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The Vetinari Dualegacy: Chapter 24.75


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In which we revisit the Dualegacy, and there are birthdays, and deaths, and Spider Jerusalem.

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The Vetinari Dualegacy: Chapter 24.75

  1. 1. Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 24.75: Enter Sandman!So, its only been, like, nine months since I updated. Yeah. I know. BAD DOC. GO SIT IN THE CORNER ANDTHINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.Ill do a Big Teen Post next time. Quickie recap, Jack is the Uglacy heir, hes the one whos a Teen right now,the other two are Paulie (black hair, black eyes) and George (blonde), Jojo is the Prettacy heir (guy withdreadlocks), Lawrin is his twin sister, they are both Teens, and the blonde Prettacy kid is Ben, and he doesntlike Jojo. Jack is Romance, Jojo is Pleasure, Lawrin is Family, and none of them rolled any annoying LTWs.Also, Gilbert had it out with his mother, kicked her out, and then asked Cass to move in. Cass said yes, to thesurprise of exactly no one.Moving on!
  2. 2. “Hows it going, Mister Didnt-Come-Home-Last-Night?”“Well, you know... Didnt come home last night, Miss-Totally-Forgot-Youre-Actually-A-Brunette.”“Figured it was a time for a change.”“Yeah, I get that. Believe me, I get that.”
  3. 3. “So I take it you and Gil finally sealed the deal?”“In more ways than one. He had it out with his mom because of me, and he told me he loved me. And, youknow, I love him too.”
  4. 4. “Thats a pretty big step, Cass.”“Hes amazing. How can I not love him?”“So why do I get the feeling that youre not done talking here?”“He asked me to move in with him. And I said yes. I just wanted to tell you in person.”“Youre sure about this?”“Positive.”
  5. 5. “Then I hope the two of you are happy with each other.”“We are. And maybe you and the kids could come by for dinner some time.”“Thatd be nice. I know theyll miss you.”“Ill miss you guys too. But I need to do this for me.”
  6. 6. The Uglacy boys. Jacks the Teen. He is not Neat. Got an iron stomach on him, though. Routinely eats greenbuzzy food, and never gets any ill effects from it. The other two are not a whole lot neater.This is not a neat household in general. Sometimes I miss the days of Larch and his Neatness.
  7. 7. This is Stevie, the Gen 8 heir. Remember him? Hes one business shy of Permaplat, and he still needs hisGold Robotics and Cosmetology badges. The Robotics badge isnt bad, but Cosmetology? See the commentslast slide re: neat points, and lack thereof.He did manage to get the gold Robotics badge not long after this, and there was much rejoicing.OK, some rejoicing.OK, I sighed in relief and let him go put a shirt on.
  8. 8. “Oh, hey Bucky! I didnt expect you to stop over today.”“Have you got a minute? Marco and I need to talk to you. And Stevie. And whats-his-name. The heir.”“Jack. Which you should know.”“Meh. Details, details.”“Ill go get everyone. Meet us in the kitchen?”
  9. 9. “Were all here. Whats this about, Uncle Bucky?”“Tess, you were just a kid, so you probably wont remember this. After Uncle Archie died, but before Dad...Gramma and Grandpa and Mal and Dad and Marco and I sat down and had a talk about the Legacy and whathad happened with Cypress. About things the heir would need to do. Marco and I promised that wed takecare of things if anything happened to Dad.”
  10. 10. “Thats when they told me I had to be the Black Sheep. I was not looking forward to it. Being a PlantSims notbad, though. Pollen Cloud Prank is awesome.”“Focus, Marco. We talked about this, remember?”“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldnt give me the attitude if my Fairy Nerdmother had let my personality staywerewolfy.”“Marco. Focus.”
