The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 18 5


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In which there is dancing, and dating, and a conversation, and plotting, and a revelation.

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The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 18 5

  1. 1. Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 18.5: Revelation. Last time, the Prettacy welcomed twins Bell and Whitney and said a final goodbye to Topher, while all four of the Uglacy kids had a birthday or two. In the end, Archie went to Cypress's bar, where he turned down the villain's offer of Eeevil and was summarily murdered. A final twist of the knife came when Cypress left Archie's tombstone on the front lawn of the Uglacy for Xander and Coco to find.
  2. 2. "Oh, hey, Xander! We should get the kids together later this week and... What? Archie's what? ...Cypress? Yeah, Mom's told me about him. He killed Archie? I'm sorry, man. I mean, he was a spare. More than that, he was Archie. I thought he was indestructible. ...Yeah, I'll tell my mom what happened."
  3. 3. "I just got a phone call from Xander. Archie's dead. Cypress killed him." "I'm sorry. I know you were friends." "It's not just that! If Cypress is killing again, how are we supposed to stay safe?" "I don't have an answer for that, Rizzo. But my mother said that if I was heir, my family would be protected. I don't know how long that's meant to last, but you're my family, so I'd bet you don't have to worry." "I hope you're right." "So do I." "I'll leave it up to you whether you want to tell the kids. They might enjoy innocence a little longer." "I agree."
  4. 4. "I can Smustle! I love me some Smustle!"
  5. 5. "Hey Dad! Hey Topher!" "Indy. How are my grandchildren getting on?" "Pretty well. You have great-grandchildren now." "...They moved my grave..."
  6. 6. This is Anyanka, the potential new mate for the Prettacy kitty.
  7. 7. "Hey, squirt! How 'bout some Red Hands action?" "There's a penguin behind you, Carver." "Are you trying to cheat? You can't even cheat at Red Hands, and you have too many nice points to cheat anyway!" "There's seriously a penguin. Honest."
  8. 8. Bell and Whitney bring Faraday and Scott home from school. They had a water balloon fight in the snow. They're perhaps not the sharpest knives in the drawer.
  9. 9. Warren and Anya seem to be getting along well! Hooray!
  10. 10. "You could chew, you know." "Eh. Waste of time."
  11. 11. "Riz? Are you really worried about that Cypress guy?" "Yeah. Not as much as Mom, though. When she was Carver's age, he busted into the house, found out that she was the heir, and threatened to kill her. Uncle Indy and Uncle Chad stuck up for her, and Grandma and Grandpa kicked him out of the house. She's not saying anything, and I know she believed in Grandma's prophecies, but she's worried."
  12. 12. "But you are concerned, right?" "Of course I am. And you are too." "Why would you say that?" "Because you didn't call me 'Romance Boy' just now. Zoe, I don't want anything to happen to Carver or Whitney or Bell. We have to assume that at some point, Cypress is going to look at us with murder on his mind. I mean... Archie. I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to Tolly. And I can't imagine what Xander and his family are going through right now."
  13. 13. "Coco... I still can't believe it." "I know." "I don't think it's even really hit me yet." "That wasn't really an option for me. He defaced the tombstone, Malcolm. It was horrible. Brittany was kind enough to wash it off so that Xander and I didn't have to." "I wish I could have been there for you." "There's nothing you could have done. We put him out back, under your portrait." "I'm sure he'd hate that." "Archie hated everything. That's why we loved him."
  14. 14. "It's awful, Xander. I mean, Archie was nasty, but that was just him. He didn't deserve to die." "It'll be all right. I don't think you have anything to worry about." "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you. And my niece and nephews." "You're not the only one." "So why'd your mom ask Dad and I here?"
  15. 15. "I have no idea. She just told me to call you and Dad and have you come over. Marco and Bucky are waiting inside." "I guess we should go in and see what's up, then." "I'm betting it's nothing good."
  16. 16. "I imagine you're all wondering why you're here."
  17. 17. "Because Cypress killed Uncle Archie and everyone's all freaked out now and walking around like there's a monster on the other side of every doorway and we're not allowed to go anywhere or do anything anymore, which is really boring?" "Way to soften that blow, Marco." "Well, yeah, but, that is why we're here, right?"
  18. 18. "The real question is how do we get Archie back? I overturned every rock I could find to try and get a Bone Phone to bring Sycamore back, but I couldn't get my hands on one."
