EvanTell webinar slides_100113.ppt

2013 National Fatherhood Initiative
1
EvanTell & NFI present:
Generational Transformation
Using Mom as Gateway™ in Pregnancy Centers

your LIFE work…
And think more about it as promoting…
Life ABUNDANT!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life
and have it abundantly. John 10:10
I want you to re-think …
2

I attended either the PRC’s on the Frontlines of
Restoring Fatherhood, Restoring Families webinar on
September 24th and/or the workshop Reaching Men at
the recent Care Net Conference in Denver?
 Yes
 No
POLL
3

© EvanTell, 2013.
The Lord’s Network™ for At-Risk Families
The Lord is Building a Safety Net for At-Risk Families Nationwide
Training and Equipping the Body of Christ
To Share The Gospel. Clearly and Simply.
Online
for Life
750+ faith-based
Pregnancy
Centers
The Local Church
Save the Mother, Save Her Child®
Partners Equipping the Body of Christ to Serve Families Nationwide
Reaching at-risk families – helping them choose life – equipping them for abundant life!

5
Poll:
What statement best represents your relationship with
your father either past or present?
A. It is/was great! He was/is
involved, responsible, and committed to me.
B. He was a good dad – but wish it was more
C. He was not a good father
D. I knew who he was, but I didn’t know him- he
doesn’t know me
E. Didn’t know him/don’t know who he is

6
Message:

7
Stages of Adoption
 Awareness
I know there is a problem.
 Interest
I want to find out more.
 Decision
I have to do something.
 Implementation
This is what I am going to do.

Overview of the Workshop
 About Generational Transformation
 About NFI
 Why fathers matter
 Defining “gateway and gatekeeper”
 What is Maternal Gatekeeping?
 Behavioral Aspects, Reasons and Affects of Maternal
Gatekeeping
 Mom as Gateway™ Workshop Content
 Strategies for getting moms involved in your fatherhood
involvement efforts
 Comments & Questions

 For the Moms
 Mom as Gateway™
 Maternal Gatekeeping
 Involving Moms in Involving Dads
________________________________________________
 For the Dads
 DoctorDad® Workshops
 Building Skills
 24/7 Dad Power Hour™
 Building Hearts
Generational Transformation:
9

10
NFI is a non-profit, non-partisan organization that was founded in 1994 to begin a
society-wide movement to renew fatherhood in America.
National Fatherhood Initiative Mission:
To improve the well-being of children by increasing the
proportion of children with involved, responsible, and committed
fathers in their lives.
Educate
Educate and inspire all
Americans, especially
fathers, through public
awareness
campaigns, research, and
other resources.
Equip
Equip fathers & develop
leaders of
national, state, and
community fatherhood
initiatives through
curricula, training, and
technical assistance.
Engage
Engage every sector of
society through strategic
alliances and partnerships.
NFI’s Mission is carried out using a “Three E” Strategy
Who Is NFI?

NFI, continued
Key Message:
Fathers are
Irreplaceable
& an Essential
Ingredient for
Child Well-Being

So, What Areas do Fatherlessness Impact?
 Poverty
 Emotional/Behavior
 Maternal and Child health
 Crime/Incarceration
 Sexual Activity and Teen Pregnancy
 Child Abuse
 Child Obesity
 Education

Impact on Maternal and Child Health:
 Babies with a father’s name on the birth certificate are 4 times
more likely to live past 1 year of age!
 Source: Alio, A.P., Mbah, A.K., Kornosky, J.L., Marty, P.J. & Salihu, H.M. "The Impact of Paternal
Involvement on Feto-Infant. Morbidity among Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics". Matern Child Health J. 2010;
14(5): 735-41
 Infant mortality rates are 1.8 times higher for infants of unmarried
mothers than for married mothers.
 Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the
1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant
 A study of 2,921 mothers revealed that single mothers were twice
as likely as married mothers to experience a bout of depression in
the prior year. Single mothers also reported higher levels of
stress, fewer contacts with family and friends, less involvement
with church or social groups and less overall social support.
 Source: Cairney, John and Michael Boyle et al. “Stress, Social Support and Depression in Single and Married
Mothers.” Social. Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology 38 (August 2003): 442-449

Impact on Teen Pregnancy & Sexual Activity:
 Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy, marrying
with less than a high school degree, and forming a marriage where both
partners have less than a high school degree.
 Source: Teachman, Jay D. “The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their
Marriages.” Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.
 ...adolescents in father-absent homes were more likely to report being
sexually active compared to adolescents living with their fathers...the
study also revealed a statistical significance between father absence and
adolescent self-esteem
 Source: Hendricks, C. S., Cesario, S. K., Murdaugh, C., Gibbons, M. E., Servonsky, E. J., Bobadilla, R.
V., Hendricks, D. L., Spencer-. Morgan, B., & Tavakoli, A. (2005). The influence of father absence on the
self-esteem and self-reported sexual activity of rural. Southern adolescents. ABNF Journal, 16, 124-131.):
442-449
 ...based on the study, findings, the inability to bond in satisfactory ways
with a father or father figure may result in earlier onset of sexual activity
and the higher risk of teen pregnancy.
 Source: Burn, V. E. (2008). Living without a strong father figure: A context for teen mothers’ experience of
having become sexually active. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 29, 279–297.

