2. The initial problem of the screenplay comes in the form of
character development. As this is very much a character study,
focused heavily on putting the audience into the shoes of the
main character, it is crucial for this aspect of the film to be
communicated across effectively. There is a lack of action from
the character that would inform us of any deeper motivations
and goals, whether they are inner or outer. An additional scene
of would not only help with that, but also balance out the tempo
and progression of scenes, as in it’s current state the transitions
between individual scenes are very sudden. In certain instances,
that is intentional, as it better portrays the main character’s
psychological state of mind. Nevertheless, that’s something that
can get easily jarring and turns into factors that bring nothing to
the story nor character, besides simply being a distraction.
ACTION IS CHARACTER.
Film is behaviour. We can know a lot about characters by how they react
and behave, in certain situations. Pictures, or images, reveal different
aspects of character… Character is expressed in who they are, by their
actions, reactions and creative choices. Characterisation, on the other
hand, is expressed in their taste and how they look at the world.
- Syd Field (taken from the book “Screenplay, The Foundations of
Screenwriting”)
3. As previously mentioned, the structure of the narrative feels
very fragmented. This results in the film not flowing as well and
instead seeming as individual scenes, the juxtaposition of
which not necessarily being motivated by any beat or otherwise
relevant theme present in the story. The best way of
approaching the solution to this problem, in my opinion at least,
is to create an outline of all the key themes being explored and
see if there’s any sort of correlation to be found anywhere.
The implementation of flashbacks is one that I’ve personally
never been a fan of, as it feels lazy and relatively unoriginal.
For that reason I’ve made the decision to instead replace them
with surreal vision that the character has. They serve the exact
same purpose, and though there may those who would say that
the sense of intimacy that flashbacks otherwise bring with
themselves are lost, I’d argue that this digs deeper into the
human psyche. Managing to tap into the subconscious part of
our mind, showing our deepest, darkest and yet purest
thoughts
It’s placement there makes the most sense structure wise, but
most importantly needs to introduce a keep piece of information
which will play a more important role later on. Then again the
build of tension that this provides could begin earlier on.
4. The scene that ties up the entire film in a circular narrative
structure doesn’t make sense as it lacks piece of information
that hasn’t been properly introduced in a previous scene.
Nevertheless, even without this, it manages to bring the story full
circle and answers the question of how the lead character ended
up in this situation.
It could additionally be argued that there is a lack of motive
present in the film, causing the it the plot to feel aimless. As
much as this may be true, it’s certainly not something I want go
back on completely and instead explore that constant search for
something that we all experience at one point or another in our
lives. More specifically, attempting to find the meaning not of not
on only the world and yourself, but also your place of belonging.
The sense of being lost is otherwise one that should echo
through the film much more, primarily through composition and
lighting.
The final scene would work better and pack much stronger of a
punch if only the emotional connection, or in this case
detachment, were built up more effectively throughout. As the
idea of him being so hopeless that even after his presumed
death, he is willing to die a second time for her, is very profound.
