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Habit 5
- 2. Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
- 3. Listen First, Talk Second Why is this the key to communication? It is a deep need of people to be understood. You can learn this simple habit-to see things from another’s point of view before sharing your own- a whole new world of understanding will be opened up to you.
- 4. Five Poor Listening Skills Spacing Out Pretend Listening Selective Listening Word Listening Self-centered Listening
- 5. Spacing out Your mind is in another place and you are caught up in your own thoughts When someone is talking to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off in another galaxy.
- 6. Pretend listening This is more common When we aren’t paying attention but we pretend we are by making insightful comments Such as yeah,cool,sound great. The speaker usually figures it out quickly and feels that they are not important enough o be listened to
- 7. Selective Listening You only listen to the part of the conversation that interests you A key word will catch your interest and then you may change the conversation to something you want to talk about with that word in it.
- 8. Word Listening We actually pay attention, but only listen to the words and not the body language or the emotions that are behind the words. You don’t seem to be on the same page as the speaker
- 9. Self-centered Listening We listen from our own point of view. Instead of listening in the other people’s shoes, we want them in our shoes Often say things like –I know exactly how you feel Or You think that your day was bad, you should hear about my day
- 10. Judging Sometimes,as we listen to others, we make judgments about them and what they’re saying. If you are judging people, how will you have a time to listen?
- 11. Advising “this is when we give drawn from our own experience” Instead of listening of what being said, you think about your own personal experience and give advice based on that.
- 12. Probing “probing occurs when you try to dig up emotions before people are ready to share them” Parents probe teenagers all the time. People feel like they are being interrogated.
- 13. Genuine Listening Three ways to be a genuine listener First, listen with your eyes, heart, and ears Second, stand in their shoes Third, practice mirroring
- 14. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears. 7% of communication is contained in words,53% is body language ,40% is tone of voice For example, you can change the meaning of a sentence just by emaphasizing different words: I didn’t say you had an attitude problem. I didn’t say YOU have an attitude problem.
- 15. STAND IN THEIR SHOES Many people look at conversation as a competition, its my point of view vs. your’s. Put your’s aside and listen to what they had to say.
- 16. Practice mirroring Think like a mirror What does a do? It doesn’t judge, it doesn’t give advice, it reflects Repeat back what the other person is saying and feeling.
- 17. Communicating with parents If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, try listening to them. Parents have problem too, worrying about their jobs, how they will pay for your braces, unfulfilled dreams. They laugh, cry, get their feelings hurt, and don’t always have it together, just like you and me.
- 18. Parents What would my parents consider a deposit? Jump in their shoes and think about it from their point of view Doing dishes Taking out the garbage Get home on time
- 19. Then Seek to be Understood Summary take the time to really listen to people. Make sure that you are letting them say what they need to say, and then you speak. Make sure that you are willing to listen to everyone that you talk to, this includes friends, parents, other etc. When you really listen to what people are saying, you can better understand what is being said.
- 20. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION