Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 17.5: I Fought the Law!
Last chapter, Eddie Landgraab wormed his way into the Secret Society with the intent of scoring a
Bone Phone, and various Vetinaris began to pair off, including Archie's cutting a swath through the
SimSelf population, although heirs Xander and Rizzo were conspicuously single.
Rizzo: "This is a distraction so that Archie doesn't beat you up!"
Archie: "I feel the burning desire to pummel someone."
Xander: "Why am I always the one who gets roped into fixing stuff?"
"VATTA SU LA GORN! VATTA SU LA BRONK! I HAVE A KILLER VIEW OF YOUR--"
"...I may have to murder you now..."
This is Archie Stalking the llama. He does love him some mindless violence. Sadly, the llama was
gone by the time he got downstairs.
"So? Whaddaya think?"
"A questionably-featured Romance Sim with one nice point? Do you even have to ask?"
De/fireflower314 writes the Morgan Legacy.
"I like SimSelves."
"I like Bad Boy Romance Sims."
Archie enjoys another Demented Purple Heart. I don't think it was that much of a hardship for De
"You! Monkeyboy! Work out!"
"THIS IS A NAKED PLACE!"
And another crappy well drop for Xander. I must have deleted Samuel Smith's CC shirt in my last
cull. I will spare you the buttcrack picture.
Meanwhile, Stacielee (writer of Whedonberry) pops by to tell Archie a Dirty Joke.
I think she has found the way to his heart...
...and the way to his bedroom.
Romance is also being done elsewhere...
"Hey, Pen, glad you could make it!"
"It's not like this is a hardship. I do still love you, you know."
"Well, yeah. And I was thinking..."
"...maybe you wanna come upstairs?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
"Still time to back out if you want to."
"Not on your life, Simon."
You can consider this the official end of the Bachelor Challenge!
"Some lady made chicken-motions at me and put me in handcuffs and now the car is eating me."
...I honestly don't know how this happened. There's no benefit to them being in the Llama Cult at
this point, since grade hacking is useless in the permanent fall, and they don't need the career
rewards (aside from Eddie, naturally), and it's sort of annoying having to go to the Llama Cult lot
every night, but if Simon and Eddie are both in, the other ten college kids will all be getting in as
Bee goes Permaplat shortly after poking the Cow.
There's quite a bit of this, too--Simon and Pen being adorable, and Becca getting busy in the Love
Tub on the front lawn.
Becca is not shy. So far she's gotten two mascots, a streaker, a dormie, and two professors into
Bee, on the other hand, has fallen hard for Streaker Goopy, aka Victor Stratton. Since Bee and
Becca are exhibitionists themselves, they won't mind that Bee's hubby thinks that clothing is
Fiona, meanwhile, still has a thing for Reed, and they are horribly cute together.
There's a lot of stalking that goes on when these two are on the same lot.
Of course, Reed and Fee aren't the only ones getting some action...
"Meadow, hey. You, uh... You changed your hair."
"I wasn't sure you'd come."
"I wanted to see what you had to say."
"I wanted to say thank you, mostly. I mean, I know getting into the Secret Society hinged on what
you had to say, and I was kind of a jerk to you, but you put in a good word anyway. You weren't
there when I got inducted, and I thought I should say thanks in person. I'm really not a bad guy."
"I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."
"And I really am grateful that you did."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't... But you helped me so much..."
"I wasn't complaining."
"In that case, let me give you something else to not complain about."
"I've never done this before, Eddie."
"I mean, just jump into bed with some guy."
"I have to say I've never done that either."
"And I'm not? Meadow, I didn't kiss you because I felt like I owed it to you. I kissed you because I
Some guys don't have Eddie's luck...
Another sausage fest from the Wishing Well. Tres annoying.
It's time for a Choose Your Own Caption Adventure! Fill in Archie's line:
"I wonder if they'll let me keep these."
"Seriously, this would be, like, a zillion times better if you were a chick."
"If there aren't any hot SimSelves where we're going, this was a waste of time."
"Sorry, man, I don't swing that way."
We hope you have enjoyed this Choose Your Own Caption Adventure!
I cannot make these thought bubbles up, people.
After despairing of getting a decent well-drop for Rizzo, I hunted through some
Townie/Downtownie guides and found some possibilities. The Dormie in the toga isn't one of
them, but she'll do for a date to keep his motives up.
Nikki Despret there might have been a potential, except that after being dead three times for
Jonny and Tom, I felt bad, so I didn't turn her back into a Townie. But she was friends with Tom,
and she appears to be a Family Sim, and I don't think she's dealing so well with his death.
Sadly, Nikki's Aspiration Failure is not the only issue. Yup, CrumpleBottom showed up to do some
serious parade-raining. I didn't need a Dream Date, but I DID need a date good enough to kick
Rizzo's motives up a substantial amount, which is really, really hard to do with the limited options
provided by CrumpleBottom's presence.
"Hey! I'm Rizzo."
"I like your tats. My friend Archie has tats."
"You know they come off in the shower, right?"
"Lots of things come off in the shower. ...Sorry, Romance Sim. Sometimes I can't help it."
