SlideShare a Scribd company logo
1 of 19
How to Prepare for Difficult
Conversations
So that People Will Listen
By Andrew Shirman, November 5th, 2016
Quick Intro
• Born and raised Chicago, Illinois
• Taught in Yunnan for 2 years with Teach For China
• Founded NGO Education In Sight and social
enterprise Mantra
Quick Group Intro
• What’s your name?
• Where are you from?
• What made you interested in joining the session today?
Why should we care about preparing for difficult conversations?
Today’s Goal
Learn the 8 guidelines of positive communication to craft the opening to a difficult
conversation we may need to have in our lives.
The 8 Guidelines for Positive Communication
1) Keep It Simple
Make your message short, on topic, and resist bringing in other aspects or
even old wounds
2) Be Positive
Reflect on what you admire in this person or what they do well. Also, if
possible, frame what you want positively. E.g. – “Clean up your clothes” vs.
“Don’t leave your clothes everywhere”
1) Keep It Simple
3) Be Firm
Remember why you wanted to start this conversation and seek to find a
solution that will satisfy your needs
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
4) Be Specific
Address specific behaviors or issues. The more specific, and clear, the more
likely you are to compel them.
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
5) Label Your Feelings
Sharing how the situation makes you feel (stressed, afraid, resentful, etc.) is a
powerful way to break down the barriers in conversation
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
6) Take Responsibility
Even if it’s small, accept your role in this situation. “I know I have….”
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
7) Empathize
Put yourself in there shoes, even just saying “I know you might feel…”. Let
them know you hear them and can see things from their perspective.
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
6) Take Responsibility
8) Offer To Help
You’re making a request of them. Show them you are willing to work to
achieve the solution too, and that you are still ready to support them.
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
6) Take Responsibility
7) Empathize
Our 8 Guidelines
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
6) Take Responsibility
7) Empathize
8) Offer To Help
Discussion Part 1
Using the 8 Guidelines, work through the below scenario with a partner to craft a short
paragraph that would help you address this issue.
Your roommate of more than a year has always been a little messy. However, since he has
his girlfriend broke up last month, things have reached a new level. It’s gotten to a point
where you need to move his things and clean up his mess just to get around the
apartment. One night, when you’re both relaxing after work, and are in good moods, you
decide to bring this up.
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
6) Take Responsibility
7) Empathize
8) Offer To Help
Open Discussion
1) Which of the guidelines do you think you would find the most challenging? Why?
2) Besides these guidelines, do you have any other recommendations?
3) What advice would you give to a friend who was about to have a difficult conversation?
One Action
Commit to using these strategies in your next difficult conversation. If you already know
what your next difficult conversation will be, identify it, then use our guidelines to map how
you might start to address the issue. If uncomfortable doing so here, feel free to use a
hypothetical situation below.
1) Keep It Simple
2) Be Positive
3) Be Firm
4) Be Specific
5) Label Your Feelings
6) Take Responsibility
7) Empathize
8) Offer To Help
Hypotheticals
• Difficulty in a relationship with a partner
• Work politics
• Concern over a family member’s behavior
• Living mate conflicts
• Leadership/management struggles
Thank You
• Let Abe, myself, or the group know if these techniques prove useful
• Global Shaper Dinners – every other Thursday evening (next one Nov. 10)
• You guys were amazing today!
• Brunch anyone?

More Related Content

What's hot

Having Difficult Conversations
Having Difficult ConversationsHaving Difficult Conversations
Having Difficult ConversationsPhil Wylie
 
Leadership Principles for Difficult Conversations
Leadership Principles for Difficult ConversationsLeadership Principles for Difficult Conversations
Leadership Principles for Difficult ConversationsRhett Laubach
 
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someone
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someoneSeishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someone
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someoneCharlie Badenhop
 
Dealing with difficult people ppt
Dealing with difficult people pptDealing with difficult people ppt
Dealing with difficult people pptbilix
 
Perceptual positioning
Perceptual positioningPerceptual positioning
Perceptual positioningBrandee Coffey
 
