Conflict webinar 2 communication 7 25 12


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Second webinar in a three webinar series on Tools and Techniques for Managing and Resloving Conflict with Amanda Murphy of the William D Ruckshaus Center

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  • MissionThe mission of the William D. Ruckelshaus Center is to act as is a neutral resource for collaborative problem solving in the region. The Center provides expertise to improve the quality and availability of voluntary collaborative approaches for policy development and multi-party dispute resolution.Named for our founder and Advisory Board chair, devoted to his approach to collaborative problem solving. First and fifth head of EPA, leader of collaborative environmental policy initiatives such as Shared Strategy, US Oceans Commission, Puget Sound Partnership.Center a joint effort of Washington’s two research universities and was developed in response to requests from community leaders. Hosted at the University of Washington by the Daniel J. Evans School of Public Affairs and at Washington State University by WSU Extension.Building on the unique strengths of the two institutions, the Center is dedicated to assisting public, private, tribal, non-profit and other community leaders in their efforts to build consensus and resolve conflicts around difficult public policy issues. The Center also advances the teaching and research missions of the two universities by bringing real-world policy issue to the academic setting.
  • ServicesThe Center responds where involvement by the Universities adds value and makes the prospects for a successful outcome more likely. This can be because the universities are seen by the involved parties as an acceptable convener where others are not, due to subject matter expertise, or a variety of other reasons. The universities benefit from the Center because it helps them meet their teaching, research and service missions. The community benefits because the resources and expertise at the universities are deployed to address real-world challenges.The Center’s services are shown above, add up to the toolkit of conflict resolution/collaborative policy making:
  • Conflict is a word with a wide range of meanings that often creates a strong emotional response when people hear it. The word conflict is used to describe minor miscommunications between two people to war between nations. Since we are talking about one word with a multitude of meanings, Id like to narrow our focus to the following definition, to make sure we are working from the same understanding.The first part of the definition reminds us that conflict always has two sides. We can easily fall into the trap of regarding the two sides as enemies – there cannot be a win/win. Instead of having a clash of people, lets have a clash of ideas. The second part of the definition– “perceive their goals as incompatible” makes it possible to see conflict in another way – an opportunity to find a way for both goals to be achieved at once. 
  • Conflict alerts us to the need for communication and problem solving. Communication affords us the opportunity to share our views and inquire into the other person’s thinking. Good communication skills are essential in resolving conflict because they increase understanding and reduce the risk of misconception, jumping to conclusions and making generalizations.
  • What is communication? Simply, it is the Activity of Conveying Information.And this activity has two parts, speaking and listening. Or in other words, sending and receiving a message. Information is the message. Communication is the medium through which the information is transferred and synthesized. Sometimes we can ‘send’ a message, but the other person does not ‘receive’ it in the same way that it was sent. Why might that be? The other element in communication is the context that the message is given. Context can mean the place or the person.
  • What Do You See?Did your description included words similar to old or witch-like or hag?Or did your description included words similar to young or beautiful or elegant or well dressed?.  The Role of Perception Quite often, in the course of regular communication, a difference of understanding will arise. Sometimes, even after explanation, the other person cannot see or accept our viewpoint and wecannot understand why.  Perception plays an importantrole in our interpretation of any given situation and thereforehas considerable influence over our reactions to the Situation.We form our own reality.We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.Anais Nin
  • A significant factor in improving our communication, reducing conflict and understanding the other person’s point of view, is the recognition that our perceptions – mental models are incomplete to some extent, and perhaps even inaccurate. I came across an example, that illustrates this idea, its the story of a battleship commander guiding his ship through the night.Seeing a light coming toward them he signaled for the other craft to stand aside.Back came a signal that not only refused to stand aside, but suggested they should be the ones to stand aside instead.Greatly irritated he signaled back, telling his rank as a commander and demanded that the craft stand aside.Back came the reply, signaled by an ordinary seaman, that they must stand aside.Affronted he signaled “This is a battleship, change your course!”Back came the reply “This is a lighthouse, change your course!”  
  • In addition to our own perceptions, there are a number of other things that can make communication difficult.
  • There are two important skills in effective communication: our ability to communicate to others i.e., clearly expressing our message so that others understand it as it was intended; and our ability to receive communication from others i.e., listening and understanding the intended message.
