This document discusses the differences between praise and encouragement when talking to children. Praise focuses on external evaluation and control, rewarding completed tasks, and self-elevation. This can lead children to measure self-worth by others' approval and fear failure. Encouragement focuses on internal evaluation, effort, improvement, and contributions. This helps children feel responsible, accept imperfections, and appreciate others' successes. The document provides language examples to use encouragement and emphasizes building children's self-esteem through acceptance, trust, and appreciation rather than just rewards.

1. Talking with your KidsTalking with your Kids

2. ObjectivesObjectives
 You can use encouragement to help build yourYou can use encouragement to help build your
child’s self-esteem.child’s self-esteem.
 Encouragement can help your child to feelEncouragement can help your child to feel
loved, accepted, respected, and valued.loved, accepted, respected, and valued.
 Praise and encouragement are not the samePraise and encouragement are not the same
thing.thing.

3. PraisePraise
is to express approval or admirationis to express approval or admiration
of….of….
A synonym isA synonym is approveapprove which meanswhich means
to judge favorably or considerto judge favorably or consider
agreeable or good.agreeable or good.

4. Encourage
• is to inspire with courage,
spirit, or confidence…
• Synonyms
− Hearten
− Reassure
− support

5. DifferencesDifferences
PraisePraise
 Focus on external controlFocus on external control
 Focus on externalFocus on external
evaluationevaluation
 Rewarded for well doneRewarded for well done
taskstasks
 Focuses on self evaluationFocuses on self evaluation
and personal gainand personal gain
EncourageEncourage
 Focus on self controlFocus on self control
 Focus on internal evaluationFocus on internal evaluation
 Recognizes effort andRecognizes effort and
improvementimprovement
 Focuses on assets,Focuses on assets,
contributions, andcontributions, and
appreciationappreciation

6. Praise
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focus is on external
control.
“I am worthwhile
only when I do what
you want.”
Child learns to
measure worth by
ability to conform;
or, child rebels
(views any form of
cooperation as
giving in).

7. Praise
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focus is more on
external evaluation.
“To be worthwhile I
must please you,”
“Please or perish.”
Child learns to
measure worth on
how well he/she
pleases others.
Child learns to fear
disapproval.

8. Praise
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Is rewarding only for
well done, completed
tasks.
“To be worthwhile I
must meet your
standards.”
Child develops
unrealistic
standards and
learns to measure
worth by how
closely she/he
reaches perfection.
Child learns to
dread failure.

9. Praise
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focuses on self-
elevation and personal
gain.
“I’m the best. I must
continue to be better
than others to be
worthwhile.”
Child learns to be
over competitive, to
get ahead at the
expense of others.
Feels worthwhile
only when “on top.”

10. Encouragement
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focus is on child’s
ability to manage life
constructively.
“I am trusted to
become responsible
and independent.”
Child learns
courage to be
imperfect and
willingness to try.
Child gains self-
confidence and
comes to feel
responsible for own
behavior.

11. Encouragement
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focus is on internal
evaluation.
“How I feel about
myself and my own
efforts is most
important.”
Child learns to
evaluate own
progress and to
make own
decisions.

12. Encouragement
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Recognizes effort and
improvement.
“I don’t have to be
perfect. My efforts
and improvements
are important.
Child learns to
accept efforts of self
and others. Child
develops desire to
stay with tasks
(persistence).

13. Encouragement
Underlying
Characteristics
What Child May
Hear or Perceive
Possible
Results
Focuses on assets,
contributions, and
appreciation.
“My contribution
counts. I am
appreciated.”
Child learns to use
talents and efforts
for good of all, not
only for personal
gain. Child learns to
feel glad for
successes of others
as well as for own
successes.

14. Points to Remember
Taken from a Teacher’s Handbook (Dinkmeyer)
• Encouragement is helping students
believe in themselves and in their abilities.
• Encouragement is a basic attitude toward
yourself and other people.
• Encouragement is different from praise.
Praise goes to those who excel or come in
first; encouragement can be given for any
positive movement. Encouragement does
not have to be earned.

