You Can't Spell “Archie”
An Asylum Challenge
(Take Two) (Part Three)
Last time, Archie got himself up to 9 Simultaneous Lovers out of the 20 he needs.
It occurred to me that he hadn't brought anyone home from work because no one had been
Downtown yet, so the Downtownies hadn't generated. I fixed that by sending Stacie, Lark, and
their roommates Downtown.
That is the face Stacie makes when two men have a very private moment on a very public sofa—I
will let you determine which two. She pretended to be shocked, but didn't move. Lark was
making friends with half the garden club, and I am not being facetious. She played darts with
them the whole evening.
Back at the actual Asylum, Ang is upset about her failed attempt to lure Archie into the photo
booth for some WooHoo.
Archie doesn't care. It is naptime, and the man needs his nap, dammit.
This has been happening on a regular basis. To my knowledge, Archie hasn't pissed off anyone
outside the house, so I can only conclude that Marina is to blame.
Crabby!Marina seems the type to try to give the rest of her roommates the flu.
De really starts having some Issues right about now. She can't seem to find a schedule of eating
and playing on the Dance Sphere that allows her to pee and bathe when those things ought to be
Yes, Ang is mopping up De's pee puddle.
“Dear Diary, I hate bears. They are cute and cuddly and need to be punched in the throat. You
know what else I hate?”
“Writing in my diary so long that I pee in the middle of the living room. Perhaps I should evaluate
the amount of things I hate, so that writing the list will take less time.
With hate, Marina.”
“Clearly, your lifestyle choices are bringing you very little pleasure.”
“Can it, Family Sim! You'll get yours soon enough!”
Ori continues to get no Aspiration for eating grilled cheese sandwiches, although she would like
Archie to know that she approves of his coif.
Ang continues to stalk Archie, just in case she should randomly roll the Want to do something with
“Please. The lamp is not as sexy as you think it is.”
“You don't really mean that.”
Archie rolled the Want to Make Out with a bunch of Sims, so I locked it and sent him on the
rounds. I don't think it was much of a hardship for De.
Then who should wander by but Olive Specter?
Please. She did not lure that many men to their untimely doom with dowdy hair, a long sack
dress, and no eyebrows.
Di becomes the first plate-napper of the Asylum. Notice Marina in the background, walking away
without a care in the world.
Archie's fun was low, so I set him to dancing. I think if he does enough of it, he'll be able to Bust A
Also, the amusing “bad dancing” faces are so much more amusing on the Little Bastard.
Di woke up from her plate-nap just in time to pee on the kitchen floor. Sadly, this would not be the
worst thing that happened to her all day.
This would be the worst thing that happened to her all day.
See, I assumed that when she came slapping Archie for dragging Tara Kat into the photo booth,
she'd fallen out of love with him.
Turns out, she hadn't, and was none too pleased with him hunting down Ang for some Make Out
Archie, being Archie, didn't care a whole lot, since I canceled the slapfest before it got started.
That does not, however, prevent Di from throwing flamey thought-balloons of Ang and Archie.
Ori is happy, because the one thing better than grilled cheese sandwiches is Archie.
“So many things to watch, I just don't know what to do!”
Well, watching the Family Sim totally lose her marbles is always a good time.
Yes, Di. That would be the problem. Archie is not a Family Sim. The Little Bastard is a
heartbreaker through and through.
Yup, this pretty well sums up the situation in the Asylum right now. Jamie has been converted to
the Cheese Cult and is quite happy to carry on a cheesy conversation with Ori. Di is doing the
Chicken Dance to the utter amusement of Cait. And Archie is platinum from groping a SimSelf
currently in her underwear.
And yes, Di really was doing the Chicken Dance.
Ang availed herself of too much delicious Asylum cuisine, and managed to get herself plump, as
you may have noticed. It wasn't until she took a shower that I realized that her shirt does not have
a happy fat morph. I mean, unless she likes being bisected.
