Spider Jerusalem's Completely Hypothetical Bachelor Challenge, Day 3
Its Day 3 of the Totally Theoretical Spider Jerusalem Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!Five SimSelf ladies are left in the Bachelor Challenge house vying for the affections of one short-tempered Legacy spare-spawn!They should survive, as long as they dont mention Gilbert Jacquet, cow mascots, Eeevil, Gilbert Jacquet, burglars,sloppiness, or Gilbert Jacquet.
Still in the lead at the end of Day 2 were Kendra (riot.fighter/riotgrrl4271; the Punk Legacy), whos continuing to dominate, asthe only contestant to be friends with the bachelor, let alone share a Double-Crush, and Kaiyah (Kaiyah/Kaiyah2; LegacyShmegacy), sitting comfortably in second place.
In the middle of the pack are De (firstname.lastname@example.org; the Morgan and Pierce Legacies), whomanaged a monster 55-point gain over her Day 1 score, and Styx (StyxLady/lorddaeos; Just Another Legacy), who alsostepped it up to put herself in the game.
Bad Chats and a rejected flirt doomed Michelle (MichelleFobbs/MichaelFobbs; the Planetary Apocalypse) and Gin(GintasticNecat; The Science of a Legacy), putting them in the bottom two. Gin narrowly squeaked out a win, sendingMichelle out of the house and making a good performance on Day 3 imperative for her seeing Day 4.
The Bachelor: Spider Jerusalem Vetinari, Reaper child son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress. Introverted and lonely back inthe currently-being-replayed-through-part-of-Gen-4 Riverblossom Hills, hes a mean finger-gunner surrounded by SimSelveshere in Pleasantview.If you want more Vetinari goodness, check out the Vetinari Dualegacy on DrSupremeNerds SimPage.
Following her ouster, Michelle decided to take out her hostility on an extremely deserving Mr. Big, whod recently experienceda Grilled Cheese Aspiration failure.As for Day 1 eliminee Orikes (Orikes/orikes360; the Pseudo Legacy), shes...
...erm...Shes walking around the observation post in her undies with a WooHoo thought bubble, apparently.Larch has been a busy boy.
Who cares about people and engagement rings and babies? Kitty requires tummy rubs!
"Yup, were getting into Day 3 of the BC! And theres one question on everyones mind!"Me: SimNerd, SimSelf of DrSupremeNerd, creator of the Vetinari Dualegacy, available on DrSupremeNerds SimPage andthe Boolprop.com forums.
"Oh yes, Im quite curious to know if Gin can pull off an upset like the one De managed on Day 2! That would make for a trulyexciting challenge!"Di: Dicreasy, writer of the Victorian Legacy.
Larch: "Your optimism baffles me."Cassidy: "Dont pay attention to him; he doesnt understand nice points."Larch: "What? Theyre overrated!"Cassidy: "Sometimes its nice to be nice."Larch: "Meh."Larch Vetinari: Gen 2 Uglacy heir; Family Sim and Eeevil mastermind.Cassidy Vetinari: gay half-alien son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress; Larchs nephew and Spider Jerusalems older half-brother.
Stacilee: "You seem to be rocking the pajamas today, Cass."Cassidy: "Aspiration points for jammies! Yaaay!"Stacilee: "You really are a Pleasure Sim, arent you?"Cassidy: "Yup!"Stacilee: stacilee/stacierearden, writer of the Whedonberry Alphabet Legacy.
Stacilee: "So whats on the docket for today?"SimNerd: "The usual Day 3 Bachelor Challenge stuff: hot tubbing, chess dates, more flirting."Stacilee: "Chess dates? With Spider Jerusalem and his one nice point? That ought to be interesting."SimNerd: "Tell me about it. The only question will be how many times he gets caught cheating."
Cassidy: "If the contestants want to stick around, shouldnt they hope they dont catch him? Those double-minuses will addup quick."Larch: "Whats wrong with chess cheating? I mean, if theyre dumb enough to fall for it..."
"Before we head to the Bachelor Challenge house, I just have one teensy question."
