Whether a Pastor, Business Leader or Manager, or Educator, at some point you may come across people in distress. These are some simple tips to keep in mind and some things to avoid.

1. Joe Padilla / CEO the Grace Alliance
Helping
People in
Distress
Simple Tips
And
Things to Avoid
MentalHealthGraceAlliance.org

2. When You’re Not a Mental
Health Professional Dealing
with Psychological Distress

The person who is extremely depressed and
communicating suicidal thoughts

The person who is spiraling out of control
with delusions and even hallucinations

The person in great trial, experiencing
something beyond normal life-difficulties and
is now falling apart

As a Pastor, Lay Leader, Teacher,
Business Leader …
WHAT DO YOU DO?

3. 1. ACTIVE LISTENING (validate)

Take note of the difficult emotions they are
experience and what they are specifically
saying. You can ask questions to help
discover more understanding. Be able to
express the emotions they are experiencing
and repeat or paraphrase what you heard
them saying. Feeling heard validates
emotions and can help defuse the stress.
Tell them it is perfectly normal to feel the
way the do (normalize).

This allows you to sympathize and have
compassion.

4. 2. Affirm (worth and value)

No matter the circumstances remind them
of their value, their character, and even
their faith. You are expressing that they are
worthy and that they matter. People are
more willing to receive care when they
feel or have a sense of value.

They may resist this, but you don’t have to
convince them; just communicate and be
willing to follow it up.

5. 3. Ask (respect and empower)

They are used to being told what to do—
which makes them resistant to help. Give
them the respect of asking them what
they feel like they need.

I have found more often they don’t know
what they need, but with validation and
affirmation, they will be a little bit more
willing to listen to what you suggest.

They need to feel human, not a like a project
or a “patient” that will be carted off.

6. 4. Suggest (hope and direction)

Use Strength-Based Language: point to the
hopeful direction of a recovery process and a
supportive community (loving presence).

Balance professional care with personal
support. They need to know that their life is
not all about medicine. Holistic care is essential
for a restored life and purpose.

Extreme distress and suicide or harming
others, intervene with a local crisis team
(911) and follow-up. Don’t assume someone
else will follow up. Validate that this is an
uncomfortable process and affirm it is not a
failure of faith. Rather, this is a way to receive
Grace and more support.

7. What to Avoid when dealing
with Psychological Distress

Everyone has made mistakes in this process
… learn from mistakes to improve proper
response

Don’t be afraid of making mistakes, you’re
compassionate heart is what people will
remember

Remember to not make it personal—it’s not
about you

Extend grace, grace, grace
Here is what to Avoid

8. 1. Fixing it (frustration)

They will say uncomfortable things. It makes
many feel uncomfortable seeing someone in
extreme suffering, thus many react wanting
to fix them to give them peace … we want
peace, as well.

Do not tell them not worry about the
problem(s), “it’s going to be okay all you
need to do is go see a doctor.”

Do not try to correct their thinking,
emotions – what they are experiencing is
real to them.

9. 2. Presume (false reasoning)

Presumption makes things worse.

Do not go looking for fault in them or
someone else. This will focus their attention
on weakness and reinforce heaviness
(anxiety). Even if there are complicating
factors or mistakes made in the past, placing
blame can generate more side-line problems
rather than lead you to the real issue. Be
careful!

Leave this process for a trained professional
who knows how to work with these issues …

10. 3. Duty Prescriptions (anxiety)

Duty in distress creates more frustration,
while comfort helps the recovery process.

Telling them to read the bible, worship, and
pray and fast may come from good
intentions, but unfortunately, it's not
comforting, it can make people tired,
more resentful and frustrated with God.
This reinforces that they are weak until God
gives them a breakthrough.

Comfort through reinforcing strengthbased positioning. Speaking to their
identity, along with God’s character of
comfort and grace, will help. Rest is the
focus, not more work.

11. 4. Giving the Answer Book (ugh)

The one suffering is given a book to read
that is somehow supposed to answers all
their questions. Some are okay with this, but
I have found more often it is often offensive
and hurtful. It's basically saying read this
and it will solve your problems. It makes the
person who gave the book come across as
“super-righteous.” No sympathy.

Timing! Some people need time before they
read a book. Sitting, and listening to them
first, is worth a 1,000 books.

12. 5. Pressured to Talk (push away)

They are often being told, you "need" to
go and talk to …. (insert name). This
statement extends more expectations and
feelings of guilt if they don’t do what you
suggest. Forcing this makes them to
shutdown even more.

Some research suggests that during a
traumatic experience, coaxing someone to
talk about it can actually be more damaging.

People are unique—gently suggest that
you know someone who may be helpful
once they are ready. Remember, invite
them into a process with options.

13. MentalHealthGraceAlliance.org
Facebook.com/MentalHealthGraceAlliance.org