Bullying is a serious problem that can have lethal consequences, such as teen suicide. Bullying involves abusive behavior where one or more students physically or psychologically intimidate another student, causing the victim to feel isolated. Victims of bullying often experience depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety that affects their school performance and social development. Left unaddressed, bullying can even lead to suicide in some cases. Parents and teachers need to be aware of the signs of bullying and intervene to address the problem before it causes lasting harm to students.

1. Death in the schoolyard – the lethal consequences of bullying
By Janine Shamos
It is known that depression is the cause of most teen suicide but what
causes depression in teens? Psychologists believe that some people
have a genetic tendency towards depression while others develop
depression due to external environmental factors. Bullying is one of
these factors. And it’s on the increase. More frightening is we tell our
children to expect it – and accept it – because “boys will be boys”.
Imagine sitting at work, minding your own business and suddenly
being hit over the head. Imagine sitting on your lunch hour, eating
your lunch quietly… without warning you are knocked from your
chair, your lunch splatters as your head hits the ground, you feel blow
after blow raining down on your head, your face, your body. Imagine
being told if you say anything or complain you will be killed… Hard to
imagine isn’t it yet this is the reality for many of our children everyday
at school.
Bullying is abusive behaviour by one or more learners against a
victim. It can be a direct physical attack like teasing, taunting, hitting,
punching and stealing or it can be more subtle and malicious through
gossiping, spreading rumours and intentional exclusion. The result is
the victim becomes socially rejected and isolated. Physical or
psychological intimidation creates an ongoing pattern of harassment
and abuse - the vicious cycle of bullying.
Learners typically don’t tell adults about being bullied as they feel that
intervention is infrequent and inconsistent and will only make matters
worse. Also many children feel that teachers and parents see bullying
as a harmless rite of passage that is best ignored, as it will pass
naturally. This is not so. It takes a special type of person to
intentionally cause pain to others. “Bullying is not a problem that
sorts itself out naturally”, says the South African Depression and
Anxiety Group. “The line between boys being boys gets blurred when a
child is intentionally targeted, when a playground slap turns to a
punch”, says Helen Rozkydal, a primary school educator and
counsellor. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime and cause a great
deal of pain and misery.
Children and teens who are bullied feel anxious, tense and afraid. It
affects their concentration at school and results in a drop in school
performance. “Bullying affects the victim’s self-esteem and feelings of
self-worth”, says Johannesburg-based psychologist Dr Colinda Linde,
“Teens may start to withdraw socially and become depressed. Some
may take weapons to school for protection or consider suicide as the
only escape”. Research has shown that even years after being bullied,

2. past victims have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem
that other adults.
Suicide caused by the effects of bullying has become such a problem
in Europe and the United States that there is now a word for it –
“bullycide”. “The reality is that others took Brandon’s life long before
he ended his pain”, says Cathy whose son Brandon committed suicide
after being repeatedly bullied, “Brandon fought a valiant battle,
enduring all these things - until he lost all hope”. A mother whose 16-
year-old son committed suicide said, “If only he could have spoken to
me, to a teacher, someone … Your pain might be over but ours will
haunt us forever. We could have helped – we would have helped”.
Teen suicide is on the increase in South Africa with suicide
accounting for 9% of all teen deaths. We know that children and teens
are reluctant to approach adults for help so it’s up to teachers and
parents to speak to them first. Bullying is a covert underground
activity in a kids-only world. All too often adults are not aware of what
is happening under their very noses. “Parents and teachers need to
ask their children how they are treated by peers and spread the word
that bullying is bad for bullies”, says SADAG’s Shamos. Don’t expect
kids to work it out for themselves – and never tell a victim to fight
back because they really usually are weaker and smaller.
The victims are generally quieter than other children and tend to be
socially incompetent loners. “The victims avoid conflict at all costs and
have no practice in dealing with conflict so they panic”, says Shamos.
Victims are submissive – even before they are attacked, which may
increase their chances of victimization. While no-one likes a bully, no-
one likes a victim either. Victims make other children uncomfortable
and this further isolates them amongst their peers. This social
isolation may be more damaging that the physical bullying and these
children tend to become depressed, anxious and avoidant. Most
damaging is the fact that these “whipping boys” internalize the
negative views other children have of them. Rozkydal observes that
these children usually blame themselves for the bullying. Parents may
observe changes in their children like loss of appetite, changes in
sleeping habits, crying, stomachaches and not wanting to go to
school. These symptoms could be cause for concern in any child and
parents should contact the South African Depression and Anxiety
Group on (011) 262 6396.
SADAG, through its Teen Suicide Prevention Programme “Suicide
Shouldn’t be a Secret”, has seen the effects of bullying in both victims
and perpetrators. “There are huge costs for both sides”, says Janine
Shamos of SADAG, “Kids who are aggressive in childhood carry that
aggression into adulthood”. SADAG has seen the proof, time and time
again, that bullies don’t just harm others, they harm themselves.

