The document outlines an empathy workshop designed to improve interpersonal interactions and service delivery by teaching three learnable practices: listening non-judgmentally, demonstrating understanding of others' perspectives, and acknowledging underlying emotions and needs. It emphasizes the importance of empathy in various situations, especially when perspectives differ or when individuals feel unheard. Additionally, it provides exercises to apply these concepts, particularly in a client-agency context.

1. Webstars
Knowing Me, Knowing You
EMPATHY WORKSHOP
6 Nov 2018
1

2. 2

3. “Humans aren't as good as we should be in our
capacity to empathise with feelings and thoughts of
others, be they humans or other animals on Earth.
So maybe part of our formal education should be
training in empathy.”
Neil de’Grasse Tyson
3

4. “You can’t really teach
empathy - if you don’t have it,
you’re a psychopath”
Overheard in the office
4

5. Theory
Can Empathy be taught?
Empathy in practise
Ladder of inference
5 basic emotions
Exercise
Role reversal
Application
Improving our projects and service delivery with empathy
60 minutes to cover
5

6. Discussion around these topics - don’t hesitate to stop me if you have questions or want to
use an example to demonstrate your understanding.
Challenge me - I may look silly at first but we’ll all learn more if you challenge me.
Your attention - please put mobiles and laptops away.
What I encourage
6

7. Does it come down to life experience or innate talent?
There are three simple and learnable practices that have the power to make any interpersonal
interaction more empathetic.
Is empathy teachable?
7

8. 1. Listen non-judgementally
8

9. Agreeing: “You’re totally right about that.”
Sympathising: “Poor thing!”
Consoling: “It’s not your fault. You’ll do better next time.”
Advice-giving: “You should do X tonight.”
Correcting: “Actually, you should look at it this way.”
These make an evaluation of the situation or prescribe a solution.
Listening non-judgementally is not:
9

10. Judgement interferes with your ability to fully understand another’s experience. It shifts the
conversation to one where you’re trying to persuade each other.
Instead, replace judgement with curiosity.
It’s important to avoid an evaluation, especially at first
10

11. 2. Demonstrate that you’re fleshing
out their perspective
11

12. We all see the world
differently
12

13. Available Data
Selection of Data
Interpretation
Conclusions
Ladder of inference
Out of all possible data in this world, we
only can access a limited pool of
available data.
Humans select certain data to pay
attention to, consciously or not.
Then we apply background assumptions
to interpret this data.
Leading us to draw conclusions and
solidify our perspectives.
13

14. Available Data
Selection of Data
Interpretation
Conclusions
Ladder of inference
Each of us is perched on top of our own
ladder.
Your task is to momentarily forget about
your own ladder and navigate the other
person’s ladder instead.
How can you walk up and down the
ladder of someone else?
14

15. Ask for more concrete information.
Make it safe for them not to answer.
Avoid making statements disguised as questions.
Employ open-ended inquiry
15

16. Paraphrase.
Summarise the ladder.
Exercise: adopt a controversial opinion that you utterly do not understand or are disgusted by.
Then practice walking up and down their ladder with the tools above.
Don’t try to change their mind — your job is to simply empathise (without necessarily agreeing).
Demonstrate your understanding
16

17. 3. Understand and acknowledge
underlying emotion and needs
17

18. Sadness — triggered by perceived loss.
Disgust — triggered by perceived
toxicity.
Fear — triggered by perceived danger.
Anger — triggered by perceived
interference.
Enjoyment — triggered by things that
feel good.
5 basic emotions:
18

19. Appreciation — the need to be recognised as valuable.
Autonomy — the need to have the freedom to affect or make decisions without imposition from
others.
Affiliation — the need to feel connected with another person or group, structurally or personally.
Status — the need to have standing comparable to the standing of others.
Role — the need to have clear responsibilities and expectations in a given situation.
5 core concerns:
19

20. Non-violent communication
20

21. Listen for underlying emotions and needs.
Name the emotion and the underlying need.
Ask for confirmation or clarification. Check if your hypothesis is right.
Non-violent communication
21

22. When is empathy important?
22

23. When the other person seems to feel unheard.
When there seems to be a strong difference in perspective.
When you feel a desire to judge or blame someone else.
When is empathy important?
23

24. “What if they really are wrong? I don’t want to validate their untruths/irrationality!”
“But they deserve judgment!”
“What about sharing my own point of view, and my own feelings?”
Common feelings to justify a response without empathy
24

25. Exercise 1
25

26. Everyone take a Post-It note and draw a vertical line halving it
On the left side, write your job role
On the right hand side, write the hardest thing about your job role briefly
Everyone pass the Post-It note to the person on your left, display that note either on your front
or desk
Exercise 1
26

27. Your business is a medium-sized website development agency based in London
You offer website development, marketing services, software as a service and consultancy to
clients
The scene
27

28. The Marketing Director of your biggest client leaves, which is always a turbulent time for an
agency and more often than not leads to re-tendering for the work or closure of the business
relationship.
What is your plan?
As a team, you need to work together in your roles and put together an action plan action plan
that will keep the client and one that involves everyone.
You have 15 minutes to complete this plan.
*Any unknown in this exercise - please ask*
The Situation
28

29. Exercise Review
29

30. Applying empathy to make
use better as an Agency
30

31. If you are able to see the world as your client does, chances are you are going to do a great job
for them.
You will have a deep understanding of their needs, and will be able to prevent most problems
and resolve the ones that do pop up quickly and amicably.
Applying empathy within the Agency model
31

32. When working with a client directly, do the following:
Understand your client’s background and experience level.
Know how your client likes to work.
Get to know your client’s company culture.
Understand what is keeping your client awake at night.
Always figure out the “why” behind a request.
Actually talk to your client now and then.
Actions
32

33. What do you think? Is it
learnable
33

34. Thank you for your time
34