Expecting the best

1. EXPECTATIONS
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EXPECTING THE BEST
SUNDAY AM LADIES CLASS

4. EXPECTATIONS……
• Critical to be discerning where we place our
expectations
• Expectations come from what we are used to,
our family growing up or our own
personalities.
• Not always correct because of flaws in our
logic
• Form automatically without conscious effort
• They impact other people

6. Key Signs of Unrealistic Expectations
• You feel stressed and upset when things
don’t go as planned or the routine
deviates
• You find plenty to criticize in yourself
and others.
• You fixate on small details and find it
very important to get everything right.

7. Key Signs of Unrealistic Expectations
• When things go wrong, even in minor
ways, you feel let down and frustrated
• You have specific visions and find it
difficult to accept other possible
outcomes
• When others don’t fall in line with your
plans, you feel irritated and resentful.

8. Communicate
Openness and
Honesty is the
key
We all fail
ourselves and
others at times
We should be
able to admit
when we are
wrong
Don’t base
expectations on
mere assumptions
but truth
Discussion of what
our expectations are
and what others
expectations are is
important

9. And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not
what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
Luke 23:34

10. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not
irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at
Wrong doing but rejoices with the
truth. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7

11. 2 kinds of Expectations
Inner
Expectations
Outer
Expectations

13. Upholder
Responds readily to
both outer and
inner expectations
Questioners
Questions all
expectations, respond
only to inner
expectations
Obligers
Respond readily to
outer expectations
but struggle with
inner
Rebels
Resists all
expectations, outer
and inner

15. How do you get a ____________ to change a lightbulb?
Upholder:
She’s already
changed it
Questioner
Why do we need
that lightbulb
anyway?
Obliger
Ask him to
change it
Rebel
Do it yourself

16. UPHOLDER
Strengths
• Meets deadlines and keeps
resolutions
• Wants to do what others expect of
them
• Loves schedules and routines
• Easily forms habits
• Self-directed
• Intrigued by rules
• Count on yourself
• Commitment driven
• Meeting inner and outer expectations
doesn’t make them feel trapped
• Makes you feel creative and free
Weakness
• Fearless campaigner for justice
• Compelled to observe rules
• Can become impatient and even
disdainful
• Expects others to uphold same
demands
• Difficult to delegate
• Resists holding others accountable
• Uneasy about change
• Can sometimes seem cold and
inflexible
• Tough to change plans at the last
minute

17. QUESTIONER
Strengths
• Deep commitment to information,
logic and efficiency
• Gather their own facts to decide
• Meets an expectation only if they
endorse it
• What needs to get done today and
why?
• Self directed
• Crucial that is seems reasonable and
justified
• Can add tremendous value to
relationships
• Puzzled by others willingness to act
Weakness
• Refuse to meet when not justified
• Constant questioning is tiresome
• Can sometimes be annoying and
disrespectful
• Rules seem arbitrary or
inefficient
• Suffers from analysis-paralysis
• Unable to accept closure on
matters
• Refuse to observe expectations
that others find fair or at least
nonoptional

18. OBLIGER
Strengths
• Struggles with inner expectations
• Respond to external accountability
• Meet deadlines and keep promises
• Struggle to follow through for
themselves
• Creating accountability
• Rock of the world
• Answer the midnight call, they
volunteer, they help out
• Excel at meeting other peoples
demands
• Universal partner
Weakness
• Needs outer accountability
• Struggle to self motivate
• Promises made to yourself can
be broken
• If the burden of outer
expectations becomes too
heavy, they may show Obliger-
rebellion

19. REBEL
Strengths
• Resists all expectations
• Want to do what they want to
do in their own way
• Acts from a sense of choice,
freedom and self expression
• Resists control
• Not persuaded by persuasion
• Ability to choose
• Enjoy meeting challenges in
their own way
• Best asset is their voice of
dissent
Weakness
• Often frustrate others
• Very likely to resist
• Uncooperative
• Inconsiderate
• Acts as though ordinary rules
don’t apply
• Struggles with routines and
planning

20. • There is no best or worst
tendency
• Happy: harness the strengths
and counteract the weakness
• We can be more tolerant of
others behavior
• Persuade, encourage and
avoid conflict
• Communication: speak the
right language
• Must reach people through
their tendency, no our own

23. EVANGELISTIC EFFORTS
• Upholder: someone who will readily accept
what is being taught; easy to explain the gospel
plan
• Questioner: questions everything you say to
them as they justify what you are saying and
what they are seeing

24. EVANGELISTIC EFFORTS
• Obliger: Will accept the gospel plan but might
have a hard time committing to personal study
and learning more.
• Rebel: the hardest convert unless you make it
their idea.