"It's all right. I've heard worse."
"I really am sorry. I'm usually not quite so shameless. But I sort of have a thing for redheads."
"I can see that. Because of your date."
Sadly, the sailing is not smooth. I imagine her turnons are something like vampires and stink, like
most of the Townie types, plus she's a Knowledge Sim. Still, though, Downtown is set to Summer,
so they make friends easily enough, even if there's no flirting because the girl Rizzo was on the
date with is still hanging around.
"Oh, hey, Uncle Chad!"
"Rizzo. Securing Gen 7?"
"I hope so!"
Heading back to another burgeoning romance...
At least this keeps Georgia away from Reed and Billy. They are now safe from her Family Sim
Big Red Hearts for Georgia and Sheldon.
...I may keep him in the beret.
Reed and Georgia wanted a bird. Billy also enjoys playing with Arthur Dent.
He still finds time to do more traditional Pleasure Sim pursuits as well.
Billy also likes to throw parties, and he seems intent on trying out various ways of pillow fighting
with Toast without actually hitting each other. Like on opposite sides of the room, facing away from
each other, for instance.
He may have too many nice points, if he doesn't even want to hit his girlfriend with a squishy
"Reed. There's a cheerleader in your bedroom."
"She's checking out my butt, isn't she?"
"She appears to approve. I can't say I disagree, but it's creepy."
"I'm just gonna keep making the bed and ignore her."
Georgia gets a little loving in too. She and Sheldon finally have a date that isn't interrupted by
class or Sheldon complaining that she's not focusing on his needs but it was a fantastic time and
they need to do it again.
They get their little demented purple hearts.
Georgia and Sheldon aren't the only ones wandering in their underpants...
"I'm glad I met you, Meadow. I just wish I could introduce you to my mom."
"I wish you could too."
"Phoenix showed me your Career Rewards. There was that Bone Phone thing. He said it could
bring back dead people. I thought... I thought maybe I could use it to bring her back, but he said I
couldn't use it here."
"That's right. You can only bring college students back to life here."
"I can't take it either. I'm new to the Secret Society. If it disappeared so soon after I joined,
everyone would suspect me."
"Getting your mom back is really important to you, huh?"
"I couldn't save her. If I could bring her back, maybe it would make up for it."
"You know, I've had that llama jacket forever. I could get the Bone Phone for you. You could
graduate, and borrow it, and go home and use it to resurrect your mother, and then I could put it
back. I mean, it's not like your dad couldn't give you the nine grand you need to bring her back the
way she was."
"I couldn't ask you to do that, Meadow."
"You don't have to. I'm offering. Eddie, I... I think I love you."
"I don't know what to say."
Random cute picture of cute Simon being cute is randomly cute.
"Uh, it's not what it looks like!"
"Really? Because it looks like you're cheating!"
"No, I was, uh... Okay, okay, I'm a real Vetinari, I cheat at chess."
Becca using Randy Knight to complete her LTW just seemed so fitting. I mean, it's RANDY
...I'm not really sure what she's doing with this professor, but I think that's illegal in twenty-seven
These are all from Operation: Community Lot WooHoo. The photobooths at Finn's Fins and
SupremeNerd's House of Stuff got quite the workout.
And Becca goes Permaplat! The +15,000 is because she's actually rolled the Want for 20
WooHoos--it ended up being worth 40,000 total, when the Aspiration points from it also being her
LTW were factored in.
"This is it. One Bone Phone, neatly wrapped with a pretty bow on top."
"I can't believe you really did it. And it is a very nice bow."
"I can't stay, though. I have to get to class."
"Oh. Then I guess I'll just say thanks and let you go get educated."
"Registrar? Yeah, I'd like to drop out. ...Yes, I understand the consequences. No, I don't want to
explain why. I just want to go."
So I need nine thousand dollars to bring Mom back? That should give me enough to change my
clothes, at least.
I won't ask Dad. I've come this far on my own, and I'll go the rest of the way on my own.
I'm almost there, Mom.
And now to catch up with Eddie's brothers...
"Archie? Are you seriously okay with me being the heir? I mean, we've already got one spare
holding a grudge. I'd rather you didn't make it two."
"Xander, I'm a Romance Sim. I've got no desire to settle down. And negative desire to die, if it
comes to that. So you go do your thing. I'll quite happily be WooHooing SimSelves long after
you've got a platstone out back."
"You won't try to hurt us?"
"I'm more or less completely uninterested in anything that would interfere with my busy schedule
of WooHooing SimSelves. Speaking of which, I got a date."
"Would you like to see the inside of my pants? I mean, my bedroom? Hehehe, I always get those
two mixed up."
"Either one is fine with me. Or both. Both is good too."
Smoothiequeen writes the Villainous Apocalypse.
Lest you think I enjoy tormenting the SimSelves in my neighborhood: they all volunteered for this.
Every last one of 'em.
"So, uh, I don't suppose you'd mind if I flirted with you?"
"Can I cheer first?"
"Is there any way to stop you from cheering first?"
"Well then, get it out of your system."
"Shall we hit the car?"
"I won't even take a cheer break."
