The document discusses disenfranchised grief and ambiguous loss. It then outlines the five invitations of loss according to Frank Ostaseski: don't wait, welcome everything and push away nothing, bring your whole self to the experience, find a place of rest in the middle of things, and cultivate a "don't know" mind. These invitations encourage embracing life's precariousness, being open without judgment, including all parts of oneself, finding inner stillness amid activity, and letting go of certainty.

1. Grief, Loss and
Transformation

5. Disenfranchised
Grief
• The Relationship Is Not Recognized
• The Loss Is Not Recognized
• Loss that’s considered ‘less
significant’
• Loss surrounded by stigma
• Exclusion from mourning
• The Griever Is Not Recognized
• Grief that doesn’t align with social
norms

6. How Disenfranchised Grief Feels
insomnia substance misuse anxiety
Depression
physical symptoms,
like muscle tension,
unexplained pain,
or stomach distress
diminished self-
esteem
shame
doubt and guilt
around your
“inappropriate”
reaction
increased difficulty
working through
distress
difficulty coping
with future losses
Along with typical feelings associated with grief, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and emotional numbness,
disenfranchised grief can contribute to:

15. I have come to know
that it [death] is an
important thing to keep
in mind - not to
complain or to make
melancholy, but simply
because only with the
honest knowledge that
one day I will die can I
ever truly begin to live.
--R.A. Salvatore

16. Ring the bells that
still can ring, forget
your perfect offering.
There is a crack, a
crack in everything,
that’s how the light
gets in.
L. Cohen

20. Ring the bells that
still can ring, forget
your perfect offering.
There is a crack, a
crack in everything,
that’s how the light
gets in.
L. Cohen

23. “Unless there is some time for being
together psychologically -
emotionally and cognitively - the
psychological family may disappear.
Without time for talking, laughing,
arguing, sharing stories, and showing
affection, we are just a collection of
people who share the same
refrigerator.”
― Pauline Boss
Ambiguous loss makes us feel
incompetent. It erodes our sense of
(capability) and destroys our belief in the
world as a fair, orderly, and manageable
place. But if we learn to cope with
uncertainty, we must realize that there
are differing views of the world, even
when that world is less challenged by
ambiguity
― Pauline Boss

51. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

52. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

54. Grief, Loss and
Transformation

58. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

62. Video – How to Help a Grieving Friend,
Megan Devine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

70. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality Through
Ambiguous Loss

80. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

81. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

83. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality Through
Ambigous Loss

84. Healing Through
Ambiguous Loss
Understanding the losses we feel
but society does not name

90. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

91. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

93. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality Through
Ambigous Loss

94. Healing Through
Ambiguous Loss
Understanding the losses we feel
but society does not name

96. “Unless there is some time for being
together psychologically -
emotionally and cognitively - the
psychological family may disappear.
Without time for talking, laughing,
arguing, sharing stories, and showing
affection, we are just a collection of
people who share the same
refrigerator.”
― Pauline Boss
Ambiguous loss makes us feel
incompetent. It erodes our sense of
(capability) and destroys our belief in the
world as a fair, orderly, and manageable
place. But if we learn to cope with
uncertainty, we must realize that there
are differing views of the world, even
when that world is less challenged by
ambiguity
― Pauline Boss

99. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcqvpsdM6Zo

103. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

104. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

106. Post-Traumatic
Growth in the
Time of Covid-19
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality

107. Ring the bells that
still can ring, forget
your perfect offering.
There is a crack, a
crack in everything,
that’s how the light
gets in.
L. Cohen

108. Supporting Ourselves
to Find Our Strengths in
the Midst Stressful
Times
Healing habits and ways to make
the best of difficulty

112. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

113. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

115. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Traumatic times and Traumatic
Losses

126. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

127. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

129. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
The Five Invitations of Loss

133. Don’t Wait
This idea can both frighten and inspire
us. Yet, embracing the truth of life’s
precariousness helps us to appreciate
its preciousness. We stop wasting our
lives on meaningless activities. We
learn to not hold our opinions, our
desires, and even our own identities so
tightly. Instead of pinning our hopes on
a better future, we focus on the
present and being grateful for what we
have in front of us right now. We say, “I
love you” more often. We become
kinder, more compassionate and more
forgiving.

134. Welcome Everything;
Push Away Nothing
• In welcoming everything, we don't have to like what's arising
or necessarily agree with it, but we need to be willing to
meet it, to learn from it. The word welcome confronts us; it
asks us to temporarily suspend our usual rush to judgment
and to be open, to what is showing up at our front door. To
receive it in the spirit of hospitality.
• A friend of Frank Ostieski and a renowned psychiatrist
named Sidney who had Altzhimer’s was once invited him for
dinner.
• When his friend arrived, she rang the doorbell, and Sidney
opened the door. At first, he had a look of confusion. He
quickly recovered and said, “I’m sorry. I have trouble
remembering faces these days. But I do know that our home
always has been a place where guests are welcome. If you
are here on my doorstep, then it is my job to welcome you.
Please come in.”

