1. Managing Conflict in
Relationships

2. Conflict is..
 Differences between and
among people
 When incompatible
activities occur
 A situation that includes
differences, expressed
struggle, frustration,
interference, perception,
and interdependence

3. List nouns, verbs, adjectives
that describe conflict
Are these negative or positive?

4. Why do we avoid conflict?
 Fear
 Emotional upheaval
 Imbalance of power
 Recognition of
incompatibilities
 Negative feelings
 It takes time

5. Conflict and Power
 We face competition for scarce resources in:
 Money
 Time
 Attention

6. Factors affecting conflict and
power
 In any relationship, one person has power over another
if he or she controls something the other person wants
or needs

7. Balancing the Relationship
Finding Common Interests
What is our common goal?
What can I do to improve
this relationship?
What do I need?

8. Five-Step Model for
Conflict Management
1. Assessment – examine the context of the
communication environment. Consider participants
and their relationships. Identify the area of
contention.
2. Acknowledgement – understand and articulate both
sides’ of view. Reality check of perceptions.
3. Attitude – develop and display an attitude conducive
to productive interaction. Involves trust and
nonverbal behavior – at least for the communication
event.

9. Five-Step Model for
Conflict Management
4. Action – keeping the channels of communication open
to find mutually agreeable solutions.
5. Analysis – consider the feasibility and effectiveness of
decisions.
“Conflict Management: A Communication Skills Approach”
by Deborah Borisoff and David Victor

10. Emotion comes first
 Handle the emotion of the
situation first
 Then, deal with the issue or
difference of power

11. Conflict and Language
Differences based on Gender
 Men (Typically)  Women (Typically)
 More Direct  “Hint” language
 Imply a message
 One Topic at a Time
 Can transition quickly to
 Problem Solving new topics, re-start old
ones
 Closed
 Pick up where they left off
 Do not discuss personal
details
 “Open”
 Discuss personal issues

12. Conflict and Language
Differences based on Gender
 “One Drawer at a Time”
 “All Drawers Open at Once!”
 Work Drawer
 Family Drawer
 Social Drawer
 Alone time Drawer

13. Benefits of Conflict
 Better decision making.
Debate improves quality of
solution
 Increased learning through
exchange of ideas
 Relational growth.
Fostering trust and respect
 Overall saves time by
finding the best – not the
easiest - solution