Larch: "I think hes cracked."Di: "This does seem a bit odd."Spider: "I dont see whats so great about Don the Zombies chili anyway."
Stacilee: "This does not bode well, does it?"SimNerd: "Well, he hasnt gained a skill point in a while, and I think its getting to him. Dont worry, hes not the only one!"Stacilee: "Oooh, fun!"Time to head out and watch Spider Jerusalem not talking to walls!
Kendra: "Isnt it great being in the top two?"Kaiyah: "Yup! The views pretty nice from up here!"Kendra: "Have I mentioned the Crush?"Kaiyah: "Oh, for crying out loud, not you too."Kendra: "Hey, unlike Gin, mines in THIS reality. And reciprocated for longer than the span of a poking and a rejectedCaress."
De: "Congratulations on sucking slightly less than Michelle, Gin."Gin: "That was quite the left-handed compliment, but Ill take it."De: "I can afford to be nice to you now; Im guessing youll be going home at noon tomorrow."Gin: "I wouldnt be too sure of that. After all, a three-bolt chemistry has to count for something."De: "Less than you think, since Spider Jerusalem only has two for Kendra, and shes in the lead."
"Sorry, thats not really my thing. Would you like to bring up oil, perhaps?""Shoo flee?"
"Family Sim hasnt had babies in ever. Family Sim needs babies. Babies babies babies."De, this isnt an Asylum! Its been just over two days and I havent fulfilled any of your Fears, how did your Aspiration meterget so low?"Baaaayyyyybbbbeeeeeeeeezzzz..."You know, if you were a Vetinari, you wouldnt be in the red right now. They all have high neatness, and theyd already have 2or 3 Cleaning points from all the toilet-scrubbing Ive been making you do when Spiders otherwise occupied. Of course, atthis juncture, gaining a Cleaning point would only make you slightly less red.Dont worry, Ill bust out the Sim Modder and fix it before you bust out Flour Sack Timmy.Styx is also Family, and you dont see HER complaining!
Kaiyah: "Congratulations on being hot!"Spider: "Thanks! I work out."Kendra and Styx: "I wanted to congratulate him on being hot!"Hes never gonna get into the hot tub if they dont stop congratulating him on his hotness!
De, Gin, and Kaiyah make it into Spider Jerusalems hot tub.Kaiyah: "KISSING!"Gin: "Way to go straight for the kill, Kaiyah."
"Well, I hope so, considering my Family Sim Aspiration tankage."
"What about you, Gin? Will you be around for the kissing?"
"Have some scalding hot water to the face, De!"
Kendra: "Kissing?"Styx: "I am not having this conversation with you. Not even a little bit."
"I hear tennis rackets are almost as good as rusty forks for causing pain to small round objects!"
Gin: "Its nice to see you branching out from the rusty fork."De: OMG Aspiration points! I am no longer in danger of cuddling Flour Sack Timmy! Yay!
Kaiyah: "Yeah, so Id totally jab a rusty fork into Mr. Big Jerks fried eggs."Spider: "Uh... Thats a baseball."Kaiyah: "ITS A EUPHEMISM, FRAMMIT!"
"So, what do you think about jewelry? And other accessories? Perhaps pretty dresses and cute pants?"
"Icky. NOT a fan."No real surprise that the naked hot-tubber hates clothes.
Spider: "So I think I should learn Mantis style Kung Fu in case I meet Gilbert again."Gin: "Oh, me too! That sounds like a great idea!"De: "Suckup."
"So whats your take on the state of our prisons?"Oh yes. The rest of the hot tub looks THRILLED at the prospect of this conversation.
"Gin, its going to take a framming miracle for you to see tomorrow in this house."
"Call me Houdini then, because Ill be escaping elimination!"
Gin: "I installed Free Time, and my shrews love the violin!"De: "Nobody cares."
Spider: "Yeah, too bad the Supreme Nerds graphics card cant handle Free Time, because she was sort of looking forward tobeing able to get Cory abducted more easily. No violins, toddler play tables, or koi ponds for the Vetinaris! And all abductionsthe hard way!"Yes, sadly, he speaks the truth. Ah well, who knows, maybe Cory will get abducted when I re-play his teen years over again.