Principles of Dale Carnegie
Principles of Dale CarnegiePrinciples of Dale Carnegie
Principles of Dale CarnegieAmi Bhatt
 
Assertive vs aggressive ariserobydreams2020
Assertive         vs          aggressive  ariserobydreams2020Assertive         vs          aggressive  ariserobydreams2020
Assertive vs aggressive ariserobydreams2020Arise Roby
 
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegieHow to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegieMaestruzguapo Ventura
 
Win Friends Influence People
Win Friends Influence PeopleWin Friends Influence People
Win Friends Influence PeopleChrisKo64
 
How to speak so that people want to listen to you
How to speak so that people want to listen to youHow to speak so that people want to listen to you
How to speak so that people want to listen to youVaishnavi Ketharnathan
 
How to-win-friends-and-influence-people
How to-win-friends-and-influence-peopleHow to-win-friends-and-influence-people
How to-win-friends-and-influence-peopleVedpal Yadav
 
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck Blakeman
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck BlakemanReaditfor.me interview with Chuck Blakeman
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck BlakemanPaul Joyce
 

What's hot (19)

Difficult conversations
Difficult conversationsDifficult conversations
Difficult conversations
 
Having Difficult Conversations
Having Difficult ConversationsHaving Difficult Conversations
Having Difficult Conversations
 
Leadership Principles for Difficult Conversations
Leadership Principles for Difficult ConversationsLeadership Principles for Difficult Conversations
Leadership Principles for Difficult Conversations
 
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someone
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someoneSeishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someone
Seishindo Life Tools - How to forgive someone
 
Tips For Delivering Difficult Conversations
Tips For Delivering Difficult ConversationsTips For Delivering Difficult Conversations
Tips For Delivering Difficult Conversations
 
Choice
Choice Choice
Choice
 
Dealing with difficult people ppt
Dealing with difficult people pptDealing with difficult people ppt
Dealing with difficult people ppt
 
Perceptual positioning
Perceptual positioningPerceptual positioning
Perceptual positioning
 
Principles of Dale Carnegie
Principles of Dale CarnegiePrinciples of Dale Carnegie
Principles of Dale Carnegie
 
Communication Skills
Communication SkillsCommunication Skills
Communication Skills
 
Assertive vs aggressive ariserobydreams2020
Assertive         vs          aggressive  ariserobydreams2020Assertive         vs          aggressive  ariserobydreams2020
Assertive vs aggressive ariserobydreams2020
 
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegieHow to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie
How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie
 
Effective communication sep 2018 30m v2
Effective communication sep 2018 30m v2Effective communication sep 2018 30m v2
Effective communication sep 2018 30m v2
 
Win Friends Influence People
Win Friends Influence PeopleWin Friends Influence People
Win Friends Influence People
 
How to speak so that people want to listen to you
How to speak so that people want to listen to youHow to speak so that people want to listen to you
How to speak so that people want to listen to you
 
Customer service
Customer serviceCustomer service
Customer service
 
How to-win-friends-and-influence-people
How to-win-friends-and-influence-peopleHow to-win-friends-and-influence-people
How to-win-friends-and-influence-people
 
The four agreements
The four agreements The four agreements
The four agreements
 
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck Blakeman
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck BlakemanReaditfor.me interview with Chuck Blakeman
Readitfor.me interview with Chuck Blakeman
 

Similar to Shaper training how to prepare for difficult conversations so that people will listen 11052016

The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOL
The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOLThe 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOL
The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOLSom Oeurn MAO
 
Communication- Difficult People (Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Material)Communication- Difficult People (Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Material)PhuDucNguyenHuynh
 
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)PhuDucNguyenHuynh
 
Working with difficult people
Working with difficult peopleWorking with difficult people
Working with difficult peopleangelgate
 
Personality Development Tips
Personality Development TipsPersonality Development Tips
Personality Development TipsJFM Lohith Shetty
 
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough Conversations
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough ConversationsDavidson Alumni Webinar - Tough Conversations
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough ConversationsMark S. Young
 
