My eyes are fully open To my awful situation

1. Hello! Welcome back to Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge! I apologize
for the delay – I went to visit my new niece, and she is absolutely adorabubble! I spent all
my time playing with her (and holding her and marveling at how much more adorabubble
she is in person) instead of playing the Sims. It’s been so long that you probably want a
recap, don’t you?
(grumbles) I hate doing recaps… I’m really lousy at them. So. Last time Ruth married
Ryan (he took her name), threw up a lot, and had a baby. Either Aren or Valerie (I can’t
remember which) brought us a career reward, and nobody was abducted or turned into a
vampire or bitten by a werewolf or anything.
And now let’s go to the actual household, where the thrills never stop.

2. As you can see, Sims do occasionally behave sensibly about fire. This interaction is
called “Carry Away.”
VALERIE: Aren! How many times do I have to tell you? You are not allowed to cook
anything!
AREN: Yo! That is unfair! It wasn’t me!
VALERIE: You’ve set fires every time you’ve tried to cook for the last thirty years!
What do you mean, it wasn’t you?

3. AREN (V.O.): I mean it was not me! I was playing putt-putt in the back yard. I have
witnesses.
VALERIE (V.O.): Well, if you didn’t start the fire, then who did?
AREN (V.O.): Oh, so all of a sudden it’s my fault our daughter married a raving
pyromaniac, is it?
Ryan did indeed start the fire, but nobody was hurt and he also brought home the
Execuputter (one day on the job, no promotion), so we’ll forgive him.

4. And from his short-lived stint in Education (one day on the job, no promotion), Ryan
brought home the Magic Bookshelf.
AREN: Yo, I don’t like this thing! It clashes with the décor. And what was wrong with
the old bookshelf, anyway? Dad and Pop liked it.
VALERIE: (sighs) Aren, sweetie, let me explain something to you. (patiently launching
into a very old and much recited spiel) Dad and Pop are gone. They are never going to
come back…

5. Also brought home from work that day was famous actor (and star of the soon-to-be-hit
reality show Class) Komei Tellerman.
JOE CARR: Hey, I think this guy might be trying to pull something.
RYAN: Komei? Are you trying to steal my gnome?
KOMEI TELLERMAN: Steal de gnome? Komei? (suddenly breaks down) I cannot help
myself! I see deir lit-tle faces and I see deir lit-tle hats, and – ! (pulling himself together)
But I will be goot. I will not steal de gnome of my goot friend Ryan.

6. RYAN (mutters): “I vill not steal de gnome of my goot frent Rrrryan.” “I vill not steal de
gnome of my goot frent Rrrryan.” If I ever get my hands on that putz,* I’ll “goot frent”
him!
*Kids! Putz is not a nice word at all, so don’t use it in conversation. And if you do, remember: you learned
it from TV.

7. Shortly thereafter, we had a burglar. Who proceeded to kick the stuffing out of Officer
Dorian Kakauer.
Officer Kakauer has sunk very low indeed in my estimation since the days when The
Victorian Legacy had me wondering if dicreasy could perhaps be persuaded to put a
certain green-skinned avatar in her game to keep him company.
I like Gawaine Goodytwoshoes much better nowadays anyway. But that’s neither here
nor there.

8. The burglar only made off with one thing. Three guess as to what it was – and the first
two don’t count.

9. This was also when the first family portrait was taken for the Storyteller bonus. I haven’t
quite decided yet if I will make this a custom painting or a snapshot. Either way, you
probably won’t get a good look at it, so I thought I’d show you now.
There are six family members pictured. Left to right: Ryan, Buttercup, Valerie, Aren
(seated), and Ruth.

10. Family member #6 is a bit harder to see.

11. We interrupt out regularly scheduled programming to announce that Buttercup Shankel
has become a Toddler.
We repeat: Buttercup Shankel has become a Toddler. She does not currently appear to be
very Wacky.
Further updates as events warrant.

12. VALERIE: Hiiii-iiii, whoever you are! I love you already! I can’t wait til you get here!
(to Ruth) What do you two have in mind for names?
RUTH: We were thinking Olga if it’s a girl or Adam if it’s a boy.
VALERIE: You might want to rethink that “Adam.” I happen to know for a fact that
Aunt Bitsy* is planning to give you a thousand bucks if the baby’s name starts with an O.
RUTH: Say how much now?
*Valerie’s best friend from college; the “Aunt” is honorary.

13. Meet Old Adam Shankel!
Old Adam is named after Old Adam Goodheart, a character from Ruddigore. That Old
Adam was a faithful “old retainer” whose loyalty to his master knew no bounds,
following him first into hiding under an assumed name and then into a life of crime.
(Which is the reverse of the usual order.) Depending on the results of the heir poll, of
course, this Old Adam may end up being the master himself.
Like my uncle, who ended up with a similarly undesired first name (and for similar
reasons), Old Adam will be called exclusively by his middle name, which is what his
parents wanted to call him in the first place anyway. But legally his first name is “Old.”
Old Adam has his father’s hair, his mother’s eyes, skintone midway between the two, and
Hobbes only knows whose nose. Given that he came out blonde, both he and Ruth are
probably carrying Valerie’s alleged recessive red hair gene.

14. Unfortunately, Aren did not get to meet his grandson.
AREN: Is it that time already?
GRIM REAPER: ’..ai. .o.
AREN (sadly): Yo…

15. Aren Fuchs, over 70. (I really should start writing this stuff down.) Aren was a Pleasure
Sim who never met a couch he didn’t want to play on and who never achieved his LTW
of Becoming a Professional Party Guest. Aren was adopted, as was his sister, and he was
very close to both his fathers – unhealthily so, in Valerie’s opinion. The untimely death
of his parents sent him into something of a tailspin and cost him his first girlfriend, but
Valerie was able to pull him out of it. Aren’s favorite Gilbert & Sullivan piece was the
so-called “Matter Patter” from Ruddigore. Have a listen in his memory.
Rest in peace, Aren.

16. Notes, disclaimers, and other trivia
Old Adam’s name in-game really is Old Adam. I’m in kind of a bind on O names: I need
three, but Gilbert only used one real name that started with O. There are two more I can
use if I’m willing to stretch a point, and Old Adam is one of them.
Following Aren’s death, I did kaching the family once, on general principles. Aren had a
100/100 relationship with Valerie when he died – they were together for nearly forty
years, for Pete’s sake! – and yet the game only gave Valerie $200 in life insurance. (Ruth
received a whopping $400, even though her relationship scores were lower.) I have
explained the kaching as “money from Aunt Bitsy.”
The Grim Reaper said “’Fraid so.”
There is no Gilbert & Sullivan character named “Bitsy.” But since you like Officially
Wacky Boolprop Challenges, you can probably get the reference.
I’ll see you next time!