  • To improve on these skills, Id like to present you with the following tool.The Awareness Wheel is from the book Connecting with Self and Others and is a map to help you become more aware of yourself or another person at any point in time. The five dimensions in this tool will give you a comprehensive framework for discovering and understanding crucial information inside yourself and others.We often take communication for granted and think about what we are saying but neglect what others are hearing. Also, the way we word our thoughts causes others to misinterpret what we are trying to say. Using this wheel to help to think through the communication process and help ensure we make ourselves understood and that we understand others. The Awareness Wheel includes five zones: Sensing, Thinking, Feeling, Wanting, and Doing. All five parts are distinct yet interact with each other.Sensing: your sensory data - sight, sound, smell, taste, touch . Thoughts: the meanings you make out of the sensory data you receive. Feelings: your spontaneous emotional responses to your interpretation (thoughts) of sensory data. Wants: your desires for yourself and for others, short or long term, general or specific.Actions: what you say and do - your verbal and non-verbal behaviors - past, present, and future.
  • Self-Language or “I” statements are specific communication skill that takes responsibility for your own experiences, and makes them known to the other person in an assertive, yet non-threatening way.ToRecreate YOUR experience inside THEIR mindWhen you make an "I" statement, you are taking responsibility for your your assumptions, what lead you to them, your emotions and your wants and actions.To help the person you are speaking to cooperate with you and reduce possible misunderstanding, begin important conversations by inviting the other person to join you in the specific conversation you want to have.For example: John, Id like to talk with you about the grant proposal, is this a good time to talk?This gives the listener a chance to consent or decline to the conversation. A person who has agreed to have a conversation will participate more fully.It also helps the listener understand better what the big picture of the conversation is and gets them ready for the conversation.It can also help the listener understand the role you want them to play in the conversation, for example, I could be more specific and say that I have some concerns with the proposal and want to explore some opportunities to address them, or that I want to express my feeling concerning the proposal.Observation - Describe the facts – the indisputable, observable realities. Talk about what you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. These are not judgments. Make a distinction between what you observe and your judgment about it.When I saw the grant proposal on my desk with the note you left asking I complete it by Friday…Feelings – Describes how you feel. Emotions are most effectively articulated using three word sentences: I Feel _______________. I felt overwhelmed.Thoughts – Communicate your thoughts. Use caution. Just because your statements begins with an “I”, does not qualify as an “I” message. “I think you are inconsiderate” is a “You” judgment in disguise.Because I think this is an unrealistic timeframe given the amount of information required to complete the proposal…Wants – Communicates what you want. You are far more likely to get it. If someone doesn’t know what you want, s/he doesn’t have a choice about helping you get it. Ask clearly. Avoid demanding or using the word “need.” Most people like to feel helpful, not obligated.And I want to ask you to help with the budget pages…Intentions – The end part of the “I” message is a statement about what you intend to do. So that I can focus my attention on writing the rest of the content sections of the proposal, so that we can submit it before the deadline.
  • Pejoratives and Over-Generalisations:Always, never, every time:Shoulds:The word should is a guilt motivator.Expressing strong views, especially regarding the behavior of other: Should, ought, must. Could is an inspirational motivator. I feel that you... I fell like he/she...What usually follows this pattern is a judgment, not a feeling statement, although there are often feelings implied.Use ‘and’ instead of ‘but’. But is know as the verbal eraser, as it tends to erase everything that precedes it in a statement.
  • Purpose of this exercise is to demonstrate that communication is a two-way process. Draw an egg shapeDraw a circle touching the egg shapeDraw a small circle inside the circle you have just drawnDraw three straight lines inside the egg shapeDraw two small lines coming out of the circle that touch at one endRepeat just belowDraw two longer lines coming out of the egg shapeDraw a line to join up these two linesDraw three straight lines inside the shape you have just createdDraw two lines coming out of the bottom of the egg shapeDraw two short lines coming out of the lines you have just drawn.
  • Good listening needs two-way communication.
  • Effective listening requires that we be active participants.Many people think listening is easy. In fact, it often requires years of practice to learn how to listen effectively, and realistically, it is an ever lasting learning process. It isvery difficult to not make assumptions, judgments, or responses when listening, what is often called Listening to Respond.Active listening is about listening to understand.
