Flow and flaws of writing

ACTIVITY 1 : You are given 1 minute to scribble your
thoughts, whatever it is, how many different ideas would
that be ...it wouldn’t matter . Just write without a pause.

SAMPLE:
The best of both worlds is nowhere. Could you ever imagine
something terrible and best of all at the same time? I’m talking about
the guest speaker in the recent seminar I attended. Was it a seminar ?
Hmmmmm. I mean lecture ( sigh) Whatevah! Going back... The thing is,
nothing can ever tell me .

Yes, we can!
We have to single out terms used in the paragraph

Activity 2 : Improve the following paragraph
by making it more understandable to the
reading public.
A young person of the female gender whose
nomenclature is similar to the mother of the Roman
Catholic community’s savior was the possessor of a small
immature ruminant of the species Genus Ovis, whose
outermost covering reflected all wavelengths of visible
light with a luminousity equal to that of a mass of
naturally occuring microscopically crystalline water.
Regardless of the translational path chosen by the
aforesaid young person, there was 100% probability that
the aforementioned ruminant would select the same
pathway.

What is Technical Writing?
- is a type of writing where the author is writing
about a particular subject that requires direction,
instruction, or explanation. This style of writing has a very
different purpose and different characteristics than other
writing styles such as creative writing, academic writing
or business writing.

- It is a technical communication in any field
that primarily aims to convey a particular piece of
information for a particular purpose to a particualr
reader or group of readers

-is the presentation and communication of accurate and objective,
scientific and technologic information, ideas, or procedures
- is exposition
- is using scientific and technical vocabulary
- is highly specific and detailed
- uses tables, graphs, and figures to clarify and support textual
discussion

- uses conventional report forms
- can be analyzed logically and evaluated scientifically
- leaves no room for conflicting interpretations

CREATIVE VS. TECHNICAL
To evoke
images and
emotion
To
communicate
facts, explain
procedures,
crtically
evaluate
evidence
GOAL

Many
descriptive
words used to
create
setting/image
Conciseness
encouraged
and valued
WORDS

Character and
character
development
Facts,
accuracy,and
precision
EMPHASIS

PURPOSE OF TECHNICAL WRITING
Give information that leads to the accomplishment of
scientific tasks and in the making of the needed
decisions.
Analyze events and their implications.
Persuade and influence decisions.

SUBJECT MATTER OF TECHNICAL WRITING
Objective information that is acurately and clearly
presented
Data in business, science engineering, education and
in all formal aspects of prefessional areas
Factual data statistics

Examp
ales of
Techni
cal
Materi
als
Oral Reports, Proposals
Abstracts, Memoranda
Graphic Aids, Brochures
Business letters, Technical
Journals

Basics of Technical Writing: 6 C’s
CLARITY
COHERENCE COMPLETE
NESS
CONCRETE
NESS
CONCISENESS
CONSISTENCY

CLARITY
Prefer clear and
familiar words
Avoid “legalese”
writing
Avoid the use of
jargon
Prefer informal
to formal
language

Verbs
Instead of
• Advise
• Assist
• Compensate
• Construct
• Determine
• Forward to (us)
• Furnish (us)
• Initiate
• Monitor
Use
• Inform; tell; let me know
• Help
• Pay
• Build
• Find
• Send
• Give
• Begin
• Watch, check

Nouns
Instead of
• Alternative
• Assistance
• Component
• Correspondence
• Objective
• Rationale
Use
• Choice
• Help, aid
• Part
• Letter, memo, e-mail
• Purpose
• Reason

Adjectives
Instead of
• Applicable
•Cognizant
• Considerable
• Necessary
•Attributable
Use
•Apply to
•Aware
•Much
•Needed
•Due to

Prefer expressions used in ordinary conversation
Instead of
• Accordingly
• Consequently
• Approximately
• Currently
• Presently
• Furthermore
Use
• So; therefore
• So; therefore
• About
• Now
• Now
• Also

Instead of
• Above, abovementioned
• Below
• Hereafter
• Hereof, hereto, herewith
• The latter; the former
• The writer; the undersigned
• Personally
Use
• This, these
• This, these
• From now on
• (omit)
• (repeat)
• I, me
• (omit)

Avoid legalese
Instead of
• In the event that
• In view of the above
• In lieu of
• Pursuant to
• In compliance with
• To wit
Use
• If, when, in case
• Consequently, as a result
• Instead of
• Following
• Complying with
• Namely

Avoid jargon
• Unless all parties to the
contract interface within
the same planning
framework at an identical
point in time, the project
will be rendered
inoperative.
•Unless we coordinate our
efforts, the project will
fail.