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Children in father-absent homes are two to five times more likely to:
 live in poverty
 fail in school
 develop emotional or behavioral problems
 abuse drugs
 be abused and neglected
 become involved in crime
 commit suicide
Why Fathers Matter
> The Consequences of Father Absence
> The Benefits of Father Involvement
Children with involved fathers are more likely to have:
 better cognitive outcomes, even as infants
 higher self-esteem and less depression as teenagers
 higher grades, test scores, and overall academic achievement
 lower levels of drug and alcohol use
 higher levels of empathy and other pro-social behavior

NFI’s National Surveys

There is a father absence crisis...
93 91
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
90
100
Percent who agree there is a father
absence crisis
Moms
Dads

… But Dads are Seen as “Replaceable”
55
66
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
90
100
Percent of moms who agree
that fathers are replaceable
By mothers
By other males
What moms
think…

Do Dads Have the Skills?
• Over half of dads feel they are replaceable.
• Only half of dads reported that they felt ready to be fathers when they first
became fathers.
• Only a third of dads strongly agree with the statement that they have all the
necessary skills and knowledge to be good fathers.
What Dads think…
2006 Pop’s Culture: A National Survey of Dads’ Attitudes on Fathering

Do Dads Have the Skills? (cont.)
• Moms not living with dads reported “lack of knowledge
about how to be a good dad” as the biggest obstacle to
good fathering and “lack of parenting resources
designed specifically for fathers” as 3rd highest. These
obstacles ranked 3rd and 4th for moms overall!
• Moms not living with dads were very dissatisfied with
dad’s performance…
2009 Mama Says: A National Survey of Mothers’ Attitudes on Fathering
What Moms think…

Moms and Dads Disagree on Obstacles
What Dads Overall Think The
Obstacles Are
1. Work responsibilities
2. Media/popular culture
3. Financial problems
4. Lack of knowledge
5. Child’s mother*
What Moms Overall Think The
Obstacles Are
1. Work responsibilities
2. Dad’s relationship with own dad
3. Lack of knowledge
4. Lack of parenting resources for dads
5. Lack of support from
relatives/friends

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NRFCBI Logic Model
Barriers to Engagement
Studies suggest that fathers are not engaged in child welfare processes
because:
 Child welfare agencies have a history of being primarily mother focused
 Some child welfare caseworkers view involving fathers as complicated and
burdensome
 Child welfare agencies are hesitant or fear involving fathers with a history of
domestic violence because their engagement may compromise mothers’ and
children’s safety
Sources:
Dungee Greene, A. & Anderson Moore, K. “Nonresident Father Involvement and Child Well-Being among Young Children in Families on
Welfare.: Marriage & Family Review, 29(2/3), 2000, 159-180; Franck, E. “Outreach to Birthfathers of Children in Out of Home Care.” Child
Welfare, 80(3) 2001,381-399; Malm, Murray & Geen, 2006; O’Hagan, K. “The Problem of Engaging Men in Child Protection Work.” British
Journal of Social Work, 27(1), 1997,25-42.

23
NRFCBI Logic Model
Studies suggest that fathers are not engaged in child welfare processes
because:
 Child welfare caseworkers may view fathers as insignificant to the family unit, or
may avoid fathers out of fear of violent reactions, or have a general distrust of men
 Some fathers need assistance with parenting skills before assuming a more
prominent role in their children’s lives
 Some out-of-State fathers cannot access reliable transportation
Sources:
Dungee Greene, A. & Anderson Moore, K. “Nonresident Father Involvement and Child Well-Being among Young Children in Families on
Welfare.: Marriage & Family Review, 29(2/3), 2000, 159-180; Franck, E. “Outreach to Birthfathers of Children in Out of Home Care.” Child
Welfare, 80(3) 2001,381-399; Malm, Murray & Geen, 2006; O’Hagan, K. “The Problem of Engaging Men in Child Protection Work.” British
Journal of Social Work, 27(1), 1997,25-42.

