Ten steps to becoming social emotional aces-rocky top ms-parents

©2016 Sharon M Barnes, MSSW, PLLC
www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com
How Gifted Students Can Become
Social-Emotional ACES
Ten Steps to Building
Emotional Core Strength
Written & Presented By
Sharon M. Barnes, MSSW, LCSW
Therapist for Sensitive and
Gifted

Chelsea Behanna, Principal
Suzanne Strain, Office Manager

Sharon M. BarnesTherapist For Sensitive and
Gifted
MSSW – Masters of Science in Social Work, SDSU
LCSW – Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Colorado
USA
Local Counseling/Psychotherapy
Online Distance Consultation
Presentations, PlayShops & Retreats
Professional Development
Jungian-oriented depth work to:
 Release your Creativity
 Heal your Past
 Transform your Pain
 Become Fully Alive
 Find & Fulfill your True Purpose

©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com
GT Kids (of all ages)
CAN be ACES at . . .
Asynchrony
soCial Skills
Emotional
Resilience

What’s an
ACE?
Exhibit A:
o Elite baseball pitcher
o Team’s best starter
o First in the rotation
o Plays the BIG
games

What’s a Social-Emotional ACE?
Social –Emotional ACES =
“5 G’s”
1. Gain perspective (big picture)
2. Gain understanding and
acceptance of self & others
3. Gain skills to balance and
express emotions
4. Gain skills to meet own
social-emotional needs
effectively
5. Gain skills to establish and
maintain social relationships

©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.
Here’s HOW
to Develop
Emotional Core
Strength and
Become
Social-Emotional
ACES
But WHY are
Social-Emotional
Skills
SO DIFFICULT
For Gifted
Students?

Creative
Acutely Aware
Super- Sensitive
Intense, often Introverted and/or
Gifted
You? someone you know?
= CASIGY™©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

How Few of Us Are There?
Neurotypicals
HSP/SPS
Gifted
.5-
5%
80%
20%

I’m an Alien
What’s it like to be
DIFFERENT?

Something’s
WRONG with ME!
What’s it Like to be
DIFFERENT?

HERE’S THE BIG PICTURE:
A Great Tragedy
o Under –Achievement
o Alienation
o Dumbing down
o Copping out
o Dropping out
o Wasted intelligence
o Wasted talent
o Wasted lives
o Suicides of Gifted & Talented
People
o School Shootings ← GT Students

Dumbing Down Wasted Potential
 ~2005: Gifted Girls start dumbing
themselves down in middle school so
they can be accepted
 ~2015: Curriculum is now dumbed down
for all students so they can “feel good
about themselves”
 ~2016 Preschool gifted children dumb
themselves down to be accepted
A Great Tragedy

Bullying
A Great Tragedy
• By 8th grade 2/3 of gifted students have
been bullied (Purdue Univ).
• 22 – 49% of other students bullied
• WHY?
• Exceptional school performance/jealousy
• Perceived as Teacher’s pet
• Perceived as a Know-it-all
• Acceleration or Enrichment = special
privilege
• Have different interests (I.e., not football)
• Isolated (group is protection)
• Over-excitabilities/Sensitivities

Psychological
Autopsies by Jim
Delisle, PhD:
oVirginia Tech, VA
oRed Lake, MN
oLittleton, CO
oAurora , CO
oTuscon, AZ
oNewtown, CN
A Great Tragedy

Limited/No Points of
Convergence
• Family income/Backgrounds
• Prior suicidal ideation
• Ethnic heritage/race

Multiple points of convergence Social awkwardness
 Victims of frequent bullying
 Left hints of their planned shootings, mostly through social
media
 Diagnosed with anxiety or mood disorders; several on
Prozac
 Killings were well-planned, sometimes months or years in
advance
 Came to the attention of mental health professionals earlier
 Very little criminal behavior prior to shootings
 Experienced a significant loss (divorce, death, defeat) within
months of the shootings
 Engaged in repetitive viewing of violent media and were
obsessed with previous mass shootings

Universal Points of
Convergence1. Mid- or late-adolescent males.
2. All either knew their victims or were familiar with the location of
the shootings, although no direct threats were given to victims
prior to the attacks.
3. Shootings were done in retaliation for bullying and/or some
perceived transgression for an injustice they felt.
4. Fixation with death, gore and violence in their writings and/or
actions.
5. Each shooter was noted in early years as ranging from “bright” to
“highly gifted”, although their school records vary in quality.

