Elizabeth Alo is a Managing Partner of Vitalwork, a 22-year old local consulting company that specializes in organizational and workforce development. Elizabeth has a penchant for the link between desired business results and the corresponding quality of interactions among senior leaders, managers in the middle and customer-facing front-line employees. For eight years she has consulted with leaders in supporting themselves and employees to take on new ways of thinking and acting in times of change that optimize personal and group power, influence, and, most importantly, results. These measurable changes in behaviors are foundational to the achievement of goals and strategic objectives within the companies Elizabeth has consulted and facilitated developmental workshops. Come hear Elizabeth as she speaks on the importance of handling Crucial Conversations well as a vital step in executing successful strategies and projects.

1. Crucial Conversations
Guest Speaker:
Elizabeth Alo
September 14, 2011
© International Institute of Business Analysis™

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4. Critical Business Analyst
Competency
Elizabeth Alo
Managing Partner – Vitalwork, Inc.
© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

5. Introduction to Vitalwork
We are a Learning and Development firm
based in Rochester, NY that has been working
for over 22 years in the Change Management
arena with organizations that are in transition.
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

6. Chief Engagement Officer
• Facilitating conversations where business
and technology requirements are gathered,
vetted, tested, debated, prioritized, fallen on
the sword for…
• …is no small potatoes
• As the Chief Engagement Officer,
– What are you doing?
– Who are you being?
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

7. Engagement
Resistant Compliant Engaged
• Bad • Whatever • Great
• Don’t agree • Wait and see • On board
• Nothing in it • Neutral • Something in it
for me, the • Need for me, the
team, or the team, or the
company company
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• Duty • Choice
© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

8. “Conversations” are Your Tools
• Each of us conducts our work inside a web of
“conversations”
• When there are “signs” that certain conversations
are not welcome or safe, discretionary effort,
initiative, and engagement plummet.
• When people feel at odds or not communicating
openly with each other, the “shut down” is on.
Compliance replaces creativity, passion and
initiative.
• Your job gets even harder
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

9. The Real Problem
• The problem is not that these breakdowns exist
at all, or that they are even commonplace.
• In fact, these problems are inevitable in any
business scenario
• The real problem is that those who see these
problems don’t effectively confront and resolve
them, to successfully conduct the “right”
conversation because they don’t know how.
• What would you like to improve?
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

10. Three Elements of a Crucial
Conversation
Crucial
Conversations
High Stakes
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

11. Definition of Dialogue
Free flow of clear meaning between two or
more parties in an environment of mutual
purpose and mutual respect.
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

12. Goals of Dialogue
• Advance an issue towards resolution
• Learn about the other party’s perspective
• Enhance the working relationship by
building trust
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

13. Eight Principles
• Get unstuck
• Start with heart
Conditions
• Learn to look
• Make it safe
• Master my
stories
Skills
• STATE my path
• Explore others’
paths
• Move to action Implementation
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

14. 1. Get Unstuck
How to spot conversations that are keeping you from
what you want
• Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are
crucial conversations keeping you there
– “Stuck” is the same as “not getting the results you
want”
– Where are you stuck?
• Backtrack from poor results to determine the
specific crucial conversation that applies
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

15. Specific Crucial Conversations Types
• Content
– A one time incident
• Pattern
– Several occurrences of the same incident
• Relationship
– When the pattern begins to raise questions in your
mind about trust and/or intention
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

16. 2. Start with Heart
How to stay focused on what you really want
• Work on me first
– Change in heart - admit that you’re the person to initiate
this conversation and know that there really is nothing
wrong, just something not working.
• Focus on what you really want
– For yourself, for others and for the relationship. Behave
as if you really do.
• Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
– Move from “or” to “and” thinking.
• “I wonder how I can achieve______ AND avoid
_____?”
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

17. 3. Learn to Look
How to notice when safety is at risk
• For when a conversation turns crucial
– Physical, emotional and behavioral signs
• For signs that safety is at risk
– Silence: Masking, Avoiding, Withdrawing
– Violence: Controlling, Labeling, Attacking
• For your own style under stress
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

18. 4. Make It Safe
How to make it safe to talk about almost anything
• When safety is missing, it is futile to continue
talking about the content at hand
• Step out of the content and restore safety
• Restore safety:
– Apologize – when appropriate “I am sorry if this is
upsetting to you.”
– Contrast – Don’t/Do statement that avoids
misunderstanding and clarifies intention
– Create Mutual Purpose – move to a higher and longer
term goal that satisfy both parties “We are in this
together.”
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

19. 5. Master My Stories
How to stay in dialogue when you are angry, scared or hurt
• Separate facts from stories
– See/Hear – Tell a story – Feel – Act
• Watch for three clever stories
– Victim: It is not my fault
– Villain: It’s all your fault
– Helpless: There is nothing else that I can do
• Tell the rest of the story
– Victim: “What is my role in the problem?”
– Villain: “Why would a reasonable, rational, decent
person do this?”
– Helpless: “What should I do right now to move toward
19 what I want?”
© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

20. 6. STATE My Path
How to speak persuasively not abrasively
S = share your facts
T = tell your story
What
A = ask for others’ path
T = talk tentatively
E = encourage testing How
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

21. 7. Explore Others’ Paths
How to listen when others’ blow up or clam up
• Ask to get things rolling
• Mirror to confirm feelings
• Paraphrase to acknowledge their story
• Prime when you’re getting nowhere
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

22. 8. Move to Action
How to turn Crucial Conversations into action and results
• Agree on who will do what, by when, and
what follow-up action will be taken. Then
follow up.
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

23. Questions
Crucial Conversations
The power of your people to change your
business one conversation at a time.
For additional questions contact Elizabeth Alo
elizabeth@vitalwork.com
(585) 425-0301 ext. 21
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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.