Personality development
Personality developmentPersonality development
Personality developmentVartica Khanna
 
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinar
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinarHow to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinar
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinarSheryl Andrews
 
Conflict Resolution PP
Conflict Resolution PPConflict Resolution PP
Conflict Resolution PPcharlesblayne
 
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdf
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdfConflict-Resolution-PPT.pdf
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdfJethalalGada77
 
Personality development tips
Personality development tipsPersonality development tips
Personality development tipsJFM Lohith Shetty
 
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.ppt
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.pptConflict Management a simple tool kit.ppt
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.pptPallaviSharma369
 
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are high
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are highCrucial conversations: Talking when stakes are high
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are highPeopleWiz Consulting
 
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptx
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptxFive Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptx
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptxAnneJoiseHerrera
 
Difficult Conversations - How to Have them
Difficult Conversations - How to Have themDifficult Conversations - How to Have them
Difficult Conversations - How to Have themGraeme Eyre
 
Seek first to understand, Then Be Understood
Seek first to understand, Then Be UnderstoodSeek first to understand, Then Be Understood
Seek first to understand, Then Be Understoodmrsabercrombie
 
How to build self confidence
How to build self confidenceHow to build self confidence
How to build self confidenceMandaraD
 

Similar to Shaper training how to prepare for difficult conversations so that people will listen 11052016 (20)

The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOL
The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOLThe 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOL
The 7 habits of Highly Effective People instructed by Vanddhana P. KOL
 
Communication- Difficult People (Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Material)Communication- Difficult People (Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Material)
 
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)
Communication- Difficult People (Training Material)
 
7 habits
7 habits7 habits
7 habits
 
Working with difficult people
Working with difficult peopleWorking with difficult people
Working with difficult people
 
Personality Development Tips
Personality Development TipsPersonality Development Tips
Personality Development Tips
 
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough Conversations
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough ConversationsDavidson Alumni Webinar - Tough Conversations
Davidson Alumni Webinar - Tough Conversations
 
Summary crucial conversations
Summary crucial conversationsSummary crucial conversations
Summary crucial conversations
 
Personality development
Personality developmentPersonality development
Personality development
 
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinar
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinarHow to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinar
How to do delegate & ditch with confidence webinar
 
Conflict Resolution PP
Conflict Resolution PPConflict Resolution PP
Conflict Resolution PP
 
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdf
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdfConflict-Resolution-PPT.pdf
Conflict-Resolution-PPT.pdf
 
Personality development tips
Personality development tipsPersonality development tips
Personality development tips
 
Crucial conversations - brown bag
Crucial conversations - brown bagCrucial conversations - brown bag
Crucial conversations - brown bag
 
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.ppt
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.pptConflict Management a simple tool kit.ppt
Conflict Management a simple tool kit.ppt
 
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are high
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are highCrucial conversations: Talking when stakes are high
Crucial conversations: Talking when stakes are high
 
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptx
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptxFive Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptx
Five Categories of Oral Language Stance And Behavior.pptx
 
Difficult Conversations - How to Have them
Difficult Conversations - How to Have themDifficult Conversations - How to Have them
Difficult Conversations - How to Have them
 
Seek first to understand, Then Be Understood
Seek first to understand, Then Be UnderstoodSeek first to understand, Then Be Understood
Seek first to understand, Then Be Understood
 
How to build self confidence
How to build self confidenceHow to build self confidence
How to build self confidence
 

Recently uploaded

English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdf
English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdfEnglish basic for beginners Future tenses .pdf
English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdfbromerom1
 
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi OneDay18
 
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)Shakti Savarn
 
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?Mikko Kangassalo
 
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agency
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls AgencyCall Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agency
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agencykojalkojal131
 
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdf
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdfintegrity in personal relationship (1).pdf
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdfAmitRout25
 
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in India
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in IndiaBenefits of Co working & Shared office space in India
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in IndiaBrantfordIndia
 

Recently uploaded (7)

English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdf
English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdfEnglish basic for beginners Future tenses .pdf
English basic for beginners Future tenses .pdf
 
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi
Spiritual Life Quote from Shiva Negi
 
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)
The 5 sec rule - Mel Robins (Hindi Summary)
 
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?
Virtue ethics & Effective Altruism: What can EA learn from virtue ethics?
 