  19. 19. "Eddie could do it, Dad. That's why he went to college. He told me so. He said he could get a Bone Phone like Mom had and bring her back." "Mal, I was at college when Eddie was. He never returned any of our calls or came to any of our parties when we invited him. Why would you think he'd help us bring Archie back?" "Because he's his brother too!"
  20. 20. "Mal, I know you mean well, but I haven't even been able to get into contact with Eddie to tell him that Archie's dead. Maybe he did get a Bone Phone, and maybe he'd be willing to resurrect Archie, but we need to tell him he needs to do it first. Besides, if he had gotten a Bone Phone, and if it really could bring people back from the dead, he'd have brought Cami back first thing, and I haven't seen her. I wish we could count on Eddie for this, but I don't see that happening."
  21. 21. "OK, so we can't count on Eddie. The Prettacy has a Bone Phone; we could call up and ask them to bring him back. Rizzo'd do it if we asked." "They can't, Xander. No resurrecting nonresident playables." "Fine then, I'll try to get a job in Paranormal and get a Bone Phone and bring him back myself." "Same problem. Bringing Archie back here or at the Prettacy is strictly verboten."
  22. 22. "Tolly can do it! Tolly's a spare, living the life of a spare, and he's a college graduate, which means he can go into Paranormal, get a Bone Phone, and bring Archie back! We could even give him the money to do it--nothing wrong with that!"
  23. 23. "That's an awesome idea! Let's do that! Uncle Archie doesn't have to be dead and then we can all go out and have fun again!"
  24. 24. "The issues go deeper than that, I'm afraid. It's not as simple as just having Tolly get a Bone Phone and bringing Archie back to life."
  25. 25. "Why not? It seems like a perfectly reasonable plan to me. From what I understand, Tolly and Archie were friends. I'll give him the money myself so that it doesn't come out of Legacy funds."
  26. 26. "Malcolm, you know Cypress better than anyone in this room. You have the distinct advantage of actually having met him. You were dating Sycamore when they were all in college; you spent time with him. You know what he's like. I've only heard the stories and the warnings. You understand."
  27. 27. "Grandpa? What's she talking about?" "You know the answer, Malcolm."
  28. 28. "...It's Cypress. He might be arrogant and cocky, but he never does anything on the spur of the moment. He always has a plan. Ever since he found out about the Legacy and that Larch was the heir, he's been obsessed with destroying the Legacy. If he killed Archie, he wanted him dead for a reason. Maybe it's just to shake us all up and remind us that he's still out there. Maybe there's a deeper purpose behind it. Whatever his rationale was, there's really only one conclusion we can make here: Cypress wants Archie dead, and if we bring him back, Cypress will just kill him again, and this time he might not leave his tombstone intact, and we'd never be able to resurrect him. Archie's dead. And he has to stay that way."
  29. 29. "But that isn't fair! You're saying that we have the ability to resurrect Archie, the money and a plan and everything, and none of it's any good? We could bring him back and he could hide out somewhere! He could keep a low profile and no one would have to know that he's alive!"
  30. 30. " 'Archie' and 'low profile' aren't two concepts that belong in the same sentence. I imagine the first thing he'd do would be to try to get back at Cypress, and if Cypress managed to kill him a second time, we'd never see him again. I wish it could be as easy as just calling up the Reaper and asking for Archie back, but it's not."
  31. 31. "Wait, now I'm confused. If this isn't a brainstorming session to figure out how to bring Uncle Archie back, then what is it really?"
  32. 32. "We need to talk about the future, Bucky." "Mom, it's a Legacy. We know what the future holds." "There's more than you know. And if Cypress is back to killing, then maybe it's time that everyone knows."
  33. 33. "First things first. Marconi, we need a Black Sheep, and you're the best candidate." "We should talk about this. There's no reason Tess or Fair couldn't do it." "If something should happen to you or me, someone will need to stay behind and mind the house and the next generation. Your kids are half-alien, which means a Black Sheep. No one but the heir and spouse can move back from college, so the Black Sheep won't be able to go to the Academie. Bucky will freak if he doesn't go to college, so Marco's the best choice."
  34. 34. "But... But what if I don't want to? I don't want to be a vampire and a werewolf and all that stuff. I just wanna date a lot. Plus, what if I'm no good at it? That's a lot of responsibility and what if I can't handle it? And if I'm here, doesn't that make me a target too? I really, really don't wanna die like Uncle Archie. Let someone else do it."
