Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety Kerrie Hayes-Williams & Mark Woolley Catholic Education Off...
Some Myths <ul><li>‘ I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ He’ll just have to learn to stand up ...
Australian Research Results  (Ken Rigby, 2006) <ul><li>1:6 is bullied on a weekly basis </li></ul><ul><li>More frequent in...
‘ Bullying and harassment happens when people  deliberately  and  repeatedly   use and abuse their power to hurt, annoy, t...
Bullying includes: Social banter hurtful teasing pushing and shoving malicious gossip racist comments exclusion extortion ...
Family Bullying <ul><li>Occurs when a person in a family  uses their power to control those with less power  in ways that ...
Normal Peer Conflict Bullying Equal power between friends Imbalance  or power between friends Individuals often play toget...
Ratting vs… <ul><li>Ratting is a child telling about another to get them into …   </li></ul>TROUBLE
… Reporting <ul><li>Reporting occurs to protect one’s  </li></ul>SAFETY
Bullying and Coercion Teasing, Harassing Tolerance consideration Caring,  Supportive Positive Home Environment Negative  H...
Girls Bullying  Boys Bullying <ul><li>Starts in year 1-2 </li></ul><ul><li>Typically use ‘put-downs’ </li></ul><ul><li>Usu...
Victim  Profile <ul><li>Generally tend to lack friends and social support </li></ul><ul><li>More cautious, sensitive, quie...
Possible signs of bullying <ul><li>Not wanting to go to school </li></ul><ul><li>Avoiding certain activities </li></ul><ul...
Persistent bullying can result in: <ul><li>Anxiety and depression </li></ul><ul><li>Low self-esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Shyn...
A typical bully is a person who:  <ul><li>Values power and the rewards aggression bring </li></ul><ul><li>Has a desire to ...
Eyes:  red, teary, weepy,  narrowed, looking down or away Face:  white, red,  tense muscles Lips:  tight or mouth open Hea...
Impact on the Bully <ul><li>Learned behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Becomes a ‘way of life’ </li></ul><ul><li>Limited social s...
Impact on Bystanders <ul><li>Lowered self-esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Loss of control </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling of powerlessn...
What stops children? <ul><li>Common urge at times that can involve: </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A sense of shame (motivation...
Steps to Help Your Child. . .  <ul><li>Listen . . . </li></ul><ul><li>Talk to your child about why some people act like bu...
Faulty beliefs/ attitudes to change <ul><li>I’m not good enough </li></ul><ul><li>Being different is bad </li></ul><ul><li...
Thinking (Self-Talk) Positive Negative Feeling (Emotions) Behaviour (Actions)
I’ll just keep paddling and eventually  someone will come to help me I’ll never get help, I’m tired and I can’t do this an...
The Secrets of Relating for Children <ul><li>Secret 1:  Understand why you are bullied </li></ul><ul><li>Secret 2:  Build ...
Bullying and Coercion Teasing, Harassing Tolerance consideration Caring,  Supportive Positive Home Environment Negative  H...
Safe environments <ul><li>Everyone should be treated with respect. </li></ul><ul><li>Children need to be held accountable ...
Talking with staff at St. Therese <ul><li>List what happened. </li></ul><ul><li>Be clear and firm about the suffering </li...
Together we can  make a difference
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Bullying and Harassment

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A presentation by Kerrie Hayes-Williams, Education Officer Pastoral Care to the parents of St Therese Catholic Primary School West Wollongong

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  • I hope schools take great actions in resolving so many bullying issues left unheard. I am a parent and I'm worried and I don't want that any kid to experience this. As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who still find it quite hard to manage issues like this, I found this great application which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. Check it here: http://www.SafeKidZone.com/
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  • Bullying and Harassment

    1. 1. Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety Kerrie Hayes-Williams & Mark Woolley Catholic Education Office Diocese of Wollongong 25 th March, 2009
    2. 2. Some Myths <ul><li>‘ I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Tell him to hit back – harder’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ It’s character building’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Sticks and stones . . . .’ </li></ul><ul><li>‘ That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.’ </li></ul>
    3. 3. Australian Research Results (Ken Rigby, 2006) <ul><li>1:6 is bullied on a weekly basis </li></ul><ul><li>More frequent in primary school for both genders peaking in years 4/5 </li></ul><ul><li>Reports of lack of support, isolation, absenteeism (1:5 boys, 1:4 girls) , feeling unsafe </li></ul><ul><li>Health consequences – perceived or real </li></ul>
    4. 4. ‘ Bullying and harassment happens when people deliberately and repeatedly use and abuse their power to hurt, annoy, torment or put down other people they see as weaker or smaller What is bullying??