Kendra: "Kissing?"Styx: "NO."Time for some chess dates, I think.
I decide to start the chess dates off with Gin. And because Spider Jerusalem is a Vetinari, I also decided to keep track of howmany times he attempted to cheat, and how many times he actually succeeded. And how many times his opponents tried tocheat him (none--curse you SimSelves and all your nice points!).Yes, Spider is cheating Gin before the first piece has even been played."Look, a shrew!"
Gin: "Youre not trying to cheat, are you?"Spider: "Nope! I always play by the rules!"
"Meh. Steel-toed work boots are way better for kicking Gilberts ass."Er, Gin? I think Ive found your problem. You and Spider have virtually NO topics of conversation in common. This does notbode so well.Total: One cheat, and she didnt catch him.
Kendra: "There is nothing quite as wonderful as money!"Spider: "There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash!"
Kendra: "You expect me to fall for such an obvious ploy?"Spider: "Well, I had to try, didnt I?"
Spider: "Er... Some people say its folly but Id rather have the lolly, with money you can ma-ake a splash!"Kendra: "We are not amused."Total: Two cheats, and she caught him both times....and bonus props if youre now humming "The Money Song."
"I find games quite fun. All kinds of games, really."
"I agree; they are an amusing diversion. But not quite as amusing as, say, babies."
"OMG, BABY!"De just gained a skill point, shes not getting an Aspiration boost from Spider cheating at chess, in case anyone wondered.
De: "That was a dirty trick, Spider Jerusalem!"Spider: "Should I have said, TWINS!?"Total: He tried cheating once, and she caught him.
Styx: "Kaiyah! Doubleyoo tee eff? Im trying to catch Spider Jerusalem cheating here!"Kaiyah: "I know, I just wanna hang around and watch and get in the way of the pictures."Kaiyah, GO AWAY!She actually did this three times. Kaiyah was hungry and had to pee, but she wanted to stalk Spider Jerusalem more thanshe wanted to take care of her own needs.
Styx: "This is so much easier without Kaiyah here!"Spider: "What do you want from me? I have one nice point!"Total: She caught him cheating twice, and he got away with it once.On to the Flirts! Which will now be taking place in Spider Jerusalems locked bedroom. Im definitely not going for Caress orGoose today; Sweet Talk and Hold Hands will be my Flirts of choice, provided theyre available.
Spider: "I think you could totally take Chrissy Hynde in a Jell-O wrestling match."Kendra: "Thats the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me."
Yeah, like Kendra was going to refuse this! Spider Jerusalem probably could have gotten away with something a littlegrope-ier here, but Id rather keep the playing field as level as possible.
Not too surprisingly, theres no Hold Hands available for Gin, but she does accept the Charm she refused yesterday.
Spider: "Your willingness to stab your enemies in the fried eggs with a rusty fork is appealing."Kaiyah: "Well, it doesnt have to be an enemy really. Theres no sense in being picky when you have a good rusty fork."
Blah blah blah Hold Hands yay.Theres just enough time for Kaiyah to grab a plate of gelatin before noon!
As a complete surprise to absolutely no one, Kaiyah, Kendra, Styx, and De are in the top four. Theyre all friends with SpiderJerusalem, are all operating under Double-Crush, and have at least two bolts.Kaiyah (136): "Yeah, like hed ask his Rusty Fork Sensei to leave!"Kendra (135): "Hey, Im only down by one point, and I didnt even make it into the hot tub!"Styx (124): "Not heart-farting De for 24 hours and counting!"De (123): "Woooo! One step closer to Spider Jerusalem babies!"
Gin? Sorry, hun. Time to say goodbye."Oh, Im so ashamed! What will Riverblossom Hills-me think?"I dunno, shell probably be glad she and Legacy-Spider Jerusalem have things to talk about!Yeah, with so few topics of conversation that she and our bachelor agreed on, there was no chance for her to catch up withthe others. So Gin is our Day 3 eliminee with a score of, uh... 54. As in, less than half of the scores of the others. Ouch.
