Tahoe Youth Family Services Personal Leadership and Communication


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  • From the audiobook by Daniel Goleman and Jon Kabat-Zinn, [email_address] which explores the fact that many leaders have been schooled in critical and analytical thinking, but never the importance of being mindful. Daniel Goleman is also well known for his book Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership
  • So, thank you to those of you who responded to my email the other day. When we get to the part about Communication styles, I think you might be interested/surprised by the results of the Myers Briggs Inventory. It was fun, too, to see what people’s favorite websites were; and enlightening to read what people’s definition of a good communicator is. We’ll talk about that more when we talk about communication styles. Quick introduction around the table, just so I know who is here. How about your name and a description of your mood in meteorological terms. I’m Laurie and today I am sunny. Today, we will be doing a lot of activities to illustrate some of these concepts and provoke conversation. Please feel free to add comments, insights, or ask questions whenever it so moves you. Everyone in this room has so much to share and backgrounds and experiences that you will probably think of during these exercises, so feel free to share them as necessary. For those of you who aren’t as comfortable sharing, or who are more reserved, feel free to write down some of your thoughts and observations and revisit them later. How many of you have taken other leadership training programs besides this one? What did those programs focus on?
  • Six Degrees of Separation ( http://www.businesstrainingworks.com/Train-the-Trainer/Icebreakers-Free.html ) It happens all of the time: we meet someone who knows someone we know.  It’s a small world, that’s for sure.  The object of this game is to see how small the world really is. First, find a partner.  Introduce yourselves and make a list of five to ten things that you have in common with each other: where you went to school, year you were born, number of years with the company, food likes, sports likes, etc.  Once you have completed your first list, you must find someone else in the room that also has one of those five to ten things in common with you.  When you have found that person, repeat step one and develop a new list. Repeat step two. Continue until you have met five other people or time is called by the facilitator.  A prize will be given to the first person able to complete the game.  When you are done, let the facilitator know that you have finished. Materials Needed Prize Time Allow approximately 15 - 20 minutes for game.  Once most people have finished, call time.  Ask your winner to reveal his/her chain of separation by introducing those interviewed. 
  • Take me to your leader exercise. In even groups, discuss who you would bring the alien to who lands right here and says: “Take me to your leader” Regroup. Share. Write key words on the sheet/whiteboard. Discuss.
  • Photo: http://expatindenmark.com/Event/Lists/EventList/DispForm.aspx?List=cbbc043b-aaf3-4987-865c-f88ed95d9d71&ID=949 Let’s define personal leadership for a moment. Write down some thoughts about what personal leadership means to you and we’ll share them in a few minutes.
  • It involves looking inward. We mentioned earlier that leadership is about relationships. Stephen Covey discusses in his 7 Habits book how relationships affect your circle of influence. He says that “the place to begin building any relationship is inside ourselves, inside our circle of influence, our own character.”
  • Personal leadership is not a title or position, rather it is a sense of purpose and commitment. Before we can motivate others to act, we must motivate ourselves. In this way, being a follower is intertwined with developing personal leadership in seeking continuous improvement and developing traits and defining goals and values with which to lead our actions first, and then lead others.
  • Eventually, your circle of influence expands, like ripples in water.
  • Writing exercise leading to the next slide’s activity. Taken from
  • Activity: Writing, sharing. Write a toast to yourself at your retirement party. What would your family say, your friends, your colleagues, your community… If that is too far off, write a “person of the year speech” where you win this award and the presenter is giving a bio of you that includes traits, accomplishments, good deeds, and your general life philosophy.
  • So, as we wrap up this discussion and examination of what personal leadership is and how to start defining your own personal leadership style, does anyone want to share any reflections or thoughts? I thought this video gives a nice, inspirational summary of what leadership is. Let’s watch. (3:14)
  • How do communication styles play into your personal leadership styles?
  • First, we have to be aware that our own beliefs are based on our own backgrounds, experiences, and interpretations of events based on these realities. Consider this: We live in a world of self-generating beliefs which remain largely untested, right? In fact, and this is of course totally normal, in fact, we adopt our beliefs based on conclusions we draw from inferences we make from what we observe based on our past experiences. All totally normal EXCEPT our past experiences are not the same as the past experiences of those around us…even those closest to us, our family, our siblings who grew up in the very same house have different interpretations on the same experience…my brother remembers things from our childhood that I am positive he is just making up!
  • Remember Daniel Goleman from our meditation session? He is an psychologist and author. He specialized in Brain Science and brings theories of brain science to leadership effectiveness and workplace success. His books Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control your own emotions and the emotions of those around you (e.g. in the work place). Goleman argues, convincingly, that non-cognitive skills such as emotional intelligence have as much effect on workplace and leadership success as IQ.
  • My example of presenting to the PAC that golden needed activities for the youth and a parent saying “ I can’t imagine that, there are plenty of things to do” listed off all the sports and outdoor activities…that people who know and who already do and who can afford it participate in. In other words, she was only able to relate to things in her world.
