Bullying Audrey Harry

Parkside Psychological Associates,
LLC
Slides are property of Parkside Psychological Associates, LLC

2
Introduction to Bullying
Helping the Child who is the Target of
Bullying
Helping the Child who Bullies
Empowering Bystanders to Be Upstanders
Fostering Resilience

3
• Conflict vs Bullying
• Forms of Bullying
• The 3 Roles In
Bullying
• Labels

What is Bullying?
4
Bullying is…
• Unwanted, aggressive behavior
• that involves a real or perceived
power imbalance
• behavior is repeated, or has the
potential to be repeated, over time
Some kids describe bullying as, ”When someone tries to make you
feel bad about yourself.”
StopBullying.gov

Conflict VS Bullying
5
Conflict is a disagreement or
argument in which BOTH sides
share their views.
VS
Bullying is done with a goal to hurt,
harm, or humiliate.
There is NO MUTUAL participation
in the disagreement.
pacer.org/bullying

When it’s Bullying Conflict Resolution is Inappropriate
Response
6
Conflict Resolution
Message:
“BOTH children are
partly right and party
wrong.”
“We need to work out
the conflict between the
TWO of you.”
Bullying Message:
“Bullying is wrong, and
NO ONE deserve to be
bullied.”
“We are going to do
everything we can to
STOP it.”
pacer.org/bullying

Advice Gone Wrong
7
Parent : “It’s a part of growing up.”
Youth: When I talk with you about bullying, it doesn’t help
when you tell me that I will grow out of this…that it
happens to everyone…that it wouldn’t happen if I Just
stood up for myself. I’m telling you because I can’t handle
this myself. “
pacer.org/bullying

Forms of Bullying
8
Verbal
Bullying
Physical
Bullying
Emotional/Social
Bullying
Sexual
Bullying
Cyber Bullying
StopBullying.gov

Verbal Bullying
9
Verbal Bullying is the most common form
of bullying and the easiest to inflict on
others.
• Examples:
• Name calling
• Making threats against the target
• Intimidating
• Making demeaning jokes about
someone’s differences
• Slandering (spreading false,
negative information)
StopBullying.gov

Physical Bullying
10
Physical Bullying is the easiest to
recognize and most visible form of
bullying.
• Examples:
• Hitting
• Kicking
• Pushing
• Taking or damaging property
• Forced or unwelcomed contact
StopBullying.gov

Emotional/ Social Bullying
11
Emotional/Social Bullying is the most
sophisticated and calculated form of
bullying. It is also the hardest form for a
child to identify.
• Examples:
• Exclusion
• Social Manipulation
• Telling someone who they can
and cannot be friends with
• Spreading rumors
• Humiliation
StopBullying.gov

Sexual Bullying
12
Sexual Bullying is the most difficult
type for parents and children to talk
about.
• Examples:
• Sexually charged comments
• Inappropriate or lewd glances
• Inappropriate physical touch
• Targeted sexual jokes.
StopBullying.gov

Cyber Bullying
13
Cyber Bullying is when the internet, cell
phones or other devices are used to send or post
text or images intended to hurt or embarrass
another person.
Examples:
• Sending harassing, embarrassing, or
otherwise unwelcome emails or text
messages
• Threats
• Sexual harassment
• Hate speech
• Ridiculing someone publicly in online forums
• Posting lies, rumors, or gossip about the
target and encouraging others to distribute
that information.
StopBullying.gov

Advice Gone Wrong
14
Parent : “Just get along.”
Youth: Telling us to just be nice and stop bullying
may work for some teens, but for the ones who
really need the message, It’s just not that simple.
Kids bully for lots of reasons; some do it to feel
powerful, others because they are being bullied.
This isn’t just a one-solution problem.
pacer.org/bullying

The 3 Roles
15
Children who Bully
Children who are the Targets
of Bullying
Children who Witness Bullying
pacer.org/bullying

Bullying and Labels
16
“Despite common portrayals of someone who bullies as big,
tough boys or mean, popular girls, anyone can bully-
because bullying is about BEHAVIORS, not labels.”
aplatformforgood.org

The Problem with LABELS
17
When teachers, children, parents and other
adults label a child as a “bully” that sends a
message that they can’t change their bullying
behavior, that everyone expects them to always
be a “bully”.
Expectations are powerful forces on a child’s
behavior.

Bullying and Labels- Power of
Language
18
“...the power of language can have unintended consequences.”
Let’s make the change.....
Bully The child who bullied another
child/student.
Victim The child who was bullied or
targeted

19
• Warning Signs My Child is Being
Bullied
• Impact of Bullying on Child Well-
being
• Who’s Most at Risk?
• Why Kids Don’t Tell
• So What’s a Parent To Do (and Not
Do!) if you suspect your child is being
bullied?
• How To Protect Against and Respond
to Cyber Bullying

Advice Gone Wrong
20
Parent : “Just ignore them?.”
Youth: Adults tell us that all the time. Do your
problems go away by ignoring them? Your annoying
boss? Bills? I wish I could ignore my homework and it
would just go away. Enough said. Don’t shut me out. I
need your help.
pacer.org/bullying

Warning Signs Your Child
May Be the Target of
Bullying
21
Be on the lookout if your child…
1. Comes home from school with torn or dirty
clothing or damaged books.
2. Has cuts, bruises, or scratches.
3. Has few, if any, friends or playmates.
4. Seems afraid to go to school.
5. Complains about headaches or stomach
pains.
6. Does not sleep well or has bad dreams.
7. Seems sad, depressed, or moody.
8. Is quiet, sensitive or passive.
pacer.org/bullying