15. Points to Remember Cont.
Taken from a Teacher’s Handbook (Dinkmeyer)
• Praise places a value judgment on the
student. Encouragement focuses on the
work and effort, treating the student with
acceptance and respect.
• Encouragement accepts students as they
are, not as they could be.
• Encouragement helps the learner develop
the courage to be imperfect.

16. Points to Remember Cont.
Taken from a Teacher’s Handbook (Dinkmeyer)
• Mistakes are not failures. They can
promote learning.
• The first step in encouragement is to stop
making negative comments about
students.
• Identify talents, assets, positive attitudes
and goals. Every student has strengths.

17. Points to Remember Cont.
Taken from a Teacher’s Handbook (Dinkmeyer)
• Factors which discourage include:
– Negative expectation
– Unreasonably high standards
– Competition
– Over ambition
– Double standards
• Be an asset finder, not a fault finder

18. The Language of Encouragement
Phrases that demonstrate acceptance:
“ You seem to like that activity.”
“It’s nice that you enjoy learning.”
“I can tell you’re pleased with it.”
“Since you’re not satisfied, what do you
think you can do so you’ll feel happier with
it?”
“It looks like you enjoyed that.”
“How do you feel about it?”

19. The Language of Encouragement
Phrases that show confidence:
“ Knowing you, I’m sure you will do fine.”
“You’ll make it.”
“I have confidence in your judgment.”
“That’s a tough one, but I think you can work
it out.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
“I’ve got the confidence that you can do it”

20. The Language of Encouragement
Phrases that focus on contributions,
assets, and appreciation:
“ Thanks, that helped a lot.”
“It was thoughtful of you to do______,
because it makes my job easier.”
“I need your help on_______.”
To a family group: “I really enjoyed today.
Thanks.”
“You have the skill in ______. Would you
do that for the family?

21. The Language of Encouragement
Phrases that recognize effort and
improvement:
“ You really worked hard on that!”
“Looks like you spent a lot of time thinking
that through.”
“I see you’re moving along.”
“Look at the progress you’ve made:_____.”
(Be specific; tell how.)
“You’re improving in ______.” (Be specific.)
“You may not feel you’ve reached your goal,
but look how far you’ve come!”

22. Encouragement
Focus:
Message sent to
student:
Possible results:
Student’s ability to mange life
constructively
I trust you to become responsible and
independent.
Student learns courage to be imperfect
and willingness to try. Student gains
self-confidence and comes to feel
responsible for own behavior.

23. Encouragement
Focus:
Message sent to
student:
Possible results:
Internal evaluation
How you feel about yourself and your
own effort is most important.
Student learns to evaluate own progress
and to make own decisions.

24. Encouragement
Focus:
Message sent to
student:
Possible results:
Effort and improvement
You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and
improvement are important.
Student learns to accept effort of self
and others. Student develops desire
to stay with tasks persistence).

25. Encouragement
Focus:
Message sent to
student:
Possible results:
Assets, contributions, and appreciation.
Your contribution counts. We function better
with you. We appreciate what you have
done.
Student learns to use talents and efforts for
good of all, not only for personal gain.
Student learns to feel glad for successes of
others as well as for own sucesses.

26. ConclusionConclusion
 You have seen how self-esteem andYou have seen how self-esteem and
encouragement are connected.encouragement are connected.
 You have found ways to show acceptence,You have found ways to show acceptence,
faith, and appreciation.faith, and appreciation.
 You have learned the difference betweenYou have learned the difference between
praise and encouragement.praise and encouragement.
 You have seen that too much praise can beYou have seen that too much praise can be
discouraging.discouraging.

27. Conclusion Cont.Conclusion Cont.
 You learned and practiced the language ofYou learned and practiced the language of
encouragement.encouragement.
 You have considered many ways to showYou have considered many ways to show
encouragement.encouragement.

28. Homework
Part 1:
I want each of you to write a letter of
encouragement to each child you have. Write
about the progress they have made in the last
year, only focus on their strengths and what you
like about them. Then give it to them.
Part 2:
I then want each of you to make some notes of
their (initial) reactions to class next week and we
will cover them quickly before getting started.

29. Praise is a reward
&
Encouragement is a gift