  35. 35. "The reasoning's sound, Marco. If something happens to me, there will need to be someone here to keep an eye on things. A Black Sheep is as good a caretaker as anyone else, and you're the logical choice."
  36. 36. "You should decide what you want Brittany to do if you die. She's welcome to stay here, of course, but she'd be safer out of the line of fire." "I'll talk to her about it later. If the kids needed her, I'm sure she'd stay, but I'd feel better if she were gone. I love her, and I'd hate to think of Cypress doing anything to her."
  37. 37. "Dad, you're talking like you think something bad's going to happen to you. I mean, it won't, will it? Cypress killed Uncle Archie; doesn't that mean his bloodlust is, like, slaked or whatever? You don't really think he's going to come after you, do you?" "Bucky, stop it! You're gonna jinx it! Nothing's gonna happen to Dad!"
  38. 38. "I certainly don't want anything to happen to me. I'd like nothing more than to see you all living your own happy lives, and to feed my grandbabies bottles until they're stuffed. Believe me, I'm not going to do anything stupid like try to take Cypress on. But he's out there, and he's in a murderous frame of mind, and I'd be foolish not to think that my head's on the chopping block. Maybe he's had enough killing for a while. But if he hasn't, I don't want my family to fall apart."
  39. 39. "But if you die, we can bring you back, right? I mean, we need a Bone Phone anyway to make a zombie, so we can just use it on you."
  40. 40. "Don't be an idiot. Haven't you been paying attention? If Cypress wants someone dead, they stay that way." "Don't call me an idiot! I'm not stupid!" "Then use your head! Even if Cypress would let us bring back Dad, there'd be no point to bringing him back! He's already done what he needed to do. You, me, Tess, Fair--that's an heir, a Black Sheep, and two spares. The only reason to resurrect Dad would be because we miss him." "That's not a bad reason!"
  41. 41. "Xand? Your take on your hypothetical death?"
  42. 42. "I'd rather not, obviously. But Bucky's right; if I die from murder, there's no sense in risking Cypress's ire by resurrecting me. Hey, no need to be a downer--there's every possibility that I'll die a happy death of Old Age, just like Mom!"
  43. 43. "I have looked into a contingency plan, Xander. Just in case." "Feeding Townies to Brunhilde seems sort of cruel." "Nothing to do with that. But my time is short, and if it seems like I'll be needed, I have a backup plan."
  44. 44. "Gosh, we sure are a cheery bunch."
  45. 45. "Here's something non-death-related for you. A little something my father told me. The seventh generation heir must be told this. That's imperative. My father told me, and his father told him, all the way back to Larch and Finn. Normally it's more of a private thing, but at this point, I think that the more people who know, the better. You'll all be responsible for passing this along. If the heir hears this from each of you, so much the better. The message is this: 'When the time comes, let the rain wash away the sins of the past.' I don't know what it means, so don't bother asking. All Dad told me was that some day, it would make sense, and the fate of the Legacy depends on it making sense at the right time."
  46. 46. "I guess that's why I'm here, huh? The child of a spare? Pretty much the last person around with a target on her back, so even if everyone else ends up six feet under, there'll be one survivor? Don't worry; if it comes down to me, I'll do whatever it takes. I'm scared, but Eddie told me once that Mom never backed down, so neither will I. Maybe Eddie's abandoned this family, but I won't."
  47. 47. "It's a commendable attitude, Mal. Anybody's family would be proud to have you. I know I am."
  48. 48. "I think that covers everything. As far as I can tell, all the important bits are out in the open. Family's the most important thing we have, and we need to keep it together, especially when things are grim."
  49. 49. "I agree. Now, if no one minds, I'd like to go say goodbye to my son."
  50. 50. I never expected to be doing this for you, Archie.
  51. 51. "Please don't cry, Dad. I can't stand to see you upset." "I miss my son." "I miss him too."
  52. 52. All around the neighborhood, the kids are growing up, under much happier circumstances. Scotty follows Connor home from school. Scotty understands about the outgoingness, but Connor's evil little grin sort of baffles him.
  53. 53. "Ouch!" "What?" "That hurt!" "Sissy!" "I am considering not creepy-nice-point-smiling at you." "Oooh, like I'm sooooo scared."
  54. 54. Connor's also a pretty dedicated chess-cheat. Victor's a pretty dedicated naked dude.
  55. 55. "Yeah, you know, so my great-grandma was in the bedroom, and I was all like, hey, you're all see- through and stuff..." "Cool, Bell! What happened next?" "...She scared me and then I needed to take a shower."