The Scope of the Problem
United States
 Suicide is the
THIRD leading cause of
death for ages 10-24. (2013
CDC WISQARS)
 Each day there are an
average of over 5,400
attempts by young people
grades 7-12.
 4 out of 5 teens who
attempt suicide have given
clear warning signs
Colorado
 Suicide is SECOND
leading cause of death for
CO teens
 Colorado is 8th in nation
for teen suicides
o Someone dies by suicide worldwide every 16-17minutes
o 90% of suicide victims have a treatable mental illness or
substance abuse disorder
o Suicide is the most preventable form of death
o 40% of suicide victims have alcohol or drugs in blood
o Several Colorado gifted students have committed suicide in
recent years
©2016 Sharon M Barnes, MSSW, PLLC ∙ www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

Myths About SuicidePeople who talk about suicide won’t really do it
Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be
crazy
If a person is determined to kill themselves,
nothing will stop them
People who want to commit suicide won’t
accept help
Talking about suicide may give someone the
idea
Unsuccessful attempts minimize future
attempts©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

Warning Signs
 Plans are made or attempts to secure the means for
suicide
 Talking about suicide plans
 Scratching, cutting or marking the body
 Increased risk-taking behaviors (running away, driving
recklessly, etc.)
 Alcohol or drug use
 Neglect of appearance
 Marked personality or behavior change
 Persistent boredom, inability to concentrate
 Decline of quality of school work
 Verbal hints, “I won’t be here much longer”
 Giving away possessions
 Becoming suddenly very cheerful after a period of
prolonged depression

What to Do
Take any suicidal thought or suicide threat
seriously
Stay with them 24/7 until you are sure they are
safe.
Report the situation NOW to your
psychotherapist, teacher, counselor, principal or
local law enforcement.
Use Safe2Tell 877-542-SAFE (7233) or Text-A-Tip.
If there is an immediate threat, call 911
or go to the nearest emergency room

CNS responses in children with Sensory Processing
Disorder:
o 5 – 10 times AS MUCH response
o 5-10 times AS FAST a response
No SPD? Consider this . . . . .
What if you have 2-3 times AS MUCH a CNS response
or 2-3 times AS FAST a CNS response as Neurotypicals?
Source: Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller, PhD, OTR

Gifted Students
Need Mascots too!

CASIGYs’
Mascots
*Different*
o ridiculed
o excluded
o shunned
o shamed
o ostracized
o banished into
exile©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com
Sigg
y
Casi

Meet Casi & Siggy
 You may know of their famous uncle
 You haven’t met Casi or Siggy … or their
cousins (yet)
 These things often run in families
 CASIGYs often feel isolated
 There’s really many of us . . . You’re not
alone
Siggy
Casi
Meg
Reggie

because of . . .

LATER …
Their uncle returned from
exile and saved the day . . .
for the (global) community

Also
because of . .
.

What’s
YOURS?

• 2• 3
• 1• 4
Return
Red
Nose:
MisFit
OutcastExile
CASIGY Cycle of Discouragement
The
Hero &
Heroine’
s
Journey

Being Different & Gifted
is not proof of your inferiority;
Instead, it is an engraved invitation to the
Hero’s and Heroine’s Journey

The Mythical Hero’s &
Heroine’s Journey

CASIGYs ─
You’re NOT
Defective;
You’re
Different …
by Design!

• 2• 3
• 1• 4
Creative
Contri-
bution
Creative
Coping
Creative
Healing
Creative
Transfor-
mation
CASIGY Cycle of Encouragement
The
Hero’s &
Heroine’
s
Journey

Foundation Stone 2: Who am I & Where am I in this picture?

There’s (at least) 3 Kinds of
Gifted Students
Superstars
Strivers
Independents
Source: Gifted GrownUps
By MaryLou Kelly Stresnewski

Join the Magical MisFits
?