  • Listening is labor-intensive. Active listening requires a clear focus on understanding thespeaker’s message. In conflict situations, its not uncommon for people to begin to frame their responsesbefore the other party has finished speaking, impeding their ability to fully comprehend what isbeing said and inviting miscommunication based on incomplete messages.The human brain processes information four to ten times faster than the speed of speech.This means that your mind has time to wander whenyou are listening. It takes focused concentrationto stay with the speaker and his or her message and avoid jumping ahead to think aboutproposed solutions, objections, or additional topics. For those of you who participated in the first session, you will notice that the components of active listening make up the CARE method used to diffuse emotions.
  • If you participated in the first webinar, you will remember this from the CARE method of diffusing emotions.To be present involveslistening carefully without interrupting, and allowing the other to form their thoughts and define what they need to say. Pay attention to unspoken body language, gestures, voice tone, attitude. Nonverbal account for about half of what is perceived and understood by others – remember: Every Body Speaks Its MindEmpathize and Validate“I appreciate your willingness to talk about such a difficult issue.”Apologize As AppropriateI’m sorry about my… (statement/reaction). I was getting upset.“I’m sorry that happened.”Assure of Your Intent“I want to understand what has upset you.”"I believe we can work together to resolve this problem.”
  • In active listening, the purpose of asking questions is to clarify your understanding of what is being said. The types of questions include…Close-ended: Requires a specific, shorter response, often “yes” or “no.”You can use close-ended questions to help end discussion or to move the discussion along.Open-ended: A question that will take a few sentences to answer. This kind of question expands the discussion.Use open ended questions to start the discussion or to expand it.Probing: Encourages elaboration on what has already been said.Probing questions can help focus the discussion in a particular area.Why:Can be useful fir exploration in non conflict situations.Use caution when in conflict, why questions can result in defensiveness
  • Questions are interventions. They require the person answering to organize his or her thoughtson the subject and then frame a response. Be careful, however, not to ask leading questions that contain an implied answer.Eighty percent of all questions are statements in disguise. – Dr. Phil McGraw
  • When listening, track the areas in the Awareness Wheel to ensure you are receiving a complete message and have all the information necessary for understanding. Ask questions to clarify and gain information according to the areas of the wheel. Tracking the areas of the wheel will help when providing feedback. Check to make sure you understand specific areas of the other persons wheel, and use the wheel as a guide when communicating your summary of what you heard.
  • Conflict webinar 2 communication 7 25 12

    1. 1. Welcome to Tools and Techniques forManaging and Resolving Conflict Amanda Murphy Project and Research Specialist, The William D. Ruckelshaus Center Extension Faculty, Washington State University Phone: (206) 219-2409
    2. 2. Mission• Neutral resource for collaborative problem solving• Expertise that improves the availability and quality of voluntary collaborative approaches.• Help public, private, tribal, non-profit and other community leaders work together, build consensus and resolve public policy conflicts.• Advance teaching and research missions of the two universities by bringing real-world policy issues to the academic setting.
    3. 3. Services• Neutral Forum• Situation Assessment• Facilitation, Mediation, Conflict Resolution• Project Management, Strategic Planning• Applied Research• Information Portal• Training• Policy Discussions
    4. 4. Webinar SeriesSession 1: Understanding and Respondingto Conflict - July 18, 2012Session 2: Effective Communication: Thebasis of conflict resolution - July 25, 2012Session 3: A Framework for ProblemSolving - August 1, 2012
    5. 5. Where are you located?What department/area do you work in?What’s one thing you hope to learn from this session?
    6. 6. What is Conflict?Definition: A conflict occurs when two or moreparties perceive that they have mutuallyincompatible values, priorities or goals.
    7. 7. Steps to Resolving Conflict1. Understand the Conflict2. Create a Positive Atmosphere3. Develop a Mutual Understanding4. Problem Solve
    8. 8. Session 2 Objectives • Define Communication • Introduce Communication and Problem Solving Tool • Introduce Skills for Communication To Others • Introduce Skills for Receiving Communication From Others
    9. 9. Think of a time when you had a positive experience communicating with someone. What was working?Now think of a time when youhad a negative experience communicating withsomeone. What wasnt working?
    10. 10. What is Communication? CHANNEL
    11. 11. What Do You See?
