How to talk to anyone and make them like you handout 200804

How to talk to anyone
and make them like you

Gustaaf.Vocking@power2improve.com
Gustaaf Vocking MBA MSc
Ø Econometrics MSc
Ø Bachelor Information Sciences
Ø Psychology and post Doc didactiek
Ø Executive MBA
Ø Entrepreneur from the age of 15
Ø Management Coach/Consultant/Trainer
Ø Leaderschip/Communication/Brain skills
Ø Managers/Professionals/Experts
Ø Europa & USA
Ø Sales > EUR 15 mio
Ø >15.000 people helped

Advisory Coaching
Training/
workshop
Inspiration session Execution
About Power2Improve
Your power to improve yourself

Frist impressions
DUO up:
ü What is your first impression of
the other?
ü Guess and share

First impressions on a first date…

A good first impression
1. Smile
2. Hands next to the body
3. Open posture
4. Slightly bent knees
5. Two feeth
6. Hipwidth
7. Be friendly
8. Non-verbal
9. Dynamic

Start a conversation with a stranger
Ø Find someone you don’t know
Ø Strike up a conversation
Ø When I give the signal…
Ø Move on to the next new person

How to start a conversation with anyone?
Ø Don’t
q Wait.
q Fidget.
q Stare.
Ø Do
q Smile
q Flash your eyebrows
q Tilt head
q Find common ground
q Get & remember their name(s)
Ø Say: ‘Hi!’
Ø Ask: ‘What brought you here?’
Ø Ask some more…
Ø …and move to statements

Improve your voice: resonance
ü Body = your sound box
ü Volume = breath support & resonance
1. Belly breath to carry your voice
2. Keep your head straight (up)
3. Speak from the front of your mouth
4. Use your whole sound box

Improve your voice: belly breathing
1. Put hand just below your navel.
2. Breath out actively: contract lower abs.
3. Beath in passively: relax your abs.
Ø First as an exercise in itself.
Ø Then as an exercise during the daily activities.
Ø Then during workouts and sports.

Improve your voice: projection
ü Appropriate volume (adjustment)
ü Prevent stressing your vocal cords
1. Visualise your voice dropping to
the ground, over the floor up to
the listener(s) ears. (Like a bowling
ball)
2. Check via you audience and via
recording(s).

Improve your voice: articulation
ü Makes listening easier.
ü Lowers your speech rate.
1. Practice by reading our loud.
2. Train by holding a cork (or similar)
between your teeth.
3. Check via recordings.

Opname
Persoonlijk programma
Gevoel
Relatie
Inhoud
Proces
ü Objectieve check.
1. Zoek voorbeelden (sprekers radio/tv)
2. Neem jezelf op (voorlezen, uit ‘t hoofd).
3. Beluister positief kritisch.
4. Werk aan één ding tegelijk.

Keys to making people like you
Make them feel good
Ø Show sincere interest
Ø Connect
Ø ask questions
Ø listen actively
Ø follow up questions
Ø (Empathic) statements
Ø Story tell

Beating shyness
1. Find the reason
2. Identify trigger(s)
3. Social situation desensitization
4. Prepare & inform yourself
5. Do make eye contact
6. Do smile
7. Record & celebrate success
8. Be self compassionate
https://youtu.be/XWxfp_GcQ74

Shortcuts to Beating shyness
q Affirmations
q Power pose
q Pattern interruption
q Feel the fear… and do it anyway
q Create something stronger

Empathic statements
Fact + Empathy
Ø You’re from [Country], it must be a challenge
being in a foreign land.
Ø So you like to workout, I don’t know how you
can make the time for that.
Ø You look angry, I can imagine that [situation]
gets to you.
Ø You’re super busy today, I don’t know how you
handle it.
Ø You play the [instrument], it must be
wonderful to express yourself like that/it must
have required a lot of practice.

Friendship formula
𝐹𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 = 𝑝 + 𝑓 + 𝑑 + 𝑖
1. Proximity
2. Frequency
3. Duration
4. Intensity

Appreciative approach
Good already
What&how can
be improved

A good conversation
1. Sincere interest
2. Listen
3. Be personal
4. Admit mistakes
5. Show respect

Observing Behavior

Body language

Body language: base line

Observing the body: what to look out for
Limbs
üArms & Legs
üHands & Feet
Voice
üTonality
üSpeed
Face
üBrows
üEyes
üNose
üMouth

Body language: Clusters

Body language: Dynamics

What the basics teach you…

Body language: context

Body language: normality

Body language: consistency

Body language: Posture

Spotting a Liar
Spotting a Liar

Catching a liar

Catch the liar

Catch the liar
1. Father 2. Girlfriend 3. Cop

Body language: Positioning

Inspiration and home work you will like

Micro expressions

Inspiration and home work you’ll like

Not just a TV Show

Asking the right questions
ü Ask without answer in mind
ü Listen and observe
ü Ask to find the right question
ü Ask one question at a time

Asking the right questions
ü Open question: requires
a long answer, usually
involves someone’s
opinion.
ü Closed question: can be
answered in a brief way,
such as ‘yes’, ‘no’, ’blue’
or ‘high’.
Open questions
Closed
questions
Yes/no
questions

Open questions

1. Make your body as big as possible.
2. Take as much space as possible.
3. Stretch out your arms and make
fists.
4. Turn the bottom of your arms up
with clenched fists.
5. Pull your arms to your flanks as
powerful as possible and yell:
'Oeh!'.
Your Power Pose
How to Feel Like Wonder (Wo)man <2 min.

Read our blog post and watch this video
http://bit.ly/p2i-bodylanguage
Amy Cuddy: ‘Your
body language shapes
who you are.’

Questions? Ask your trainer
Gustaaf Vocking MSc MBA
@GustaafVocking
GustaafVocking
06 33 04 26 19
http://eepurl.com/oqBqv

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