The Little Bastard got a big boost from reaching the top of Slacker. If only it had been his LTW,
we'd be golden! Sadly, we still have 11 more Lovers to go. But the work hours are great—middle
of the night, 3 days a week! Plenty of time for building relationships and stopping the house from
I felt bad about Ang's premature ejection from the photo booth, so I had Archie pull her in. Then I
decided I had to do something about the shirt, so she got a quick makeover.
Once Ang was in a better shirt, I had Archie give Kristen Singles a call and drag over Lola and
Erin. It didn't take long for Kristen to become Lover Number Ten, getting Archie to the halfway
point of his LTW.
Granted, I didn't need to do this, because he's already in love with her, but it's ARCHIE. The
possibility exists, and he must take advantage of it.
Lola doesn't put up much of a fight either. She may have been mauling Ajay Loner when I moved
him in with the girls, but she's not exactly playing Hard To Get.
Erin is much less enamored of Archie. Trying to make friends with her was like pulling teeth. And
not loose, wobbly baby teeth, either. Like, a Tyrannosaurus tooth. While it's still attached to the
Tyrannosaurus. Who is still alive and would very much like his tooth, thank you kindly.
Ang couldn't wait for those hamburgers Archie was in the process of cooking. She just HAD to
“IT'S LIQUID CHEESE.”
“Okay, you have maybe lost it.”
Ori got desperate. To Archie, the smell of desperation is like an aphrodesiac.
Erin is going to talk to Eros here. I think that by the end of the night, she had more of a
relationship with the bird than she had with Archie.
You will, of course, notice that there are no feet poking out from under the toilet stall. Marina has
just lost her ability to think that maybe peeing would be preferable to complaining about having to
Jamie finds herself in much the same predicament. At least this time, she managed to find the
shower, instead of taking a sponge bath in the living room.
Di finally breaks out Flour Sack Timmy.
It is not the last time we will see Flour Sack Timmy.
“Look, can we just get this over with? I have a man-harem I should be getting back to.”
“So... photo booth?”
“Dude, I said no! Just grab my ass and we'll get the stupid hearts and then I can go. No offense,
but I barf black hearts at you.”
“Same, but, you know... I have to try.”
Whatshisname Kim stopped by with his dog. I was hesitant about greeting the guy, because the
dog would inevitably eat some piece of furniture, but Whatshisname Kim has a wife and is living
with Jodi Larson, so I bit the bullet and invited him in just in case Archie needed easy access to a
couple more targets.
I hoped the dog wouldn't eat anything I needed.
Archie had been outside because he was meeting Lisa Ramirez, who had decided to drag ol'
Checo along as her Plus One.
Way to kill the buzz, lady. Bring your husband to your booty call.
“Hey. You. I'm totally gonna fuck your wife. It's gonna be nasty and dirty and shameless and
she's gonna love every minute of it, and you'll never, ever measure up.”
Even after Checo went away, Lisa kept refusing any remotely Romantic social interaction Archie
threw her way.
I knew it had to be some sort of ACR thing, because this sort of nonsense does not happen in a
game without it. Clearly, Lisa did not want to cheat on Checo.
Well, fine. It was late and Archie was tired. Time enough to fiddle with the settings later.
Oh, and Whatshisname Kim's dog ate one of the beds. Thanks a lot, buddy!
“Bitch who said you could sit there?”
“The chair was empty.”
“That chair is my chair. And if you don't move your ass out of it, I will move it for you.”
“You're a real piece of work.”
Once again, the trash can ends up on his side. Archie did not appreciate being woken up to pick
garbage up off the road.
On the up side, he's only had to fix the dishwasher once so far this week.
Di went on a hunt for poor Ang, cornered her in the bathroom, and gave her a vicious poking for
inducing Archie to cheat.
Ang was a little hurt by it, and I don't blame her.
Marina, in an attempt to remain smug, made Best Friends with Ori to the tune of 10K Aspiration
Points. Ori, of course got none, because Marina couldn't be bothered to share.
