Lesson 8 Fun Finance Sex Spirituality
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The document provides tips for improving relationships through healthy communication, shared interests, managing finances, and a fulfilling sex life. It suggests creating a list of shared enjoyable activities, discussing values, and agreeing on a financial system. Healthy couples engage in fair and mutual sexuality within a context of emotional intimacy, trust, and passion. Unhappy couples lack resolution, trust, and selfishness that impacts intimacy. Staying present rather than comparing to the past helps intimacy. Shared spiritual beliefs correlate with higher relationship satisfaction in stepfamilies.
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Lesson 8 Fun Finance Sex Spirituality
- 1. F 2S2 (Fun - Finance$ Sex – Spirituality)
- 2. Brainstorm and write a list of things you both enjoy together Choose Big thing Choose a small thing Discuss which ones are easiest to implement NOW.
- 3. List Leisure activities you DON'T enjoy doing together Learn to appreciate and respect each other’s wishes
- 4. Implement a Time Together Policy & stick to it. Weekly date night...time...location Avoid talking about any problem/Issue here Just enjoy your time together. Make it FUN!
- 6. List your values (the things you hold most dear) and compare your list with your spouse. Money can mean: STATUS – Keep up with the “Joneses” SECURITY – Conservative in spending --- focus on saving EMPLOYMENT – Receives satisfaction from spending money on ourselves CONTROL – maintains control over my life and Independent from my partner or Family members.
- 7. One POT System: Joint ownership of all assets and agreed spending habits. Two POT system: His money / Her money Three POT system: His, Hers, Theirs accounts What matters is that you AGREE on one system that shares similar values about spending, savings and how family members are provided for.
- 8. What Money can buy What money can’t buy •A house •A home •A bed •Sleep •Books •Brains •Food •An appetite •Luxury •Culture •Finery •Beauty •Medicine •Health •Flattery •Respect •Companions •Friends •Amusements •Happiness •Religious Pride •Eternity
- 11. Sex was the seventh out of 10 Top Predictors of a Happy, Healthy Stepfamily Relationship Sex only contributes 13% towards a high Quality Relationships Our Tool Kit will be Rather remiss if we are relying on sex to make our relationship really SIZZLE
- 12. From a study of 50,000 steparents 1. Partner’s Personality 6. Financial 2. Healthy management communication 7. Healthy sexuality 3. Ability to resolve 8. Friendships & conflict extended family 4. Shared couple leisure 9. Managing activity complexity 5. Flexibility and 10. Couple closeness & adaptability emotional safety.
- 13. Healthy Couples Unhealthy Couples 97% agree that affection and 49% disagree as to how sexuality is sexuality is used fairly within the used in the relationship: affection is relationship. sometimes abused. 93% agree that they are completely 55% are hungry for affection from satisfied with the amount of their partner. affection their partner gives them. 89% agree that their level of interest 53% are concerned that their in sex is about the same. partner's level of interest is different from theirs.
- 14. Healthy Couples Unhealthy Couples 95% are secure in how their partner38% are reluctant to be affectionate interprets affection; they aren't because it is often interpreted as a afraid of misinterpretation . sexual advance. 90% don't have concerns about the 42% have concerns about how their previous sexual experiences of their partner's previous sexual partner. experiences will impact their relationship. 4X as much!! 93% of couples from Happy Vibrant 49% of Unhappy couples disagree Relationships agree that each how sex is used and report that their Partner uses sex FAIRLY – not as a partner sometimes uses or refuses tool to control or manipulate the affection UNFAIRLY relationship.
- 15. Healthy couples report that : Sex flows from Emotional Intimacy based on Honest communication, TRUST in each other, STRONG FREINDSHIP and PASSIONATE LOVE. Biologically, affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin – the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
- 16. Unhappy couples report: Destructive conflict Inability to resolve issues Lack of Trust Selfishness of either party. All of the above contribute to an unsatisfactory sexual experience
- 17. Tips for Not Getting Caught in the Past Don't make comparisons in your mind or out loud! Stay open to new preferences. Don't think that what worked in the past will work again. Listen. Calm your insecurities. Give yourself time to develop a couple-groove. Learn as you go; share what you learn. Confront your sexual ghosts. Increase your willingness to trust. Don't ignore sexual problems, and don't panic. Talk it through and get help.
- 19. Research clearly indicates that Couples Sharing similar Spiritual beliefs score significantly Higher on all aspects of stepfamily Life.
- 20. 80 71 70 66 60 57 52 51 53 50 46 48 42 38 39 40 29 31 30 28 26 20 18 20 17 10 0 High spiritual agreement Low Spiritual agreement
- 21. Graphics, desktop publishing, sequencing and editing my OCOI Studios Xhilliwhack, BC OCOI.Studios@gmail.com Cartoons permission by cartoonstock.com Tables and graphs courtesy of Baker Publishing group
Editor's Notes
- Rediscover Fun Brainstorm and write a list of things you both enjoy togetherChoose Big thing (cruise) and small things (Cards after dinner)Discuss which ones are easiest to implement NOW.
