Founder Leadership Workshop
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All the concepts presented at the Founder Communication Workshop in San Francisco on November 11, 2016
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Founder Leadership Workshop
- 1. Founder Communication InnerSpace Semira Rahemtulla & Joe Greenstein Nov 11, 2016
- 2. Why are we doing this? (Part 1)
- 3. Why are we doing this? (Part 2)
- 4. One Big Idea
- 5. INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #2 IMPACT Assumptions Feelings Responses Reality #3 3 Realities (The “Net” Model) The Net BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #1 Shared
- 6. Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
- 7. Self-Disclosure Will I be less liked, respected, influential (leader-like)? Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the relationship? Will others use this information against me? How will others see/assess/ judge me? “What in my ‘bubble’ should I share?” Self-Disclosure
- 8. “ VULNERABILITY IS THE BIRTHPLACE OF CONNECTION. ” BRENÉ BROWN
- 9. Authentic Leaders “The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.” --“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner Authentic Leaders
- 10. If You Really Knew Me…
- 11. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Team & Culture
- 12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Effective Teams 1. Participation 2. Collaboration 3. Cooperation (Commitment) Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ “Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
- 13. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] “I’m starting to feel defensive” Inward (my emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Emotional Awareness Emotional Management (“Regulation”) “He seems to be getting agitated” • Take a deep breath • “Could you give me a sec?” • Take a walk “Are you ok?” EQ (Individual)
- 14. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Group EQ
- 15. Photo by jm3 [link] Our Norms
- 17. Photo:RobbieGrubbs Can I give you some feedback?
- 18. So… how do we communicate feedback to while minimizing defensiveness?
- 19. INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #2 IMPACT Assumptions Feelings Responses Reality #3 3 Realities (The “Net” Model) The Net BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #1 Shared
- 20. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback • “When you do [x]…” Focus on specific, observable behavior • "I feel [y]…” Describe the impact of that behavior on you (disclosure) • “Can you tell me what’s going on for you?” Ask about the other person’s intentions and perspective Stay on your side of the net!
- 21. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples… 1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation. 2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation. 3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am moving too slow with this section. What’s going on for you?
- 22. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback Step 1: Open with mutual goals and positive intent. What do you really want for this relationship? What is your intention in giving this feedback? Step 2: Stay on your side of the net a. Stick to observable behavior (“When you did [x]…”) b. Share your reaction (“I felt [y], and my story is [z]”) c. Ask for their perspective (“What was going on for you?”) Step 3: Enter joint problem-solving. Decide together how to make things better. Design some experiments.
- 23. Photo by Ana Karenina [link] 1:1 Feedback
- 24. #1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated -- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
- 25. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFostering a culture of appreciation 1. Create a space for it 2. Lead by example
- 26. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback • Manage your own defensiveness – Notice it – Name it: “Affect Labeling” • Goal is understanding, not winning – “Can you tell me more about that?" – Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding • Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
- 27. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder Stay on your side of the net: When you do [x]… I feel [y]… And my story is [z]. Can you tell me what’s going on for you? Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
- 28. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback Work Product – Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area Communication & Management – Too much/little – Choice of format – Email etiquette – Language choices, communication style with others – Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions Role Modeling & Presence – What energy do you feel from this person? – How do they impact others? – What do they model well? – Anything you worry about? – Arrival/departure times – How they speak/listen/act/dress
- 29. Fostering a feedback-rich culture • Train your team on giving/receiving feedback • Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin 1:1s with two-way feedback) – And set expectations of others to do the same
- 30. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net
Editor's Notes
- Introduce ourselves here “as founders of this non-profit we’ve been doing this workshop w/ 500ish founders in the past 15months; first time w/ investors”
- “We believe these skills help founders build more successful companies”
- Our leaders matter In addition to being financially successful, we think the way we run companies matters -- wiser, more compassionate leaders who are skilled in their relationships w/ themselves & others are important to the world, & SV needs to lead the way - not just in the tech we develop but in how we develop people In our founder groups this where I usually talk abut how important building a team that brought out the best in each other was for me personally. But I will tell you guys, the real reason we are doing this work is because we believe that leaders matter. We believe we have entered a period where our biggest challenge as a species will be our ability to interact with each other wisely and manage the incredible power we are about to have. And in our corner of the world, you guys are the mentors for that next generation of leaders. So if anything we do here today is useful for you in your capacity as a role model and influencer of future leaders – that will make our day worthwhile.
- ***feelings & emotions music has treble and clef 1. if you only have cognition and words without feelings, you don't have the full score, the full story 2. most of the time, people are "leaky" -- however they are feeling, they are emoting non-verbally. incongruence btwn words v behavior comes at the expense of credibility. therefore want congruence (so you dont want *only* thoughts or *only* feelings -- you want to communicate both) 3. "there's no room for feelings in business" -- is inspiring pple important in business? how do you inspire people without making them feel something? important for motivation Suppressing leads to lack of congruence – we are leaky.
- “…highest-performing managers show more warmth and fondness towards others than do the bottom 25%. They get closer to people, they’re significantly more open in sharing thoughts and feelings than their low-performing counterparts. Note that they also scored high on “thinking” and a need to have power and influence over others, but that didn’t distinguish them from the bottom quartile.
- Awareness & Regulation Within the group and with other groups (in relationship to other groups)
- -rest of the workshop is on feedback & influence in 2 parts
- Why is feedback scary? [discussion] -can feel like an attack -other person can feel controlled -other person can get defensive, have feelings hurt It’s “scary” but doesn’t pose any physical threat to us (most of the time!), so there must be something going on our in brains that are making us scared of giving critical feedback
- -our brains use the same wiring to respond to social threats as they do physical threats -same reactions: sweating, heart racing, but also cognitively our ability to think clearly, rationally, creatively goes way down, and emotionally we’re quicker to negative feelings – anger, annoyance, frustration (not the ideal setup for skillfully navigating a delicate social situation, but that’s what we’re working with) -
- Inarguably true Disclosure -> empathy
- Name the emotion -ignoring the emotion or not naming it leaves out >50% of the story -gives the other person a chance to feel empathy for you
- Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback) Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know well Give them time to plan feedback with each Bring them back and do “speed dating” format feedback– two rounds so that every person has done it twice Facilitator calls out time for switching "Second conversation" about feedback
- Complimentary feedback: -Single biggest missed opportunity is building stronger relationships We think positive things about our colleagues, peers, and loved ones all the time but don’t say them Why do it? -encourage the good stuff -there is a relationship “bank account”- Gottman - ideal ratio of positive to negative interactions (5:1) And you want that bank account to have something in it for when you do have critical feedback to give b/c the context of your relationship does matter for delivering tough feedback. So let’s talk about constructive feedback