The document discusses compassion-focused therapy, emphasizing how early social environments and attachment styles influence our emotional responses and self-perception. It describes different attachment styles, the impact of narcissistic parenting, and identifies self-criticism as detrimental while advocating for compassionate self-correction. The document highlights the importance of understanding our emotions and shifting from self-blame to compassion to facilitate personal growth.

1. Compassion
Focused
Therapy Session
4
Tammy Kontuk M.Sc.

2. Compassion
 Our challenges have to do with factors we did
not choose or design
 We have tricky brains shaped by evolution
and emotions that are old and hard to
manage
 Add another layer: our early social
environments

3. Different versions of the self:
 Two stories of the self (p. 76)
 We all have basic needs and we produce
behavior that gets these needs met in the
environment that we find ourselves in
 Connection/belonging
 Safety
 Food/shelter/clothing
 Fun/novelty/interest

4. Social Enviroments
 Past environment show us what to expect
from the world
 We automatically choose elements of our
current environment that keeps the pattern
going (not in conscious control)
 Friendships
 Romantic relationships
 Physical environments

5. Attachment History and Style:
Review
 Attachment: the bond between child and caregiver
 Early attachment styles shape how we view others
and how safe (or unsafe) we feel in the world
 Secure: we feel safe and worthy
 Anxious: connection is wanted but not trusted, it
can disappear. Caregivers were inconsistent
 Avoidant: connection is avoided, emotions are
avoided, caregivers were not present

6. Parental Styles that disrupts
attachment:
 Narcissistic parents produce children who are
often very self-critical
 The Adult picks up where the parent left off:

7. Narcissistic Parents:
 Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A diagnosable disorder in which a person:
 Exaggerated sense of self-importance
 Expecting to be recognized as superior
 Exaggerating achievements or talents
 Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the
perfect mate
 Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with
equally special people
 Requiring constant admiration
 Having a sense of entitlement
 Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
 Taking advantage of others to get what you want
 Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
 Being envious of others and believing others envy you
 Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

8. We don’t choose….
 Whether we automatically feel safe in
relationships
 Whether we feel confident in dealing with
emotions
 Whether we feel a excluded, disconnected,
vulnerable or isolated
 Why would we choose this??? We wouldn’t.
 We can’t change the past, but we can understand
It’s not our fault

9. Triggers:
 Many things can become “triggers” that are not
recognized, making people fear their own
emotions as powerful forces that take over
 Makes people feel “crazy”, vulnerable, out of
control and helpless
 People then self-criticize, “there’s something
wrong with me.. Get a grip!”
 The new brain can’t “see” what the old brain is
responding to, so it blames the victim

10. Identifying the Self-Critic
 Self-criticism undermines self-confidence
 When the self-critic is speaking up, what
emotions do you feel, what happens in your
body?
 What does it make you want to do?
 Is this helpful?
 Imagery exercise: the power of SC pg 40

11. Reflection:
 What feeling are associated with your self-
critic
 What did it look like? A person, a gremlin, a
demon?
 Does it have the voice or facial expression of
a real person from the past?
 How do you feel in it’s presence? Free?
Open? Immobilized? Frozen?
 It this helpful in helping you through life?

12. Shame based self criticism vs
compassionate self-correction
 Shame based
 Desire to condemn and
punish
 Backwards looking
 Anger, contempt,
disappointment, frustration
 Concerns with deficits and
exposure
 Blames self globally
 High fear of failure
 Avoidance and withdrawal
 Compassion Based
 Focuses on improvement
 Emphasizes growth and
enhancement
 Is forward looking
 Encouragement support and
kindness
 Builds on and “counts” the
positive
 Is specific to situation
 Increases engagement and
problem solving

13. Summary:
 Compassion is composed of understanding
instead of self-blame
 Shift from “there’s something wrong with me” to
“my brain is working to deal with threat”
 Self-criticism activates the threat system
 Emotions make sense given our learning and are
not uncontrollable jolts of pain from out of
nowhere
 Compassionate adjustment moves us forward,
self-criticism freezes us and sets us back