    5. 5. Bullying includes: Social banter hurtful teasing pushing and shoving malicious gossip racist comments exclusion extortion phone and internet abuse sexual harassment damage to property physical violence use of weapons criminal acts verbal threats stalking cyberbullying
    6. 6. Family Bullying <ul><li>Occurs when a person in a family uses their power to control those with less power in ways that are threatening and abusive. </li></ul><ul><li>It includes: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>spouse/partner abuse, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>child abuse and neglect, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>parent abuse by adolescents, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>sibling threats and aggression, and </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>abuse of older adults by caregivers </li></ul></ul>
    7. 7. Normal Peer Conflict Bullying Equal power between friends Imbalance or power between friends Individuals often play together Individuals rarely play together Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions Accidental On purpose Not serious Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm Equal emotional reactions Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or no emotional reaction from bully Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material things Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things/power Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – blame victim Effort to solve problem No effort to solve problem
    8. 8. Ratting vs… <ul><li>Ratting is a child telling about another to get them into … </li></ul>TROUBLE
    9. 9. … Reporting <ul><li>Reporting occurs to protect one’s </li></ul>SAFETY
    10. 10. Bullying and Coercion Teasing, Harassing Tolerance consideration Caring, Supportive Positive Home Environment Negative Home Environment Creating Caring, Connected and Safe Homes <ul><li>Teach social skills </li></ul><ul><li>Cooperative learning experiences </li></ul><ul><li>No ‘put-down’ zones </li></ul><ul><li>Develop empathy for others </li></ul><ul><li>What happens when . . . </li></ul><ul><li>Expectations/consequences </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities for ‘healing the </li></ul><ul><li>harm’ done to others </li></ul><ul><li>Restore relationships </li></ul>
    11. 11. Girls Bullying Boys Bullying <ul><li>Starts in year 1-2 </li></ul><ul><li>Typically use ‘put-downs’ </li></ul><ul><li>Usually about clothing, hair, or overall appearance </li></ul><ul><li>Years 3-4 tactics change </li></ul><ul><li>Isolation from group </li></ul><ul><li>Promise of inclusion for favours </li></ul><ul><li>Cliques or groups taunt or harass at recess or lunch </li></ul><ul><li>Years 5-6 situation worse </li></ul><ul><li>Intimidating or threatening notes warning of things to happen </li></ul><ul><li>Gossiping and spreading damaging and embarrassing stories commonplace </li></ul><ul><li>Typically use physical aggression or by threatening to use it </li></ul><ul><li>Quick jab, push or shove, elbow or knee or head thrust into a wall or locker </li></ul><ul><li>Whatever it is – hurts and over quickly before anyone sees. </li></ul><ul><li>Size and strength is intimidating </li></ul><ul><li>Create fear and a present threat of harm from physical abuse </li></ul><ul><li>Boys see bullies as large, strong and powerful </li></ul><ul><li>Can peak in year 4/5 </li></ul>
    12. 12. Victim Profile <ul><li>Generally tend to lack friends and social support </li></ul><ul><li>More cautious, sensitive, quiet and non-aggressive </li></ul><ul><li>Often lack confidence in their abilities </li></ul><ul><li>If a boy –tend to be smaller and physically weaker </li></ul><ul><li>Considered by others as ‘different’ </li></ul>
    13. 13. Possible signs of bullying <ul><li>Not wanting to go to school </li></ul><ul><li>Avoiding certain activities </li></ul><ul><li>Cuts and bruises </li></ul><ul><li>Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Losing’ lunch money </li></ul><ul><li>Falling out with previous friends </li></ul><ul><li>Being moody and bad tempered </li></ul><ul><li>Being quiet and withdrawn </li></ul><ul><li>Refusing to talk about what happens at school </li></ul><ul><li>Loss of appetite, bedwetting </li></ul><ul><li>Aggression with brothers and sisters </li></ul><ul><li>Doing less well at schoolwork </li></ul><ul><li>Insomnia, anxiety </li></ul><ul><li>Talking about not having friends </li></ul>
    14. 14. Persistent bullying can result in: <ul><li>Anxiety and depression </li></ul><ul><li>Low self-esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Shyness or lack of confidence </li></ul><ul><li>Humiliation & mental anguish </li></ul><ul><li>Poor concentration </li></ul><ul><li>Poor academic achievement </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance or absenteeism </li></ul><ul><li>Rejection and isolation </li></ul><ul><li>Thoughts, threats or attempts of self-harm or suicide </li></ul>
    15. 15. A typical bully is a person who: <ul><li>Values power and the rewards aggression bring </li></ul><ul><li>Has a desire to hurt and expressed in action </li></ul><ul><li>Someone is hurt </li></ul><ul><li>Lacks compassion and empathy for others </li></ul><ul><li>Lacks guilt for his or her actions </li></ul><ul><li>Believes it is OK to treat others in a cruel fashion </li></ul><ul><li>Likes to dominate and be in charge </li></ul><ul><li>Thinks it’s OK to be abusive in order to get something </li></ul><ul><li>Avoids adults and plays/spends time out of adult sight </li></ul><ul><li>Is verbally convincing </li></ul><ul><li>Projects problems onto others </li></ul><ul><li>Enjoys the interaction </li></ul>