135. Bring Your Whole Self to
the Experience
• We all like to look good. We long to be seen as
capable, strong, intelligent, sensitive, spiritual, or at
least well-adjusted. Few of us want to be known for
our helplessness, fear, anger, or ignorance.
• Yet more than once I have found an “undesirable”
aspect of myself—one about which I previously had
felt ashamed—to be the very quality that allowed me
to meet another person’s suffering with compassion
instead of fear or pity. It is not only our expertise, but
exploration of our own suffering that enables us to
build an empathetic bridge and be of real assistance
to others.
• To be whole, we need to include and connect all
parts of ourselves. Wholeness does not mean
perfection. It means no part left out.

136. Find a Place of Rest in the
Middle of Things
• We often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything
else in our lives is complete: At the end of the day, when we take a bath;
once we go on holiday or get through all our to-do lists. We imagine that
we can only find rest by changing our circumstances.
• There is a Zen story about a monk who is vigorously sweeping the temple
grounds. Another monk walks by and snips, “Too busy.”
• The first monk replies, “You should know there is one who is not too busy.”
• The moral of the story is that while the sweeping monk may have
outwardly appeared to the casual observer as “too busy,” actively
performing his daily monastic duties, inwardly he was not busy.
• He could recognize the quietness of his state of mind, the part of himself
that was at rest in the middle of things.

137. Cultivate “Don’t
Know” Mind
• This describes a mind that's open and
receptive. It is not limited by agendas,
roles, and expectations. It is free to
discover. When we are filled with
knowing, when our mind is made up, it
narrows our vision and limits our
capacity to act. We only see what our
knowing allows us to see. We don’t
abandon our knowledge - it’s always
there in the background should we need
it – but we let go of fixed ideas. We let go
of control.

138. Cultivate Cultivate “Don't Know” Mind.
Find
Rest
Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things. ...
Bring Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience. ...
Welcome Welcome Everything; Push Away Nothing. ...
Don't Wait Don't Wait. ...
Five Invitations – What dying can
teach us about living.

147. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

148. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

150. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
The Five Invitations of Loss

151. I have come to know
that it [death] is an
important thing to keep
in mind - not to
complain or to make
melancholy, but simply
because only with the
honest knowledge that
one day I will die can I
ever truly begin to live.
--R.A. Salvatore

152. Don’t Wait
This idea can both frighten and inspire
us. Yet, embracing the truth of life’s
precariousness helps us to appreciate
its preciousness. We stop wasting our
lives on meaningless activities. We
learn to not hold our opinions, our
desires, and even our own identities so
tightly. Instead of pinning our hopes on
a better future, we focus on the
present and being grateful for what we
have in front of us right now. We say, “I
love you” more often. We become
kinder, more compassionate and more
forgiving.

153. Welcome Everything;
Push Away Nothing
• In welcoming everything, we don't have to like what's arising
or necessarily agree with it, but we need to be willing to
meet it, to learn from it. The word welcome confronts us; it
asks us to temporarily suspend our usual rush to judgment
and to be open, to what is showing up at our front door. To
receive it in the spirit of hospitality.
• A friend of Frank Ostieski and a renowned psychiatrist
named Sidney who had Altzhimer’s was once invited him for
dinner.
• When his friend arrived, she rang the doorbell, and Sidney
opened the door. At first, he had a look of confusion. He
quickly recovered and said, “I’m sorry. I have trouble
remembering faces these days. But I do know that our home
always has been a place where guests are welcome. If you
are here on my doorstep, then it is my job to welcome you.
Please come in.”

154. Bring Your Whole Self to
the Experience
• We all like to look good. We long to be seen as
capable, strong, intelligent, sensitive, spiritual, or at
least well-adjusted. Few of us want to be known for
our helplessness, fear, anger, or ignorance.
• Yet more than once I have found an “undesirable”
aspect of myself—one about which I previously had
felt ashamed—to be the very quality that allowed me
to meet another person’s suffering with compassion
instead of fear or pity. It is not only our expertise, but
exploration of our own suffering that enables us to
build an empathetic bridge and be of real assistance
to others.
• To be whole, we need to include and connect all
parts of ourselves. Wholeness does not mean
perfection. It means no part left out.

155. Find a Place of Rest in the
Middle of Things
• We often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything
else in our lives is complete: At the end of the day, when we take a bath;
once we go on holiday or get through all our to-do lists. We imagine that
we can only find rest by changing our circumstances.
• There is a Zen story about a monk who is vigorously sweeping the temple
grounds. Another monk walks by and snips, “Too busy.”
• The first monk replies, “You should know there is one who is not too busy.”
• The moral of the story is that while the sweeping monk may have
outwardly appeared to the casual observer as “too busy,” actively
performing his daily monastic duties, inwardly he was not busy.
• He could recognize the quietness of his state of mind, the part of himself
that was at rest in the middle of things.

156. Cultivate “Don’t
Know” Mind
• This describes a mind that's open and
receptive. It is not limited by agendas,
roles, and expectations. It is free to
discover. When we are filled with
knowing, when our mind is made up, it
narrows our vision and limits our
capacity to act. We only see what our
knowing allows us to see. We don’t
abandon our knowledge - it’s always
there in the background should we need
it – but we let go of fixed ideas. We let go
of control.