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agency
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls AgencyCall Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agency
Call Girls Dubai O525547819 Favor Dubai Call Girls Agency
 
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdf
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdfintegrity in personal relationship (1).pdf
integrity in personal relationship (1).pdf
 
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in India
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in IndiaBenefits of Co working & Shared office space in India
Benefits of Co working & Shared office space in India
 

Shaper training how to prepare for difficult conversations so that people will listen 11052016

  • 1. How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations So that People Will Listen By Andrew Shirman, November 5th, 2016
  • 2. Quick Intro • Born and raised Chicago, Illinois • Taught in Yunnan for 2 years with Teach For China • Founded NGO Education In Sight and social enterprise Mantra
  • 3. Quick Group Intro • What’s your name? • Where are you from? • What made you interested in joining the session today?
  • 4. Why should we care about preparing for difficult conversations?
  • 5. Today’s Goal Learn the 8 guidelines of positive communication to craft the opening to a difficult conversation we may need to have in our lives.
  • 6. The 8 Guidelines for Positive Communication
  • 7. 1) Keep It Simple Make your message short, on topic, and resist bringing in other aspects or even old wounds
  • 8. 2) Be Positive Reflect on what you admire in this person or what they do well. Also, if possible, frame what you want positively. E.g. – “Clean up your clothes” vs. “Don’t leave your clothes everywhere” 1) Keep It Simple
  • 9. 3) Be Firm Remember why you wanted to start this conversation and seek to find a solution that will satisfy your needs 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive
  • 10. 4) Be Specific Address specific behaviors or issues. The more specific, and clear, the more likely you are to compel them. 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm
  • 11. 5) Label Your Feelings Sharing how the situation makes you feel (stressed, afraid, resentful, etc.) is a powerful way to break down the barriers in conversation 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific
  • 12. 6) Take Responsibility Even if it’s small, accept your role in this situation. “I know I have….” 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings
  • 13. 7) Empathize Put yourself in there shoes, even just saying “I know you might feel…”. Let them know you hear them and can see things from their perspective. 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings 6) Take Responsibility
  • 14. 8) Offer To Help You’re making a request of them. Show them you are willing to work to achieve the solution too, and that you are still ready to support them. 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings 6) Take Responsibility 7) Empathize
  • 15. Our 8 Guidelines 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings 6) Take Responsibility 7) Empathize 8) Offer To Help
  • 16. Discussion Part 1 Using the 8 Guidelines, work through the below scenario with a partner to craft a short paragraph that would help you address this issue. Your roommate of more than a year has always been a little messy. However, since he has his girlfriend broke up last month, things have reached a new level. It’s gotten to a point where you need to move his things and clean up his mess just to get around the apartment. One night, when you’re both relaxing after work, and are in good moods, you decide to bring this up. 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings 6) Take Responsibility 7) Empathize 8) Offer To Help
  • 17. Open Discussion 1) Which of the guidelines do you think you would find the most challenging? Why? 2) Besides these guidelines, do you have any other recommendations? 3) What advice would you give to a friend who was about to have a difficult conversation?
  • 18. One Action Commit to using these strategies in your next difficult conversation. If you already know what your next difficult conversation will be, identify it, then use our guidelines to map how you might start to address the issue. If uncomfortable doing so here, feel free to use a hypothetical situation below. 1) Keep It Simple 2) Be Positive 3) Be Firm 4) Be Specific 5) Label Your Feelings 6) Take Responsibility 7) Empathize 8) Offer To Help Hypotheticals • Difficulty in a relationship with a partner • Work politics • Concern over a family member’s behavior • Living mate conflicts • Leadership/management struggles
  • 19. Thank You • Let Abe, myself, or the group know if these techniques prove useful • Global Shaper Dinners – every other Thursday evening (next one Nov. 10) • You guys were amazing today! • Brunch anyone?