The Good, the Bad, and the Uglacy By Candi020765
Welcome partners! If some of you recognize my name, yes, I am the Candi020765 that wrotethe Uglacy, the Prettacy, and the Chili Catastrophe. My hair grew out, but that is my simself with anew do. I never stopped writing but the Sims Exchange wouldn’t let me upload anymore. But nevermind that complaint, because I’m back with a brand new legacy. Legacies for you newcomers areplaying sims with NO cheats through 10 generations of listening to your sim whine because, well NOcheats. Sims and their silly needs to eat, sleep, and pee. So annoying. You start with a lousy$1300.00 on a big, fat lot of nothing, and well, go from there. If you want the official rules, just lookup Pinstar in the Sims 3 forums.
This is is Ben Cartwright (totally stolen from the Ponderosa) and ourgoal is yada, yada, yada get rich, lifetime wishes, have babies… BUT this is anuglacy, so not any babies will do. The uglier, the better. I have found in sims 3That it is very challenging to get ugly sims. Gone are the ugly townies of Sims 2,but I am going to give this my best shot. So let’s get going, cause big text boxesand long introductions are boring and I bet you stopped reading 3 sentences ago.You did, didn’t you…WAKE UP!
So at this point I have already screwed up because I chose really un-level land. Eh, just get ashovel, Ben. So Ben loves the outdoors (which is good, since that is where he will be living),he’s good, ambitious, handy (he going to run a ranch after all), lucky (I figured he needed all thehelp he could get), and an equestrian. His lifetime want is to be a jockey, earn $40,000 withhis horses, and reach level 10 of riding. He likes country music (duh), steaks, and the colorblue.He’s living in Appalachian Plains, or whatever… I donno, I’m a bad sim player. Sue me.
Now the first thing any equestrian needs is a horse of course!“Yes, yes, I’d like to adopt a horse. Of course I have plenty of money (cough,cough) to take care of one. And lots of wide-open, hilly, very hilly, countryside.I even have a mailbox and a trash can.“Don’t oversell it, Ben, he’ll get suspicious.
Ben adopts Athena, an Andalusian mare who is clueless. Which will matchhis riding skills obviously.Um, Ben, I think you’re doing it wrong.“Where’s the gas pedal? Is there an instruction manuel?”
Customary “look at me on the toilet eating” picture. This is requiredofall legacies. I read it in the rules. Totally lying there, but it should be.Anyhows, a bit of eye candy, before it gets ugly.
Ben doesn’t own a shower, yet, so he marches down tothe gym in town and mooches theirs.Showers are for sissies.
In case you past legacy fans were wondering, I did plant Donand Samara in the town. (Because I just can’t play a legacy withoutmy favorite little zombies).Note to EA (On the very remote in hell possibility someone from EA reads this):There better be zombies in that supernatural expansion you’re working on or I’ll haunt yourforums!
Ok, let’s move along, nothing to see here people…rather like a bad car crash.
And if you’re wondering, Gage is prowling the town too, he alreadyhas 3 girlfriends including the bouncer at the Watering Hole.
That’s right, honey, Gage, Gage Uglacy. The one and only Gagemeister. Nowbe a sweetie and point me in the direction of some simself ladies who needloving…”The only simself at this point, is me… and that ain’t happening. But I do hope hethrows a bunch of illegitimate fodder for the Uglacy.
Oddly enough, the first person Ben meets is my simself down at the pony club.“So I heard Don Uglacy is filthy rich.”“Yup, cause I totally motherloaded him.”“Can you throw a kaching my way?”“You’re funny, Ben.”“No, really…”
One of the first things I get Ben is an easel, because eventually he has tohave enough skill to paint the death pictures of everyone, and it’s cheap, andit will keep his fun up. It sounded good in theory, in reality, maybe not so much.“I want to shower, I feel gross.”Ben, how many times do I have to tell you, showers are for sissies.
Erm, I thought he would put his clothes on. Anyway, he’s training for theirfirst big race.In his underwear, because that’s how real horseman ride. Or real idiots.Could go either way.