  56. 56. "A penguin, you say?" "Yeah! It was right behind Carver and he didn't even believe me! You'd believe me, right?" "Really a penguin?" "Yes!"
  57. 57. Cutie Connor grows up and I manage to catch his inaugural finger-gun. He's a Gemini 4/10/9/5/1, and he rolled Popularity, as might be expected.
  58. 58. Niobe's a studious girl, even though there are some things she probably doesn't want to learn about just yet. Or, ever, given that she's still being painstakingly Encouraged into Outgoing and Playful points.
  59. 59. As always, Jesse's there to make sure nothing untoward happens to his favorite person. He sat down and watched her play with her dollhouse.
  60. 60. Jordan invited his sister and nephew over, and despite her shyness, Niobe did manage to make friends with Scotty that day.
  61. 61. Cam and Rocky are still obsessively stalky; even a fight between a cop and a robber couldn't stop them from flirting, chatting, and flirting some more.
  62. 62. Niobe grows up quietly and heads to the chessboard. She's a Pisces 6/1/10/2/9, and she rolled Family.
  63. 63. Reed loves hugs when he gets home from work, and Kate is only too happy to oblige. She might look more like her mom, but she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger.
  64. 64. Fee, meanwhile, teaches Kate how to study. Kate tolerates homework...
  65. 65. ...but she'd rather be having fun!
  66. 66. She grows up too, and aside from her skintone, she does look a lot like Fee. Kate's a Pisces 5/7/10/5/8, and she rolled Family.
  67. 67. Delirium's kids are still hanging around too. I can only imagine that Chantal is asking Nuala what her future holds. It's probably a strange man walking through the house in his underpants.
  68. 68. Or, you know, the obligatory Vetinari set-yourself-on-fire-while-cooking. Either one.
  69. 69. Chantal manages to survive her toddlerhood and grows up. She looks a lot like her father. She has to, since she doesn't look much like Delirium!
  70. 70. "What, this again?"
  71. 71. Nuala's birthday came up fast. She's a Libra 2/9/5/6/6, and rolled Romance, with a LTW involving the number 20.
  72. 72. Before too long, they welcome Lucien to the family.
  73. 73. Lucien gets grown up, and whoa Nelly, does he ever look like his daddy. He's an Aries 6/7/6/3/6. And the nose is worse from the side. Lucien is of course Cypress's grandson, and speaking of Cypress...
  74. 74. "Spider Jerusalem! Get over here!"
  75. 75. "You know, you could have just come inside and asked me to come out."
  76. 76. "You bellowed, Dad?" "I need your help with this." "With what?" "With Eeevil!" "Right; I should have guessed."
  77. 77. "Look, all I need you to do is to go under the weather machine and move the input jack when I tell you to." "Uh... Are you sure that's safe? I mean, these things are pretty sophisticated, and I'd rather not get turned into a crispy critter." "Of course it's safe! I can reprogram the computer, but I can't do that and rewire underneath at the same time! Now crawl under there and get ready to move the plug." "I'm going to get dirty, aren't I?" "Stop whining and do it."
  78. 78. "All right, get ready under there."
  79. 79. "I'm getting wet. No one said anything about getting wet."
  80. 80. "Move the input jack to the next socket." "Okay."
  81. 81. "Good. Keep it there for now." "It's really wet under here, Dad. My feet are squishing in my shoes." "Next port!" "...I just got water up my nose." "Move it!" "I am!"
  82. 82. "Am I done yet? My ass is all soggy." "Move it again! It's still not right." "Fine, fine!"
  83. 83. "No! There! Leave it right there, Spider Jerusalem!" "Can I go dry off now?" "Yes, yes, yes, you may take your damp carcass inside. This is just what I need..."
  84. 84. Back at the Prettacy, Zoe finally gets Permaplat by becoming a Mad Scientist.
  85. 85. "Dancing's hard, Bell!" "I bet it's easier when you're not in your pajamas." "Why would that be?" "I dunno."
  86. 86. "C'mon, squirts, pay attention and I'll show you some real moves!"
  87. 87. "Your old man still has a few tricks up his sleeve, Carver! Check out the ol' booty shake!"
  88. 88. Rizzo has most definitely still got it.
  89. 89. "I'm bored and I want friends! To date!"
