presentation for a talk for parents at the University of St. La Salle on Sept. 21, 2019

1. HOW TO
SUCCESSFULLY
PARENT COLLEGE-
AGE KIDSJ E A N E T T E C . PAT I N D O L
S E P T. 2 1 , 2 0 1 9

2. BASIC PARENTING STYLES
• Authoritarian approach – “parents know best”; focuses on control;
does not allow children an independent voice and sense of efficacy
• Overly permissive approach – “parents are buddies”; focuses on
freedom and creativity; does not teach kids about limits and self-
control
• BOTH EXTREMES CAN INTERFERE WITH KIDS’ ABILITY TO REGULATE
EMOTIONS AND FORM HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AS ADULTS
– Leads to non-compliance, power struggles and damaged self-
esteem issues
• Recommended is a democratic approach - focuses on fairness,
flexibility, respect and trust; learning, rather than submission, as goal
– Allowing choice, yet setting fair and clear limits on unacceptable

3. WHAT NOT TO DO
• Talking too much
– The human brain can only take 4 chunks of information in active memory: 30 seconds or 2
sentences
– Assess/discuss situation, clarify overall goal, and decide on next steps (discussion, preference,
decision)
• “Helicopter parenting”/Nagging and giving multiple warnings
– Assess situation, establish consequence
• Using guilt and shame to get compliance
– Model empathy
– Label the behavior as unacceptable but the child as still lovable.
– Connect with your own feelings, calm down (deep breathing), self-talk; self-awareness instead of
spewing with resentment
• Not listening
– Model respect and caring
– Mindful Presence; active listening (listening to both what is and is not said)

4. UNICEF GUIDELINES
• Context
– Children are full human beings in their own right.
– Children’s Communication Rights
– Children’s diverse media environments
• Principles and Guidelines
– Should be age-appropriate and child-friendly
– Should address the child holistically
– Should be positive and strengths-based
– Should address the needs of all, including the most disadvantaged

5. THE GENERATIONS
• The Depression Era: conservative savers ( 1912 – 1921)
• World War II: “deferment” (1922 – 1927)
• Post-War Cohort: values security, comfort and the familiar
(1928 – 1945)
• Boomers I/The Baby Boomers: good economic
opportunities, optimistic, war protesters (1946 – 1954)
• Boomers II/The Jones Generation: post-Watergate, AIDS
crisis, “I’m out for me” (1955 – 1965)
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

6. THE GENERATIONS
• Generation X: “The Lost Generation” but best
educated (1966-1976)
• Generation Y: “Echo Boomers” or “Millennials”:
incredibly sophisticated, immune to most marketing
pitches (1977 – 2006)
• Generation Z/iGen/Post-Millenials: The Digital
Natives (1995 – 2012)
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

7. GENERATION Z
• Highly-diverse, higher levels of technology may
warrant customized instruction
• “The Internet Generation”: digital technology as an
aspect of almost all career paths
• 1st true digital natives: many do not remember a time
before iPhones and social media
• More aware of personal brand and privacy in social
media (Snapchat, Secret, Whisper)
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

8. GENERATION Z
• Open to ethnic diversity; grew up on digital
playgrounds like Habbo
• “entrepreneurship is in their DNA”
• A strong sense of social justice, philanthropy, maturity
• “the weight of saving the world and fixing our past
mistakes on their shoulders”: conscientious,
hardworking, anxious and mindful about the future
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

9. GENERATION Z
• Shorter, more frequent bursts of communication: need constant and
immediate feedback
• Instinct to pursue speed rather than accuracy
• “Permanent freelancers” on more mentally demanding jobs; need for
career flexibility
• Growing up fast and developing sensitivities beyond their years
• More self-directed; the future is in their hands
• A sense of entitlement from early independence gained from
powerful technology and Gen X’s attachment
parenting/overindulgence; have the resources but don’t have the
experience to create good in the world
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

10. SUCCESSFUL PARENTING TIPS FOR
COLLEGE-AGE KIDS
• Assure UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT. Send a consistent message
that you’re there for them no matter what. JUDGE THE ACTIONS, NOT THE
PERSON.
• STEP BACK AND GUIDE, not step in and solve their problems for them.
Hovering harms more than it helps as it sends the message that they’re not
enough.
• LEAN BACK and just observe. Let them contact you. ”Date” them from
time to time and just enjoy their personhood.
• LISTEN. Guide them towards their options in arriving at solutions to their
problems. Then, let them decide and RESPECT that decision.
• Your SUPPORT and ENCOURAGEMENT remain essential. They also NEED TO
BUILD STRENGTH and CONFIDENCE to do life on their own.

11. " O U R C H I L D R E N A R E T H E
L I V I N G M E S S A G E S W E S E N D
T O A T I M E W E W I L L N O T
S E E . "
-J O H N W. W H I T E H E A D,
F O U N D E R , R U T H E R F O R D I N S T I T U T E
Jean Lee "Jeanette" C. Patindol

12. REFERENCES
• Greenberg, Melanie Ph. D. (2012). Worst mistakes parents make when talking to kids. The Mindful Self-
Express. Psychology Today. Sept. 18. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-
mindful-self-express/201209/worst-mistakes-parents-make-when-talking-kids
• Koluki, Barbara M.A. and Lemish, Dafna Ph. D. (2011). Communicating with children: Principles and practices
to nurture, inspire, excite, educate and heal. United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF).
• Looper, Lance. (2015) “How generation Z works.” How Stuff Works: Culture. Nov. 19. Retrieved from
http://people.howstuffworks.com/culture-traditions/generation-gaps/generation-z.htm
• Shaffer, Suzanne. (n.d.) “Hands-Off Parenting in College”. Collegiate Parenting. Retrieved from
https://www.collegiateparent.com/parent-view/hands-off-parenting-in-college/Schroer, William J. (n.d.)
“Generations X, Y, Z and the others”. The Social Librarian. Retrieved from
http://www.socialmarketing.org/newsletter/features/generation1.htm
• ScourCambridge. (n.d.) “Raising generation Z: Seeking balance for the net generation”. Retrieved from
http://scoutcambridge.com/raising-generation-z-seeking-balance-for-the-net-generation/
• Steinberg, Stacy. (2015). “5 truths about parenting generation Z”. The Huffington Post. May 13. Retrieved
from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stacey-steinberg/5-truths-about-parenting-generation-
z_b_7249302.html
• Williams, Alex. (2015). “Move over, millenials, here comes generation Z”. The New York Times. Sept. 28.
Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/20/fashion/move-over-millennials-here-comes-
generation-z.html?_r=0