Impact
22
Education
• School avoidance
• Decrease in grades
• Inability to concentrate
• Loss of interest in academic
achievement
• Increase in dropout rates
Health
• Headaches and
stomachaches
• Sleeping problems
• Low self-esteem
• Increased fear or anxiety
• Depression
• Post-traumatic stress
Safety
• Self-isolation
• Increased aggression
• Self-harm and suicidal
ideation
• Feeling of alienation at school
• Fear of other students

Advice Gone Wrong
23
Parent : “Hit’em back.”
Youth: Fighting? That’s your answer? The last kid
at school who tried that ended up suspended for
three days.
pacer.org/bullying

Who’s at Risk?
24
1. Anyone can be Bullied.
2. There is no typical
profile.
3. HOWEVER there are
some common
characteristics.
pacer.org/bullying

Which Children are
Most at Risk?
25
Children who…
1. Struggle with the ability to defend themselves.
2. Are believed to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.
3. Are overweight or have other medical challenges (seizures,
food allergies, etc).
4. Have learning disabilities or physical disabilities.
5. Appear to be intellectual or introverts.
6. Wear clothing, have hairstyles or engage is some form of
self-expression that is seen as different from the norm.
7. Have few or no close friends.
8. Avoid being noticed.
9. Have less developed social skills.
10. Have difficulties communicating and reading social cues,
especially non-verbal cues. (Autism Spectrum).
pacer.org/bullying

26

Reasons Kids Don’t Tell
27
• Only 1 in 10 targets of cyberbullying report
telling their parents (no Bullying, 2016).
• Bullying can make a child feel helpless.
• Kids may fear backlash from the kid who
bullied them.
• Bullying can be a humiliating experience.
• Kids who are bullied may already feel socially
isolated.
• Kids may fear that adults will take over and
make the situation worse.
pacer.org/bullying

Actions to Avoid
28
Don’t tell your child to ignore the
bullying.
Don’t blame your child for being bullied.
Don’t encourage your child to harm or to “get
back at” the person who is bullying them.
Don’t contact the student or the
parents of the student who bullied
your child.
Don’t demand or expect a solution right
away.
pacer.org/bullying

What To Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Being
Bullied
29
• Talk with your child to find out what
happened and get the facts
• Listen to, empathize with and
support your child
• Develop solutions together
• Report the matter to school
officials
• Cooperate with school staff
• Document ongoing bullying
• Stay alert to other problems
pacer.org/bullying

What To Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Being Cyber
Bullied
30
Do NOT reply
SAVE all evidence related to the
cyberbullying.
If it happened at school or carries into
the school day, CONTACT a school
administrator.
FILE an abuse complaint with the
website.
DON”T BAN your child from using
technology.
connectsafely.org

What To Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Being Cyber
Bullied
31
connectsafely.org

32
What if your child is the one
who’s bullying other kids?
• Characteristics of Kids who
Bully
• How to Help a Child who
Bullies

33

34
Those that
bully tend
to….
Be quick to blame others.
Lack empathy, compassion, and understanding for other’s
feelings.
Be bullied themselves.
Have underdeveloped social skills in some areas.
Want to be in control.
Be angry, frustrated, anxious, or depressed.
Find themselves trying to fit in with a peer group that
encourages bullying.
pacer.org/bullying

35
1. Power and Control
2. Peer Attention
3. Learned Behaviors and
Indifferent Attitudes
towards Bullying
4. Bias Issue
5. They’ve Been the
Target of Bullying,
Violence
Possible Reasons
pacer.org/bullying

How To Help
The Child
Who Is
Bullying
Slides are property of Parkside Psychological
Associates, LLC 36
Calmly and thoroughly discuss the problem.
Clearly state your disapproval and develop clear consistent
rules and consequences.
Spend time with your child and know their activities.
Encourage your child’s talents and positive attributes.
Work closely with the school.
Get counseling or other assistance for your child.
Help your child connect with other youth who show positive
behaviors.
pacer.org/bullying

37
•Bystanders vs
Upstanders
•Why Kids Are
Hesitant to
Intervene
•Teaching Our Kids
to be Upstanders!!

BYSTANDERS
38
Bystanders can also be affected by bullying. They may feel guilty about
their own inaction, may feel unsafe at school, and can also be at increased
risk for depression, anxiety, drug abuse, and absenteeism from school.
pacer.org/bullying

Let’s Be UPSTANDERS
39
Teach your Children to be
“Upstanders” rather than
Bystanders.
Bystanders are people who:
• Watch Bullying
• Do nothing
• Say nothing
• Send message to the
bully that bullying is ok.
Upstanders are people who:
• Take Some Helpful
Action
pacer.org/bullying

What Kids tell Us About Why they
Don’t Intervene
40
• Fear of retaliation and being bullied themselves
• Fear of losing social status
• They aren’t friends with the target of bullying
• Lack of knowledge about individuals involved in the
incident, and whether they perceived someone to be
right or wrong in the situation
• They don’t believe teachers or school staff will address
the bullying or they believe that telling adults will only
make the situation worse
• They don’t know what to do to intervene or address
bullying (But Parents Can Teach Them!!)
pacer.org/bullying

UPSTANDER Actions: Teach
Your Child:
41
• Don’t laugh or encourage bullying in any
way
• Help the target of the bullying get away
• Don’t give the child who’s bullying
attention and support by watching
• Reach out to the child who was bullied
in friendship
• Let them know it wasn’t their fault and
they didn’t deserve to be bullied
• Tell an adult
• Only take actions that are safe. If in public
can tell the child who’s bullying to “Stop”,
deflect with humor, verbally support child
being targeted
pacer.org/bullying

42
When children
intervene 57% of
the time bullying is
STOPPED within
10 SECONDS.
pacer.org/bullying

Key Websites
43
pacer.org/bullyin
g
https://www.stopbullying.gov/
https://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-24.pdf

Bullying Audrey Harry

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