  90. 90. "Mitch? Are we ever gonna get grown up?" "Dunno, Baz. Maybe if we got dropped for some girls for a change." "...A half-alien Family Sim, a bunch of kids, and my niece? Somehow I don't see a lot of Romantic possibilities there."
  91. 91. "Whaddaya say? You, me, now, backyard, flirting?" "Yeah, all right."
  92. 92. "You know, I don't think this is the first time I've been seductively nuzzled by this pond..." "Don't care, want to kiss now."
  93. 93. Carver scores his First Kiss with Not-Rose-Goss.
  94. 94. "Hey! How's it going? All right!" "...You must be Bee's son Connor." "That's me! Oh yeah!"
  95. 95. Happily, Connor has a lot of Creativity, so this doesn't make anyone's ears bleed.
  96. 96. Whitney and Bell had fun on the obstacle course thingy. I had some weird glitch where the "gained a skill point" popup would appear two or three times for the same skill point, which was a bit confusing. Plus, there was an unwanted guest...
  97. 97. "Booga booga, ma petite fille!" "I already smelled bad! "But now you no longer 'ave to use ze toilet."
  98. 98. "Aaaah! Grandpa!" "Best part of being dead, Rizzo! Good luck getting back to sleep now!"
  99. 99. The next day, Carver brought home Niobe. She might be shy, but she was impressed by his Bust a Move.
  100. 100. "Let's hug!" "Hooray for nice points!"
  101. 101. Hooray for Vetinaris!
  102. 102. "Aaagh! Bucky! Let go!" "Hahaha, I'm meaner than you!"
  103. 103. "Marco! Ow!" "That's for cheating me at chess all those times and giving me a noogie!"
  104. 104. This is Robin, the potential mate for Kennedy. I'm still shooting for cool coat patterns, so why not a dalmation?
  105. 105. Kennedy and Robin hit it off quickly, which makes me happy. I don't have to deal with another Colin-the-devil-kitty situation!
  106. 106. "I need a date! Send me some friends!"
  107. 107. And this is me being glad that Teens don't do Aspiration Failure. Meadow Turner is now on my List.
  108. 108. People might talk about how all Romance Sims are bisexual skanks, but the only bi Sim I've had has been a Pleasure Sim with a 50 First Dates LTW--Cory. He got to the point where the Matchmaker was only dropping female Sims he'd already dated, so I turned to the male population for a while. Marco will probably end up the same way--at least moderately bisexual. Therefore, I have no problems letting Marco hit up Eric "Stabby Death Nose" Seavey for a date, since he got the Hand from Meadow Turner.
  109. 109. Sadly, there's a bit of Knowledge/Pleasure incompatibility at work there. Marco looks so sad to be heart-barfed.
  110. 110. Marco manages to score his First Kiss, and his Aspiration is no longer very, very red.
  111. 111. While Marco gets his Date on, Bucky and Coco teach Tess and Fair how to study. Bucky's pretty good at pretending like he has nice points.
  112. 112. "Hey, Gramma? This dancing thing is really hard." "That's nice, Bucky."
  113. 113. "Ahahaha, you guys suck!" "Uh... Don't you have a freakish ten nice points or something?" "Doesn't mean I don't know Fail when I see it!"
  114. 114. "Marco, we're doing that weird 'twin' lookalike thing. And I really don't wanna have to start dressing like you and randomly flirting." "And I don't want to buy a shrub." "We should stop this now." "Yes."
  115. 115. "Frr? Yr l'l bff cls hr." "What?" "Isss pnfl." "Huh?" "He said, 'Fair? You're a little bit close here.' and 'It's painful.' I think he wants you to get out of his face, li'l bro." "Oh. Why didn't he just say so?" "Drk."
  116. 116. All four Uglacy kids getting their Dance on!
  117. 117. "We're doing it again, Bucky." "...Dammit."
  118. 118. "Gosh, Fair! I don't think we're getting better at this." "I just wish Marco and Bucky were still here, because I didn't get a chance to laugh at them."
  119. 119. "Waaaagh! I'm sorry I'm bad at dancing!" "Ladies like a man with rhythm, kid!"
  120. 120. "How's it going, Bucky?" "Okay, I guess." "You upset about your uncle Archie?" "Not really." "Wanna go play catch?" "Yeah, all right."
  121. 121. So I guess I might have to keep an eye on you. Might as well start now.
  122. 122. Don't worry, li'l sister. I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you. One last stop to make...
  123. 123. Well, here goes nothing...
  124. 124. "Hello, Andie." "...Ellis?"