The document discusses the "Drama Triangle" model created by Stephen Karpman, which describes how organizations can become dysfunctional when people take on the roles of "victim," "persecutor," or "rescuer" in situations of conflict. It leads to gossip, rumors and inefficiency. The roles are fluid and people can shift between them. Leaders are advised to discourage "triangulation" by refusing to take sides or rescue victims, instead facilitating direct communication between the parties in conflict. Leaders should name the actual issue rather than allow personal attacks, defuse anger through curiosity, refocus criticism into commitments or requests, and avoid taking on drama roles themselves.

1. Elevating Leaders. Aligning Teams. Engaging Organizations. Improving Results
The Drama Triangle
Stephen Karpman
By Gary B. Cohen
The health and efficiency
of an organization can be
judged by how
often triangulation occurs
and whether or not it is
tolerated by leaders.
Triangulation is when two
parties don’t speak directly
to each other. They mediate
their concerns through a
third party. As a result,
triangulation usually
produces gossip, rumors,
inefficient practices, and
persecutory attitudes. It’s a
culture killer.
According to Stephen
Karpman, who coined the
term Drama Triangle, these
three roles typically emerge
in triangulation:
1. Victim – Victims
blame and fault
others (or
situations), but not
themselves; they
don’t typically take
responsibility for
their own lives.
They show up as
angry or pathetic, in
response to
perceived injustice.
They send out a
radio-like signal
saying help me,
rescue me, need me,
be with me, love
me, or organize me
to all rescuers
within range.
flywheel.
“Just because
you got the
monkey off your
back doesn’t
mean the circus
has left town.”
George Carlin
DRAMATRIANGLE
CO2 PARTNERS

2. Elevating Leaders. Aligning Teams. Engaging Organizations. Improving Results
2. Persecutor- In order for there to
be a victim, there must be a
persecutor. The persecutor can be
a person, circumstance, event, or
thing. Persecutors become the
target of the victims’ need to
blame something outside
themselves for their problems.
3. Rescuer - The rescuer is the hero
of the story. Rescuers see it as
their role to help the helpless.
They don't view victims as
capable, so they act in their stead,
often without realizing the full
consequences of intervening.
Sometimes they rush to protect
others’ vulnerabilities because
they’re reluctant to face their own.
How the Drama Triangle Works
Here’s how the system of
triangulation starts: a victim approaches a
rescuer with information about what a
persecutor has done. From there, the
drama can unfold in many ways. Rescuers
often hold power in the organization, and,
when their compassion and sense of
justice are stirred, they may try to wield
this power. Maybe the rescuer calls in
other alleged victims for verification or
strategic discussions. Maybe the rescuer
confronts the persecutor or slyly tries to
orchestrate a confession. Maybe the
rescuer tries to sabotage or exact revenge
on the persecutor. Or maybe the rescuer
takes pains to make sure the victim is
protected in the future and/or
compensated. In any event, a lot of
organizational time and energy has been
spent. And it’s not over.
Persecutors aren’t always clear-cut
villains. They may very well feel
that they are the victims, and they may
have grounds to prove it. They may be
unfairly blamed by others who operate
from a victim’s mindset in order to avoid
work or blame. Or they may feel it’s
unfair for the rescuer and the victim to be
teaming up against them. The role of
victim and persecutor can and does often
switch, depending on what action is taken
(gossip, rumors, revenge) against the
initial persecutor. The roles aren’t fixed.
Even those who are predominantly
rescuers can slide at times into the role of
victim or persecutor.
It’s also important to note that rescuers
aren’t always true heroes. Some relish the
power that playing the rescuer affords
them. They may enjoy hearing and even
spreading rumors. Or they may like
pretending that they are, in essence, trial
judges and above the fray.
Is it any surprise that triangulation can
bring organizations and their productivity
to a standstill?
“Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends
of them?”
! - Abraham Lincoln
DRAMATRIANGLE
In Just Ask
Leadership, Cohen
steers you away from
the all-too-common
idea that if you don’t
assert yourself with
strong statements,
you will not be
respected. On the
contrary, statistics
prove that 95 percent
of employees prefer to
be asked questions
rather than be told
what to do. Involving
employees and
colleagues in decision
making processes
builds an environment
rich with energy,
excitement, and
innovative problem
solving.