For some reason, Brittany's Demented Purple Heart showed up well after Xander's. But he'll be
platinum for a while, so he really doesn't care about the time-lag in the hearts.
"This is how we Vetinaris say 'Hello'."
"Thanks for coming out with me. I promise you're the only redhead I'll be looking at this evening."
"You can go ahead and look. But I can't promise I'll still be there when you turn back around."
"Can we just call a truce or something? I swear I'm a decent guy. If you want the 'love 'em and
leave 'em' sort of Romance Sim, I can introduce you to my friend Archie."
"Fair enough. A truce, then."
"How 'bout I buy you dinner?"
"Zoe, what've you got against Romancers anyway?"
"I've seen my fair share of you in action. I'm not interested in being used and thrown away like
yesterday's leftover pizza."
"I'm not interested in throwing anyone away. Listen, I'm a Legacy heir. I have a responsibility. I
have to get married and have kids, and I don't think I can justify playing the field."
"What are you saying, exactly?"
"I'm saying I like you. You can hold your own, and I respect that. And I'm just hoping you give me a
chance to prove that I'm not a liar."
"Well, you weren't lying about having some decent moves, Rizzo."
"My Smustle skillz are equally mad."
"So is this the part where you ask me home with you?"
"Nope. This is the part where, if I asked you home with me, you'd say no and block my calls. So
instead, this is the part where I say thank you for a lovely evening, and I hope we can do it again
"There may be a chance for you yet, Romance Boy."
"How's it going with the 'heir' thing, Xander?"
"I have a girlfriend and a nightly date with a telescope when I move home. So that's good, I
guess, right? You?"
"Cute redhead with a pretty wicked sense of humor and a low tolerance for bullshit.”
"Nice. Sounds better than a telescope."
"Yeah, but I get to go back to endless grilled cheese sandwiches."
Archie gets in one last fling before graduation. Lark approves of his level of fitness.
Ladylarkrune writes Lady Lark's Looney Bin for the Morbidly Insane.
I'd say that Archie goes out with a bang, but that would be tacky and wrong.
WTF? Is my game stuck on "breeches" or something? Seriously! Of all the possible choices of
pants and outfits, I get breeches again?
"Nice pants, Archie."
"Speak of this to no one. No one."
Final tally: Archie graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He pwned the Llama Mascot a couple
of times, netted a whole passel of SimSelf girlfriends, and generally provided Havelock House
with all the attitude it could handle. With his graduation, the family fraternity will be much less surly
and Oddly Hot.
"What's new, Simon?"
"I have a girlfriend. She's cute. Also we got a Cow Mascot Head Trophy and now it doesn't come
in and make Fee and Becca cry anymore."
"All hail the Cow Mascot Head Trophy."
"Reed! Dirty Joke!"
"Yes! I love Dirty Jokes! But my girlfriend doesn't like them."
"Let's get them all out of our systems!"
"My turn next!"
Tolly poofs into non-breeches!
Final tally: Tolly graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He occasionally whined about his
Aspiration, but mostly kept himself happy, chased the Cow Mascot out of the house a few times,
and decided that he needed to date one of Archie's Llama Cult castoffs.
He can go live with Archie in a nice swanky bachelor pad.
"Thanks for coming over."
"You asked so nicely."
"Still, though. I'm glad you're here."
"I have to say, you're a different breed of Romancer."
"Hey, sometimes Romance is about WooHooing anything that moves. Sometimes it's about
finding a connection with that one person you're meant to be with."
"And who might that person be, hmmmm?"
"Well, there is this one pretty redhead..."
"You'll have to let me know when she's coming over so that I can get lost before she gets here."
"I was sort of thinking about asking if she wanted to maybe kick things up a notch. But I'm not sure
what she'd say."
"I think she might say yes."
Rizzo finally gets his demented purple heart with Zoe.
I was sort of thinking he'd be a more monogamous sort of Romance Sim, and that so far appears
to be the case. He really doesn't roll the "WooHoo everyone" or "Fall in Love with everyone"
Wants, and seems to be settling for generic WooHoo/Date Wants.
"What do you say, Brittany? Marry me and provide Aspiration fodder, and I'll buy you all the
expensive stuff you want?"
I really don't need Brittany to breed. I just need her to keep Xander happy.
Reed: "I'm stuck between the chairs because Billy's sitting down."
Billy: "I can't get up because Reed is standing between the chairs."
Xander: "Don't mind me, I'm just going full-on Goopy over here."
Final tally: Xander graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He's engaged to cheerleader Brittany
Boyle, and continues to be overshadowed by Archie, which probably isn't fair, but... It's Archie.
"My girlfriend is finally safe from Archie!"
"Billy, I don't think anyone's girlfriend will ever be safe from Archie."
"Just let me have my dream."
Rizzo pops into the best outfit so far. It's not Rizzo, but it's not Goopy either.
Final tally: Rizzo graduates with a 4.0 and a llama jacket. He's dating gloriously recessive-gened
Downtownie Zoe Almassizadeh, which will hopefully get me some recessive-haired babies in Gen
With Billy placeholding Havelock House, and the rest of the inhabitants gone, it's just moving the
rest of them back home...