Now besides riding in your underwear, the first thing any real horse trainer needs todo is go down to town hall and declare himself a horse trainer. Why only yesterdayhe was riding backwards, and I literally mean yesterday.“I got me a license and everything! Howdy folks, need a horse broke, trained,and catering to your every need?”(Then call some else!)
So while downtown, time to start scoping for that “special” lady. Someone to warmBen’s heart and hopefully scare small children off the lawn.Candidate #1 Angel Jenner, bartender at the Watering Hole.“Howdy miss, I couldn’t help but notice…”
Your huge bazookas, geesh, you can adjust these now?! Teen sims can’t have sex,But her boobs could put out an eye… I mean seriously, EA!This would be great if I were doing a boobacy.Unfortunately, she’s too pretty and the costs of her special made bras would killus. Onwards, Ben.
“Do I have to go, I mean look at her… a boobacy is a great idea. I’mall for that.”BEN! Out… now.
“Hey dude, are you one of those weirdo legacy families, living on the lawnwithcrap to your name. What are you, some kind of freaky cult?”“Well at least I ain’t no homeless mailman/stalker wierdo. Move along.”“Toilet sitting, cereal eating freak!”“You just wish you were me, die in the bin without a friend, loser.”
Ben’s first race, and I’m not talking the actual race itself because he hadto race across town to get to that 5 PM post time.“HURRY Athena! I don’t want to miss another race because SOMEONE didn’t“click” the race option in time!”Whistling innocently.
Ben, why so serious…“4th! We took 4th. All we got was a lousy $100.00! How am I ever going toget a house at this rate? Maybe I can at least get some food.”Don’t be silly, Ben. Athena needs hay. It’s tofu hot dogs at the park again.(Note, horses actually make legacy living HARDER! Hay, hay, hay, all thedangtime!)
Exhausted from the day’s events, Ben doesn’t even change clothes.Although I would think sleeping in your jockey clothes would be nasty.No wonder he’s always whining about showers.
“Good girl, Athena! You had them horses eating your dust!”Took first, taking a few risks of course. We were desperate for money, couldhave gone either way. Ben and Athena bring home $ 600.00! Shower time!
By Ben’s third race in the Simmer’s Cup. he knabbs another first.This win earns him his first horse training promotion to ‘BarnSanitation Technician’In layman terms, boys and girls that means Ben cleans up shitall day.“That doesn’t seem like much of a promotion…”
With all of Ben’s winnings and his new promotion to pooper scooper (that’sreally what us horse people call Barn Sanitation Technicians), Ben gets anifty outhouse! And we have a whopping $ 50.00 left!“There’s still no shower!”Ben, Ben, Ben… showers are for sissies.
Now that Ben has a little free time, he starts wife hunting again beginning with theonly lot I built, “The Cowboy Laundromat”. Unfortunately the town sim folksdidn’tseem to appreciate my building efforts as there was NO ONE there. Except the kidat the cash register.Ungrateful town. I know none of them have washers. I’ve seen their houses.Where is everyone?
While in town, Ben gets to see a herd of wild horses, who apparently justtrample down main street when they feel like it.Yeah, right EA. I’m always seeing wild horses roaming the streets of my town.Pesky things.
Ben, being the equestrian type of dude he is, immediately rolls the want to get thiswild horse to sniff his hand. Fat chance.“Back off cowboy, I’m a wild horse, I just live in town because the country is sohard on my allergies. That and I occasionally like to take in an opera.”
“Hey Boobie Jenner, have you seen any ugly women around here? Surely thistown has a few homely girls.”“First of all, sir, my name is Angel, not Boobie. Secondly, this is Sims 3, we don’thave the genetic defects that the Sims 2 had. All our girls are gorgeous, or at leastaverage looking. No Sandy Bruty around here.”“Dang it. I got to find me an ugly wife.”
Oh darling, if you were only about 30 years younger…
Ben does see Samara Uglacy at Waylon’s Haunt. He tries to befriend her, but she now has celebrity stars and feels that she’s too good for the likesof Ben.“Um, who are you again, please don’t talk to me. Not until you’re a famouslegacy character like me…”“I just wanted to say howdy, ma’am…”“Totally snubbing you, please move along before I have to call my security people.”