157. •Don't Wait. ...
•Welcome Everything; Push Away Nothing. ...
•Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience. ...
•Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things. ...
•Cultivate “Don't Know” Mind.

166. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

167. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

169. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality Through
Ambigous Loss

170. Healing Through
Ambiguous Loss
Understanding the losses we feel
but society does not name

176. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

177. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

179. Grief, Loss and
Transformation
Building Resilience and
Supporting Vitality Through
Ambigous Loss

180. Healing Through
Ambiguous Loss
Understanding the losses we feel
but society does not name

182. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

183. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth

188. Grief Puts Us
Beyond the
Stretch Zone
Grief Pushes
Us to…
a) Regulate,
b) Integrate,
c) Grow

196. Acknowledgement
1. Acknowledgment is not the same
as praise or compliments;
2. You must acknowledge people for
skills and behaviors that are
meaningful important to them and
others; and
3. Acknowledgment must be sincere
and specific

198. Grief Puts Us
Beyond the
Stretch Zone
Grief Pushes
Us to…
a) Regulate,
b) Integrate,
c) Grow

200. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

210. Don’t Wait
This idea can both frighten and inspire
us. Yet, embracing the truth of life’s
precariousness helps us to appreciate
its preciousness. We stop wasting our
lives on meaningless activities. We
learn to not hold our opinions, our
desires, and even our own identities so
tightly. Instead of pinning our hopes on
a better future, we focus on the
present and being grateful for what we
have in front of us right now. We say, “I
love you” more often. We become
kinder, more compassionate and more
forgiving.

211. Welcome Everything;
Push Away Nothing
• In welcoming everything, we don't have to like what's arising
or necessarily agree with it, but we need to be willing to
meet it, to learn from it. The word welcome confronts us; it
asks us to temporarily suspend our usual rush to judgment
and to be open, to what is showing up at our front door. To
receive it in the spirit of hospitality.
• A friend of Frank Ostieski and a renowned psychiatrist
named Sidney who had Altzhimer’s was once invited him for
dinner.
• When his friend arrived, she rang the doorbell, and Sidney
opened the door. At first, he had a look of confusion. He
quickly recovered and said, “I’m sorry. I have trouble
remembering faces these days. But I do know that our home
always has been a place where guests are welcome. If you
are here on my doorstep, then it is my job to welcome you.
Please come in.”

212. Bring Your Whole Self to
the Experience
• We all like to look good. We long to be seen as
capable, strong, intelligent, sensitive, spiritual, or at
least well-adjusted. Few of us want to be known for
our helplessness, fear, anger, or ignorance.
• Yet more than once I have found an “undesirable”
aspect of myself—one about which I previously had
felt ashamed—to be the very quality that allowed me
to meet another person’s suffering with compassion
instead of fear or pity. It is not only our expertise, but
exploration of our own suffering that enables us to
build an empathetic bridge and be of real assistance
to others.
• To be whole, we need to include and connect all
parts of ourselves. Wholeness does not mean
perfection. It means no part left out.

213. Find a Place of Rest in the
Middle of Things
• We often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything
else in our lives is complete: At the end of the day, when we take a bath;
once we go on holiday or get through all our to-do lists. We imagine that
we can only find rest by changing our circumstances.
• There is a Zen story about a monk who is vigorously sweeping the temple
grounds. Another monk walks by and snips, “Too busy.”
• The first monk replies, “You should know there is one who is not too busy.”
• The moral of the story is that while the sweeping monk may have
outwardly appeared to the casual observer as “too busy,” actively
performing his daily monastic duties, inwardly he was not busy.
• He could recognize the quietness of his state of mind, the part of himself
that was at rest in the middle of things.

214. Cultivate “Don’t
Know” Mind
• This describes a mind that's open and
receptive. It is not limited by agendas,
roles, and expectations. It is free to
discover. When we are filled with
knowing, when our mind is made up, it
narrows our vision and limits our
capacity to act. We only see what our
knowing allows us to see. We don’t
abandon our knowledge - it’s always
there in the background should we need
it – but we let go of fixed ideas. We let go
of control.

215. Cultivate Cultivate “Don't Know” Mind.
Find
Rest
Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things. ...
Bring Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience. ...
Welcome Welcome Everything; Push Away Nothing. ...
Don't Wait Don't Wait. ...
Five Invitations – What dying can
teach us about living.

224. Turning Stress to Power w/ The 3 C’s
C
C
C
Self-Compassion: Understanding and kindness towards
yourself. Willingness to challenge your self and to accept your
needs. Tenderness with your vulnerability and setting limits
Self-Care: Taking actions to care for your needs. Eating,
resting, exercise, meaning and spirituality, setting limits,
recovery time and active relaxation practices.
Connection: Stress makes us want to isolate and often makes
us feel alone. Reaching out for support is a skill that gives us
the chance to heal.

225. Every challenge provides an opportunity to deepen,
connect and growth