24
NRFCBI Logic Model
The Quality Improvement Center on Non-Resident Fathers (QIC-NRF) conducted numerous focus
group and interviews with child welfare professionals, asking them what their barriers to father
engagement were. They said:
 Lack of training for child welfare professionals
 Unfriendly “father” environment
 Lack of interagency collaboration to locate fathers (e.g. child support agency connections
 Lack of policy/procedures to help identify, locate, and contact fathers
 Worker reluctance to contact fathers
 Feeling that it makes case management more difficult
 Mothers act as “gatekeepers”
 Fathers don’t want to be contacted
 Protecting informal support arrangement
 Domestic violence issues
 Don’t know the father’s identity

Barriers to Engagement:
What are the possible barriers in pregnancy centers?
Men in the center? (what is the message—are all men unsafe?)
Are we waiting for all things to fall in place? (will that ever happen?)
Are assumptions for what is best correct?
Wasting God given opportunities?
Can’t get male volunteers
Have male volunteers- don’t know what to do with them
Can’t get men/dads in the center
Have men/dads but don’t know what to do with them
Maternal Gatekeeping

New or Expectant Fathers say...
 My dad was never there. I want to be there for my kids.
 I realize the impact that my father had on me. Even though he
wasn’t there, he made a huge impact on my life- he left a lot of
questions unanswered.
 I’m here because I want to do things right!
 I want to give my child the one thing I never had, an involved
father!
 I want to get this one right!
 A Careerbuilder.com survey of 1521 working dads in 2007
indicated that 38 percent would take a pay cut to spend more time
with their children

Defining Terms:
 Gateway: an opening to a main entrance or exit way.
 Gatekeeper: a person who controls access.
Merriam Webster’s Definitions

What Is Maternal Gatekeeping?
 Refers to a mother’s protective beliefs
about the desirability of a father’s
involvement in their child’s life, and the
behaviors acted upon that either
facilitate or hinder collaborative
childrearing between the parents.

29
Maternal Gatekeeping (cont’d)
 Another Definition
 A collection of beliefs and behaviors
that may inhibit a collaborative effort
between men and women in family
work.
 Behaviors
 Assume primary responsibility for
childrearing tasks.
 Criticize the father’s actions when he
is involved.

Behavioral Aspects
 How the mother speaks about the father in the presence
of their child
 To what extent the father is included or updated on the
child’s health, schooling or social life
 The extent to which the mother communicates to the
father that she knows what is best for their child and the
correct way to do things—while he does not.
An example from a “fatherhood expert”:
Dads Doing Good- Mobile Library
Dad's Doing Good/Honda Odyssey/ Mobile Library

Reasons for Maternal Gatekeeping
 Difficulty relinquishing familial responsibility
 Validation of her identity as the “mother”
 Age of the child
 View the father as incompetent or even dangerous to the
child
 Based on actual evidence; or
 On personal perceptions of him and his failures
in the male familial role
 Don’t know? – Do know?
JackieBrewton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIp-muJskvs
31

Affects of Maternal Gatekeeping
 The ability of the child to adjust to parental
divorce or separation is weakened
 Can damage the father-child relationship
 Can damage the parents’ ability to cooperate and
keep their conflict levels low and out of the
child’s earshot or awareness
 Threat to the overall well-being and adjustment
of the child
32

Dr. Kyle Pruett Study
 Mothers hold infants 9 out 10 times in the same
position. Fathers hold infants10 out of 10 times in
different positions.
 During play with children, mothers use external
objects (ex., toys, books, balls) but fathers use
their bodies.
 When children encounter novel situations, fathers
are generally 3 times the distance away from
mothers’ position.

Behavioral Aspects
 Studies have demonstrated that when
mothers perceived their partners as
motivated and competent to engage in
child care responsibilities, fathers were
more involved in childcare.

Research
 Overall, the implication is that the relationship between
father’s perceived investment in their actual levels of paternal
involvement are moderated by mothers beliefs about the role
of the father.
 There is a strong implication that mothers perceptions of the
paternal role are better predictors of father involvement than
fathers’ own perceptions of the paternal role.
Paternal Identity, Maternal Gatekeeping, and
Father Involvement (Family Relations, 54 (July 2005), 360-
372.Blackwell Publishing.)

Things to include when addressing Gatekeeping:
 Increase mothers’ awareness of what gatekeeping
is, how it operates, and how it is sometimes misused
out of anger and hurt
 Offer concrete examples that will facilitate mothers’
understanding of the negative impact of excessive
gatekeeping and the importance of supporting father
involvement (one hand)
 Engage mothers in exercises that will facilitate the
reduction of restrictive maternal gatekeeping
behaviors that inhibit father engagement.
 Great to have staff go through the same exercises as
part of professional development

I have purchased and downloaded the Mom As
Gateway program for today’s webinar?
 Yes
 No
POLL
37

Mom as Gateway™ Workshop
 Objectives of Workshop
 Increase mother’s awareness of what gatekeeping is, how
it operates, and how it is sometimes misused out of anger
or hurt
 Offer concrete examples that will facilitate mothers’
understanding of negative impact of excessive gatekeeping
and importance of supporting father involvement
 Engage mothers in exercises that will facilitate the
reduction of restrictive maternal gatekeeping behaviors
that inhibit father engagement.
 In PRC’s- help women confront their decisions

 Contents:
 Three 90 minute sessions
1. The Role of the Gatekeeper
2. Power & Control in Relationships between Men & Women
3. Minimize Excessive Gatekeeping
 Can be used as stand alone workshop or
 Ideal companion to other programs such as NFI’s
24/7 Dad®, Doctor Dad®, or other father programs.