Avoid jargon
Instead of
• In-service
• Interface
• Needs assessment
Use
• On-the-job training
• Contact; talk with
• Assessment of <an
organization’s> needs

Prefer informal to formal language
Official/Formal
• The duly executed forms should
be submitted to the undersigned
upon completion.
• The writer wishes to
acknowledge receipt of the
book.
• Please advise us of the action
you intend to take.
Direct/Informal
• Please return the signed forms
to me when you have completed
them.
• Thank you for the book you sent
me.
• Let us know what you plan to
do.

CORRECTN
ESS
Prefer verbs to
nouns
Use concrete
words and specific,
precise terms

Vague
• Please submit your report as
soon as possible.
• This activity impedes audit
practices.
• The monthly summary did
not conform to company
standards.
• Several employees will be
retiring soon.
Precise
• Please submit your weekly MIS
report before noon tomorrow.
• This activity does not allow us to
track cash disbursements.
• Key items were missing from the
monthly salary such as overtime
hours.
• Fifty employees will be retiring by
April.

Prefer verbs to nouns
Instead of
•The writer’s expertise
will be a new addition to
the quality of our staff.
Use
•The writer’s expertise will
add to the quality of our
staff.

Use active voice
Passive
•A survey of the labor
force was conducted
by the Ministry of
Labor.
Active
•The Ministry of Labor
conducted a survey of
the labor force.

Use strong verbs
Instead of
• The manager is finding that his
schedule is not known by his staff.
• It was found in these studies that
the funding for the project was
inadequate.
• This is to advise all concerned that
the absolute deadline for
exercising stock options is 5 April.
Use
• The manager learned that his staff
are not aware of his schedule.
• The studies revealed that funding
for the project was inadequate.
• Please exercise your stock options
by 5 April.

CONCISENESS Avoid faulty
repetition
Avoid
redundancy or
wordiness

Eliminate wordiness
Instead of
• At this point in time
• In the near future
• At a later date
• At all times
• Prior to
• The reason is
• For the purpose of
• In order to
Use
• Now
• Soon; or cite specific date
• Later; or cite specific date
• Always
• Before
• Because
• For
• To

Avoid faulty repetition
Instead of
• Each and everyone
• Past experience
• In the years of 2011-2015
• In the period 2011-2013
• Final conclusion
• Final outcome
• Plan in advance
• Future projection
Use
• Each
• Experience
• In 2011-2015
• In 2011-2013
• Conclusion
• Outcome
• Plan
• Projection

CONSISTEN
CY/COHERE
NCE
In language:
Avoid shifting
tenses, person,
and voice, and
part of speech.
In style: Don’t
shift from a
formal to a
colloquial style.
In thought: Two or more
independent clauses should be
closely related in thought.

PARALLELISM
Balance in
usage
Similar in
meaning and
construction

1. A noun and an infinitive are not parallel.
The duties of the proposal manager were the coordination of the effort and to write the
executive summary.
The duties of the proposal manager were to coordinate the effort and to write the
executive summary.
It is better to say to coordinate than to introduce another smothered verb (i.e., the
writing of).
2. A gerund and a noun are not parallel.
You may earn extra credit by writing a report or the submission of a completed reading
list.
You may earn extra credit by writing a report or submitting a completed reading list.
Two gerunds (writing and submitting) make the sentence parallel.
Guidelines for parallel construction:

3. A gerund and an infinitive are not parallel
My daughter was more interested in daydreaming than to do her chores.
My daughter was more interested in daydreaming than in doing her chores.
To be parallel, doing must be used to balance daydreaming
4. A noun and a clause are not parallel.
The training director is responsible for planning the curriculum and that the courses
should run smoothly.
The training director is responsible for planning the curriculum and ensuring that the
courses run smoothly.