We do manage to find Lilo, a bartender at one of the local watering holes,whose crossed eyes and non-existent lips make her possible uglacymaterial, but I just don’t think she’s ugly enough.Plus it is downright impossible to date bartenders or bouncers in the Sims3 as they are ALWAYS working when you call them. She would have to beuglier than this for me to make that kind of effort.
“Man, this wife hunting stuff is hard.”Er, Ben, I’d um, button up that top button of your western shirt. I think you’re lookingmighty tasty to someone.
“Oh hello, lovely lady. I can’t believe someone with your charm is workingasa bouncer at the Vampire Lounge.”“Look mister, you can chat me up all you want, you ain’t getting in free.”
Eureka! Pot of gold! I was doing my happy dance… until…
“You should see my ranch, lady, it’s quite a spread (of nothingness),wide-open (nothingness), rolling hills (un-level), fresh air (no walls),open sky (no roof), and I own it all. (Plus $ 50 whole dollars). Did Imention I am a Barn Sanitation Technician? So what do you say,wanna be my girl?”“Um, well that sounds like a great offer, but…”
“I’m married, and already live in a big house, and I’m rich. I just work hereas a bouncer because I enjoy beating people up. It’s a gift really.”“Oh, well, never mind.”
That’s when Honey Darnell walks by. Again, if I was doing a booberacythis would be so easy.
We return to the Watering Hole to visit Angel Jenner again, only to findout she aged up, and not well. I am starting to think we will never findBen a suitable spouse.And now legacies are so tricky, because you can marry your new bride one day,and be saddled with grandma here the next… which can put a damper on babymaking.
Exhausted, Ben returns home. I can’t understand why he can’tfind a wife. I mean what woman wouldn’t want a piece of this.
And that was when Dorothy Button wandered up to our land. Apparently, shealready knew Ben, although it took me a while to figure out she was a newspapergirl that had just aged up. Way to go Ben, hitting on potential kids that can proveuseful later.She wasn’t as ugly as I hoped, but she was the ugliest, only available sim Bencouldfind, and she came to us… it was fate. Or I was just getting lazy… but let’s call it
“Well hello, miss, don’t I know you from somewhere.”“I use to deliver your papers and watch you pissing on the lawn.”“Oh, yeah, well um, I have an outhouse now. Soooo, you seeinganyone?”“Nah. I just wanted to come by and stalk you.” Little does she know,muhahaha. When will they learn, stalking first generation legacy sims.The hunter becomes the hunted.
“Hahaha, I dumped your trash over! That’s for making me deliver papers younever read!”“Uh, ok. Hey you want some autumn salad. It’s delicious!”Sure, knock our trashcans over. Little do you know the web we weave for you.
“Well that was no fun. Aren’t you mad, don’t you want to kick me offyourlawn?”“Um, no.” What a beatch… am I really reduced to marrying this freak.“I’m sure newspaper work is really hard and people don’t appreciate you.”You threw a flipping paper for goodness sake. How hard is that?!“It’s ok, you knocked my can over, I’m sure I deserved it.”Just you wait till I get pregnant with 10 kids and your plumbob’s as red as
Silent dinner, crickets chirping. First date is going so well.Love is in the air…or not… She didn’t even finish the salad, ran off saying thedate was ok… and maybe she would hang out again. Yeah, maybe. Asif she can get away now.
That was when the pound delivered Old Yellow. He’s proud and assoon as Ben tries to pet him, he bites Ben.I hope he doesn’t have rabies like the real Old Yellow, but every cowboyshould have a good dog. Or at least a dog.
The next evening, Ben wins the Kutaragi Cup and gets his second promotionto “Mane Quality Supervisor”.In layman’s terms that’s a groom, but let’s not tell Ben.“Yay! I am such an awesome horse trainer! And I got money, more money!”
Which quickly vanishes because of course the first thing Old Yellow does is contractfleas. Apparently sim dogs are really prone to them, and we have to spend all ourwinnings on a bathtub.Fricking animals. It’s not like we wanted to start building a house or anything.