  • From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator It was interesting to see the results of your Meyers Briggs and the Keirsy Temperament sorter. Firstly all of your who responded were “I”’s for Myers Briggs. People who prefer extraversion draw energy from action: they tend to act, then reflect, then act further. If they are inactive, their motivation tends to decline. To rebuild their energy, extraverts need breaks from time spent in reflection. Conversely, those who prefer introversion expend energy through action: they prefer to reflect, then act, then reflect again. To rebuild their energy, introverts need quiet time alone, away from activity. The extravert's flow is directed outward toward people and objects, and the introvert's is directed inward toward concepts and ideas. Contrasting characteristics between extraverts and introverts include the following: Extraverts are action oriented, while introverts are thought oriented. Extraverts seek breadth of knowledge and influence, while introverts seek depth of knowledge and influence. Extraverts often prefer more frequent interaction, while introverts prefer more substantial interaction. Extraverts recharge and get their energy from spending time with people, while introverts recharge and get their energy from spending time alone.[21]
  • Activity to illustrate two things: Communication style and individual realities that help define situations. Take 3 minutes to write about this picture Share, divide into groups based on similar styles of describing. Sensing  and  intuition  are the information-gathering (perceiving) functions. They describe how new information is understood and interpreted. Individuals who prefer  sensing  are more likely to trust information that is in the present, tangible and concrete: that is, information that can be understood by the five senses. They tend to distrust hunches, which seem to come "out of nowhere". [1] :2 They prefer to look for details and facts. For them, the meaning is in the data. On the other hand, those who prefer  intuition  tend to trust information that is more abstract or theoretical, that can be associated with other information (either remembered or discovered by seeking a wider context or pattern). They may be more interested in future possibilities. They tend to trust those flashes of insight that seem to bubble up from the unconscious mind. The meaning is in how the data relates to the pattern or theory.
  • You have to lay this guy off. Act out how you are going to do it. Thinking  and  feeling  are the  decision-making  (judging) functions. The thinking and feeling functions are both used to make rational decisions, based on the data received from their information-gathering functions (sensing or intuition). Those who prefer  thinking  tend to decide things from a more detached standpoint, measuring the decision by what seems reasonable, logical, causal, consistent and matching a given set of rules. Those who prefer  feeling  tend to come to decisions by associating or empathizing with the situation, looking at it 'from the inside' and weighing the situation to achieve, on balance, the greatest harmony, consensus and fit, considering the needs of the people involved. Thinkers usually have trouble interacting with people that are inconsistent or illogical, and tend to give very direct feedback to others. They are concerned with the truth and view it as more important than being tactful.
  • Trip to Europe Scenario: Myers and Briggs added another dimension to Jung's typological model by identifying that people also have a preference for using either the  judging  function (thinking or feeling) or their  perceiving function (sensing or intuition) when relating to the outside world (extraversion). Myers and Briggs held that types with a preference for  judging  show the world their preferred judging function (thinking or feeling). So TJ types tend to appear to the world as logical, and FJ types as empathetic. According to Myers, [1] :75  judging types like to "have matters settled". Those types who prefer perception show the world their preferred  perceiving  function (sensing or intuition). So SP types tend to appear to the world as concrete and NP types as abstract. According to Myers, [1] :75  perceptive types prefer to "keep decisions open". For extraverts, the J or P indicates their  dominant  function; for introverts, the J or P indicates their  auxiliary  function. Introverts tend to show their dominant function outwardly only in matters "important to their inner worlds". [1] :13  For example: Because ENTJ types are extroverts, the J indicates that their  dominant  function is their preferred judging function (extraverted thinking). ENTJ types introvert their auxiliary perceiving function (introverted intuition). The tertiary function is sensing and the inferior function is introverted feeling. Because INTJ types are introverts, the J indicates that their  auxiliary  function is their preferred judging function (extraverted thinking). INTJ types introvert their dominant perceiving function (introverted intuition). The tertiary function is feeling, and the inferior function is extraverted sensin
  • From: http://www.mftrou.com/communication-skills-game.html
  • Reflections, sharing, journal your take aways…Questions comments feedback always welcome.
  • Tahoe Youth Family Services Personal Leadership and Communication

    1. 1. Tahoe Youth Family ServicesPersonal leadership style and communication May 10, 2012
    2. 2. 5 minute meditation “When we divide our attention, we are actually neither here nor there.”Daniel Goleman, Mindfulness @ Work: A leadingwith emotional intelligence conversation withJon Kabat-Zinn
    3. 3. This morning’s agenda• Introductions• Icebreaker• What is Leadership• Explore Personal Leadership• Communication Styles• Reflections• Conclusion
    4. 4. Introductions and Icebreakers
    5. 5. What is Leadership?
    6. 6. Leadership isa relationship
    7. 7. What is Personal Leadership?
    8. 8. The desire of an individualto take charge of his or her own life
    9. 9. How to define your personal leadership• List your traits, strengths and values. Words that describe how you want to be viewed as a person and as a leader.• Combine these words to define your identity.
    10. 10. How to develop your personal leadership strategic planWrite a Retirement speech. Include words fromFamily, friends, colleagues, community of yourlifetime achievement.Lifetime achievement award: Included traits,accomplishments, community service andgeneral life philosophy.
    11. 11. Qualities of personal leadership
    12. 12. Communication styles and personal leadership
    13. 13. From Goleman’s Vital Lies, Simple Truths (1985)• "The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds."
    14. 14. • Our beliefs are the truth• The truth is obvious• Our beliefs are based on real data• The data we select are the real data
    15. 15. I
    16. 16. E/IExtraverts are action oriented, while introverts are thoughtoriented.Extraverts seek breadth of knowledge and influence, whileintroverts seek depth of knowledge and influence.Extraverts often prefer more frequent interaction, whileintroverts prefer more substantial interaction.Extraverts recharge and get their energy from spending timewith people, while introverts recharge and get their energyfrom spending time alone.
    17. 17. Sensing/Intuition
    18. 18. Thinking/Feeling
    19. 19. Judging/Perceiving• Judging types prefer to “have matters settled”• Perceiving types prefer to “keep decisions open”
    20. 20. Building Communication Skills
    21. 21. Personal Leadership andCommunication Take Aways
    22. 22. Laurie Dalzell Maven Connector Group 530.318.1988laurie@mavenconnector.ca