Styx: "Congratulations on being hot, De! ...Frammit..."De: "Its okay to fall off the wagon, sweetie, as long as you get back on."
Spider: "Congratulations on being hot, De!"Gin: "Please let the humiliation stop."
Spider: "De is still a hottie!"Styx: "Shoo flee? Im tired!"
Kendra: "Shoo flee? Im tired!"De: "Im tired! I think Ill go take a shower!"Kaiyah: STALKING
Kaiyah: "Congratulations on being hot!"Spider: "I am pretty hot, arent I?"Styx: "Bed nooooowwww?"
Kaiyah: "Shoo flee? Im tired and Spider is hot!"
Spider: "Shoo flee? Im tired!"Kaiyah: "Spider is still hot."
This completely pointless slide has been brought to you by "Shoo flee?" WHINE I NEED SLEEP.We hope you have enjoyed this completely pointless slide.
"Oh, come on, Gin! You couldnt do better than that? I mean, you never even brought up kissing, for petes sake!"
"Larch? If you dont stop being mean to my SimSelves, Im going to tell your fiancee just who you spend your days heart-farting."
Cassidy: "Oh, snap!"Larch: "Sorry. Ill be good. Just dont rat me out, please."
"Oh, I dont know, I suppose I deserve it. Kissing was pretty much the only subject that wasnt a complete minefield for thetwo of us, and I never managed to bring it up! I should have followed Kaiyah and Styxs lead."
"Well, you are still the only one whos had a mutual crush on him in the neighborhood that matters, right?"
"Well, theres at least some photographic proof of it. Even if Gilbert did turn right around and ruin the whole thing with thepoking."
SimNerd: "Gilberts not spoiling anything here! Gin, Ive set you up with a house and a consolation prize, so go ahead andenjoy!"Stacilee: "Do we get to watch Jerky Jake get tortured again?"SimNerd: "Hehehe. Not exactly."
"Er... Cass? Why dont you hit up the Dance Sphere upstairs?"
Cass: "Sure! I love Aspiration points!"Larch: "If hes getting Aspiration points, how come I dont get a wedding now?"A few more days. Promise.
SimNerd: "I dont want him to ask any difficult questions."Stacilee: "Like what?"SimNerd: "Like, say, Why is Dad in that pen with all those flame jets? "Stacilee: "Thats rather specific."SimNerd: "Isnt it?"
"I am CYPRESS VETINARI! I am Eeevil! This is intolerable, and you will let me out of here NOW!"
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning..."*boop*
"Thats what you get for being horrible to Cassidy! And Spider Jerusalem! And Delirium! And Jane! And for siccing yourskanky psycho girlfriend on Spider Jerusalem! And anything else I may have forgotten!"
"Its no Spider Jerusalem WooHoo, but its still satisfying!"
"Can we watch that again? Can we can we can we huh huh huh?"
"Geez, Larch, this is like watching Evil Dead 2 with my mother. Hahaha--Bruce Campbell is fighting his own right hand!Rewind it! I wanna watch that again! Rewind it! Rewind it! Rewind it again! More rewind! Look, I know it never stops beingawesome, but Id like this chapter to actually upload, mmmkay?"
OK, so I always rewind it at least a couple of times for my mom...
Something the Vetinari Dualegacy has yet to see--Cypresss tombstone! And smoking pile of ashes.
"Next time, Day 4! More hot tub dates, more flirts, and with all the Crushing, more chance that somebodys going to set off achain reaction of slapping!"Will Kaiyah maintain her slim lead over Kendra? Will Styx and De further narrow the gap between themselves and thefrontrunners? Will the grope-ier Flirts lead to rejections and shifts in the standings? Its anyones game as my BachelorChallenge continues!"Wait, I get to grope tomorrow? AWESOME!"
SimNerd: "Waaaagh! Personal bubble!"Spider: "Cant I hug my creator?"SimNerd: "Nnnnnnnoooooooo."