5. Items in a list should be made parallel.
The preflight checklist included the following:
 Secure the outside doors,
 All luggage must be stowed under the seats and not in the aisles,
 All seats must be in the upright position; and
 That the flight attendants should be seated.
Not only must all the elements in a list begin with the same part of a speech, but the beginning
capitalization and ending punctuation must also be consistent. You can correct the example as follows.
The preflight checklist included the following directions:
 Secure the outside doors.
 Stow all luggage under the seats and not in the aisles.
 Place all seats in the upright position.
 Tell the flight attendants to sit down.
All items now begin with a capital letter and verb and end with a period. The list is thus
parallel.

6. An article or preposition that applies to a series must either be used
before the first item or else be repeated before each item
The objectives were to cut off the enemy’s supply routes, demoralize the population,
and to support the existing government.
The objectives were to cut off the enemy’s supply routes, to demoralize the
population, and to support the existing government.
Add the word to before the second phrase (or delete it from the third) to make this
sentence parallel.

Correlative expressions (both...and, not only...but also, and either...or) must be followed
by the same construction.
Either you must follow the doctor’s advice or bear the consequences.
Either you must follow the doctor’s advice or you must bear the consequences.
Not only must you fill out your form correctly, but also pay your taxes.
Not only must you fill out your form correctly, but you must also pay your taxes.
Both the Senate and House of Representatives agreed to the postponement.
Both the Senate and the House of Representatives agreed to the postponement.
These general rules govern parallel construction. Most of the time your ear will guide you
well. parallelism pleases; the lack of it jars.

Parallel Structure
Which sentences show parallel structure?
• Dino does not like to sing, dance, or acting.
• Dino does not like singing, dancing, or acting.
• The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurately,
and thoroughly.
• The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurately,
and in a detailed manner.
• Aldus was a poor student because he waited until the last minute to
study, completed his lab problems carelessly, and lacked motivation.
• Aldus was a poor student because he waited until the last minute to
study, was always completing his lab problems carelessly, and his
motivation was low.

Parallel Structure
•How would you correct this sentence?
The sales rep expected that she would present her
product at the meeting, that there would be time for
her to show her slide presentation, and that
questions would be asked by prospective buyers.

Parallel Structure
• Parallel:
• The salesman expected that he would present his product
at the meeting, that there would be time for him to show
his slide presentation, and that prospective buyers would
ask him questions.
•Each clause starts with “that” + subject +
“would” + verb

Parallel Structure
•Lists after a Colon:
• Be sure to keep all the elements in a list in the same form.
• New staff are advised to do the following:
(i) fill-up the personal information form,
(ii) report to the department head on their first day of work, and
(iii) go to the medical clinic for tests within the first week.
• What’s wrong with this sentence?
• The dictionary can be used for these purposes: to find word
meanings, pronunciations, correct spellings, and looking up
irregular verbs.

Parallel Structure
Proofreading strategies for parallel structure:
• Skim your paper, pausing at "and" and "or." Check on each
side of these words to see if the joined items are parallel.
• If you have several items in a list, put them in a column.
• Read your writing out loud. Listen to the sound of the items
in a list or the items being compared. Do you hear the same
kinds of sounds? Do your hear a “rhythm”?
• If something breaks that rhythm or repetition of sound, check if it
needs to be made parallel.

How to achieve coherence
•Use transitional devices
•Therefore
•Finally
•First, second, third…
•For example

• Verbs convey action in two ways - ACTIVE or PASSIVE voice.
• If the subject of the sentence performs the action of the sentence (John
caught the ball), the verb is in the active voice. If the subject receives the
action (The ball was caught by John), the verb is passive.
• Active voice tends to be more forceful and less wordy than the passive. The
passive voice always has a helping verb and often contains the prepositional
phrase by someone or something. Some editors automatically remove all
passives.
ACTIVE and PASSIVE VOICE

• You can, however, carry your dislike of the passive voice to extremes. The
passive has its place and in some cases may even be preferred. If the
emphasis is on the thing done, rather than the doer, for example, use the
passive voice. Here are some examples:
• Typhoon Yolanda left several people homeless.
• Several people were left homeless due to typhoon Yolanda.
The first sentence emphasizes typhoon Yolanda. The second emphasizes the
people, the victims.

