Learn essential communications techniques to express yourself powerfully and to stop undermining yourself in business. Delivered by Michelle Villalobos, Personal Branding Strategist and Trainer, for Miami Dade College.

1. COMMUNICATE
POWERFULLY
(TO GET THINGS DONE)
with
Michelle Villalobos
(vee - ya - low - bos)

2. About me...
Background

4. the feminist/research
scientist years
the other
“Madonna” years
the “Madonna” years

5. Intentions
for today

6. A brief trip back in time...
why we are the way we are

7. v
v
v v v

8. Survival
Of
The
Fittest

9. “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in
the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at
least twice as fast as that!” – Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass

11. Competition
Caveman (& cavewoman) Style

13. women =
less expendable
= non-violent
competition

14. Specialization

15. “male” “female”
decisive nurturing
commanding communicating
controlling reconciling
. .
. .
. .

16. Socialization, AKA:
“Now, now, girls, play nice...”

20. v s. Woman
Humility
Modesty
Shyness
Constraint
Coyness |Demureness
Meekness | Unpretentious
Diffidence | Humbleness
Inhibition | Innocence
Reserve | Quietness
Purity | Timidity
Self-effacing
Quiet
Bashfulness
Sweet
Helpful Gentle
Nice Caring
Kind Calm

21. Fact:
“Women who adopt a
masculine, ‘alpha-
female’ approach in the
office earn more [and
get promoted more] than
than their more passive
female colleagues.”
– Businessweek, July 2010

22. on the bright side...
the
“feminization”
of leadership

23. •always needs to win •never needs to win
•doesn’t listen •only listens
•doesn’t trust •too trusting
•loud •quiet
•talks very fast •talks very slowly

24. “assertive”
•Don’t always win, but handles •Decisive & action-oriented
situations effectively •Consistent
•Is an “Active Listener” •Uses direct eye contact
•States expectations •Has a varied rate of speech
•Sets boundaries •Uses “I prefer” or “I’d rather”
•Considers others feelings •Asks: “What are my options?”
•States observations without “What are the alternatives?”
labels or judgments •Negotiates, bargains, trades off,
•Expresses self directly, compromises
honestly, and quickly about •Confronts problems as they
issues & wants arise
•Confident, trusts self and •Doesn’t bottle up negative
others feelings
•Open, flexible, versatile •Feels well-understood

25. “assertive”

26. 12 Steps To
Striking The Balance

27. #1. Identify blind spots

28. - people won’t disagree with you
- (or) you get into lots of arguments
- people often leave you angry or upset
- you raise your voice a lot
- they act passive around you
- you speak loud and fast
- you interrupt
- you are impolite
- you often hear that you’re rude
- you are intimidating

29. - you don’t share your thoughts/needs
- you feel resentful
- you’re not getting what you deserve
- you’re overly polite
- you apologize a lot
- you back down from debates
- you avoid conflict at all costs
- people take advantage of you
- you can’t say no

30. #2. Body language & image

31. what do you
notice?

32. what do you
notice?

39. 1

40. 1

42. 2

43. 1

44. First impressions
• Eye contact
• Body language
social is the new •
•
Clothes
Neatness
business •
•
Expression
Attitude
• “Props”
• Greeting/handshake
• Striking up rapport
5
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

45. To watch out for:
• Distribution of eye contact
social is the new •
•
Arms/hands/fidgeting
“Resting face”
business •
•
Smile-talking
Personal space / proximity
• Leaning in
• Other people around you
5
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

46. 1

47. 1

48. 1

49. 1

50. 1

51. 1

59. #3 Learn To Read Personalities
social isExercise in
the new
“Preferences”
business
5
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

61. (“formal” style) (“informal” style)
(“dominant” style)
DIRECTORS PROMOTERS
rubies sapphires
(“passive” style)
ANALYZERS NURTURERS
emeralds pearls

62. Director

63. 1
Director (fast, formal)
• Speaks strongly & confidently
• Listens less & talks more
social is the new
• Can seem aggressive or impatient
business
• Thinks out loud
• Makes strong statements like:
- “Let's get this settled right now.”
- “What's the bottom line?”
- “Get to the point.”
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

64. Promoter

65. Promoter (fast, informal)
• Outgoing & highly social
• “People person”
social is the new
• Persuasive, instead of authoritative
business
• Can seem less formal, more casual
• Thinks out loud
• Makes statements like:
- “Just give me the gist of the plan”
- “Let’s not worry about details yet”
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

66. Analyzer

67. Analyzer (calm, formal)
• Measured & careful
• Detail-oriented & task-oriented
• Reliable social is the new
business
• Ask “logical” questions
• Seems deep in thought when listening
• Make statements like:
- “Now let’s look at this logically”
- “Let's take this step-by-step, step 1...
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

68. Nurturer

69. 1
Nurturer (calm, informal)
• Sensitive & empathetic
• Supportive & helpful
social is the new
• Ask “feeling” questions
business
• Seems concerned/caring when listening
• Makes statements like:
- “I'd like to take this slow, is that OK?”
- “Can we do this together until I get
the feel for it?”
Copyright 2007- 2009 Michelle Villalobos, Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

70. (“formal” style) (“informal” style)
(“dominant” style)
DIRECTORS PROMOTERS
rubies sapphires
(“passive” style)
ANALYZERS NURTURERS
emeralds pearls

71. rubies sapphires
DIRECTORS PROMOTERS
emeralds pearls
ANALYZERS NURTURERS

72. rubies sapphires
DIRECTORS PROMOTERS
emeralds pearls
ANALYZERS NURTURERS

73. # 4.
what you
say & how
you say it

74. expressing disagreement

75. do you ask for
permission to
speak up?
Can I ask a question?
I just want to add one thing
Would you mind if I said
something?
I have an idea I’d like to
share, if you don’t mind
May I add something?

