referencing to calm children's fears, warn
them against certain strangers, and encourage them to risk and
experiment. As we explained earlier, social referencing occurs
when young children look to a significant adult to learn the
appropriate response to a new situation. They respond according
to the adult's response. Unfortunately, an adult's subconscious
fears and prejudices can also affect children's behaviors through
social referencing (Bandura, 1986).
From a problem-solving perspective, it is important to help
children (1) understand the reasons for their emotional response
(e.g., why they fear a conflict with a certain child) and (2) make
the activity of problem solving a fulfilling, positive experience.
Feelings also provide the energy and motivation to do
something—to solve the problem. Because preoperational
children are so curious about the world and how it works, but
lack basic knowledge and experience, they are continually faced
with problems that confuse, anger, frustrate, and challenge
them. This can produce intense feelings (See Helping Children
Develop: Dealing With Anger). Children need to learn how to
solve the problem to reduce their intense feelings. This is where
parents, teachers, and caregivers need to support the problem-

solving process.
HELPING CHILDREN DEVELOP:
Dealing with Anger
Here are some ways to help children express their feelings
without hurting others or themselves (Gonzalez-Mena, 2009):
Accept and label the feeling. "I see how upset you are." "It
really makes you mad when he takes your truck, doesn't it?"
Redirect the energy and help the child to get it out. "Why don't
you go play outside and see if you are still mad?" "Maybe it
will help if you paint a picture about how you feel?"
Calm the energy: Soothe the chaos. "I see how upset you are.
Would you like to play with the play dough to calm down?"
"Would you like me to read your favorite book to you?" For
many children, playing with clay or water is a favorite way to
deal with anger, frustration, and confusion.
Avoid rewarding children for anger. Be careful not to reward
anger by overreacting (we discussed this problem in Chapter 7).
Reinforcement increases a behavior—in this case, the anger.
Teach problem solving. Children need to learn to solve the
problems that produce the anger, through give-and-take and
negotiations—with other children and adults.
Young Children and Reasoning
To help children problem solve, parents, teachers, and
caregivers need to understand how children behave and process
information (Berk & Winsler, 1995). One of the best ways to
teach young children is through scaffolding (Chapter 3). In
scaffolding, a central concept is the zone of proximal
development, which is a Vygotskian term for teaching the child
within the dynamic region where learning and development
takes place. It is a zone between what a child can do
independently and what the child can do with expert assistance.
This zone is determined by the child's overall development and
experience. Therefore, we should teach problem solving at each
child's developmental level. The processes adults use to

problem solve are very different from those used by young
children, because of adults' emotional regulation, cognitive
ability, experience, and reasoning skills (Kostelnik et al., 2009;
Siegler & Alibali, 2005). Two theorists we have already
discussed who can help in this process are Erikson (1963, 1981)
and Piaget (1952, 1971).
The first three of Erikson's psychosocial stages, trust versus
mistrust, autonomy versus shame and doubt, and initiative
versus guilt, must be considered when helping young children
problem solve. For example, for young infants, the need for
trust dominates their decisions. For 2-year-olds, a need for
autonomy drives many of their emotions. In Piaget's cognitive
theory, the first stage, 0 to 2 years old, is known as the
sensorimotor stage; the second stage, 2 to 7 years old, is the
preoperational stage (see Chapter 3). In the sensorimotor stage,
children cannot reason beyond simply finding the most direct
way to meet basic needs for food, comfort, and sleep, using
sensorimotor combinations to try to make sense of their small
world (Piaget, 1952). However, the preoperational child can
reason—and does a great deal!
However, preoperational reasoning is faulty. In fact, while
preoperational children can tell you why they did something, or
why they do not want to do something, the reasoning they use
makes little sense from an adult's perspective. For example,
consider the following logic of a 4-year-old: "If it doesn't break
when I drop it, it's a rock. . . . It didn't break. It must be a rock"
(Scholnick & Wing, 1995, p. 432).
The reasoning of a preoperational child makes little sense
because preschool children lack experience about the world and
how it works. Another reason preschool children do not think
logically is due to what Piaget called egocentrism—seeing
everything from the child's perspective. Preoperational children
believe the world is centered on them and their needs. Thus,

when a problem arises, the logic is to see the solution from the
child's point of view (Piaget, 1952). Preoperational children
also think by using general centrism, which is viewing all
problems from a single perspective—although this single
perspective can change. If you ask a 4-year-old to go to the
kitchen and bring back the milk and the cookies, chances are
she will return only with the cookies. However, mature problem
solving requires a person to be able to entertain several possible
solutions to the problem at the same time; young children
cannot do this, which is why most adults think that they are
very poor problem solvers.
Finally, preoperational children focus on the appearance of
things—what they look like. If you give a 5-year-old the choice
between a dime and a nickel, he probably will choose the
nickel, because it is bigger and therefore appears to the child to
be more. This is one of the reasons toys for young children are
so bright, shiny, and attractive (Copple & Bredekamp, 2009).
Encouraging Problem Solving in Children
Parents, teachers, and caregivers should encourage problem
solving in young children because, in so doing, children also
develop many cognitive and social processes, such as attention,
perception, language, memory, understanding, and learning to
play prosocially with other children (Siegler & Alibali, 2005).
Additionally, the art of problem solving provides an asset for
children, both in future schoolwork and in life. Thus, parents,
teachers, and other caregivers of young children should support,
encourage, and reward problem solving in young children.
In our discussion of moral reasoning (Chapter 7), we explored
how children develop from a sense of morality determined by
external forces (to please the adult, to avoid punishment, to
make friends) to an internalized sense of morality (Lickona,
1983; Kohlberg, 1987). By the same token, according to Kamii
and DeClark (1985), children develop from believing that

