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Chapter 13 communication with others


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Chapter 13 communication with others

  1. 1. Chapter: 13
  2. 2. Objectives  Recognize many ways you communicate with others  Evaluate the importance of good listening skills  Judge the importance of communicating a positive      image of yourself Identify five levels of communication Describe assertive behavior and its effect on communication Analyze communication skills that work well with parents Describe group behaviors that involve violence Recognize sexual harassment if it occurs
  3. 3. Levels of Communication “SPV” Superficial Communication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, Personal home, school, food, etc. Communication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you. Validating Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves.
  4. 4. Levels of Communication Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period of time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why? Which levels of communication must a relationship strive for in order to grow? Why? Which was more difficult to share in group? Events, Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why? What are some reactions that occurred in your group? Explain why these occurred. Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and compliments. Why would you communicate superficially?
  5. 5. Reasons for keeping Communication Superficial:  I may be hurt.  I don’t want to hurt their feelings.  They will misinterpret what I say.  They won’t be receptive  It will put our relationship at risk.  I will be out on a limb and won’t be supported.
  6. 6. What Validation Is  To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.
  7. 7. Basic Steps to Validation  Acknowledging the other person's feelings  Identifying the feelings  Offering to listen  Helping them label the feelings  Being there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally  Feeling patient  Feeling accepting and non-judgmental
  8. 8. Example of Validating  I hear you. That hurts That's not good  Wow, that's a lot to deal with I would feel the same way. (I would be sad/hurt/angry/jealous, etc. too)  That is sad. That sounds discouraging. That sounds like it would really hurt That must really hurt.  I know just what you mean. I would feel the same way. I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like is really important to you.
  9. 9. Conflict  1. to come into collision or disagreement; be     contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash: 2. to fight or contend; do battle. 3. a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle; strife. 4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. 5. discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas. 6. a striking together; collision.
  10. 10. Terms to Know  Communication – any means by which you share a message with another person  Verbal Communication – use words to send or receive a message  Body Language – A form of nonverbal communication
  11. 11. Terms to Know Cont.  Non-verbal Communication – use factors other than words ex. Gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, and body movements  Active Listening – Type of listening in which a person indicates to the sender that a message has been heard and encourages further communication
  12. 12. Terms to Know Cont.  Feedback – Communicating to the other person how you feel about what was said  Passive listening – Taking in the words and offers no sign of hearing or understanding  Empathy – Process of seeing things from another person’s view
  13. 13. Terms to Know Cont.  Assertive – To express your feelings directly  Cliques - A narrow, exclusive group of people held together by common interests  Mediator – Third party that helps resolve conflicts
  14. 14. Terms to Know Cont.  Hazing – A social groups intentional infliction of physical and emotional abuse  Bullying – Refers to infliction of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse
  15. 15. Terms to Know Cont.  Conflict Resolution – A form of meditation that solves disagreements in a positive way.  Sexual Harassment – Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors for other verbal or physical conduct of sexual nature.
  16. 16. Levels of Communication  Level Five  Little conversation – weakest level  Often referred to as cliché  Level Four  Draw out very little from other or yourself  Not interested in conversation
  17. 17. Levels of Communication  Level Three  Engage in conversation  Willingness in this level is to share your ideas and judgments with others  Carefully restrict ideas until you know what other’s reactions will be.
  18. 18. Levels of Communication  Level Two  Become increasingly open to others and expose feelings and emotions  Strong desire to tell how you feel in being completely honest  Do not judge others around you
  19. 19. Levels of Communication  Level One  Completely open and honest with others  Have courage to reveal deepest thoughts and feelings to others  Want to know and understand what another person is feeling and why
  20. 20. Motivator  Hammer Communication or  Often we really communicate destructively and constructively with people we are surrounded with. Whole days can be ruined because of destructive communication. Put – down take 14 positive remarks to erase.
  21. 21. Hammer of Communication THE CLAW IS LIKE DESTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. THE SHANK IS LIKE NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION: It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships. It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction. THE HANDLE OF THE HAMMER IS LIKE US– IT IS THE DRIVING FORCE. We are in control of our communication and choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner. THE HEAD IS LIKE CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together.
  22. 22. What is an I-Message?  Not accusing are not belittling  Use these to take responsibility for how you feel  These messages are less threatening and help keep lines of communication open
  23. 23. What is a You-Message?  Often used but more negative than an Imessage  Creates confrontation when you do not mean to  Accusing and belittling
  24. 24. What is a We-Statement?  Offers a further step in improving communication particularly in families  These indicate the problem existing in a group or relationship  Minimize individualistic aspects of a problem and emphasize togetherness
  25. 25. Results of Win-Win Solutions •More creative in Thinking up solutions •Take more responsibility for helping everyone have needs met •Feeling of mutual respect •Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.
  26. 26. Communication One-Way Map Communicating thoughts and feelings in a positive way during a heated conflict is often difficult. The following map will help to guide you along the communication I-way. Practice will help you master the "I-way." Before getting on the communication I-way, it is important to learn which signs to look for and to understand a few rules of the road in conflict management.
  27. 27. Rules of the Road: No "You" statements. Use statements that begin with the word "I". Do not use statements that include the word "you," because these statements make people feel defensive.
  28. 28. Slow. Remember, it takes time to settle a conflict. Go slow at first, because conflict resolvers usually encounter some rough roads in the beginning. Keep using your I-way map to reach safer roads
  29. 29. Detour Ahead. Sometimes tempers are flaring so much that it may be necessary to take a temporary detour from the communication I-way. Once the tempers have calmed down, you may begin using I statements to solve the problem.
  30. 30. Exit Ahead. Most conflicts can be resolved through effective communication. However, if you begin to feel threatened or unsafe, you should exit the communication I-way and seek safety.
  31. 31. Construction Zone. Construct an I-way statement by following these directions: • use the word "I" •state how you feel •state the specific behavior that you do not like •state your willingness to cooperatively resolve the problem
  32. 32. Merge Ahead. After using properly constructed I-way statements, individuals can begin to share ideas for how to solve the problem. Often, the best solution is reached when two people merge their ideas together
  33. 33. End of Construction. After reaching a solution that the two individuals agree will work, they can resume normal activities.
  34. 34. Cliques  Often put pressure on teens to pretend they are something they are not  Provide support and security  Give teens an identity
  35. 35. Hazing  Involves humiliation or physical distress  Teens with high selfesteem see hazing for what it is, hostile people feel they have power over others
  36. 36. Bullying  Form of violence including theft, staling money, harsh pranks, and imposed territorial bases  Target people who seem weaker or smaller than their self
  37. 37. Gangs  Network of people that are involved in criminal activity and violence  Gangs are formed for a sense of belonging and protection
  38. 38. A Little Respect Goes A Long Way