3. “The only difference between a terrorist and a bully is in the organised
planning or cause of the activity, and the scale of the terror”, says
Cathy. To a bullied child, the terms are interchangeable. Bullying is
often a sign that these children are heading for serious trouble and
are at risk for violence and law breaking. Bullies are more likely to
engage in delinquent behaviour like vandalism, shoplifting and drug
use into adulthood and are four times more likely to be convicted of
crimes by the age of 24. 60% of bullies have at least one criminal
conviction. Bullies get what they want – but not what they need.
“Bullies are angry and have a need to be powerful and in control.
Controlling others makes them feel better about themselves”, says
Shamos, “They need to be shown constructive ways to deal with their
frustration”. According to Bully Online, an anti-bullying site in the
United Kingdom, the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy and
childhood bullied often grow into adult bullies who are unable to
accept responsibility for their behaviour.
Many schools have anti-bullying policies in place – find out about
them and act on them – good intentions are not enough. SADAG also
offers workshops to educators, parents and learners about bullying
and what can be done. It takes a lot for a child to admit to being
bullied so take allegations seriously. “Children who are bullied, as well
as the bullies themselves, experience real suffering that can interfere
with their social and emotional development as well as their school
performance”, says Dr Linde, “It’s time for bullying to be brought into
the light”. Too many children have been destroyed by bullying.
In the final words of one 13-year-old boy who hanged himself due to
incessant bullying: “Monday: my money was taken; Tuesday: names
called; Wednesday: my uniform ripped; Thursday: my body pouring
with blood; Friday: it’s ended; Saturday: freedom”. He was dead on
Sunday.
The bully:
 Refusal (not inability) to think rationally
about themselves and others
 Small scale terrorist
 Behaviour mostly during school time
 Enjoys enforcing power over others
 Enjoys causing fear
 Over-bearing person who tyrannises the
non-violent and physically weak
 Rules by intimidation and terror
 Threatens, or acts, violence
 Calls assault a ‘fight’, ‘disagreement’,
‘justice’
 Name-calling, teasing, racial remarks
 Spreading rumours
 Not letting child join in activities
 Hitting, punching, tripping, kicking
 Taking or ruining their belongings
 Nasty looks, intimidating them

4. What parents can do:
 Be open to the possibility that your child may be
being bullied
 If you suspect something may be wrong - ask
 Listen to your child
 Take him/her seriously
 Never blame the child – it is not their fault
 Reassure them they were right in telling you
 Don’t promise to keep it a secret
 Discuss practical ways to solve the problem
 Teach self-confidence, assertiveness and social
skills
 Enrol kids in extra mural activities to help them
widen their social circle
 Encourage family discussion rather than just
watching tv
 Never expect kids to work it out on their own
 Talk to teachers and other parents – if there’s one
bullied kid, there will be others.