  11. 11. “Fine, fine. Okay, so the deal was that Gramma said theres this thing that all the heirs have to know. Larchdid... something... that no one really knows what that is, exactly, but at some point, when Cypress makes amove, whatever he did will kick in, and everything will be sunshine and puppy dogs. Or something. Anyway,the important thing is the phrase When the time is right, let the rain wash away the sins of the past. No, wedont know what that means, and neither did Gramma, and we dont know when the time will be right, or if iteven will, or how anyone will know whats going on. So thats it. When the time is right, let the rain wash awaythe sins of the past. Thats the thing everyone has to know.”
  12. 12. “And you waited until now to tell me this why?”“Um... We knew? And Mal knows. If anything happened to you, there were people who could tell Stevie. Butnow, the three people who need to know are in this room, so we only have to do this once.”“So it was pure laziness?”“Lazy-ish?”
  13. 13. “But that means its Dad or me, right? What if we cant tell if the time is right or not? And what if its not evenraining?”“Probably, dont know, dont know.”“Do you think this is maybe a lot of pressure for a teenager?”“Hey, youre not any younger than we were.”
  14. 14. “Its okay, Jack. Barring unforeseen murder, I wont be dead when your kids born. You wont be on your own.Well figure it out together.”“That makes me feel better, yeah.”
  15. 15. “About the rain thing...”“No idea, Tess. Believe me, wed tell you if we had any clue at all. Whatever Larch planned, he played it closeto the vest. Which isnt a bad thing—if no one knows, no one can leak it to Cypress. The message about therain is vague as hell, but Gramma and Dad believed that it would make sense, so we all have to trust in them—and in Larch.”
  16. 16. “I saw Kitty earlier. Did Fair come too?”“Yeah, hes here. But he was the same age as you, so he didnt get in on the big confab when Marco and Iwere teenagers, so there was no point in having him here here. Last time I saw him...”
  17. 17. “...he was out back with Dad.”
  18. 18. With the family business out of the way, Stevie and Jack headed out for the business of business. Stevie stillneeds a Level 10, and Jack needs some Business Perks.
  19. 19. Back at Attractive Stuff, Stevie let the tickets sell themselves and started giving Jack the ConnectionsRewards.
  20. 20. Now that Stevie doesnt actually need this business for anything, all the playables in the neighborhood cameout of the woodwork. Jordan, Reed, Angs Simself, Nolan, Oz Warner, Max Landgraab...Yes, I know most of you have forgotten who most of those Sims are, but I remember, and I always get a kickout of seeing them around.Ang (peasant007) writes the Devereaux Legacy.Oz Warner is on loan from ladylarkrunes Yakkos World OWBC.
  21. 21. Back home, the kids skill like all good little Legacy boys.Id say “good little Legacy boys and girls,” but this is my game here. Girls are an endangered species.
  22. 22. Fair is smiling! Mark that down on the calendar!...The trick is to invite him over and Influence him to clean. He enjoys it, and its cheaper than a maid.
  23. 23. Fair cleans up, and Tess and Brad get dirty, so it all works out.Brad still eschews pants as frequently as he can.
  24. 24. Brad was forced to put on real pants to help out at the last of Stevies businesses, aptly named SteviesPants.
  25. 25. Since Stevies chained to the Cosmetology chair, Jack came along to run the register. Francie (Stevies wife)stayed home with Paulie and George.What Stevies Pants sells is clothes, and all the miscellaneous stuff Stevie has collected in his inventory,particularly from getting the badges. And fish. The big robots are the Sucker Cakes for Stevies Pants, andTess and Brad can both Dazzle them away and turn a profit.
  26. 26. “All right! Were totally clipboard twins!”“Sir, would you care to explain why youre selling defective robots?”“Defective? Just because they spark doesnt mean theres anything wrong with them! Even sparky robotsdeserve a good home and some love. Dont hate, Clipboard Twin. Learn to love little sparky robots for whatthey really are, because arent we all just little sparky robots?”
  27. 27. “I just had the most amazing conversation with the distinguished gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt over there!”“Oh, geez. What did he say?”“Its okay! You deserve a Best of the Best Award for being the best little sparky robot you can be!”“Thanks? I guess?”
  28. 28. Stevie continued to chip away at his Cosmetologybadge. This meant more than a few dissatisfiedclients, and one or two punitive makeovers.ANDREW PEARSON, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
  29. 29. Tess continued to sell like a champ. Chad, however,wisely decided not to buy a fish. Hapless Townies,on the other hand, were unable to resist the Dazzleto buy a broken Sentrybot.In other news, Brad took pity on Chester Gieke andhis buttcrack and talked him into fixing his sartorialcrisis.
  30. 30. Rhea did something useful for once and threw the last star needed for Stevies Pants to reach the Top Level.That is not nearly as dirty as it sounds.And NO, Rhea. I STILL DONT LIKE YOU.
  31. 31. I cheated Stevie Permaplat, since he lost three businesses to a rebuild, but we did them, and they totally stillcount.However, no one was allowed to leave, since Stevie still needed his gold Cosmetology badge.
  32. 32. Stevie continued to dole out the makeovers, and thebad ones got fewer and farther between. Chad wasbeing a bit of a drama queen, so he got a monocle.Stevie was smart enough to not mess with SimNerd,which she greatly appreciated.In the end, it was Pigtails the Ice Queen of BluewaterVillage who was Stevies final victim.And now Stevie never needs to give anothermakeover again, ever.We are both happy about that.
  33. 33. Jack was also happy to be home. Hes a Romance Sim, so he wasnt exactly thrilled to spend several daysrunning a register on a community lot. In the interest of keeping him sane, I sent him out to the Wishing Wellfor friends.
  34. 34. Jack zoomed in on Pigtail Braids, who, if memoryserves, was Finns first kiss, but that was in the oldneighborhood, and Townies dont seem to careanyway. The voyeur in the vest was Cassidys firstboyfriend.After nine generations, the Townies have beenaround. Pretty much all of them.
  35. 35. Finns wife Rosemarie likes to come in and haunt. Brad the Hippies a Pop Sim and so is she, so I feel like thisis just one of those attempts at getting 1000 Aspiration.
  36. 36. Tess is still competing for Grandmother of the Year. I dont think anyones told her thats not an actual thing.
  37. 37. Ben and Tina Traveler followed Paulie and George home from school, and they did the traditional waterballoon fight in the yard.I was tired of the rest of the BV Children and Teens stalking my Sims. They are no longer Children and Teens.I grew them up to Adult.What, you thought I killed them or something?Dont be silly! Theyre fireproof!I checked.
  38. 38. It all got to be a bit too much for Paulie, who eventually crashed on the living room couch next to his mother.Francine is still working her way up the Education ladder. She is low-maintenance and keeps herself happy,which keeps me happy. Two thumbs up, Francie!
  39. 39. When Paulie finally manages to make it to bed, Brad goes upstairs and makes sure theyre all tucked in andsafe.
  40. 40. While Brad was upstairs with the grandkids, Tess was teaching Groosalugg (the Brave and Undefeated) toPlay Dead.Considering the circumstances, watching Tess fake death is sort of morbid. I do not blame Groosalugg forbeing concerned.
  41. 41. There is still plenty of time for romance.Brad is happy, because it means no pants.
  42. 42. The twins spent their last day as children making poor decisions about which jack-in-the-box to play with andtrying to get taken away by the Social Worker.Thanks, guys.
  43. 43. “I look like my dad!”Sadly, yes.George Smith Vetinari is a Pisces 2/3/10/6/10 and he rolled Popularity.I think. Dont quote me on that. Like, 95% sure its Pop.I sort of slacked off on writing things down.
  44. 44. “I still look like my mom!”But you got your dads eyes!Paul Jones Vetinari is a Sagittarius 2/7/10/10/6 Romance Sim.Definitely Romance. 100% on that. Rolled a career LTW.Three boys, and two of them are Romance and Outgoing. Yeah, this will end well, Im sure.
  45. 45. A short while later, Death Spicoli came for Brad.
  46. 46. “Right on, man! ...Is this pineapple juice organic?”“Shheeeyah, brah! And the tiki cup was handmade by native artisans using traditional methods! The rumsethically sourced too.”“Righteous!”