- List Leisure activities you DON'T enjoy doing togetherQUALIFIER: As long as it doesn’t steal time from the marriage.Like he likes football but not Opera? (and her vice versa?)learn to appreciate and respect each other's wishes
- Implement a Time Together Policy & stick to it.Weekly date night...time...location Avoid talking about any problem/Issue hereJust enjoy your time together. Make it FUN!
- When values differ, money arguments often occur.
- List your values (the things you hold most dear) and compare your list with your spouse. Money can mean:STATUS – Keep up with the “Joneses”SECURITY – Conservative in spending --- focus on savingEMPLOYMENT – Receives satisfaction from spending money on ourselves and our familyCONTROL – maintains control over HIS/HER life and Independent from their partner or Family members.
- List your values (the things you hold most dear) and compare your list with your spouse. Money can mean:STATUS – Keep up with the “Joneses”SECURITY – Conservative in spending --- focus on savingEMPLOYMENT – Receives satisfaction from spending money on ourselves and our familyCONTROL – maintains control over HIS/HER life and Independent from their partner or Family members.
- What Money Can Buy A houseA bedBooksFoodLuxuryFineryMedicineFlattery Companions Amusements Religious prideWhat Money Can't BuyA homeSleepBrainsAn appetite CultureBeautyHealthRespectFriends Happiness Eternity
- SEXUALITY
- SEXUALITYSex was the seventh out of 10 Top Predictors of a Happy, Healthy Stepfamily Relationship (See slide 1?) Sex only contributes 13% towards a high Quality Relationships Our tool Kit will be Rather remiss if we are relying on sex to make our relationship really SIZZLE
- A study of 50,000 steparents revealed the Top 10 qualities of Highly satisfied Remarriage couples:Partner’s PersonalityHealthy communicationAbility to resolve conflictShared couple leisure activityFlexibility and adaptabilityFinancial managementHealthy sexualityFriendships & extended familyManaging complexityCouple closeness & emotional safety.Health sexuality and affection within the relationship was only #7 in importanceContrary to all the pulp fiction tabloids!Positive couple closeness and emotional safety.
- Healthy CouplesUnhealthy Couples97% agree that affection and sexuality is used fairly within the relationship.49% disagree as to how sexuality is used in the relationship: affection is sometimes abused.93% agree that they are completely satisfied with the amount of affection their partner gives them.55% are hungry for affection from their partner.89% agree that their level of interest in sex is about the same.53% are concerned that their partner's level of interest is different from theirs.95% are secure in how their partner interprets affection; they aren't afraid misinterpretation.38% are reluctant to be affectionate because it is often interpreted as a sexual advance.
- 95% of Happy couples are secure in how their partner interprets affection;they aren't afraid of being misinterpreted.38% of unhappy couples are reluctant to be affectionate because it is often interpreted as a sexual advance; the meaning of affection is unclear.ONLY 10% of happy couples have concerns about the previous sexual experiences of their partner.42% of unhappy couples have concerns about how their partner's previous sexual experiences will impact their relationship.They are four times as likely to be concerned about this than happy couples.93% of couples with Happy Vibrant Relationships agree that each Partner uses sex FAIRLY – not as a tool to control or manipulate the relationship. 49% of Unhappy couples disagree how sex is used and report that their partner sometimes uses of refuses affection UNFAIRLY
- Healthy couples report that :Sex flows from Emotional Intimacy based on Honest communication, TRUST in each other, STRONG FREINDSHIP and PASSIONATE LOVE.Biologically, affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin -- the "bonding hormone." Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
- Unhappy couples report: Destructive conflict Inability to resolve issuesLack of Trust Selfishness of either party. All of the above contribute to an unsatisfactory sexual experience.
- Remarriage Sex:Tips for Not Getting Caught in the Past Don't make comparisons in your mind. . . or out loud! "Why can't you touch me the way John did?" isn't going to breed confidence in your partner. Keep your comparisons to yourself! Nor should you linger on comparisons in your own mind. Doing so keeps you looking back instead of connecting to the moment at hand.Stay open to new preferences. Your new spouse's sexual preferences may vary from a previous partner's. Don't think that what. worked with a previous partner will work again. Listen to verbal and nonverbal messages telling you your partner's preferences.Calm your insecurities. If you were sexually rejected or traumatized in the past, be careful not to let your insecurities or anxiety run ahead of you.Give yourself time to develop a couple-groove. Learning how to read each other, when to respond with a specific touch, or what your couple sexual style is will take time. Learn as you go; share what you learn.Confront your sexual ghosts. Don't be quick to make negative assumptions about your partner's motivations or behavior. When fearful, try to take small risks to increase your willingness to trust.Don't ignore sexual problems, and don't overreact. It's normal for couples to have a sexual complaint of some kind. Don't panic if you encounter difficulty. Talk it through and if necessary, find a sex therapist who can help.
- SPIRITUALITY Research clearly indicates that Couples Sharing similar Spiritual beliefs score significantly Higher on all aspects of stepfamily Life.
- SPIRITUALITY Research clearly indicates that Couples Sharing similar Spiritual beliefs score significantly Higher on all aspects of stepfamily Life. One reason could be that a mature faith emphasizes US, OURS & WE rather than me and mineRigid individualism of our Western culture is toxic to marriage family and society.