    12. 12. Why is Communication Difficult? “Whenever two people meet thereare really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other sees him, and each man as he really is.” – William James
    13. 13. Communication Roadblocks• Perceptions• Stereotypes• Gender Differences• Linguistical Styles• Word Choice and Meaning• Hiding Information• Negative Reactions• Sending Solutions• Diverting
    14. 14. Basic Skills of CommunicationCommunicating TO Others Receiving Communication FROM Others
    15. 15. Ways To Improve Communication Skills?• Becoming more aware of our own thinking and reasoning• Making our thinking and reasoning more visible to others• Inquiring into others’ thinking and reasoning
    16. 16. Awareness Wheel:Communication & Problem Solving Tool From: Core Communication: Skills and Processes, Miller, S. and Miller P. 1997, Interpersonal Communication Programs
    17. 17. Communicating To Others: “I” Statements What meaning What do you does it hold see and hear? for you? What are How do youI DO you willing feel? to do? What do you want? I WANT
    18. 18. Complete “I” Message Invite the person to “Hey John. Id like to talk with you about the grantINVITATION join you in a specific proposal, is this a good time to talk?” conversation. Describe the facts – “When I saw the grant proposal on my desk withOBSERVATION what you see, hear, the note you left asking I complete it by Friday...” smell, touch, taste.FEELING Describe how you feel. “I felt overwhelmed...” “Because I think this is an unrealistic timeframe Communicate yourTHINKING given the amount of information required to thoughts complete the proposal...” Communicate what “And I want to ask you to help with the budgetWANTS you want. pages...” “So that I can focus my attention on writing the What you intend to do, rest of the content sections of the proposal, andACTIONS did, are doing. can submit it before the deadline.” “What are your thoughts on this approach?”
    19. 19. Watch Out For:• Pejoratives and Over-Generalisations• Shoulds• You Statements• I feel that you... I fell like he/she...• ‘But’. The ‘verbal eraser’• Paraverbal Messages
    20. 20. Receiving Communication From Others You are going to draw a picture.Listen to my instructions and draw what you hear.You may not ask me or others with you any questions.
    21. 21. Is This What You Drew? What Made This Task Difficult?
    22. 22. Active Listening: Listening to UnderstandTo gain understanding before moving to actionBy helping someone say exactly what he or she really means
    23. 23. Active Listening Skills• Be Present • Attend and Acknowledge• Be Responsive • Ask Questions • Provide Feedback
    24. 24. Be Present The video you are about to watch is of two teams playing basketball.Count the number of passes completed by the white team.
    25. 25. Be Present: Attend & Acknowledge• Give your full attention• Listen and wait to respond• Set aside your own concerns• Listen for information according to the Awareness Wheel• Use verbal and non-verbal acknowledgments
    26. 26. Be Responsive: Ask Questions• Closed Questions – “Don’t you agree?”• Open Questions – “In what ways is your view different?”• Probing – “You mentioned you disagree with…can you expand on that?”• Why – “Why don’t you agree?”
    27. 27. Be Responsive: Ask QuestionsDraw the Speaker Out “I’d like to hear a little more about that?”Gain More Information “What led you to that conclusion?”Refocus the Discussion “Whats the problem we are trying to solve?”Show Respect “Is there anything else you think I should know that would help me understand your position onIntroduce Information this?” “What would you think if we did…” “Do you see any flaws inEighty percent of all questions are my reasoning?” statements in disguise. – Dr. Phil McGraw
    28. 28. Be Responsive: Provide Feedback• Reflect (Paraphrase) – “So, when that incident happened, you felt like….” – “What I think I’m hearing is that you really need….”• Reframe – Speaker: “He’s a two-faced liar!” – Listener: “You value honesty in human relations.”• Summarize – Let me share what I think I heard and please correct me if I am wrong.
    29. 29. Active Listening: Use the Awareness Wheel What do they think? What did they see, hear? What meaning does it hold for them? What will they How do theyDO do, want done? feel? What do they want? WANT
    30. 30. Attributes of Effective Communication to Resolve Conflict• Problem Oriented, Not Person Oriented• Descriptive, Not Evaluative• Specific, Not General• Conjunctive, Not Disjunctive• Validating, Not Demeaning• Owned, Not Disowned• Two-Way, Not One-Way
    31. 31. Session Recap Steps to Resolving Conflict:1. Understand the Conflict • Analyze the conflict situation – what is the cause? • Identify the appropriate conflict resolution style.2. Create A Positive Atmosphere 2 • CA RE – neutralize your emotions and the other person’s emotions3. Develop a Mutual Understanding • Using communication skills to gain information and understanding.
    32. 32. Next Session4. Problem Solve • Using the problem solving framework.