  47. 47. It took a few minutes for it to sink in, floating urn notwithstanding.
  48. 48. Once the fun was over, the reality sank in. Brad the Hippie was now all-natural, organic fertilizer.Just the way he always wanted it.
  49. 49. Brad “the Hippie” Cooper Vetinari lived 75 days and had 4 children and 5 grandchildren. He topped Journalismand helped Stevie out at the businesses.He left money to 19 people, including $9400 to Stevie, $8200 to Abel, $2425 to Jack, $2000 to George, and$20000 to Tess.Brad, I will miss the randomness, but not the recent refusal to wear trousers.
  50. 50. Paulie got a makeover. I didnt want George to feel left out, so I gave him another one too.
  51. 51. Tess cried about Brad for a while, but seemed pretty accepting of it in general.And I even remembered to have her empty out her inventory and give all the goodies to Stevie.
  52. 52. Lawrin picked sort of a bad day to follow Jack home from school, all things considered.Happily, even though Outgoing points abound, Lawrins Family, and therefore has zero chemistry with any ofthe Uglacy boys.Not that that ever really stops any of them. Indy and Coco, I am looking at YOU.
  53. 53. Thus began the traditional send-off of the heir.Fair and Bucky even managed to behave themselves.
  54. 54. Tess made therounds with thehugs.
  55. 55. George decided to try to break the tension by ramming his arm straight through Jacks head.Tess found the whole thing extremely amusing.The Servo is Susan Calvin, Chads robot. She followed Francie home from work.
  56. 56. Paulie was the first one to figure out what was going on.
  57. 57. “Can I come see my daddy now, Mr. Death?”“Sure. Everybodys waiting on the beach.”
  58. 58. Fair bawled, which surprised me. Hes not much for crying.I felt bad for him. He really took it hard.
  59. 59. Marco and Bucky didnt seem terribly perturbed.Bucky got some Aspiration for Meet Someone New, which is strange, since hes Mean, and Shy, andFortune.At least he didnt turn right around and Prank Lawrin, since that wouldnt be totally out of character for him.
  60. 60. Tesla Vetinari lived 76 days. She had 4 children and 5 grandchildren.She left money to 30 people, including $9700 to Stevie, $9200 to Abel, $2475 to Paulie, $2450 to George, and$920 to Nikolai.Tess, you grew up without your daddy and you had five times as many Nice points as your three brotherscombined, but you kicked butt when you needed to and you didnt take any crap from anyone.
  61. 61. Later that night, Finn decided to wander in the house and scare the crap out of Paulie.Paulie was not amused.
  62. 62. The Uglacy crowd managed a family breakfast, which was mostly a cloud of flying cereal and shoveling foodinto oversized mouths.Francies the neat one. She has FOUR whole Neat points.
  63. 63. That evening, Francie came home Permaplat. Shes the last one for the generation.And that is the last from the Uglacy!
  64. 64. “Hey, Dad. ...No, things are pretty good over here. Managing to keep busy. Talked to Mal yesterday; sheinvited me for dinner this weekend, so I guess that means she forgives me for my bad behavior.”
  65. 65. “Yeah, I heard about Tess. Im sorry. I should have called. I guess I still have to work on not being an asshole. ...Can I call you back later?”
  66. 66. “Im kind of busy right now. Ill catch you later, okay? Bye, Dad.”
  67. 67. At the Prettacy, Lindsay dragged Jojo to Swings n Things for the ceremonial Passing Along of the BusinessPerks.Jojo has ten Nice points, in case you couldnt tell.
  68. 68. “Uncle Sawchuk, are you sure you just have to deal with being the normal one? Theres no Option B?”“Around here, normal is pretty flexible. Learn to go with the flow, Ben. Youll be happier for it.”“But I have to deal with Joe Cotton.”“Hes your brother, not an enemy. I bet hes not half as bad as youre making him out to be.”“Hes worse.”
  69. 69. “But if Ive removed your air horn, how will you fart?”