    16. 16. Eyes: red, teary, weepy, narrowed, looking down or away Face: white, red, tense muscles Lips: tight or mouth open Head: down Shoulders: slumped, bent over, pulled back Voice: very quiet, angry, Upset, muffled, a grunt Body movements: Frozen, stuck, paralysed, rigid, fidgeting, walking away Verbal retaliation: blabbering, criticising back, blaming Feelings demonstrated : fear, anger, hurt, hate, embarrassment, teariness Demeanour: doing Nothing or being powerless The Bully’s Target (HO)
    17. 17. Impact on the Bully <ul><li>Learned behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Becomes a ‘way of life’ </li></ul><ul><li>Limited social skills </li></ul><ul><li>Poor relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Higher chance of juvenile delinquency </li></ul><ul><li>More likely to turn to criminal activity as adult </li></ul><ul><li>Escalated aggression </li></ul><ul><li>Suffer higher rates of depression </li></ul><ul><li>As adults treat their own children in a dominating and emotionally abusive manner </li></ul><ul><li>Acts as role models for their children </li></ul>
    18. 18. Impact on Bystanders <ul><li>Lowered self-esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Loss of control </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling of powerlessness </li></ul><ul><li>Often scared and isolated </li></ul>‘ He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it’ 
 (Martin Luther King)
    19. 19. What stops children? <ul><li>Common urge at times that can involve: </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A sense of shame (motivational force) </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Worry about parents’ reactions/disapproval </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Concerned about the peers judgments </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>It is not cool in their group </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Witnessing the pain and hurt of victims </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Learning social and emotional skills for managing relationships </li></ul></ul></ul>
    20. 20. Steps to Help Your Child. . . <ul><li>Listen . . . </li></ul><ul><li>Talk to your child about why some people act like bullies/victims </li></ul><ul><li>Empower and teach your child to be part of the solution </li></ul><ul><li>Build resilience & interpersonal skills (communication skills, conflict resolution & encourage friendships) </li></ul><ul><li>Focus developing attitudes ( unprejudiced, cooperation, empathy, resisting negative group pressure, self-acceptance </li></ul><ul><li>Work collaboratively with school to solve it </li></ul>
    21. 21. Faulty beliefs/ attitudes to change <ul><li>I’m not good enough </li></ul><ul><li>Being different is bad </li></ul><ul><li>I am to blame </li></ul><ul><li>I have the right to be sensitive </li></ul><ul><li>I can’t accept the truth </li></ul><ul><li>I can do it my own way </li></ul><ul><li>People should be fair </li></ul><ul><li>Nothing works </li></ul><ul><li>No-one can help </li></ul><ul><li>I think it is a waste of time </li></ul>
    22. 22. Thinking (Self-Talk) Positive Negative Feeling (Emotions) Behaviour (Actions)
    23. 23. I’ll just keep paddling and eventually someone will come to help me I’ll never get help, I’m tired and I can’t do this anymore!
    24. 24. The Secrets of Relating for Children <ul><li>Secret 1: Understand why you are bullied </li></ul><ul><li>Secret 2: Build your self-esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Secret 3: Become a confident communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Secret 4: Create your own ‘power pack’ </li></ul><ul><li>Secret 5: Develop a support network </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul>
    25. 25. Bullying and Coercion Teasing, Harassing Tolerance consideration Caring, Supportive Positive Home Environment Negative Home Environment Creating Caring, Connected and Safe Homes <ul><li>Teach social skills </li></ul><ul><li>Cooperative learning experiences </li></ul><ul><li>No ‘put-down’ zones </li></ul><ul><li>Develop empathy for others </li></ul><ul><li>What happens when . . . </li></ul><ul><li>Expectations/consequences </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities for ‘healing the </li></ul><ul><li>harm’ done to others </li></ul><ul><li>Restore relationships </li></ul>
    26. 26. Safe environments <ul><li>Everyone should be treated with respect. </li></ul><ul><li>Children need to be held accountable and responsible for their actions. </li></ul><ul><li>When actions occur that affect safety, quick intervention is needed. </li></ul><ul><li>We must work together to stay on target! </li></ul>
    27. 27. Talking with staff at St. Therese <ul><li>List what happened. </li></ul><ul><li>Be clear and firm about the suffering </li></ul><ul><li>Be prepared to name the bully </li></ul><ul><li>If persists – WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN </li></ul><ul><li>Follow school policy and procedures </li></ul><ul><li>Collaborate with school on a plan of action </li></ul><ul><li>Keep in contact until bullying or harassing stops </li></ul>
    28. 28. Together we can make a difference

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