He told me to get out.
I was told to get out.
• The second sentence is much less forceful than the first. The passive voice
here allows you to make a statement in a more tentative way than the active.
When you read the passive, the emotional content is lacking. Editors want
each sentence to carry its own weight, to tell clearly who did what to whom.
• Intentionally, a word or not, the passive voice often obscures the doer: No
one takes responsibility for the action. The passive can guarantee anonymity.

BASIC PRINCIPLES OF GOOD TECHNICAL
WRITING
 The writer of a report must have a specific reader or
group of readers in mind.
 He must decide what the specific purpose of his report
is and make sure that every part of his report contributes
to that purpose.
 He must use specific, single, concrete words, and
familiar language that cannot be misinterpreted.

GENERAL RULES FOR WORD CHOICE OR
TEN TIPS FOR TECHNICAL WRITERS
 Break long sentences up into shorter sentences.
“A complete pharmacokintetic study prevented the
investigators from missing any important
perturbations, which could have been due to any of
the following: poor abssorption of oral doses or lack
of conversion of prednisone to prednisolone”

 Break long sentences up into shorter sentences.
( Short Sentences)
“ A complete pharmacokinetic study allowed the
investigators to rule out confounding factors. They tested
the rate and extent of prednisone absorption. They also
examined prednisone to prednisolone conversion.
Differences in absorption or conversion could otherwise
have accounted for the differences in clearance between
the groups”

 Use short words instead of long words
LONG WORDS SHORTER WORDS
Etiology Cause
Administer Give
Comprise Are
Dosages Doses
employ Use ( Verb
Suffer from Experience or have

 Avoid collaquialism. Avoid emotion-evoking word
AVOID INSTEAD, USE
“On” as in “of” or “in” as in
“Study on 100 patients Study of 100 patients
Looked at Examined
More and more Increasingly
Levels Concentration

LONG WORDS SHORTER WORDS
Utilize Use ( Verb )
Usage Use ( Noun )
Efficacious Effective
Encountered Seen
Methodology Method
Pathology Disease
Virtuality Almost

COLLOQUIAL/EMOTION-
EVOKING
PROFESSIONAL
Even though the authors
claim no conflict of interest, this
study seems to be reeking of
manipulated data
The authors claimed that
their prior association with the
manufacturer did not lead to
conflict of interest. Several
inconsistencies in data
interpretation challenge this
assertion. The first inconsistency
was

 Avoid metaphors
Metaphors are names or descriptive terms applied to
an action or object that is imaginative but not literally
applicable.
Ex. The pot filibustered on the strove

 Avoid redundancy
1. Wordiness- Using too many words for fewer ones
2. Pleonasm- Use of identical words( Ex. 6 A.M. in
the morning)
3. Tautology- Use of extra words to repeat something
which has already been said (Basic fundamentals-
fundamentals)

 Avoid Filipinoism
TERM PREFERRED
1. Accident Prone Area High Risk Area / Danger Zone
2. Fetching Pick up
3. Fall in line Stand in line
4. Routinary Routine
5. Bottomless Refillable
6. No parking on both sides No parking on either sides
7. Vacant period Free time
8. Every now and then Less than often/often

ACTIVITIES IN THE WRITING PROCESS
PLANNING GATHERING
INFORMATION
DRAFTING REVISING EDITING
Talking to
peers
Searching the
internet
Listing ideas Peer reading
and evaluating
Spell checking
proofreading
Talking to
professors
Reading
related
materials
Clustering
related ideas
Writing
another draft
More
proofreading
Determining
the purpose
Studying
lecture notes
Starting a
rough draft
More peer
evaluating
Locating
sources

Flow and flaws of writing

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