  70. 70. “Jojo is outside being dumb again.”“Why do you care? Just loosen up and get your groove on!”“No.”
  71. 71. “Apparently its a bad idea to hate-stalk my brother.”
  72. 72. “Whats that, Slartibartfast? You say Benjy doesnt like me? Dont be silly! Everyone likes me! Im verylikeable!”And that is the last from the Prettacy.
  73. 73. “Im back, Gil! They didnt have the exact kind of stinky cheese you wanted, but the guy at the counter gaveme a different stinky cheese and said it was almost the same. Hope you dont mind!”
  74. 74. “I got everything else on your shopping list, though. If we invite my sister and the kids over for dinner, wellhave plenty of food.”
  75. 75. “Sounds good, right? What do you say: help me carry in the groceries?”“Oh, Cassidy...”
  76. 76. “...When have I ever helped you with anything?”“Jake?! What...”
  77. 77. “No! You cant be here! What did you do with Gilbert?”
  78. 78. “Still clinging to that little fantasy of yours, Cassidy?”“What are you talking about? What did you do to him?”“I didnt do anything. Gilberts not real. He is a figment of your imagination.”“Hes not! Hes real and he loves me!”“No, Cassidy. Poor broken little thing. You dont remember, do you?”“I remember leaving you!”
  79. 79. “You didnt leave me. How could you? Ill tell you what happened, since you seem confused. Your brother wasmurdered, and you had a complete break with reality. You imagined an elaborate fantasy world for yourself,including a fake boyfriend. But none of it happened. None of it is real. This is real. I am real. And now thatyoure starting to come back to reality, we can pick up where we left off.”
  80. 80. “No! Youre lying! I left you and I met Gilbert and I moved in with him and that all happened! Its all real!”“Do you really think you could leave me? You need me, and you know that. Gilbert and this place, theyre justa comfortable lie. You dont need the lie anymore, Cassidy. Its time to come back to the real world now. Itstime to come back to me.”“No...”
  81. 81. “No, I... I left you. I did. And Im with Gilbert now, and he loves me, and he doesnt make me feel bad, and...And thats whats real. Isnt it? Im not... Im not crazy. Im not. Am I?”
  82. 82. “If you dont know, doesnt that answer the question?”“Get away from me!”“You dont really mean that. You know you need me.”“I dont!”“Of course you do. Havent you always needed the way I make you feel?”“I...”
  83. 83. “Come on, Cassidy. Dont you want me to touch you again?”“No! I said get away! I mean it!”“Or youll what?”“Just leave me alone!”“Cass! Cass, honey, wake up! Youre having a nightmare. Come on, wake up.”
  84. 84. “Leave you alone? You used to beg for this, Cassidy. Tell me you havent forgotten already.”“I left you... I walked away...”“You didnt.”“Please, Cass, wake up. Oh God, please wake up, please!”“Dammit Cassidy, wake up!”
  85. 85. “Please, Jake, let me go. I dont want this. Just let me go.”“No. Youre mine, Cassidy.”“Please...”“Cass, baby, wake up, come on. Open your eyes. Please, Cass!”“Cassidy! Wake! Up!”
  86. 86. “Stop it! Youre hurting me!”“Dont I always hurt you, Cassidy? And you always let me, because you know its no better than you deserve.”“No...”“Why wont you wake up? Cassidy, wake up, please! Come on, honey, wake up.”“Listen to me, Cassidy! Wake up! Right now! Goddammit, Cass...”
  87. 87. “WAKE UP!”
  88. 88. “Gaaaah!”
  89. 89. “God, Cass--”“No!”
  90. 90. “Aaagh!”
  91. 91. “Nononononononono...”
  92. 92. “Cant breathe...”
  93. 93. “Cass! Shhh, its okay.”“I cant breathe!”“Deep breaths. It was just a dream, Cassidy. It was just a nightmare. None of it was real. Its okay; Im righthere.”“It felt real. I couldnt wake up.”“It wasnt real, I promise.”“I couldnt wake up!”
