A really useful guide helping you to recover from unexpected and unplanned changes in life and business.

2. Copyright © Pelican Ltd, Published by Pelican Ltd
ISBN 978-0-9563907-4-5 (e-Book), Second Edition
Pictures by Ian White.
Change
Change is part of life, but some changes can leave us feeling lost and
uncertain. We start a process of grieving for what we had.
To deal effectively with the change that is happening we must acknowledge
and accept what we are experiencing.
This will help us to cope, learn and grow.
Pretending that nothing affects us tends to be a foolhardy strategy and
usually prolongs our discomfort and uncertainty, preventing us from
functioning at our best.
This book will give you simple ideas to help you acknowledge your own
change journey. It will support your recovery and reassure you that
‘time heals’, however difficult things seem.
All the changes we experience in our lives give us new insight and
understanding, making us stronger and wiser.
Helen Chapman
This book is dedicated to Jill

3. Introduction
There are some events in our lives that knock us off balance, no matter
how prepared we think we are. The world as we know it changes and we find
ourselves in uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory.
Whether we realise it or not, we start to grieve for what we have lost.
You may associate grief only with the death of a loved one, and this type
of loss usually causes the most intense grief, but any loss can cause the
emotions of grief. These losses may include events or changes such as
losing or moving jobs, a relationship break-up, loss of health, moving house,
retiring, a miscarriage, death of a pet, loss of a dream or ambition, the
illness of a loved one or the loss of a friendship.
Although the way we deal with these challenges is a very personal thing and
we all experience change differently, the emotions of change tend to follow a
similar pattern. We tend to move from a wish to hold on to the past, through
a period of letting go, towards a desire to move forward and focus on the
future. Think of this as a journey of change.
Denial
Shock
Self Doubt
Anger
Anger
Searching
Guilt
Sadness
Reconnecting
Reconnecting
Searching
Despair
Learning
Accepting
Understanding
New Insight
Focusing on the Past L etting G o Moving Forward
The picture above gives a representation of this journey. Imagine the
transition between emotions as an ebb and flow, rather than a neat
progression. We don’t all experience every emotion along the way, some
emotions may be revisited and we feel different emotions for different
lengths of time.
The pictures and suggestions throughout this book aim to help you get a
sense of where you are along your own personal journey and support you
with your process of letting go.

4. Accept your
feelings
The biggest step you can take on your change journey is to accept how you
feel. All feelings are valid and completely normal.
Tell yourself quietly ‘it is OK for me to feel this way’.

5. Express your
feelings
Expressing your feelings will help ease any physical discomfort you feel.
Bottling up your feelings is likely to make you feel worse, for longer, as your
body has a habit of speaking it’s mind!
You don’t need to try and change what you feel but describing your feelings
will help you move along in your journey. Writing is a wonderful way of giving
your feelings a voice, as are creative activities like painting or gardening.
Talking to people you trust will also help.
Try writing down what you are feeling right now – scribble if you want to –
you can be as honest as you wish as these are your own private thoughts.

6. Reconnect with
yourself
The emotions of change can make us feel lost and detached. The best way
to alleviate these feelings is to find ways of reconnecting with yourself.
Find a special place where you feel comfortable to take time out.
Notice the colours, the sounds, the tastes, the smells and the feel of your
surroundings.
Try sitting still in this place and feel your feet on the floor and your bottom
on the seat.
Take deep, slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth
and say to yourself ‘I am here’.

7. Do things that
make you feel
good
It is important to support and care for yourself as you progress along your
journey.
Regular exercise, even just walking, will relieve stress, tension and improve
your overall mood. Eat a balanced, healthy diet, drink plenty of water and
allow yourself to get enough sleep.
Spend time with people that energise you and avoid those who don’t.
You are the most important person at the moment.

9. Lighten your
load
During tough times we often feel that we are expected to ‘Keep Calm and
Carry On’. This can be a heavy burden to carry
Give yourself permission to let go regularly and notice how much better you
feel. Crying, shouting and even screaming will allow your body to release
tension.

10. Say what you
need to say
When things change there are often things that we wished we’ve said or
done. It is never too late to put this right.
Write a letter saying all the things you wanted to say and do. Imagine the
person listening and understanding as you read the letter out loud to them.

11. Feel free to
laugh
Laughter has an amazing ability to heal us. The process of laughter releases
our stress and produces endorphins that make us feel good.
It is important to make time for guilt-free laughter and smiles.

12. Take one step at
a time
Give yourself the time to progress slowly. Taking even a tiny step forward will
make you feel so much better.
Keep noticing the progress you are making. Don’t judge it, just notice it.

13. Remember your
strength
Change often hurts but, as you start to heal, the pain becomes more
bearable and you become stronger and wiser. Take some time to think about
the strength you have already developed and how this may help you from
now on.

14. This is Helen’s third book. Further information on her previous books,
postcards and posters can be found on the Pelican website
www.pelicancoaching.com
Helen can be contacted at Helen.Chapman@PelicanCoaching.com
Helen Chapman has a passion for finding creative ways to help people deal
with the challenges they encounter in life and business. She believes that
through the process of coaching, people learn to become more resilient,
more effective and more healthy.
Helen is an Accredited NLP Coach and works with the Association for
Coaching as an assessor for new coaches to the Association. She is
Managing Director of Pelican Coaching and Development, a company with
offices in Yorkshire and Hertfordshire, specialising in coaching, team
development and inspirational workshops for private and corporate clients
based in the UK, Europe and the United States.
Helen and her partner live near Ilkley in North Yorkshire with their dog
Wellington.

15. www.pelicancoaching.com