In-between races, Ben continues to try and woo Dorothy.“And I like the color purple, it’s so… purple.”“Uh huh, that’s exciting. You want to go down to the watering hole?”
Apparently it’s a beach night, but Lilo forgot to tell everyone.“What?! You don’t like my bathing suit?!”
And Ben serves Dorothy questionable drinks (laced with I donno what).“Drink up sweetheart, we need to move this legacy along.”
Ben continues to win beginner races and soon can afford his first house,sort of a little trailer but it’s a start.
He can’t afford jack else, however, but here an inside view for thelookie loos.
No sooner then I get the house built for him, Ben tries to burn it to the ground.“Uh oh… what’s that number again… 119, 991, 919, oh yea, 911!”Fire alarm, ha! We have no money for those luxuries.
An hour later,“Where is the flipping fire department?! It’s not like, I donno, I have a FIREor anything. Geesh, I’ll do this myself.”Well, you are handy, Ben…“Yeah, right! What if I burn up!”I don’t want to go there. It wouldn’t be the first time I re-started a legacy
“Don’t worry, sir, we’ve got this…”“You’re a little late on the take, lady. Thanks for nothing.”“Don’t mention it sir, we aim to please. Would you like me to put yourboots out, they seem to be smoking a bit.”
Exhausted, Ben had just fallen asleep.“Hey Ben, let’s play, let’s go for a walk, wanna get up Ben. Come on,get up. Up, Ben, up… let’s go. Let’s play. You awake yet? Wannaget up? Come on Ben.”Old Yellow does this every flipping morning.
“So how do you like my new house, I know it isn’t much yet, but I liketo call it the Ponderosa.”“It’s, um, better than the lawn.”
“Oh Ben, I thought you’d never call me again, and I can’t have that. You knowifyou ever leave me, I’d have to hunt you down… and kill you.”“Er, what was that?”By now we have our suspicions that Dorothy is quite possibly insane.
After that amorous hug, Dorothy proceeds to spit on Ben. A new sim interactionthat I was not aware of till this moment. I thought she was throwing up chocolate.“Gross, Dorothy, I think I just threw up a little in the back of my throat.”“I only spit on you because I love you, Ben. My loogies belong to you.”“Do I have to marry her, really? There has to be someone uglier in the neighborhood.”
“I hold your heart in my hand, Ben… literally.”Her interactions just get creepier and creepier.
To spite her crazy behavoir, Ben manages to get his first kiss, withoutanymore episodes of spitting on him. It’s like romancing a rattlesnake,folks. Or a spitting cobra, to be more accurate.
The next day, Ben invites Dorothy to the watering whole for the big question. Sheseems to know what’s up already.“Ok, mister, if you’re going to do this, I want a diamond, a big diamond. The glareof which should blind half the town.”
“Is this big enough, sweetheart!”Excited pig-like squeal…
“Well I guess it will do.”Little does Dorothy know it’s cubic zirconia, direct from a fleamarket.
And that’s when Ben got a party invitation! Now normally, I stay away from suchinvites, because legacy sims have no energy for such frivolous activity, but this wasa special occasion, after all. So the invite came from Becky Baker, she’s in yoursim bin folks, and she’s a single mom who lives with her parents.What the sim bin doesn’t tell you, is Becky apparently is a prostitute, from the looksof her clothes.
And apparently this is swimming party, without any pool of course. Anyway,Ben immediately rushes in to brag to everyone about his job promotion.“So I am the Mane Quality Supervisor for the racetrack…”“So you’re a groom.”“NO, no you’re not listening. I’m way up on the equestrian fast track. Do you know theskill it takes to use the right conditioner on a mane!”
Meanwhile, Dorothy could not figure out how to use the door. She stood therelike an idiot through the entire party while sims went in and out right pasther.“The doorknob is so complicated… I can’t possibly get in! Abracadabra!”I should have called this, The Good, The Bad, and The Stupid.