Next, Flour Sack Timmy makes another entrance. I think Cait mostly keeps Di around for the
entertainment value at this point.
Archie snags a hapless jogger by the name of Veronica Hunicke. She will succumb to his wiles, I
Meanwhile, he has plenty of other fish on the end of his line, and he just needs to reel them in.
This is Bluewater Townie Carla Jiu-Jitsu, who makes Besties with a kiss.
And then happily follows the Little Bastard into the photo booth.
“Hah! I win again!”
“You always win, Marina. Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock, and
Marina's fist beats everything.”
Over at the photo booth, Carla becomes Number Twelve.
Thank you for your support, Carla! Now go away, that we may never see you again.
Mostly because Lola and Chloe are coming over, and it's sort of tacky to have the latest Lover still
hanging around when the two newest targets are stopping by.
And don't think Archie didn't have all sorts of nasty thoughts about getting the two alien sisters in
the photo booth at once.
He settled for one at a time. Chloe was first.
It took a few extraneous flirts before I got more than pink hearts.
Finally, we got the big red ones, to the tune of Ang peeing on the floor.
It might have been a mood-killer, but Chloe is Lucky Thirteen.
Ang recovered from her accident in record time, and she and Ori have passed the Stuff Face
torch off to Jamie.
This is a nice shot of everyone but Cait. This is because Cait is antisocial. Not in the aggressive
way Marina is, but in the quieter, avoid-everyone sort of way.
De, if you're not going to pee in the shower, pee first, then shower. It doesn't work so good the
other way around.
I decided to have Archie try again with Lisa Ramirez, after fiddling with her ACR settings. She
was having none of it.
You leave me no choice, Lisa Ramirez. The issue is that you do not want to cheat on your
husband. The solution is simple.
Oh, what? Does anyone, anywhere, like Checo Ramirez?
I didn't think so.
Boo hoo hoo, very sad, back to business.
Newly-minted widow Lisa Ramirez becomes Number Fourteen.
Then Archie takes her in the photo booth because dammit, he earned this.
Finally, someone who isn't a Goodytwoshoes steals the newspaper. Is anyone surprised it's Buzz
Grunt? Didn't think so.
Lola and Erin got invited back, and Lola got invited into the photo booth.
It didn't quite trigger love, but they're getting there.
Notice Erin talking to the bird again.
It was raining, and I could see Di playing outside with someone, and I thought to myself, “That is a
really bad idea.” Before I could have Archie Call Over Di and Ang, Di got struck by lightning.
Fortunately, she'd been taking good care of herself, so all she had to contend with was a tanked
Bladder motive leading to a tanked Hygiene motive. And also having no legs.
Since there was nothing Archie could do for Di, he soldiered on with Lola and she became Lover
I should point out that at this juncture, Archie's relationship with Erin is about 96/46, and they're
still not friends. Not “not BEST friends,” but not FRIENDS. She doesn't like him a whole lot. Too
bad for her!
Di got herself cleaned up in pretty short order. Yay Di! She even felt happy enough to tip Lola's
horrible piano playing.
Archie went off to work and pulled his first bad Chance Card of the Asylum. Seriously, there is no
way to win with the Professional Party Guest Chance Card. Has that one ever ended happily for
He didn't get fired, just demoted, but he didn't get a chance to pee at work and came home in dire
need of a toilet.
Once again, as Archie is making dinner, Ang raids the fridge. She just can't wait the extra two
minutes for some real food.
Someone is getting ready to pee themselves, and it's not Jamie! I think she's pretty happy about
And no, I wasn't kidding. Ang really did let loose, although Ori was partly to blame. She just kept
coming up going, “Hug? Dirty Joke?” and Ang never went “NO I HAVE TO PEE.”
