Positive Relationships The external factor that appears to make the largest contribution to children and young people’s wellbeing and resilience is their experience of positive relationships. Luthar (2006) reviewed research studies and concluded that resilience for children and young adults is fundamentally built on the foundation of relationships
Peer relationships Number of friendships is not as important as the quality Resilient young people tended to develop a small number of friendships with people who stuck with them, sometimes from primary school to middle age (Werner and Smith, 1992). At least one mutual friendship in childhood is related to lower levels of loneliness, anxiety and being bullied (Ladd et al. 1996)
First Impressions Most people take only a few seconds to form a first impression and studies show it takes many encounters to change an initial opinion about someone. A study by Mehrabian (1981) suggests that when we communicate, only 7% of meaning comes from the words we use. Remaining 93% comes from our tone of voice and body language.
Managing the firstimpression Be aware of: Posture Tone, volume and pace Appearance Facial expressions Language Eye contact Confidence
Listening When an individual responds actively and constructively to someone sharing a positive experience, love and friendship increase.
4 styles of responding: “Guess what? I got an A!!! Woohoo!!!”Active authentic, Wow! That’s fantastic! What for?constructive enthusiastic What feedback did you get? Did you support expect it? How much work did you have to do? Any advice for me?Passive understated Good work!constructive supportPassive ignoring the Guess what – I’m hungry – let’s getdestructive event something to eatActive pointing out Enjoy it while it lasts. I heard thedestructive negative assignments get harder throughout aspects of the the semester. Say goodbye to your event social life if you want to keep getting As
Assertive communication Passive style conveys “I don’t believe you’ll listen to me anyway/it’s wrong to complain”. Aggressive style conveys “people will take advantage of any sign of weakness”. Assertive style conveys “people can be trusted”.
Seligman’s five step modelof assertive communication 1. Identify and work to understand the situation 2. Describe the situation objectively and accurately 3. Express concerns 4. Ask the other person for his/her perspective and work toward an acceptable change 5. List the benefits that will follow when the change is implemented
Gratitude an emotion or state resulting from an awareness and appreciation of that which is valuable and meaningful to oneself feeling grateful enhances physical health (Emmons & McCullough, 2003), promotes positive reframing of negative situations, increases life satisfaction (Lambert, Fincham, Stillman, & Dean, 2009), and enhances comfort in voicing relationship concerns (Lambert &Fincham, 2010) appreciation was listed as one of the most important factors contributing to a satisfying marriage according to long-term married (25–40 years) couples (Sharlin, 1996).
Paul Wehr (1979) Is the relationship important to at least one party? Is the issue important enough to argue over? Is there time pressure or stress? No – likely to postpone or decline working through conflict Yes – more willing to work things out
Avoidance Doing whatever they can to avoid an argument through silence or flight. Frustrates any possibility of a solution.
AccommodationWhen in conflict, accommodators tend to useappeasement, processing conflict by creatingharmony through self-suppression.“Whatever you want is fine with me”Can block productive issue resolution.
CoerceForce the other party or the conflict process orto use power to silence the opponent.May be perceived as aggressive and mayprovoke resistance and inflame conflict.Usually goes with an accommodator butrelationship is unhealthy
CompromiseBased on dialogic communication withreciprocal listening and assertive negotiation ofneeds and desires.Best conducted between parties of similarpower.Disadvantage: needs or goals of each party areonly partially satisfied – incompletely favourable.
Collaborative problem-solving Relative time consuming. Mutually disclose their needs, opinions and desires and are committed to the wellbeing of the opponent. They communicate until they can identify the issue clearly and come to a common understanding of the problem when they then can consider several solutions to satisfy both parties.