This document provides guidance on how to be assertive in difficult situations. It discusses adopting a constructive attitude by expressing feelings and facts, rather than accusations. A two-phase model of conflict resolution is described, including denial and resolution phases. The FOFSCA method is also introduced, which involves recounting facts, expressing opinions and feelings, suggesting solutions, committing to solutions, and agreeing on an alliance.

1. How to be assertive
in difficult situations
essentials
Assertiveness and self-confidence
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Any reproduction or representation for non-private use is strictly forbidden
It is particularly difficult to assert oneself in a situation of conflict. There is a great danger of
going to extremes and adopting one of the two main attitudes that reveal a lack of self-confidence.
You risk falling into passivity and saying nothing, or becoming aggressive, crushing the other
person and making him or her responsible for the problem.
These crisis situations test our relationships. It’s important to learn how to express ourselves
so that we can build healthy and long-lasting relationships. We need to make the effort to find
solutions that enable us to move forward together in the same direction.
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To maintain good relations despite conflict, certain reactions
should be encouraged and others avoided.
Constructive reactions
Waiting a while before speaking to someone about a
situation; this can be a way of stepping back and avoiding
spontaneous, emotional reactions.
Expressing what you felt in a given situation.
Proposing solutions for the future; this enables you to
start again on a new footing.
Non-constructive reactions
Accusing the other person without referring to concrete
facts.
Refusing to listen to the other person; this cuts
communication and deprives you of the opportunity to
resolve the problem.
Reminding the person of things they did wrong in the
past.
Adopting a constructive attitude
In difficult situations, we may react spontaneously. Our
reactions may also correspond to the different phases of
handling a conflict. There are two main phases in the conflict
resolution process.
1st phase: denial
You avoid getting involved in the conflict, or only get slightly
involved. In this phase, you prefer to ignore the problem
(denial stage) or avoid seeking to remedy it (silent stage).
This first phase is generally followed by an intermediate
stage in which you acknowledge the existence of the
problem, but make the other person responsible for the
disagreement. This is the accusation stage.
2nd phase: resolution
This phase begins when your involvement becomes positive.
There are different levels of positive involvement. Being able
to recognise them enables you to understand the steps to
follow to resolve the conflict.
Level 1: accusation.
As we have just seen, accusation is a transitional
step between the denial phase and the resolution
phase. You make the other person bear all of the
responsibility for the disagreement by making them
feel guilty. This is the first level of involvement.
Level 2: facts.
The conflict begins to be resolved from this level.
At this stage, concrete and precise facts are
introduced. You behave in an adult way, coming to
an understanding with the other person about the
facts at the origin of your disagreement.
Level 3: feelings.
You begin to express your feelings and emotions
sincerely.
Two phases in conflict resolution

2. essentials
How to be assertive
in difficult situations
Once you know about the different levels of involvement in
crisis resolution, you can make conscious use of them. This
is what the FOFSCA method proposes.
F: recount the context by precisely describing the Facts.
OF: express your Opinions and Feelings firmly, without
aggressiveness, and take full responsibility for them.
Make an effort to use the word “I”.
S: suggest or find constructive Solutions.
C: state that you are ready to make a Commitment to
the proposed solution. Ask the other person to make a
commitment as well.
A: seal an Alliance by expressing your satisfaction in
having reached an agreement.
Handling crises using the FOFSCA method
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Level 4: interpreting.
At this stage, you begin to reveal the deep feeling
that the disagreement provokes in you: the fear
of being excluded, rejected, or humiliated, for
example.
Level 5: construction.
This is the time to start again on a good footing
and rethink the relationship, firstly by resolving
the problem and then by taking steps to prevent it
happening again.