knowledge and truth are defined by what adults do and say, to
"being governed by oneself and making decisions for oneself"
(p. 45), or intellectual autonomy. Intellectual autonomy is the
opposite of following someone else's view and doing things
simply because someone told you to.
When it comes to the reasoning of preschool children,
intellectual autonomy is the child using his or her own logic
when trying to solve a problem, as opposed to simply
regurgitating the adult's view or providing the answer the adult
wants. According to Kamii and DeClark (1985), the goal of
education should be autonomy—children's own internalized
approaches to collecting information and solving problems.
However, because children's logic at this age tends to be very
faulty, significant adults need to scaffold their problem solving
carefully and sensitively. Thus, to help children develop
intellectual autonomy, teachers, caregivers, and parents should
support children's own logical thinking, as opposed to insisting
they adopt adult logic and correct ideas. Ways to do this include
the following:
Encourage children to ask questions and affirm their doing so
without becoming frustrated or annoyed. When children do ask
questions, rather than answering them, help children problem
solve the answer, but do not fixate on whether the answer is
correct or not; focus on the process.
Support the conflict and dissonance that occurs when children
problem solve, or when they attempt to problem solve with
other children or adults. Let children know that through
conflict, persistence, and tenacity comes resolution.
Avoid using assessments that focus on children's ability to
memorize answers to evaluate children's progress. Rather, use
authentic forms of assessment that can evaluate their overall
development and learning, including their ability to problem
solve.
In group activities, such as circle time and reading a book to the

class, teachers should focus on asking children problem-solving
questions, rather than simply questions that require children to
recall something from the book or from their personal
experiences. When children come up with answers, ask them
how they determined their answer (regardless of whether it is
correct).
Deeply understand (1) that young children problem solve
differently than do adults, and (2) that the answers they come
up with will probably be incorrect from an adult perspective. Do
not correct the child's reasoning and logic (Kamii & DeClark,
1985).
Model your own problem solving in front of children. Talk out
loud about the steps you are taking to solve the problem.
Express your frustrations and confusions in trying to resolve
problems, but then show how these can be resolved. Show
children that the process can be enjoyable and fulfilling: the
challenge of defining the problem, the enterprise of finding the
resources needed, and the exhilaration of solving the problem.
Congratulate children's persistence in problem solving, even
when the result is incorrect, at least from the adult's perspective
(Siegler & Alibali, 2005). When two children struggle to
resolve a conflict, congratulate them both on the willingness to
solve it and the solution they come up with.
Help children use resources to solve problems, from books and
the Internet, to other children and adults, both in the program
and in the community. Also, help children determine what they
know and what they wish to find out about a problem or
phenomenon (Rodrigues, 2010).
Understand that problems exist everywhere: "How can we make
the yellow paint brighter?" "How can I clean the sink?" "Why
won't Johnny play with me?" "How can we all clean up the
playground?" "How do I write my name?"
When teachers model problem solving to young children and
support the child's sincere and genuine efforts at problem
solving, parents and other caregivers will see the inherent value
in problem solving and in helping children in this critically

important social, cognitive, and emotional task.
Use of the RERUN Process with Children
In Chapter 5, we discussed in detail the use of the RERUN
process in solving problems between families and adults in the
early care and education programs (Gonzalez-Mena, 2009). As
you may recall, the process includes Reflect, Explain, Reason,
Understand, and Negotiate. Here is an example of how the
process could be used with a 4-year-old boy who keeps
knocking down constructions other children make in the block
area. Before starting the process, the teacher, caregiver or
parent should be sure he or she is clear about the problem and
knows exactly what outcome is desired.
Reflect. This is the feeling piece. Let the child know that you
understand and accept that he is angry and upset. Say something
like, "I understand you are upset. I realize you are doing this
because something is bothering you. I see how unhappy you are
that I have removed you from the block area."
Explain. Help the child understand the situation. "I cannot let
you destroy what the other children have made."
Reason. Give the reason for your action. "I removed you
because it's not fair to the other children to have their
constructions destroyed. They have a right to play and build
with the blocks, without you destroying them."
Understand. Tune into the feelings, both yours and the child's.
Be clear about your own feelings and those of the child.
Nothing needs to be said to the child, but your own self-talk
might be needed. Why are you upset? What is setting off the
child? Is it just the other children in the block areas? Did the
child come to school upset? Are some of the children upsetting
him—maybe saying he cannot play with them, or telling him his
constructions are not as nice as theirs?
Negotiate. Because the child can talk and reason, discuss the
problem with him. Provide options that both you and the child
can live with. Maybe he can play in the block area during the
next rotation of center; maybe he believes that so long as he

stays away from one particular child, things will not be a
problem. Perhaps, after some discussion, he will choose another
center to play in. Make sure you provide the flexibility for his
choice to be an acceptable option, and do not insist that he work
out his problem with the other children. For a young child who
cannot speak and reason, provide two acceptable choices, and
let the child choose which he prefers (Lickona, 1983). Focus on
finding a win-win solution, not on punishing the child for his
inappropriate behavior, regardless of how upset you are with the
child.
During the entire RERUN process, try to keep words to a
minimum. Young children get confused with too much
information, especially when they are upset. The negotiation
part is the only area where many words are needed, but here,
too, options and choices need to be kept simple. Sometimes
RERUN does not work immediately, so the teacher or parent
needs to return to the beginning and repeat the process
(Gonzalez-Mena, 2009).
Reference
Wardle, F. (2013). Collaboration with families and
communities [Electronic version]. Retrieved from
https://content.ashford.edu/

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