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10/15/2022 www.robynsteward.com 1
Autism from a person not just a textbook
Robyn Steward

My life now!
Gigs
Robyn’s Rocket

Bullying
Q How do you know when you are being bullied ? Or if it’s just
banter/teaseing?

Bullying
Q How do you know when you are being bullied ? Or if it’s just
banter?
A If you ask the person to stop and they don’t.
This is a example of a Boundary

Boundaries
Real world examples physical
boundaries ( photos from unsplash)

Boundaries
Real world examples of personal
boundaries ( photos from unsplash)

Learning about Your boundaries
• What is ok for someone to do to your body ?
• What is not ok for someone to do to your body?
• What do you need to do for your body to feel safe ?
• What behavior from other people makes you feel unsafe

Boundary map
• You could do 2 separate ones 1 for behavior and 1 for
physical behavior , hugs etc ,
• Some people may have different rules in your life for
example a close friend vs a stranger
• Boundaries can change over time

Never ok
caution
ok
Being told what
words I can say
about myself
Not listening
when I say No
to things
happening to
me

It’s always ok to change your boundries
• Your boundaries belong to you
• Your body belongs to you

examples
• You do not have to kiss or hug family members if you do not
want too.
• You do not have to stay anywhere that makes you feel
unsafe.

Adolescence
• Adolescence does not suddenly happen it is part of life’s
trajectory and you continue through other parts of this
trajectory after adolescence

Adolescence
• Just as when we get a job we start saving for a pension , we
need to prepare young people for their entire life not just
the time we support them.

Boundaries as guidelines
• A young person needs to be motivated to be independent
• How do they benefit from their view
• help them come to the answer independently
• Don’t just do it for them
• When a activity might cross a boundary , exploring this
boundary and find out what can make the person feel safe

Map out anxiety
• Write down each tiny step of a activity that currently
seems unmanageable
• Write down in a score of 1-10 how anxious the person thinks
they will feel
• Do the steps they feel they can
• Review how anxious it actually made them
• Repeat and see if you can do another step but only when
they are ready i.e consent

Consent
Consent is when you give permission to take part or do
something , examples
• Medical treatment
• Taking part in research
• Hugs
• A website using your data
• Sex

Consent
• Often young people are only taught about consent in the
context of sex , but as you have seen from the last slide it
is much more then that
• Learning about consent is a important part of being able to
use your boundaries

Consent activity
• Ask the person sat next to you for consent to do something
( they can say no) and you can say No to taking part in this
activity

Social networks
• The IN group
• The in group in psychology means to feel you belong within a
group or that you identify with people within that group ,
humans typically want to be in the in group this is partly
why young people often copy each other’s fashion , music
tastes etc , being in the In group offers protection from
bullying

In group
• Autistic people can find it hard to know how to be in the IN
Group it is a hard balance of being you on the inside but
learning to act a certain way to “ pass” so that you avoid
trouble
?

Masking
• Masking is when you try to act like non autistic people , Not much
research has been done into the Autistic perspective on masking
other then to say it is exhausting and hard work ,
• However personally I think there is a subtle difference between
masking and acting in a way that helps you fit into the in group
• In my view masking refers to behavior that could be seen as
signifying a person being autistic like stimming , but being in the
in group is more about outward attitude and outward interests
• However young people must have access to spaces they can be
themselves and not have to mask

Theory of mind
Examples of theory of mind
Predict others feelings , thoughts or actions
• Understanding somebody else’s view point that differs from
your own

Theory of mind
• Can be hard for autistic people
• Lead to mis understandings , confusions.

Learn about theory of mind
• Learning about theory of mind and that this is a difficulty
for you is important as a autistic person.

Meltdowns

I thought these people haven't asked 100
Autistic people so I will
• This was my rationale for starting doing my own research
because not always but often I heard professionals opinions
that didn’t reflect the Autism communities experiences

Meltdowns
• I asked 100 Autistic people about their experiances

What’s the difference between meltdowns and
tantrums?
Not intentional, once
the cycle starts it has
to run its course,
physical pain if I dont
go with the process,
mostly from frustration
from being
misunderstood and not
able to be understood
clearly
“...a 'meltdown' differs from a
run-of-the-mill loss of temper
because it becomes impossible
for me to process any kind of
information in a rational
manner.”

why might they happen?

68
72
53
63
46
39
49
66
46
60
69
75
17
40
12

What can you do to help?
• Being left alone
• Particular sensory input such as deep pressure
• The trigger being removed
• Being reminded you are not alone

Executive functioning can be worse under stress or whilst experiencing
mental illness
Takes much longer to
finish a task
looses belongings even
things that are
important or precious
late
Forgets things
until they get
to
the point in the
Day when they
need them.
Forget to eat,
wash etc.
Often messy and
unorganized
Can’t work out what needs to be done, how
long it will take, and gets distracted by
things around them

I have poor executive functioning. This is what I do to help
In the moment
help when
there's a problem
I wasn't expecting
and
I can’t think fast
enough.
step by step
details
Plan far
ahead
Pack
list
Several
alarms For
the Same
thing
Not taking
On too much
Time alone
To decompress
Practice
Magnetic
whiteboard
Not too many
Words.
Big picture plan
With KPI’s Key
Performance
indicators
Aim to
Be 30
Mins early
Accept
My limits.
Support from
Professional
organizer
Apdo.co.uk
Use categories
Everything
Should have
A place
Photo
of what
tidy looks
like
Things live
close to where
I need them.
Not giving
Myself a
hard
Time.
Keep things
In sight
Labels on
draws
Photo journey
Rules
Temporary
box

• www.robynsteward.com

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