76. blames you for issues childish
that aren’t yours
often leads to
“psychobabble”
(i.e., “feel,”
“think,”
“believe”)
“I” not effective
leadership (it’s
not about you)
takes focus off the facts
* How To Say It For Women
Phyllis Mindell, Ed.D.

77. “blah, blah, blah...”
“Be in the moment...
“present...” “The Secret...”
“The Law of Attraction”
“psychobabble”
rambling & “I feeeeel...”
nervous chatter
and... and... and...
“I’m suuuuch an Aquarius (giggle)”

78. “you”

79. “feel”

80. (k)notty words
can not
could not
should not
do not
would not
rephrase with
what you DO want
or WILL do

81. verbal filler
instead of: try:
“um” ...pausing
“you know” ...rhetorical question
“ahhh” ...dramatic pause
“like” ...drop altogether

82. only
just
you know
really
in my opinion
sort of
kind of
apparently
I’m not an expert, but
I may not be qualified, but
but
maybe
I guess

83. “the job is too complex for the time given”
_____
“I don’t have _____ time ________ that _
____enough ____to complete____job”
“nice job on closing that deal”
_________________________
“I like the way you closed that deal”
“who was supposed to clean up?”
______________________cleaned__
“I noticed that the office wasn’t _____ up”
“our team will do a great job on this project”
________about _________
“I feel good ____ this project”
* Adapted From How To Say It For Women
Phyllis Mindell, Ed.D.

84. strong words vs.
weak words

85. “to be”
___ I lead
I am (was, will be...) ___________
__ the leader of a team
I am
You o sversee
You are (were, will be) You ____ _________ sale
__ are responsible for sales
__ We manage
We are (were, will be) __
We are the _____
_____managers of...
They helped
They are (were, will be) ____
They were helping the __
_________kids...

86. effective action verbs...
Achieve Fulfill Maximized Rank
Advance Forecast Mediated Update
Conduct Generate Motivate Redesign Target
Consult Gain Negotiate Reengineer Teach/
Commit Gather Obtain Reorganize Taught
Coordinate Head Operate Represent Test
Develop Host Organize Restructure Train
Deliver Identify Originate Revise Transform
Design Implement Oversee Safeguard Transcend
Define Improve Participate Secure Unify
Devote Improvise Perform Specify Upgrade
Earn Influence Pioneer Spearhead Utilize
Enhance Launch Plan Standardize Validate
Evaluate Lead Prepare Strengthen Value
Examine Lobby Present Structure Write
Extend Maintain Promote Suggest
Facilitate Manage Publish Supersede
Formulate Marketed Pursue Supervise

87. volume, tone,
tempo & inflection

88. which is preferable?
lower higher
slower vs faster
louder softer

91. #5. compel attention

92. Learn to say “shut up” (politely)
Excuse me
Please allow me to finish...
I’m not finished
I’m not quite finished...
Please hold any comments until I’m done
Please hold your questions until the end
Just a moment...
Interruptions break my train of thought,
please allow me to finish... *Phyllis Mindel, PhD
How To Say It For Women

93. passion trumps perfection

95. #6. Effective writing
• use bullets
• anticipate & offer choices
• use “if so” or “if not” construction
• if it’s emotional, call or email always
• use a meaningful subject line
• use shortcuts (EOM, NRN)

96. subject lines
x Important! Read Immediately!!
x Hola!
x Following-up
x The file you requested.
"Confirmed for Tuesday but need to change
location to Starbucks” EOM (end of
message)

97. #7. practice saying

98. #8.
Sarcasm &
other
passive-
aggressive
behavior

100. “Thanks for doing “Everything is great. Just
such a great job. perfect.”
Really, thanks.
“It’s not like you do anything anyways
“Whatever you say.”

101. the
fake smile...
(the real one too)
•we often use to “soften”
•men can’t read well
•smiling when angry
•passive aggressive

102. • be solution-oriented
• address sarcasm straight-up
“was that meant sarcastically?”
• ask for alternate behavior
• use active listening to uncover
the real issue (ask!)
• talk about that (honestly)

103. Dealing with
difficult situations
share

105. #9.
ask for what you want

106. 3

108. Share

109. #10.
exude
confidence

111. How do you
respond to
compliments?

112. Pet Names

113. #11. promote yourself
“Unwritten Rules: What You Don’t Know Can Hurt Your Career” © 2008 by CATALYST

114. 1
Like it or not, we all have a personal brand.
Purposeful or accidental, decided by you, or
decided by the people around you...

115. •talk show host?
•home & entertaining expert?
•dog trainer?
•child-care expert?
•martyr?
•satanic rocker?
•dirty politician?
Copyright 2007- 2009 Mivista, Inc. www.MivistaInc.com (888) 531-3830

116. #12.
Master The 30-Second
“Elevator Pitch”

117. download more at: www.MichelleVillalobos.com
Copyright Michelle Villalobos, Mivista Consulting, Inc. 2009. All Rights Reserved.
To Reprint, Distribute or Repurpose, visit www.MivistaConsulting.com and click “Contact Us”.