  94. 94. “I know. You were starting to scare me. But its okay now.”“It felt so real! He said this was the lie.”“This is real. Youre really here, and youre really safe, and I really love you, and I really wont let anyone hurtyou.”
  95. 95. “I barfed.”“I know. Its all right. Everything will be okay, Cassidy.”“Why couldnt I wake up?”“You did, though. You woke up and it was just a dream and its over now.”“But it wasnt over. It wasnt over for a long, long time.”“Its over now, and thats what matters.”“I wanna talk to my brother.”
  96. 96. “Okay, well just go back to bed and—”“No!”“All right. Well just stay here then. Whatever you want.”“I cant go back to bed.”“Its fine. You can just sleep here, Cassidy. Its okay.”
  97. 97. “I couldnt wake up.”“I know. I was trying, Cass, I was. You were really deep in there.”“Jake was lying, wasnt he? I really didnt go crazy, and I really did leave Jake, and Gilbert and I really are inlove?”“You know the truth. Jake hurt you, and you left, and things are better now.”“Youre still dead.”“And thats okay too.”
  98. 98. “Can you make it so that doesnt happen again?”“I cant control your dreams, Cass, but I can pull you out of them. You were really deep into it tonight. It took alot to get you to wake up. You were fighting it.”“Im sorry.”“I should be the one apologizing. Im sorry I couldnt figure out how to make it stop sooner.”“I wish you could make it better.”“Do you think that maybe youve already got the person who can make it better?”“Maybe.”
  99. 99. “Go back home and let your boyfriend take care of you. Gilbert can do more for you than I can right now.”“I miss you.”“But youre okay. Thats the important thing. Now go home, Cass.”
  100. 100. “Gil?”“Hmm?”“Thank you.”“Youre welcome, Cass. I love you.”“I love you too.”
  101. 101. “And you. Be glad that I can stop Cass from seeing you. Those are questions I dont want to answer. Its badenough I have you coming here uninvited, especially when I had to expend so much power to pull my brotherout of his nightmare.”
  102. 102. “You almost make it sound like youre not happy to see me.”“Whatever gives you that idea? The fact that Im not, perhaps? The thing about being Dead is that it gives mea lot of time to think, and I came to some rather unpleasant conclusions.”“About me? You barely know me.”“About you, about Larch, about Sycamore, about the whole damn thing. And Im no longer the scared, lonely,naïve kid that gotten taken advantage of. So this is the last time you come to my garden, understand?”“We had a deal, Spider Jerusalem.”
  103. 103. “Im a man of my word. The deal stands. But there are things that live out there, in the spaces in between, andthe next time you try to come here, I will leave you out there, with them. They normally feed on life energy, so Idont know what theyd do with a soulless metal thing like you, but I cant imagine itll be fun.”“Would you really do that?”“Do you really want to test me? I will help you, but that doesnt mean I have to like you. This place is my home,my sanctuary, and you are no longer welcome here. Now fuck off.”“You should learn to control that temper.”“Fuck. Off. Or youll see what my temper can do. You wont like it. And when the time comes, neither will myfather.”
  104. 104. So yeah, thats where Im leaving it for now. Dont worry, the next update shouldnt take me nine months to getout. Ballparking it, Im 7 updates from the end. As in, The End.One of the reasons it took me this long to update was that I wanted some very specific poses that didntalready exist. I had to grit my teeth and learn to make a posebox. The learning curve was... yeah. But as youcan see, I did finally get it to work. Ill post a tutorial at some point.And yes, I will post the box itself within the next week or so. I need to add a Snap Reset and slap a texture onit before I send it out into the world, and take some reference shots to stick into the folder (although the posesdo actually have DESCRIPTIVE NAMES, none of that “pose one” bullshit).No, I will not make you a posebox. If I owe you a favor, we can talk, but in general, no. I dont have the time totake requests.I also need to give props to ladylarkrune, peasant007, and rosefyre for providing me with beer, pie, coffee, andnibbles during the actual writing of this chapter.