By asking, “How do I respond to expectations?” you can gain critical insight. We all face both outer expectations (work deadlines) and inner expectations (New Year’s resolutions). Our response to expectations determines whether we’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework helps us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively with other people.

1. The Four Tendencies

2. Discover your tendency
Happiercast.com/quiz

3. Expectations
Outer Expectations – placed on us by other people
Inner Expectations – expectations we place on ourselves

5. Upholder
•Readily meet external and internal
expectations
•Self-directed, require little
supervision
•Enjoy routine and may have
trouble adjusting to a break in
routine or sudden schedule
change

6. Upholder
• Hate to make mistakes, so may become defensive at the suggestion
that they’ve dropped the ball
• Put a high value on follow through
• Forget that others aren’t necessarily comforted or energized by
getting things done
• Trouble delegating responsibilities

7. Upholder
Likely Strengths
• Self-starter/self-motivated
• Reliable
• Thorough
• Stick to a schedule
• Eager to understand and meet
expectations
Possible Weaknesses
• Defensive
• Rigid
• Struggles with plan changes
• May seem cold or uptight
• Impatient
• Demanding
• Anxious about rules

8. Questioner
• Question all expectations and meet them
only when they believe they are justified
• High value on reason, research, and
information
• Make decisions based on information and
reason
• Follow the advice of “authorities” only if
they trust their expertise
• Persistently ask questions

9. Questioner
• Hates anything arbitrary (5 garments per fitting room)
• Dislike being questioned themselves, because they have considered
their actions/decisions so carefully already
• Trouble delegating decision making

10. Questioner
Likely Strengths
• Data-driven
• Fair-minded
• Creates efficient systems
• Comfortable with warranted
confrontation
• Inner-directed
• Unwilling to accept authority
without justification
Possible Weaknesses
• Analysis-paralysis
• Impatient with complacency
• Crackpot potential
• Unable to accept closure
• May refuse to observe fair or
nonoptional expectations
• May resist answering others
questions

11. • Readily meet outer expectations but
struggle with inner expecations
• Place a high value on meeting commitments
to others
• Succeed when given accountability, with
supervision, deadlines, monitoring, etc.
• Have trouble setting limits on others’
demands
• May have trouble delegating, because they
feel expectations attach to them personally
Obliger

12. Obliger
• Must have systems of external
accountability in order to meet inner
expectations
• May be exploited by people who take
advantage of them, leading to
resentment or burnout
• Need managers or others to alleviate
expectations, or they may rebel

13. Obliger
Likely Strengths
• Good boss, responsive leader,
team player
• Feels great obligation to meet
others’ expectations
• Responsible
• Willing to the extra mile
• Responds to outer accountability
Possible Weaknesses
• Susceptible to overwork and
burnout
• May show destructive pattern
“Obliger-rebellion”
• Exploitable
• May become resentful
• Has trouble saying no or
imposing limits

14. Rebel
• Resist both outer and inner expectations
• Put a high value on freedom, choice,
identity, and self-expression
• Resist being told or asked to do something
• May choose to act out of love, mission, or
belief in cause
• Trouble telling themselves what to do, even
when they want to do it

15. Rebel
• Meet a challenge, in their own way, in their
own time
• Don’t respond well to supervision, advice or
directions
• Tend to be good at delegating

16. Rebel
Likely Strengths
• Independent-minded
• Able to think outside the box
• Not swayed by conventional
wisdom
• Willing to go his or her own way
• In touch with authentic desires
• Spontaneous
Possible Weaknesses
• Uncooperative
• Inconsiderate
• Trouble accomplishing routine
tasks
• Acts as though ordinary rules
don’t apply
• Restless
• Struggles with routines

17. Influence
• Upholders want to know what should be done
• Questioners want justification
• Obligers need accountability
• Rebels want freedom to do it their own way

18. Connecting All Four
Information – Consequences – Choice

19. Conclusion
• Questions
• Best Practices
• Action Plan