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Sticks and stones
may break my bones
  But words will
  never hurt me.
Sticks and stones
may break my bones
  But words will
  never hurt me.
Conflict in your relationship must be
  managed, not completely suppressed.
  Flexible couples are;
 Creative in problem solving

 Willing to compromise

 Adaptable

 Able to change when the situation calls
  for it
When these attributes exist, Stepfamily
  couples have the ability to find solutions
  to complex problems.
Healthy Couples                      Unhealthy Couples
91 % resolve problems.                 84% are unable to resolve problems.
Over time they weed out unhealthy      By avoiding conflict they stockpile
relationship issues.                   debris in their relationship.
95% feel understood during problem 62% don't feel heard by their partner.
discussion. They have good listening   The end result is feeling
skills and affirm each other.          disconnected . Fears of another
                                       relationship breakup are real.
79% are able to keep small             83% turn molehills into mountains.
disagreements small.
74% have unity in the process by       86% can't even agree on how to
which they tackle disagreements.       disagree.
90% give serious consideration to      44% overlook or invalidate other's
disagreement and the need to resolve   concerns. They don't see the potential
issues.                                hazards of allowing build up.
1. Heat– issue
        2. Fuel – Process
   3. Oxygen –negative feelings




Two common ways we ineffectively
         deal with conflict
 1. Blame the other personality
      2. Bring up old issues
Area of Concern     Constructive Approach       Destructive Approach
Issues             Raises and clarifies issues   Brings up old issues

Feelings           Expresses both positive and   Expresses only negative
                   negative feelings             feelings
Information        Gives complete and honest     Offers only select
                   information                   information
Focus              Concentrates on the issue     Concentrates on the
                   rather than the person        person rather than the
                                                 Issue
Blame              Accepts mutual blame          Blames the other
                                                 person for the problem
Area of Concern     Constructive Approach     Destructive Approach

Perception         Focuses on similarities    Focuses on differences

Change             Facilitates change to      Minimizes change,
                   prevent stagnation         increasing conflict
Outcome            Recognizes that both win   Fails to recognize that
                                              when one wins and one
                                              loses, both lose
Intimacy           Increases intimacy by      Decreases intimacy by
                   resolving conflict         escalating conflict
Attitude           Builds trust               Creates suspicion

Overall            Humility                   Prideful, self-focused
Posture
Graphics, desktop publishing, sequencing and editing my OCOI Studios
              Xhilliwhack, BC OCOI.Studios@gmail.com
              Cartoons permission by cartoonstock.com
        Tables and graphs courtesy of Baker Publishing group

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Lesson 7 Conflict Resolution

  • 1.
  • 2. Sticks and stones may break my bones But words will never hurt me.
  • 3. Sticks and stones may break my bones But words will never hurt me.
  • 4. Conflict in your relationship must be managed, not completely suppressed. Flexible couples are;  Creative in problem solving  Willing to compromise  Adaptable  Able to change when the situation calls for it When these attributes exist, Stepfamily couples have the ability to find solutions to complex problems.
  • 5. Healthy Couples Unhealthy Couples 91 % resolve problems. 84% are unable to resolve problems. Over time they weed out unhealthy By avoiding conflict they stockpile relationship issues. debris in their relationship. 95% feel understood during problem 62% don't feel heard by their partner. discussion. They have good listening The end result is feeling skills and affirm each other. disconnected . Fears of another relationship breakup are real. 79% are able to keep small 83% turn molehills into mountains. disagreements small. 74% have unity in the process by 86% can't even agree on how to which they tackle disagreements. disagree. 90% give serious consideration to 44% overlook or invalidate other's disagreement and the need to resolve concerns. They don't see the potential issues. hazards of allowing build up.
  • 6.
  • 7. 1. Heat– issue 2. Fuel – Process 3. Oxygen –negative feelings Two common ways we ineffectively deal with conflict 1. Blame the other personality 2. Bring up old issues
  • 8. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive Approach Issues Raises and clarifies issues Brings up old issues Feelings Expresses both positive and Expresses only negative negative feelings feelings Information Gives complete and honest Offers only select information information Focus Concentrates on the issue Concentrates on the rather than the person person rather than the Issue Blame Accepts mutual blame Blames the other person for the problem
  • 9. Area of Concern Constructive Approach Destructive Approach Perception Focuses on similarities Focuses on differences Change Facilitates change to Minimizes change, prevent stagnation increasing conflict Outcome Recognizes that both win Fails to recognize that when one wins and one loses, both lose Intimacy Increases intimacy by Decreases intimacy by resolving conflict escalating conflict Attitude Builds trust Creates suspicion Overall Humility Prideful, self-focused Posture
  • 10. Graphics, desktop publishing, sequencing and editing my OCOI Studios Xhilliwhack, BC OCOI.Studios@gmail.com Cartoons permission by cartoonstock.com Tables and graphs courtesy of Baker Publishing group

Editor's Notes

  1. The phrase “fight like cats and dogs”, indicates that in general, dogs and cats  are deemed mortal enemies.  However, given the right conditions, even dogs and cats can foster a good relationship.
  2. Conflict ResolutionSticks and stonesmay break my bonesBut words willnever hurt me.CLICK -- NEXT SLIDE---
  3. NOT TRUE!
  4. Conflict in your relationship must be managed, not completely suppressed.Flexible couples are;Creative in problem solvingWilling to compromiseAre adaptableAble to change when the situation calls for it When these attributes exist, Stepfamily couples have the ability to find solutions to complex problems.'
  5. Healthy Couples91 % resolve problems. Over time they weed out unhealthy parts of their relationship by dealing with issues.Unhealthy Couples84% are unable to resolve problems. By avoiding conflict they stockpile debris in their relationship.HC 95% feel understood during problem discussion.They have good listening skills and affirm each other.UC 62% don't feel heard by their partner.The end result is feeling disconnected.Fears of another relationship breakup become more real.HC 79% are able to keep small disagreements small.UC 83% turn molehills into mountains.HC 74% have unity in the process by which they tackle disagreements.UC 86% can't even agree on how to disagree.HC 90% give serious consideration to disagreement and the need to resolve issues.UC 44% overlook or invalidate the other's concerns.They don't see the potential hazards of allowing debris to build up.
  6. Avoid the Fireplace!
  7.  1. Heat-- issue that describes couples disagreements2. Fuel – Process how couple interacts3. Oxygen – Each person's negative feelings that drive how they respond to each other.Two common ways we ineffectively deal with conflictBlame the other personality Bring up old issues
  8. Area of ConcernIssuesConstructive Approach Raises and clarifies issuesDestructive Approach Brings up old issuesFeelingsConstructive Approach Expresses both positive and negative feelingsDestructive Approach Expresses only negative feelingsInformationConstructive Approach Gives complete and honest informationDestructive Approach Offers only select informationFocusConstructive Approach Concentrates on the issue rather than the personDestructive Approach Concentrates on the person rather than the IssueBlameConstructive Approach Accepts mutual blameConstructive Approach Blames the other person for the problem