Each session will lay out what is needed for
preparation and set up.
Activity and Time
Session Goal is always listed
Step by Step Procedures

Adaptable Alternative scenarios

Each session has 3-4 activities

Each session has 3-4 activities
and notes to facilitators

Each session will have a closing activity

Each new session will have a ‘check in’ from
the previous session

Tool Box Strategies
 Conduct Father Friendly Check Up
 Develop a Strategic Plan
 Keep focus on the Child well being
 Ask about dads’ involvement during initial intake
process with moms- Pursue! Ask!
 Use Mom As Gateway™ workshop
 Use Understanding Dad™ program
 Create opportunities for dads and their kids to do
activities together and market to moms as a
“Mom’s Day Off”
 Offer sessions to staff on gender and parenting
differences between moms and dads
 Offer sessions to moms on gender and parenting
differences between moms and dads

Tool Box Strategies
Create or partner with a resource center for Child Care options in your community
 What is available in the local churches? Church members? Other Moms?
 There are a number of great online resources for Parents and Providers:
 Federal Office of Child Care http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/occ has:
 Resources for Providers
 Learn what providers should know about child care assistance for families.
 Learn about funding to help start or improve a child care program
 Receive funding to serve children from low-income families
 Resources for Parents
 Find good quality child care
 Find help to pay for child care
 Find your local Head Start program
 Health and safety regulations for child care programs in your State
 Report child abuse and neglect
 BabyCenter.com
 ChildCareAware.org
 Kidshealth.org
 Zerotothree.org
 Federal Office of Head Start http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ohs/

Can’t BE what you don’t SEE
 Increasing the skills of the dad, increases the dad’s
confidence as a father.
 Increasing the skills of the dad, increases the mom’s
confidence in him!
 Essential Communication Skills
 Domestic Violence Prevention
Build up Dad’s Skills
48

Tool Box Strategies
 Plan activities that will engage dads’ interest
 Small groups
 Fatherhood Resource Centers
 Provide, refer, or connect dads to other
father programs (partners)
 Sports related
 Hands-on

50
Awareness of Barriers to Teen Population
 Teen Parents have a myriad of complicated issues
that might impact their level of involvement.
 Practitioners should educate themselves on the
issues of the teen parent population. Issues such
as, housing, access and visitation, generational
gatekeeping*, just to name a few.
 *Moms of moms

51
Recruiting and Retaining Teen Fathers
 Any effort to recruit the interest of teen dads should start
with an assessment of your programs father friendliness.
 Establish Trust
 Provide practical help at the onset to include not just
parenting education; but counseling, career development
etc. wrap around services
 Communication and Co-parenting education
 Recruit male volunteers as mentors and workshop
facilitators/counselors.

 For the Moms
 Mom as Gateway™
 Maternal Gatekeeping
 Involving Moms in Involving Dads
________________________________________________
 For the Dads
 DoctorDad® Workshops
 Building Skills
 24/7 Dad Power Hour™
 Building Hearts
52

EvanTell/NFI Webpage:
http://store.fatherhood.org/t-evantell.aspx
Videos:
Sav-A-Life PRC: A Day in the Life of Fatherhood Coordinator Russell Worrell
 https://vimeo.com/63608955
NFI/Honda Odyssey- Dads Doing Good
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IavzxaDISyQ&list=PLvVsfWgZ5EIPXiPusVBfL
ZQVPEW5Gp3g0
Jackie Brewton- Teen Abstinence Speaker
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIp-muJskvs (Men Ain't Boys) (2:41)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCsD5AqkPj8 (Males vs Men) (4:13)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p4BOxC5CSE&list=PLE093E674BB836269
(Basketball star) (4:00)
Resources:
53

"He will restore the hearts of the fathers to
their children and the hearts of the children
to their fathers...”
 Malachi 4:6
54

Comments- Questions ?
Thank You!
Ave Mulhern
240-912-1265
amulhern@fatherhood.org
Make sure to check out the EvanTell webpage
http://store.fatherhood.org/t-evantell.aspx

EvanTell webinar slides_100113.ppt

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