This slideshow outlines how to forgive someone who has wronged you in the past. Moreover, we will talk about how to use Positive Intention to understand the potential reasons why this person did what they did, and how to use this understanding to let go of your resentment towards that other person. In the Seishindo way of thinking, holding resentment towards someone really doesn’t help us in our daily lives and can actually be detrimental in living a healthy and positive lifestyle. This is an outline of our podcast called "How to forgive someone". To hear the complete audio file, go to: http://seishindo.org/forgive-someone/

1. Seishindo
Life Tools
How to forgive someone

2. Introduction
Key Concept:
Holding resentment towards someone doesn’t help us in our daily lives
and can actually be detrimental in living a healthy and positive lifestyle.
• This slideshow will discuss how to forgive someone who has wronged
you in the past.
• We will explore the concept of Positive Intention to understand the
possible reasons why the other person acted as they did.
• You can use this understanding to let go of your resentment towards the
other person.
Seishindo

3. Caveats
• Using this tool will not necessarily require that you make a statement of
forgiveness.
• We assume that you have some form of personal relationship with the
other person.
• You might not find that each and every question in this tool speaks
directly to your experience.
Seishindo

4. Step 1
Name how you were wronged in as simple a manner as possible.
• Be careful to not launch into a story about what happened.
• Keep your description short and simple.
• Being “wronged” by someone could have happened more than once.
• Examples:
• “My boss dislikes me because we do not have the same religion.”
• “My spouse finds fault with most everything I do, no matter how hard
I try.”
Seishindo

5. Step 2
Name and note the positive qualities of the person you have resentment
towards.
• Often when we are upset with someone, we think of them in a very
narrow, one dimensional way, seeing only their faults.
• This creates an unbalanced opinion of the other person, which makes it
easier for us to find fault with them.
• Each and every person, no matter how angry you may be at them, does
have positive qualities.
Seishindo

6. Step 3
Ask yourself what the positive intention* of the other person might have
been when they wronged you.
• When doing this step, we are not looking to condone what the other
person did and somehow make it “ok”.
• Assuming positive intention leads in the long run to our having a more
emotionally fulfilling experience in life.
• Realizing a person’s positive intention does not at all mean they had a
good way of expressing their positive intention, and that is likely where a
breakdown in a relationship will occur.
* Positive intention: An intention or goal that is meant to bring about beneficial results for
everyone involved. No one is hurt or demeaned along the way.
Seishindo

7. Step 4
Consider if you might have done something to make wrongful actions by
the other person all the more likely.
• Might not be the case, but good to consider.
• We are not suggesting that you should take part of the blame for what
has transpired.
• This step can simply help you to have a fuller understanding of the
circumstances involved.
• Again, it could be that you did nothing to influence the situation.
Seishindo

8. Step 5
Ask yourself: “Does my continued resentment towards the other person
add to the overall quality of my life or detract from the overall quality of my
life?”
• The greater the perceived wrongdoing, the more you will think about it.
• Holding onto resentment usually only leads to your continuing to feel
bad.
• Thus, the greater the perceived wrongdoing, the more you can benefit
from letting go of your resentment.
Seishindo

9. Step 6
Ask yourself: “Does remaining resentful in some way keep you tied to a
limiting version of the past where you feel like a victim? Does maintaining
your resentment make it less likely that you will have the future you truly
desire?”
• Complaining about others and holding resentment can give you a false
sense of being righteous.
• This can also wind up coloring your perception of life and other people.
Seishindo

10. Step 7
Ask yourself: “What benefits have accrued to you because of your
experience with this other person?”
• You might find this question surprising at first, but in Seishindo, we firmly
believe that every situation we are involved in does have the capacity to
teach us life-affirming lessons.
• Even though you might never have thought of a certain incident or
relationship as a gift, there is a potential gift awaiting you once you open
up to receiving it.
Seishindo

11. Step 8
Ask yourself: “Deep down, in your heart of hearts, would you not like to
have a better relationship with this other person?”
• If you can say that you still don’t definitely care for the other person, and
you don’t want to care for them, then I think this is a sign that you are
still stuck in your resentment of them.
• If you are still stuck in your resentment towards them, then you might
want to think about whether you would eventually want to have a better
relationship with the other person.
Seishindo

12. Step 9
Ask yourself: “What if as a totally selfish act, done simply for your own
personal happiness, you decided to go ahead and let go of the resentment
you have towards the person that wronged you? What will you do to
actually go ahead an forgive them?”
• Remember that you do not at all have to interact with the other person in
order to forgive them.
• For instance, you might want to write a letter that you never send, or you
might want to write a letter that you do send them.
• The idea is to find a better way to let your heart soften around the whole
situation so you can be more open to giving and receiving love.
Seishindo

13. Debrief
What have you learned from this slideshow?
How can you use what you learned going forward in your life?
Seishindo

14. Listen & Learn
Learn more about this tool by listening to our podcast at:
http://seishindo.org/forgive-someone/
Seishindo