Priya stopped by for a bit of flirting. I was curious to see whether she'd reject Archie out of hand
And just to prove that I am not overly horrible, I
rezzed Sanjay, got him out of the stupid suit,
got he and Priya remarried, and let them go at it
on the sofa, which of course resulted in a
After some speeding-up, these are Rajah and Rani, and they all lived happily ever after, in a very
tiny house with Tara Kat and Cyd Roseland and Chester Gieke and three cats and a dog.
See? I am not against my Sims being happy.
Archie is still on his Quest For Smooches. Somehow, he hadn't gotten Jamie yet. We rectified
Then Marina thought it would be fun to set some salmon on fire.
Thanks, Marina! I'm sure Di didn't really need those Aspiration Points!
Marina, Di, and Priya were FireDancing, and Ang and Jamie played the metaphorical fiddle while
the kitchen burned.
Archie was outside waiting for his latest booty call, and I needed him to call the fire department,
but not to actually go into the kitchen, because Stinky!Archie is not going to be all that in the mood
for lovin'. It took some micromanaging, but I got the fireman called and Archie back outside
before he could run in to see what the commotion was.
The fireman came, the fire was extinguished, everyone smelled bad, and Di had another
Archie was in his own little world of making a pass at Olive Specter.
Di's pretty consistent with the Chicken Dance. Good to know.
You'd think Archie would help her into the photo booth so she wouldn't break a hip or something.
One WooHoo and a couple of quick Flirts later, Olive makes it an even Seventeen.
“Eeew, I didn't know they made hooker clothes in Grandma size. Go stand behind me, will you?
Or better yet, outside. That slit's so high, I don't want to see any wrinkly old lady parts.”
“You just don't know what it takes to get a man.”
“Pffft, I got plenty! I just have some dignity. Look it up, Nana.”
Then Marina went and burned salmon on the OTHER stove, just so we'd have a matched set. At
least this time, it didn't catch fire, and she ate it. SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR MAKING DI CRAZY.
“Too bad you didn't get caught in that fire.”
“There was a fire?”
“There was a fire.”
“Sorry, must have missed it what with all the crazy sex I've been having. With NOT YOU.”
“Keep talking. One of us is officially dead, and I'm pretty sure it's you.”
For all that she is Crabby!Marina, she never once caught Archie cheating. That cracked me up.
It was finally time to thaw out the Ice Queen, Erin Singles.
It was a very laborious process to even get them to Best Friend stage. Erin was a tough nut to
However, perseverance paid off in the end, and Archie got his WooHoo.
“Dear Diary, I hate Ang. She thinks she's sooooo smart, sitting on the other side of the room
making fun of me, but really all she does is stalk Archie and drink out of the carton and pee and
smell bad and make friends with everyone. ANG SUCKS.
“Dear Diary: Oooooh, look at meeeee, I'm Mariiiiinaaaaa and I hate everyone and everything
because I'm a great big crankypants, look at how crabby I am, all I like to do is insult people and
be mean, because I'm a BIG DAMN SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE WHO NEEDS TO GET OVER IT
“Jamie, I'm not speaking to Ang. Tell her that I hate her.”
“I can hear you, dummy.”
“Jamie, tell Ang that she's a vile harpy.”
“...Marina, Ang, I am staying out of this. Like, way out.”
Meanwhile, Erin and Archie FINALLY fall in love, bringing him up to Eighteen Simultaneous
This is just to show that De is still around and alive. She's managed to avoid most of the drama.
“Did you seriously stalk me for so long that you pissed yourself?”
“That takes dedication. I approve.”
“Dear Diary, I am still alive too. And I'd like to make delicious grilled cheese sandwiches for
Cassidy and Gilbert. I hope they come over soon, that I may cook for them.
Cheesily yours, Cait.”
Poor Di is having a rough time of it. And Marina is making me awfully nervous back there at that
And apparently Di is still having RAEG thoughts towards Ang. Awesome.
Oh, well. At least Flour Sack Timmy will never let her down.
And yes, Marina burned her breakfast.
Two lovers left for the Little Bastard, but it's the end of week three! How much longer will it take?
Only one way to find out—the last installment, coming soon!