The next day, Ben makes it official in the backyard of thePonderosa.“And I promise to honor, love, make lots of ugly babies with you…foras long as we both shall live. Now I hope you can make it throughthe door, Dorothy, so we can actually have a honeymoon.”I don’t know, Ben, I think that’s asking a lot.
“Oh Ben,” (pig-like squeal) “I thought this day would never come. Now justto be clear, never cheat on me… never, because I am actually evil, andyou could end up fertilizer.”Dorothy Cartwright- Daredevil, excitable, childish, evil, heavy sleeper…OMG. She likes kids music, cookies, and purple…she has 4 whole cookingpoints and is an unemployed paper delivery girl. She has a lifetime want to bethe Jack of All Trades (Reach level 5 of 4 careers). I wish I was making thiscrap up… *sigh.
“Do you mind if I put this blanket over your head…”Let the baby making commence! Ben, seriously, you could takeyour hat off at least.“The only time I take my hat off is when someone dies.”Well look at her Ben, isn’t this kind of close to that.
To celebrate his nuptials, (actually I had to bribe him to marry Dorothy), Ben adoptsanother horse, a pinto stallion to breed to Athena. Mosey is playful and friendly,and Ben won’t leave him alone.“Can I feed him another treat, I rolled the want, how about let him sniff my hand…I want to ride him, please, pretty please…”Gads, equestrian sims.
“Dang, flipping, flapping no good for nothing horse. He loves thosehorses more than he loves me. All he ever wants to do is ride and petand brush them. What about me, huh? I need attention. I’m childishand I wanna play tag! Is that too much to ask?!”She follows Ben around like a lost puppy, sad really, but he’s a cowboy, sheshould have seen this coming.
“I know you like cookies, Dorothy, but geesh, cut back on the Oreos.”“I’m pregnant, Ben.”“Oh, well, I uh… I’ve got to go riding. Things to do, races to win.”
“Oh fricking great, how am I suppose to work on a job promotion now?! Akid, really?! I’m ambitious, not family-oriented! I got horses to ride, I can’t bebaby-sitting some snot-nosed kid!”He actually threw this tantrum for a while. It was cute. Like I’m a good simplayer and could actually get him a promotion.
Poor Mosey gets exhausted from being stalked by Ben and now the pregnantlady.“I just want him to sniff my hand one more time!”Wierdo.
“Hey kids, can you do your homework somewhere else! I have to getinside the barn for the next race! Little creeps, get out of my way!”Yeah, do your homework in the stable aisle… UGH! Great place tohave a homework convention!
I actually don’t have one of my usual sacastic comments for this picture. I justlike this picture of Athena and Dorothy.
“What’s that, Lassie, Billy fell down the well?”“No idiot, your wife’s in labor!”
“Ooooooow! Oooooow! OOOOwwww!”Hmmm, I donno, are you sure she’s in labor…maybe it’s just gas.
“I can’t believe you would make me drive to the hospital Ben, while I am infull blown labor.”“Well you were the one with a car in your inventory.”“You’re a son of a bleep, pig-headed… bleep, bleep, bleep, bas…bleeeeep…worthless, no good bleeeeeppppppppp.”
Candi, quick, my wife is in labor!”“Sorry, I have an emergency.”“MY wife is in labor!”“Yea, well Becky Baker cut her finger, so there.”Becky Baker probably needs a whole slew of antibiotics and not for her finger.
So Dorothy has twins, and Ben brings home Hoss (named for Hoss Cartwrightfrom the Ponderosa) and promptly deposits him on the floor so he can pet the dog.Great parenting, but not to be outdone by her husband…
Dorothy goes climbing the neighbor’s trees with Victoria (named for Victoria Barkleyfrom the Big Valley).This glitch went on for several minutes, and I thought this might be the end ofmy legacy. I kept telling her to go home and the command kept failing.
Well honey, I’m glad the firemen finally pried you and the baby down from thetrees and brought you home.”“Where’s the boy child?”“He’s out on the lawn.”
“But how do we get in our stalls again?”“What do you mean enter?”OH geesh… anyway, that’s all for now folks. Come back for some moreUglacy next time, you hear!