BE WEIRD!
Says Graham Moore,
Oscar-winning screen writer

Preparation for
the Journey
Multi-Purpose
Tool:

What is the most powerful, yet
hidden tool that parents and
teachers have that will help
CASIGY kids and teens become
Social-Emotional ACES?
 Modeling / Monkey-See, Monkey-Do
It’s the most natural way we all
learn
Kids do what we DO, not what we
SAY
It takes one to know one
You can't lead someone where you
are not willing or able to go
 Implication:
Use these tools for yourself
FIRST
THEN you can pass them along©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.
Foundation Stone 3: Monkey-See─Monkey-Do

Emotions are like Ocean Waves
o natural phenomenon
o energy
o don’t ask permission
o respond to the weather, moon & earth’s movement
o Our 1st reaction is to
o When we fight them,
o Learn to READ them
o Learn to RIDE them
FIGHT THEM
WE LOSE
We can stay SAFE
We can have FUN

12 Barriers to Feeling Our Emotions

1. DON’T
FEEL!
oDon't feel sad
oDon't feel mad
oDon't feel bad
oDon't feel too
glad/happy
oDon’t feel
__________

Emotional Volcanoes

Have You Had This
at Home or School?
Emotional Icebergs

We’re Afraid the Dam will
BURST

GREEN Flag = Small waves = ALL
CLEAR
ORANGE Flag = Medium waves = CAUTION
RED Flag = Big waves = DANGER
BLACK Flag = Tsunami = GET OFF THE
BEACH
PURPLE Flag = Something’s in the water
= BEWARE
What Color Flag is flying on Your Inner

CASIGY™ Tool #1
 First
 Best
 Last
 Use anywhere
 Use anytime
BREATHE
www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com/
Resources/
CASIGY Tool Box/
Relaxation Breathing Exercises

Release
your
emotions
(To save the dam,
open a flue)

www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com/
Resources/
CASIGY Tool Box/
CASIGY TNT (Tune-iN-Tool)

“I’ve decided to outsource my emotional
needs” ©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.
5. What do I need? How can I meet this need?

How do I interpret this event or situation?
o What’s my first take on what it means?
o Things are not always as they seem –
does it REALLY mean this?
o What else might it mean?

CASIGYs
Often Believe:
“I’m Different,
therefore
something’s wrong
with me; I’m
Defective, Inferior,
and Inadequate”

Dabrowski’s Theory of
Positive Disintegration
o Emotions influence personality development
o Intelligence is not a sufficient condition for human
development
o Experience of negative emotions is essential for
advanced psychological development.
o Therefore the goal of therapy is not to eliminate negative
emotions
o When individuals are on the path of development,
negative emotions are essential companions
o Negative emotions may break apart lower levels of
development and thus prepare us for higher levels of
development
o Therefore having negative emotions may be a
harbinger of further development

 Most people can stay undeveloped psychically
with no particularly negative consequences for
themselves
 They are unconscious and are perfectly happy
being unconscious.
 They give lots of other people trouble and pain,
but they are not pained because of their
unconsciousness.
 Many (especially CASIGYs) DO have a great
NEED to develop to a deeper, higher, broader
level.
 They develop symptoms (neuroses) that haunt
them unless and until they become more and
more conscious and more developed
psychologically.
 Like those who MUST explore new physical
territory (California or BUST), they MUST
individuate.
 Tragically, they most often misinterpret the
meaning of their symptoms, AKA neuroses.
 They need to understand that their symptoms
are signs of an INVITATION WITH AN
IMPERATIVE TO GROW & DEVELOP FURTHER.

Sources
 Elaine Aron, PhD. The Highly Sensitive Person.
 Elaine Aron, PhD. The Highly Sensitive Child
 Campbell, Joseph. Hero with a Thousand Faces
 Jung, C.G., MD. Two Essays on Analytical Psychology.
 Sal Mendaglio, PhD. Dabrowski's Theory of Positive
Disintegration
 James T. Webb, PhD. Searching for Meaning. Idealism, Bright
Minds, Disillusionment, and Hope
 James T. Webb, PhD and Edward R. Amend, PhD.
Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and
Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger's, Depression

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