3. Elevating Leaders. Aligning Teams. Engaging Organizations. Improving Results
1. Make the consequences significant. The most
effective way, I’ve found, to stop triangulation is for
the CEO to communicate that employees caught
engaging in triangulation will be fired. It is amazing
how fast the behavior changes! Of course, there are
other less extreme ways to deprogram the
triangulators.
2. Refuse to rescue victims. Whenever victims
approach you, simply ask if they have already
spoken to the persecutor. If not, instruct the victim
to do so and report back on the conversation.
Reporting back is important because otherwise the
conversation between victim and perpetrator likely
won’t happen. If the victim persists in trying to get
you involved, and they usually are persistent (and
even highly manipulative), here is what you might
say (courtesy of Dr. Alison Paulsen):
• I value the relationship we have and the one
I have with your colleague. I believe what
you’re sharing with me will put me in a
compromising situation that I do not wish to
be in. I am asking you not to share this with
me.
• What you’re sharing with me has little or
nothing to do with me, and I am feeling very
uncomfortable with your level of disclosure
on this.
• This is beyond my skill and capability to
help you with. I would suggest you seek out
expert council to better understand your
alternatives.
• This type of conversation I see as
unproductive, and I would like you to think
of a different way to handle it.
7 Ways for Leaders to
Reduce Triangulation
By Gary B. Cohen
DRAMATRIANGLE

4. Elevating Leaders. Aligning Teams. Engaging Organizations. Improving Results
3. Offer to facilitate a meeting. If the victim feels
uncomfortable having the conversation directly with the
persecutor, offer to sit in on the meeting to help
support better communication in the future. When you
attend this meeting, be sure to act as a facilitator, not a
rescuer. If you pass judgment or take sides, the other
two parties won’t be as inclined to own and resolve
their issues. The Drama Triangle will continue or a new
one will emerge.
4. Name the conflict. If you’re facilitating a meeting
between members of a Drama Triangle, ask each party
to name the conflict. Put their answers on a flip chart,
whiteboard, or piece of paper—something the parties
can face, instead of facing each other. Have them talk
about the issue (maybe it’s “stealing of ideas”), not
about each other, much like surgeons talk about the
patient on the table not about their opinions of each
other’s capabilities. This form of discussion creates a
level of detachment that’s helpful at reducing personal
criticism.
5. Defuse anger with curiosity. In Just Listen, Dr.
Mark Goulston reveals that it is very difficult for
someone to both be curious and angry at the same
time. Because of this, you as facilitator can ask first the
victim and then the persecutor the following questions
about the other:
• What is your interpretation of what s/he was
thinking when s/he said or did?
• How do you think s/he felt given that
interpretation?
• Based on that interpretation and feeling, how
might you behave in the same circumstance?
The victim and persecutor’s curiosity will defuse their
anger, at least long enough for them to see the conflict
from another perspective. They can then direct their
curiosity onto how to resolve the conflict, now that they
are not hijacked by their amygdalas.
6. Convert criticism into a commitment. Victims and
persecutors get some of their power from criticism,
and that criticism can be cancerous—to them,
coworkers, and the organization. In Immunity to
Change, Lisa Laskow Lahey and Robert Keegan argue
that criticism is simply a commitment put in negative
terms. Laskey and Keegan encourage would-be
criticizers to rephrase their criticism in positive
terms. Instead of criticizing a marketing manager’s
performance, for instance, victims might simply say
how committed they are to a marketing manager who
meets objectives. Following the authors’ logic, if
you want to know what you really care about, start
checking out what you are criticizing and convert it to a
commitment. And when you’re listening to someone
else rant, tell that person what it sounds like he’s
committed to. You’ll reduce the amount of criticism you
both say and hear.
7. Convert criticism into a request. Charlie Pellerin
recommends converting criticism into a request. In his
book, How NASA Builds Teams, he says that if you
can’t think of a request you want to make, you’re better
off saying nothing. Like Lahey and Keegan, Pellerin
doesn’t find criticism (on its own) productive.
It’s tempting to play victim, persecutor, and rescuer at
times, but leaders need to encourage and practice
direct conversation and get out of playing any of these
roles, as tempting as they may be. And they can be
tempting because leaders are often asked to play the
role of rescuer. Being a rescuer can feed one’s ego,
but leaders need to remember that playing these roles
lead to divisiveness. Reducing triangulation, on the
other hand, leads to an increase in accountability—far
better for leaders than a short-lived ego boost.
If you’re interested in further reading, I recommend
checking out The Power of TED (The Empowerment
Dynamic) by David Emerald. Emerald created an
alternative system/triangle that is virtuous instead
of vicious that seems to address these
negative archetypes in an affirming manner.
DRAMATRIANGLE
“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for
conflict. Walk away from these people. The battle there are fighting isn’t with
you, it’s with themselves.” - Unknown
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